A/N: Sex and Violence, my two favorite things :D. This chapter has both. I have no morals but I feel somewhat obligated to warn the younger readers. Best you guys stop reading about a quarter of the way through. For the rest, I hate cheesy lemon clichés like "throbbing member" and her "nub" so I'm sorry if it's not Mills and Boon enough for some of you lol. The last chapter brought a lot of reviewers out of hiding which was a bit exciting. Hi to the anon ones who I can't reply to. Ok, this chap is long enough so I'm a stop. Thanks to Punks for reading over my drunken posting and fixing it up *mwah*. Enjoy, smut/Blackwater fans ; )

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Frustrated and angry I emerged from the restroom only after I was confident the traces of my breakdown were gone. Red puffy lids and bloodshot eyes had faded replaced with my usual scowl. Most people saw crying as a release, a way of letting out bottled emotions. I saw it as weak and fruitless, hindering the thought process. This hospital was the only place that could break me. So much sorrow still lined these walls. I took advantage of it though, getting out all I needed to. Tears of grief for Sam, Quil and Emily. Tears of confusion for Embry and Jake. I had what I wanted finally. I was with Jake. Everything with him felt so natural, so easy. The heat was still there but without the chase it had dissipated. He was loving and comforting, as perfect as I could imagine. He gave me space and was always supportive. But it was more then I deserved and it made me feel self-conscious. Pretty words and soft kisses were fine for most but they were empty to me. I needed to chase and be chased. To be fighting for dominance in the relationship. I needed fire. Embry had offered me that and of course I figured it out too late. He said he would fight an imprint for me. We would marry and live happily ever after. Lies. Just like Sam. Promises of a future that faded in a cosmically charged second.

A final check in the mirror and I left the restroom behind me. I couldn't sit through the funeral without speaking to Embry first. I had no words yet, just a growing rage. Storming down the hall I burst into Emily's room. She was hardly fazed as she continued packing the overnight bag that I had brought in for her.

"Hey Leah." She said with a faint smile.. She looked much better. For that I was grateful. I didn't want her to see the rage in my eyes so I looked straight at Embry.

" I need to talk to you." My tone was demanding. He looked anxiously over at Emily who continued packing happily.

"I..no, I need to…" He started.

"NOW."

Both Emily and my mom looked at me. Mom's eyes flashed me a warning, this wasn't the time. I ignored her as I stormed out into the corridor. Embry followed reluctantly, turning back to smile at Emily as he closed the door behind him. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him to the side of the door.

"Are you fucking kidding me Embry Call? You imprint on my cousin the day of her husbands funeral. What is wrong with you?" I spat the words into his face, only inches away. I was just so frustrated. Embry was calm and collected which infuriated me further.

"I'm not stupid Leah, she doesn't know I've imprinted. She just feels comfortable around me now and I'm happy to keep it that way... well for as long as she needs me too."

I wanted to punch him in the face.

"As long as she needs.. Really. So if I had chosen you only a week ago and this happened you would've tossed me aside that easily, huh? What happened to 'I'll fight it, we'll start a new life together,etc etc'"

"Well you didn't chose me did you? Guess we'll never know. What can I say Leah, sounds like karma to me." His eyebrow was raised to match his smug expression.

I did punch him this time. A right hook to his left cheek. I didn't even feel the contact as my fist hit the side of his jaw. His face snapped sharply and an involuntary spray of saliva burst out of his mouth. It was fantastic. He turned his head back to me slowly, rubbing the tender area as the redness began to fade. His mouth opened to say something and I balled my hand into a fist at the ready.

"What is your problem? Are you trying to tell me that now, only now, you want to be with me because of some want-what-you-can't-have bullshit. Do you realize how sick that is? As long as Leah Clearwater is happy then all is right with the world. I get a girl like Emily, an amazing girl that fate ties me to, what did you think I was going to do? Go back to the one who plays stupid mind games with me. You need to get over yourself Leah."

