A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys. I never thought this kind of story would get any interest but a whole bunch of crazy ppl have it on alert which is exciting! Just thought I'd mess up the plot line in this chapter. Reviews are only encouraging this painful Blackwater/Clearcall story so do so at your own risk :p

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LPOV

Embry's face was in my head the whole way home. As I showered, as I changed, as I started my car. I couldn't escape it. The way it fell when I told him he should see Billy alone...it was too much. It wasn't just disappointment or rejection this time. I saw the heart break in his eyes as a single tear managed to escape. The conversation was in my head the whole drive to the hospital.

"Embry, I think this is something you need to do on your own. It's really between Billy and you. This way you can talk it through without me getting in the way."

"But, Lee...I just need someone there. My whole life is about to change and I don't know if I have the strength to deal with it alone." His voice was pleading.

"Take Seth" I shot back, without a trace of empathy. His face twisted as if I'd punched him.

"Leah, I thought....I mean, I want you."

It took everything in me not to give in. He was right, this was one of the most important moments in his life. If I shared this with him it would put our relationship in a completely different place. I still didn't know how I felt about that. My taking off to see Jacob was as much for him as it was for me. I needed to know if there was anything between us before I took things with Embry any further. In hindsight I could've used more tact , but it wasn't my forte so I stuck with what I knew.

"You're a man now. You don't need me to hold your hand. Take Seth or go it alone. I have to go." I turned quickly to avoid seeing the agony on his face. Seth eyes were wide as he looked at me like I was possessed.

"Jeeez Leah" The kid was too sweet to say more but his tone was enough. Had I been watching another girl talk to him like that I would've knocked her teeth out.

I pulled into the hospital now, jerking myself back to reality. Looking for a place to park I chose the farthest spot from the front door. Stupidly I hoped the extra one minute the distance provided would be enough for everything to fall into place. My feelings for Embry were turning into just that, feelings. Over the last year this had happened occasionally but my other feelings for Jake had always surpassed them. At least I knew Jakes were unrequited which kept me from getting hurt. Now I was in the exact situation I had tried so hard to avoid. I wanted to turn around and go back to Embry, to show him that I was there for him. Maybe even apologise. I didn't really want to see Jacob now. My last thoughts of him were of how I could tear out his throat if I needed too while protecting Em. Still it wasn't a want I had to see him, it was a need. Now, standing at the hospital entrance, I almost laughed at how stupid it was to think this would all come together. One minute, one lifetime, this whole situation was too fucked up to resolve itself. I walked into the hospital with a defeated look on my face.

The woman at the admissions desk pointed me down a long white corridor. The last time I was in this hospital was to see my dad and those familiar feelings of dread and sorrow seemed to still linger in the stale air. They weren't as strong as they were at the time, but just the memory of that day was enough to send a chill over my scorching skin. I saw Rachel sitting outside the room number I was given and her expression changed instantly to relief. She stood up and wrapped her arms around mine. I forgot that people hugged in these situations. Flashbacks of receiving sympathetic hugs in a corridor just like this, if not this one, came flooding back. This hospital held too many demons for me to think straight. I forced my brain out of the grief filled memory by hugging her back. More of a reaction then a gesture. She looked at me as she broke out of my embrace.

"I'm so glad you're here. He's not looking so great and he refuses to see anyone but me and the other boys" By anyone she obviously meant Billy. "Sam , Quil and a few others came to make their peace with him but he's still pretty bad. I think it's more of a mental thing then physical, although the blood he was given has him pretty scrambled."

I was nodding thoughtfully as I looked over her face. Her bloodshot eyes were highlighted by the dark bag's that fell beneath them. I had never seen her like this. She looked as bad as I felt. Her face changed now, her brow furrowing into a curious frown. Then her voice became high as she treaded carefully around her next question.

"He won't ask for anyone....except you. Do you know why?"

I answered honestly "Your guess is as good as mine". She didn't look satisfied but she took it anyway. It was probably to tell me he never wanted to see me again after I took off to protect Embry. She'd hear the yelling soon enough. I changed the subject quickly.

"Do you know about......" I didn't need to say Embry's name to see her face change.

"Yes" she said. "I guess it makes sense. Remember at school how they used to pretend they were twins?" Her eyes lowered at the memory as her lips puckered like she had a bitter taste in her mouth. It was clearly hard news to take for the Blacks. I rubbed her shoulder, out of practice on the comforting female stuff, and took a step towards Jakes room. She shook herself out of her thoughts and gave me a real smile.

"He'll be so happy to see you. Really, thanks so much Leah. I'm going to go see Paul in Sam's room. He and Quil are still not in top form but they're ready to check out." She bounced up the hall, not three rooms away. Rachel and Paul was something I didn't think I'd ever get used to. Paul and any woman, really. He should thank God everyday that imprints exist.

