The sun made a mockery of the morose yard. A large black tent was pitched, the sides of which were flapping slightly in the wind. On one of the flaps bore the Evans family crest stitched in multi-colored splendor. The crest was something to see. The top most part was a large regal looking eagle. The white and gold threads that made up its feathers drew attention against the blackness of the tent. As your eyes moved down onto the green wreath the bird stood on, the intricacies of the needlework could be appreciated. Every vane of every leaf was painstakingly stitched into the tent flap. On the shield was a collection of flowers surrounded by a large assortment of animals: fox, bear, dogs, deer, and many other things that could be found at the Evans vacation cottage. Finally, the base held the motto: amo abdera aevum. The letters were of an assortment of colors slowly transitioning from red to gold to silver to yellow to bronze to green to blue and finally to white. The crest was not of enormous size but one could recognize the hard work and time spent constructing the medium sized embellishment.
The cottage was silent. One head was bowed at the kitchen table, tears streaming silently down her face. One head was looking into the mirror, fixing up the foundation for her soon to be painted face. The final head gazed straight ahead, into the burning embers of the new fire. In her arms, she hugged close to her a bible for comfort. After waking up from a horrid night of nightmares, she had crept silently down into the living area and read various passages: mostly just her favorites and those that had been her father's favorites. Someway through her reading, her mom had entered and lit the fire, creating a reddish glow and a feeling of warmth. The warmth crept slowly towards Lily from the fireplace. When it finally reached her, she closed her eyes in pleasure. The warmth brought her so many memories: Memories of long nights telling scary stories, memories of short days roasting marshmallows and opening Christmas gifts, memories of cold nights when her father would wrap her tight in his arms until she fell asleep to the crackling of the fire and the sound of his steady breathing next to her ear. Hugging the book tightly to her chest she scrunched up tight in the armchair and smiled slightly at the good memories she had of her father.
He hesitated at the door step. No cars stood in the drive and he feared he had possibly come too early, misreading the letter. He pulled out the letter, rereading it for the 7th time that day.
James,
I'm in such a state. My mother has nearly gone mute and my sisters does nothing but latch onto her boyfriend's arm or scream at me for something or other. I don't know how much more of this I can stand. The funeral is on Sunday. I would appreciate it if you came at 7am. I know the invitation says 9 but please arrive at 7.
Lily.
James peered down at his watch. His parents had given him a highly priced Astronomy watch similar to the one Dumbledore wore often but James refused to wear it. He could not tell the time using that thing. Thankfully, Remus has purchased him a muggle watch for Christmas. The hands read 6:59. With one last glace down at the note in his hand and a quick look behind him, he knocked carefully and quietly upon the door of the seemingly deserted cottage.
A familiar voice yelled, "I got it," within the house. Before he could say quidditch, James was face to face with the girl he had been dreaming of all summer. Her face pale but her green eyes shinning as brilliant as ever, stood the object of his affection: Lily Evans. "Hi," she said shyly, becoming suddenly very interested in James's shoes. Without a thought in his mind, James stepped forward and wrapped Lily in his arms. He held her tight to his body and let her bury her head in his chest.
Lily felt as if time stopped during their hug. He was holding her so tight, she felt so safe and right, that she felt that the embrace would never end. She felt as if when he let go of her, she would fall to the ground. She took a deep breath through her nose and took in his scent. She closed her eyes. He smelt like the woods and campfire. She pulled him tighter, trying to squash the air out of her own lungs just so she could be closer to him. He was so warm and solid. She could feel his toned body against hers. He rubbed her back tracing his fingers around her spin. Goosebumps began to form on her arms. The hug was becoming too much. She pulled away.
"How are you feeling?" asked James in an extremely concerned tone.
Lily shrugged, lifting her eyes to meet his. He looked tired. And he was. "I'm ok I guess. Are you ok? You look exhausted."
He had spent the last week worrying about Lily. Was she ok? How was her family? Was she having nightmares? Was she depressed? Did she need a hug? The last of the questions had been on his mind most recently. Hence the reason he gave her the hug.
"I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping well."