My rage was shot down by the confident and honest man standing in front of me. A fight I could handle but this... this left me with nothing. I stood dumbfounded as I stared into his contented eyes. He was happy for the first time in a while. That made me feel even worse. Thoughts of all the times I used and discarded him came back to me. It was karma. My tough exterior broke.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I should know that I'm not worthy of fighting an imprint over. Jake did it for a dead girl and yet I've had two guys turn their backs on me instantly. All signs lead to me as the problem. Guess I'm just a bit slower then the rest of you." I dropped my head as I reflected on my own pathetic situation. Truthfully I deserved none of them. Jake was way too good for me and I had no right to challenge Embry's pseudo happiness either.

I felt his hand on the back of my neck as he moved his fingers in an effort to comfort me. I looked back into his eyes and I finally saw something else in them. He was conflicted.

"Leah, you know it's not that simple. Of course you're worth it. It's just..."

Instinctively I felt myself leaning into him. I studied his eyes in fascination. I had never seen Sam's waver in the slightest but Embry's were not the clouded over, soul removed, blankness that I saw when Sam had looked at me. Our lips were almost touching but I didn't realize until I saw him look down at them. I blushed and stood back. Embry turned to look down the hall. His expression dropped.

Jake.

He was frozen in place as he looked at me with disappointment in his eyes. I looked back at Embry, shame now filling my own face. The guilty red tinge implying more then had actually happened. Embry had already turned his back on me, heading back in to Emily's room.

For a moment I was too scared to turn around, to see Jake standing there with that same look on his face.. I felt sick inside. I looked down the hall slowly but he was gone. Running to follow him I saw the Hospital doors closing. I took off outside smelling his scent on the air. He had changed. Tattered clothing were strewn across the ground almost directly outside the door. He knew better then to change in such a public place. I ran towards the woods phasing as soon as I was shielded from the view of others. His pain hit me in an instant.

Leah, get the fuck out of my head.

He had never sworn at me before and it threw me for a second. I needed to proceed with caution. His thoughts swirled around me. The hidden jealously he had suppressed over my being anywhere near Embry was revealed. The glances that I thought he had missed were there too. His confidence in my loyalty to him was the only thing stopping him from tearing Embry's face off. My loyalty. The part that hurt the most.

Jake...honestly nothing happened. Look for yourself if you don't believe me.

I regretted those words as soon as I said them. He began searching my mind for the answers. Although we had not kissed I had still been searching his eyes for the hope that he still cared for me. That was worse. I slipped and a flash back to the kiss that we had just before the battle was revealed. I felt Jakes anger turn to pure hate as he saw that it almost went too far.

He did that to you and you left him standing?

Its not like that Jake.

Don't even try to justify that shit to me. I don't even know why you would. Unless... do you love him?

No. I answered honestly.

Do you love me?

No. Again, honest.

Here and now Leah, who do you want to be with?

The question was too hard to answer as I attempted to censor my thoughts with Jacob in my head. I failed. My embarrassing crush for him came forward as did a few of the many fantasies that accompanied it over the last year. Then some real life experience with Embry, equally as cringe worthy. The comfort I felt from him was next. The desire I felt from Embry followed. In short I had an answer.

I don't know.

His rage had disappeared as he continued to search my mind himself, picking and choosing what he wanted.

Jacob stop it, ask me if you want to know something.

I can't ask you if I can't trust you. You chose to follow me so that's your problem.

I wanted him out of my head. Phasing abruptly I changed into a human and awkwardly rolled across the forest floor. Jacob ran towards me pinning my naked body below him.. His hot breath was on my skin as I struggled under his enormous form.

"Get off of me Jake"

He phased on top of me, our exposed bodies pressed against one another now. He still had me pinned beneath him as he looked into my eyes. His eyes were heavy but I had no idea with what. I thrashed around beneath him as I tried to squirm away. He placed his lips beside my ear as hot breath and husky voice took over.