I walked into Jakes room now, taking in the sight before me. His eyes were closed as he lay perfectly still. He was covered in bandages. Some still had fresh blood seeping through the cloth. His skin was a pale brown and he had tubes coming out of his arms that were hooked up to large, old machines. I felt sick as I watched the all too familiar sight. He was one of the strongest and now...now he looked like he was on his death bed. I walked to his side, placing my hand on his arm. It was cold, even for a human, and I started to panic. Another flashback of my fathers own cold, pale skin assaulted my memory and then it started. The sobbing. My chest was tight as I struggled for air, uneven and shallow breaths all I could manage. The hot salty tears stung as I tasted them on my lips and a wailing sound I had never heard before was being stifled by my attempts to swallow. Oh god....oh god I couldn't cry normally let alone control this panic. I felt my knees crash into the floor as I bent over trying to take in deep breaths. The sound became louder the deeper the breath and I tried to place my hand over my mouth to muffle it. This only made it worse. I was on the verge of a panic attack. A large hand fell limply on my shoulder and I managed to get it together enough to look up at Jake. His eyes were barely open now as he tried to grip my shoulder with his weak fingers. Pull it together Clearwater I was pleading with myself. Jake took a deep, painful, breath and started to stroke where his hand sat.

"Shhhhhh Lee, its ok, shhhhhhh" His raspy yet soothing voice was enough to pull me back from the edge. I sat for a few minutes until my breathing returned to a semi normal pace. When I thought my legs could handle it I stood up. Shame flushed my tear stained cheeks but he looked at me reassuringly and I felt a little better. He gestured to the seat behind me but I shook my head as I wiped away the remaining traces of my meltdown. He started to speak, or wheeze rather. It was probably from whatever drugs they loaded him up on. I motioned toward the water next to his bed. A slight movement of his head suggested he was fine and he attempted to get through a whole sentence

"I didn't, I didn't think you would come."

"Of course I would, why wouldn't I?" I wasn't able to think straight just yet. I knew why, he knew why. He had done nothing but hurt me lately and yet when I saw him just now, as close to death as possible, I thought my heart would explode in my chest.

"I need to say something to you; I've needed to ever since I woke up in here." His voice got better with every word, although he was clearly struggling. I took up his previous offer now, pulling the chair behind me closer to his bed as I sat down. My little episode had taken a lot of my depleting energy and his serious tone had me worried about the strength in my legs. I nodded for him to continue.

"I know...I know how you feel about me. I've been selfish, pretending I didn't. I've leant on you when I needed support and I've taken advantage of our friendship. I know I've said some horrible things to you recently but I care about you so much that everything you do makes me so..." He started coughing now. I just stared at him, unable to move. He motioned towards the glass of water I had offered and I just sat like a dead fish as I watched him struggle to pick it up. He took a mouthful, swallowing painfully, and set the glass back in place.

"Ok, so I know I stuffed up. Leah since...the event two years ago, I thought it would be easier to push everyone away. But you were so stubborn that I couldn't keep you out. I only noticed it a few weeks ago. I went to the cliff top, as I always do, and I found myself hoping you would turn up. I even waited around a little, but you never showed. Then at your house party.... I tried so hard to keep it in but I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry for what I said, honestly I couldn't sleep the whole night. I tried to block you out at the next meeting and well, other things came up..."

I sat in shock as I took it all in. My head felt like it was enveloped in a thick cloud of smog which restricted my processing abilities. It was too much. I needed air. Then a thought hit me, a dark thought. I had no control of my mouth as the question blurted out.

"Is this because I was fucking Embry behind your back? Is this to get back at him, to go through me?"

He shared the exact same hurt expression as Embry did. They were brothers alright. I wanted to say something apologetic, something to change the subject, but I'd come this far. If I took it back I'd never get my answer. He placed his hand on mine now as he looked into my eyes.

"No."

Short, simple and exactly what I needed to hear. I felt that giddy teenage girl start to come out but I only let myself manage the smallest of smiles. Jake attempted to flash his perfect white teeth at me as he squeezed my hand and I squeezed right back.

"Oww..oww ow ow" He tried to take his hand out of my grip. Ok, maybe I let my excitement slip a little...

"Sorry!" I said. "I can fix it if you want?" He looked at me now as I kissed his hand lightly. His smile showed that he approved. I moved up his arm placing a light trail of kisses as I went. He grabbed his rib as his breathing quickened. I was at his neck now and he let out a small moan. Then we heard voices, arguing in the hall. Rachel, and a man. The door had been wide open and I stood frozen in place as the male cleared his throat. Jake stiffened.

"Sorry to, ah, interrupt but your, ah Embry and I need to talk to you Jake."

Embry....Shit! I was so caught up in everything I had completely forgotten about the Embry vs Jake stuff I was here to sort out. Shit. I didn't want to turn around. If Embry was watching this would only twist the knife I had stuck in him earlier, figuratively speaking. I forced myself to look, exhaling in relief as I saw it was just Billy standing before me.

"Get the fuck out" Jake spat with all his strength.

"Watch it boy" Billy spat back. Then Embry appeared behind him, hiding in his shadow. He refused to make eye contact with either of us. Shit, maybe he had been standing there.

"I should go" I whispered and motioned towards the door.

"Stay, Lee, please" Jake asked. I moved back to my chair. Embry looked at me now, disgust in his eyes. Anything I did was like choosing a side. I couldn't win.

"This is a family matter" Billy said.

"Then why is Embry here? No, if he stays then Leah stays."

Billy sighed. Embry closed the door behind him. Then it began.

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Disclaimer: I keep forgetting to do these. Twilight is Stephenie's, not mine.