They continued to stand in silence. James felt very awkward standing on the porch of the house. Lily noticed his awkwardness. "Oh! Come on in. I'm so rude. I'm so sorry." She looked down again.
James shook his head and tilted her chin back up to meet his eyes. "Lily, keep your head up. Things will be ok. I'm here right now and I'm here to stay ok? For however long you need me here, just say the word." He gave her a small smile which she returned weakly.
Lily took a step back to allow James entrance to the cottage. The entry way was overwhelmed with flowers. The aroma was quite over whelming. Lily looked at James's awed state. "My father had a lot of friends."
James nodded. Lily led him into the living room where the embers of the fire were still burning brightly. As Lily added more wood to the fire, James finally allowed himself to take in her appearance. She looked fantastic. She wore a knee length black dress. It was velvet and had a flower pattern in a very dark gray on her right hip. Her hourglass figure was flaunted by the flare at the leg and V neck cut of the dress. The thin spaghetti straps which held up the dress lay comfortably upon her shoulders. He allowed himself a brief glance at her chest and felt his pants grow slightly tighter. He privately damned his well fitting muggle suit and tried to calm himself. 'I think she's grown,' he thought to himself smiling on the inside. His gaze moved down. His gaze followed her every curve, worshipping her body with his eyes. As Lily began to turn he switched his sight to the picture on the mantle thanking the gods Lily did not see him checking her out.
She looked at him with a sad smile. He shifted his gaze to meet her eyes. They just looked at each other for a while. Lily's smile widened. It continued to grow. Soon she was laughing and collapsed into the armchair closest to her. James was officially confused. He figured he'd never understand women. He walked over to her somewhat concerned. He knelt besides her chair and tried to lock eyes with her. "Are you ok? Did you cast an over powerful cheering charm on yourself or something?"
After taking in a few deep breathes, Lily was able to control herself. She continued to smile into his eyes. "You really grew up," She said bluntly. "I owe Remus five galleons."
"What?!?" said James seating himself on the arm of Lily's chair.
"I made a bet with Remus in fifth year that I would never live to see you grow up," Her smile widened more, "and you did god damn you. Now I'm gunna have to pay him."
James put a hand dramatically to his chest. "So our whole relationship has been about a bet?" he said very over the top.
Lily let out a small giggle before dropping to her knees before his feet. "Oh Jamsie! I am so sorry! How can I ever make it up to you?"
"Well, you're in a good position to…."
"I won't recommend finishing that sentence Potter," said Lily seriously as she got up from the floor.
James offered her a hand which she happily accepted. "I was only joking Lily."
"That's good," she said sliding back into the armchair.
"But I wouldn't mind if…." He was silenced by a punch on the arm. He smiled. "Have you been lifting weights or something? Your punch has gotten a lot stronger since that time last May when I charmed Rosier's pudding to run away from him."
"Well, I have been working out. Doing a self-defense course. It's a muggle course"
"How does that work? They can't teach you the sort of stuff we learn in defense can they?" He really hadn't paid much attention in muggle studies. He only knew how to dress like a muggle but that was just from taking a few trips to London with his Mom and Dad when he was younger.
Lily stood to her feet. "I can show you what they taught me if you like?"
"Sure." James said shrugging. 'How much can a muggle defense class do?' he thought to himself.
He followed her out the door and back to the front yard. Looking around he was unnerved to see that no cars had arrived yet. Was no one else showing up? They continued to walk out onto the grass until Lily turned and faced him.
"Ok, now come at me like you are going to rob me or something." She said a small smile playing on her lips.
Shrugging, he ran towards her with arms forward. Within seconds he was in the air and the next second he was on the ground. He looked up into Lily's face in confusion. "Um… how'd I get down here? What spell is that?"
Lily laughed a little. "I flipped you over my shoulder. No spell, just good old fashion muggle fighting." James sat on the ground, a little embarrassed that he had just gotten bested by a girl. Lily offered him her hand and he gladly accepted. "I guess you're not too proud to get beaten by a girl."