"I refuse to give up on you. I've been overbearing with someone before. I've given you too much room now. I'm done with games. You think Embry is the only one who can fight for what he wants?"

My breath caught as I stopped struggling at his words. Shock. I was unsure if I had heard correctly but he confirmed it as his lips were suddenly on mine. He started off forcefully as he lightened the kiss. Large, rough hands slipped down my back towards my hips as he explored my skin. A hand moved over my breast causing him to force open my mouth with a light groan. He moved back to take in my body. His confidence slipped occasionally as awe would fill his eyes and it was only then I realized he was inexperienced. He inched his way down my face lingering on my breasts before moving down further. His lust filled gaze had me incredibly hot and I felt my mind wander back to all those fantasies I had let myself have of Jacob Blacks first time. This was better then any of them. He trailed his fingers down to my stomach, stopping just before he got any further.

"You're god damn beautiful Leah."

I felt him press into my thigh, already hard, and realized this was about to happened for real. I wanted it so badly now my hips were moving upwards on their own as they encouraged him to take me. My mind stopped for a sharp second when I remembered his promise of waiting until he was ready. I reluctantly spoke.

"You don't have to do this Jake. You've got me, trust me. Embry is out of the picture now. There is nothing to prove."

"I'm not doing this for him or for you. You have no idea how ready I am. I'm making my own memories, ones that you'll be thinking of throughout the day. Ones that will have you calling me to your place at 3am.. Ones that will cause our pack of brothers to beg you to stop running with them."

His sureness made me even hotter then before. I wanted him in me desperately. It had been so long since I had meaningful sex, let alone sex itself. I began to squirm below him.

"Jake...please…."

He smirked at me, pleased at my pain.

"Are you begging me Clearwater? Do you need me that much that you're begging?"

He stood up and turned to walk away. The sight of his taught, chocolate behind was torture. My usually graceful movements were gone as I clumsily pulled myself up from the ground.

"What…where are you going?"

He looked back with that smirk still in place.

"Time to make up your mind Leah, do you really want this?"

It wasn't fair. He was playing dirty. I wanted to be angry at him but this rough, determined Jacob was intensely hot. I ran ahead of him standing face to face as I stood on my toes looking into his eyes. I mimicked his own smirk as I replied.

"Stop being a prick tease and just fuck me Jacob"

His grin gleamed as he pushed me backwards, my body hitting a tree. He pulled my leg up to his side as my knee was level with his rib cage. My back hit the rough bark as he lifted me up, supporting my whole body weight.

"Are you ready?" He asked while licking his bottom lip. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are you ready kid?"

"You have no idea what we guys talk about when you're not running with us do you?"

Before I could fully take that in I felt him enter me. He stopped half way as his face fell forward, his lips besides my ear. He let out a groan as hot air trailed down my neck. The sensation made me shiver. He pulled out slowly then went back in again. His eyes were closed and after a few strokes he was all the way inside me. Our hard stomachs were pressed against one another as his free hand ran down the side of my breast and rested on my hip. His chin was on my forehead, my own hot breath on his neck.

"Go on then. If you're going to make me forget the others you're going to need to work for it." I smiled into his neck with my words.

He pulled back with those glorious white canines bared and grabbed my other leg. I wrapped myself tightly around him. He was supporting my full body weight as his hands sat on my hips and he pushed himself even further into me somehow. My back was pressed into the tree as he started up again. He wasn't gentle which I liked. He also wasn't fumbly as Sam and Embry had been their first time. His confidence outshone his lack of experience and I wondered which of the brothers had been sharing their game plan with him.

He kissed me roughly again. His tongue worked my mouth as we were both struggling for air. He was getting faster and rougher. My back scraped against the hard bark opening wounds that healed back over in an instant. They burnt. Everywhere burnt. Inside and out. The freezing cold air only heightened the feeling of Jacob's fiery skin on mine and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the delicious friction moving in and out of me. Jacob was close, I could feel it. I didn't blame him, It was his first time. I was pretty close myself but I wouldn't get there with him. He was slamming my hips in toward him now, I wanted it to go on forever.