"Oh, I am," replied James, taking to his feet, "but that's one hell of a trick." James leaned forward towards her ear and whispered, "Can you do that to Sirius next time you see him? I want to watch what it looks like when you do it to someone else." Lily let out a soft laugh and nodded her head.
They were silent for a while. They were standing relatively close still. He was staring at her as she stared at her shoes. She stood stock still for a few minutes, just pretending to be interested in her shoes. Then he saw it drop. Most people would not have seen it but when you're childhood play toy is a snitch, you see things. He saw the tear drop from her chin to the ground beneath her feet. He looked at her shaking shoulders. After a deep breath he enveloped her in another hug but she pushed him away. "Lily?"
"No," she said in defense, "I should be strong enough to grieve on my own." She met his hazel eyes with her watery green ones. "I shouldn't have asked you to come this early." More tears began to fall down her cheeks. "I don't deserve to be happy today."
A dawn of comprehension passed over James's face. "That's what this is about?" he asked. She nodded. He laughed lightly as he reached forward to wipe the tears off her cheeks. "Would your father want you to be unhappy?" he cupped her face in his hands. She closed her eyes and shook her head no. Without a word, she stepped forward into James chest and let tears stream down her face.
After a few seconds, she pulled back, wiping the tears from her face. "Come on." She said grabbing his hand and pulling him after her. "Let's just go inside." James complied and followed the pulled of his hand. His hand tingled with her touch. He had to suppress the urge to blush. 'What are you Potter? A Girl?' rang Sirius's voice within James's mind. He concealed a grin as he followed Lily through the front door.
"Oh, by the way, where is your mom? I want to say hello." He peered around the hallway, hoping to see a glimpse of Mrs. Evans blond hair.
Lily looked around looking a bit uncomfortable. "She's in the kitchen but…." Lily fell silent at the sound of the kitchen door squeaking open. She looked to see James disappear behind the door. "James wait!"
James peered around the kitchen in search for the blonde bob he knew belonged to Lily's mother. It appeared to be charmed to the kitchen table. He walked over with concern. Certainly Lily had not glued her mother's forehead to the table. He was startled to see her shoulders shaking. He heard the door squeak open but ignored it. He crept towards Mrs. Evans and slowly slid himself into the chair beside her. With careful ease, he lifted Mrs. Evans's face from the table and guided her into his chest which she clung to for dear life. Without hesitation, James began to rub her back and whisper words of comfort into her ear.
He knew what to say. He knew how to say it. He knew how it felt.
Lily watched him from the door. Tears silently slid down her cheeks at the sight. Her mother, her proud mother, was broken. She feared no amount of super glue would help her. She looked thinner. She looked weaker. She looked sad. This was not the woman that Lily had looked up to as a child. This was a distorted version on the super-woman, the super-mom she had created in her mind. Now Lily had to face reality… and it hurt. Lily took in a deep breathe and slowly released it along with her tears.
James looked up at Lily. He could not believe anyone could look so beautiful with tears running without restraint. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were red, her nose was rosy, her lip bitten to hold back noise. Lily met his eyes. No hint of smile lingered in her eyes as it had when she opened the door to him earlier that day.
Carefully, James lifted Mrs. Evans into his arms, his arms behind her back and in the crook of her knees. She continued to cling to his shirt. She held her gently yet firm enough to be comforting. It had been his mother that had taught him how to comfort a person. Mrs. Potter had enveloped her son into a hug and whispered softly into his ear, "If you want a person to feel better, you hold them softly enough to give them space to heal but firm enough to let them know your heart is with them" Mrs. Potter had hugged her son to her as tightly as her petite arms would allow and her son had returned the comforting squeeze. Now, he held another mother in his arms in the comforting way he had held his own mother, the way he had been held.
He walked towards the door leading to the hallway. Lily passed through the door understanding his intentions. He followed her up the stairs and down another short hallway. She stopped at a door at the end of the hall and opened it. James entered and approached the bed in the corner. The room was filled with candles and flowers and cards, no doubt of sympathy for Mrs. Evans's loss. Lily moved forward to the bed and pulled back the covers. James, with care, placed the thin blonde in his arms onto the bed. She immediately released him and began to cry into a pillow instead, gripping it instead for support. Lily lifted the blankets back over her mother. James watched as she moved to the alarm clock beside the bed and set it for an hour later. He moved towards Lily who stood frozen at the bedside and placed a hand upon her shoulder. Together they left the room, closing the door behind them softly.