"I'm going to.." He said, almost asking for permission. I looked into his face as his eyes were closed in concentration.

"Do it Jake" I whispered as a challenge.

Before I finished my sentence I felt him release while his hands dug into my hips. He was beautiful as he shuddered inside of me. His first orgasm ever. He almost dropped me to the ground and I wrapped my legs tighter around him now.. He pushed me into the tree for extra support and I heard it begin to crack as he stumbled against its now leaning trunk. We both locked eyes as I started to laugh. A real laugh. The first real laugh I had made in a long time. He was grinning from ear to ear as his labored breath stared to slow.

"That was amazing Lee. Amazing." He ran his hands up my back now as the tree behind fell to the ground. "Do you now how hot you are when you laugh?" He said with a cheeky smirk.

"I probably look like a feral hyena." I said unconvinced.

He kissed me moving down from my lips to chest. His fascination with my breasts made me laugh again. That awestruck expression was like an aphrodisiac to me. He was still buried inside me and I felt him getting hard already.

"Jacob! Aren't we insatiable?"

"I've been waiting a looong time for this. Did you think I was done already?"

I grinned as I dropped my legs down and pushed him to the ground. Sitting on top of him I straddled his waist. He flipped me over so he was above me once again. We tossed and turned until finally he had me pinned down.

"I'm in charge, remember?"

"Wow, where was this dominant Jacob hiding? I'm not complaining. If I'd seen him earlier I probably would've jumped him then and there."

He laughed as he bit his lip with a sexy grin.

"I want to try something ok?"

I could only nod at his demanding question. He was in control. Not what I was used to but something I found I was enjoying.

He trailed a finger from my and chin along my stomach finally reaching the other place of his fascination. He entered it inside me and my walls gripped at it hungrily. He raised an eye brow at my pleased expression and entered another. Moving them in and out my hips began to speak for themselves meeting each of his strokes. His thumb moved down to my clit and I almost lost it for a second. He continued to work it as the tips of his fingers moved into a hook. He hit the spot in less then two tries and I screamed out his name in surprise. That familiar stirring began and I knew I was near my own climax when he withdrew his fingers.

My eyes shot open angrily and he laughed again. He placed himself at my entrance this time and sat there for second teasingly. I growled at him and he entered me in one long stroke. My head fell back as my eyes rolled to the back of my head. In and out. In and out. Each stroke made me feel light headed and my hips moved with greed. His hands rubbed along my stomach, kneading roughly at my breasts. I was the one fighting for control this time.

"Soon Jake...."

My words of encouragement sent him into quick short strokes and I had to close my eyes now to stop from letting go. He closed his eyes again and the memory of his previous orgasm made me lose it. I couldn't hold out. With a long groan my walls clenched around him and my body shuddered in reaction. The sensation was deep, reaching all the way from my hips out to my cheeks. He continued and my body continued to shudder in reaction until I finally felt him stiffen as he released into me again. I couldn't open my eyes yet. I was still savoring every sensation.

He rolled to the side of me as he attempted to control his breathing again. I rolled on top of him, smiling and leaning in for a kiss. It felt like I could stay here in this very spot for the rest of my life and be happy.

"So?" he asked. His confidence wavered slightly.

"Mind blowing baby."

I kissed him softly now as the real world crept back into my thoughts. As if he could read my mind he pulled away.

"We should go."

Reluctantly we both stood up on our shaky legs. It would be hard to convince myself that this wasn't another one of my fantasies. For now I enjoyed a rare moment of happiness. Something I seemed to always be guaranteed when I was with Jacob. My mind was becoming clearer as the question of 'who I wanted to be with' became 'how to let the other one go'.