As they moved down the all, suddenly a door sprang open and slammed against the wall. The pair's heads turned so fast a crack was heard. Behind the now open door stood a primped and primed Petunia. Loudly she said, "Oh, you're here." This statement was followed by a "Shhhhhh," from Lily.
"We just brought mom back to bed. She'll probably cry herself into another nap in a few minutes," Lily said in a hushed voice. "She didn't sleep a wink last night. Try to be quiet for a while."
"But guests will be arriving soon!" said Petunia in a not so hushed tone. "Who's going to play host? It's not dignified for her to not greet them."
Lily gave her sister a look. "I don't think people will care much about being dignified today. As long as mom doesn't wear white or not show up at all, no one will have any objections."
"Fine, I'll greet them then. But if our reputation is ruined by this, I will blame you." Petunia crossed her arms and moved to enter her room once more.
"Today is not a day to be worried about how we look Petunia." Lily said only slightly above a whisper. Petunia's door closed in her face.
James and Lily continued back to the living room where they sat together on the floor, their backs leaning against the couch back. "I'm sorry about her," Said Lily looking down.
James lifted her head up again. "What did I say about apologizing?" Lily smiled through her tears. "You aren't responsible for her actions so you should not apologize for them."
"You didn't need to see that though. If I hadn't asked you to come so early…."
"Then you would have had to deal with her alone." James cupped Lily's face with both hands. "I am not here because you need me here. I am here because I want you to not have to go through this alone."
He released her face, both his hands and her cheeks tingling for the tough of the other's skin. Lily adjusted her position so that her head was in his lap. He began to stroke her hair. "Thank you." She said softly, closing her eyes to the feel of his hands working through her long hair.
He pushed his fingers through her hair. His pulse raced from it. 'How can the mere feel of her hair between my fingers make me feel like this?' James asked himself. He fingered her curls and unknotted any knots. Any time he discovered a knot, he would smile. It was nice to know that she was not perfect. He massaged her head in a way that made her eyes flutter open. It was not an erotic moment nor was it uncomfortable; it was neither an act of arousal nor an attempt to distract. It was a moment that can not be explained. With tears still in her green eyes and smile on his face as he played with her knotted hair, nothing could describe the moment. Both were completely at peace in a world that felt anything but peaceful.
They stayed in this position for about a half an hour, only moving after the third chime of the doorbell signaling the arrival of the third guest. Lily sat back up, a slight glint of happiness in her eyes now. "He would want me to be happy." She said to James.
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By noon, all the family and friends had assembled themselves in the tent in the back yard. In the front row sat the short list of immediate family members. Lily sat between her mother and Aunt Kathy, her sister on the other side of her mother, clutching her oversized boyfriend for dear life. Lily's Aunt was a very petite woman with wispy blonde hair. Extremely fair and thin, her bones were visible under her pale skin. She had no curves to speak of. It was understandable though. She had cancer… and wasn't expected to live another year.
It had been a difficult thing just to bring her to the funeral. She had been laying in bed for the past few weeks on the doctor's orders. She was loosing more and more strength as the disease took hold. Her once healthy body became overly thin. She had large bags under her eyes. Her once glowing face was now dimmed with jutting cheek bones and tired eyes.
Lily held her hand. The bones were easily felt in her hand. Lily held very softly, afraid to hurt her. She had always loved her aunt. She was very close with her father. The two had been best friends. She was her mother's sister. Her aunt, her mother, and her father had all gone to college together. Kathy had actually been the one to put Eleanor and Robert together. She was a strong individual- very artistic, very supportive, very generous, and very inspiring. She was very accepting of Lily's place in the wizarding world. She had actually been the one to come with Lily to Diagon Alley. Robert and Eleanor had believed the letter to be a joke. Once in Diagon Alley, Kathy ran from store to store, looking as excited to see magical equipment as wizards were to see a simple thing such as an ATM. Lily loved Kathy.
The funeral swept by in a flurry of tears and speeches. James sat respectfully in the fourth row next to a sniffling balding man in a suit he assumes knew Mr. Evans through work. He could see clearly Lily's seat and the speech podium. His eyes had remained mostly on Lily as he absorbed the words being said about such a fine man. Soon, he know, would be Lily's turn to speak. He saw her head down and cocked and had to suppress a smile. She was thinking, she always cocked her head when she was thinking, looked down when she was really nervous.
As he expected, three minutes later, she made her way to the podium. She looked drained yet beautiful. Her face was pale yet composed. On the inside, Lily felt anything but composed. She looked out at a small sea of faces, the faces of the people who loved her father. She took a few deep breathes and stared down at the speech Petunia had told her to read. She let the speech paper fall to the floor and tried to find a focus point to speak to. Seeing that the entire room was looking at her, she figured pretending that she was just speaking to one person may help. Hazel caught her eye in the fourth row as James gave her a supportive smile. 'Focus Lily', she thought to herself,' just tell James about your dad.'
With a final breath, she began to speak, keeping eye contact with James to ease her nerves. "I love my dad. I always have and I always will. Nothing will ever change that. I will miss him as I always had when I'm away at school or when I would wait for him at the breakfast table in the mornings at home. I always waited for him at breakfast because he knew the perfect way to pour my orange juice. Sounds weird right? Talking about orange juice at a funeral? But I think that's the way dad would like it. I know right now he's laughing at me saying that he poured it best because 'he was special at that sort of thing' as he used to tell me. So he can't pour it anymore but he was special at that sort of thing no doubt. He tucked me in the bed the best; he cooked the best bacon; he put the perfect amount of salt on fries. He was a special person. My father, Robert, has given me life and touched mine and many of your lives as well. I thank you for being here to honor the man who poured the best orange juice and always will. One day, we'll all meet up with him at a breakfast table for his famous OJ and bacon. It may not be the one in my kitchen but the moment will be special. Until then, we'll just have to eat breakfast with normal bacon and juice. I love my dad and I know that he did and always will know it."
Lily stepped down from the podium with some people crying, some smiling, and all clapping at her representation of her father. She took her seat next to her aunt and mother and broke into silent tears streaming uncontrollably down her face.
James stayed glued to his seat feeling a strong urge to have a glass of orange juice and get a hug.
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Swinging back and forth on the swing hanging on her favorite tree, Lily watched the sunset. Her father had built the swing when they had moved into the house. Lily remembered looking out the window many times as a child to see her mother and father stealing kisses in the dusk light. She was shaken from her thinking when a weight was placed besides her on the swinging bench. She turned to see James sitting by her. He was watching the sunset too. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder and they shared as a comfortable, swinging silence as the sun slipped past the mountains and the stars inched their way into the darkening sky.
As the last traces of the sun disappeared James spoke softly. "They are probably missing you inside."
Lily nuzzled closer. "I couldn't be in there any longer." She felt him nod, his gaze still on the mountains in the darkness before them.
Inside the house were the funeral attendants milling around, swapping memories of the late Mr. Evans. Petunia waddled around with an arm full of food playing hostess to the 'party'. Her mother sat silently at the table, staring blankly at the closest talking person as Aunt Kathy gently rubbed her bony fingers against her back. It was too painful to watch the charade of Petunia and the fall of her mother.
James wrapped his arms round Lily and held her close. He wanted nothing more than to take her pain away. He'd lost as well… but today he was to focus upon Lily. He was her rock- her warm fuzzy rock with a really comfortable shoulder.
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"She'll marry him," her mother said softly to Kathy was they gazed at Lily and James out of the window. It was the first thing she had uttered in hours.
Kathy smiled. "That would make me happy. That would make them happy."
Eleanor Evans nodded. "Robert would like him."
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Well, that's chapter two. I've been writing it forever but I like the result. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm trying to write this story with as much planning and emotional play as possible. I like the James I'm creating but he may be a little to … Remus like? Idk. Tell me your opinions!
much love!
Melissa