EPOV:
The day was overcast, accented with a slight drizzle. Perfect weather to reflect the sombre mood that filled the small church. A traditional closed casket ceremony was planned. Simple and yet respectful. It was a stark contrast to the actual burial only a few days earlier. That was done through smoke filled air, laced with the sent of blood and venom. The ground had been hot and our bodies were exhausted but we pushed through with every reserve of energy we could manage. It was an honour to see our brothers off on the soil in which they sacrificed themselves. A secret only a few shared, making this ceremony both necessary and agonizing.
The heartache of the families was suffocating in the small setting. Quil's loved ones sat on the left side of the church. Rowena Ateara was in the front row with Old Quil at her side. Her sobs were so loud they occasionally stopped the minister from speaking. Emily sat at the front of Sam's side, along with Sue and Sam's mother. Emily was quiet in her grief, struggling to keep herself composed. To others she looked brave but our connection was strong. I felt the energy she was using to keep it together. It was draining, even for me. Every tear, every stifled sob, every dropped glance, was worse then any physical pain I had experienced.
I was comforting to her, she had said so herself. Unaware of why, especially as only moments before the imprint I had distressed her with my presence. Now she leant on me and I offered myself in support. The darker side to an imprint had become apparent shortly after it happened. It was a side that only Jacob had previously had cause to dislike.
The need. The pure, unadulterated lust.
Every action she made, every accidently contact of our skin, sent an ache over my body. In another circumstance it would be amazing but right now it was disturbing and sick. Thankfully the imprint also perfected the much needed disguise of a comforting smile, masking the inappropriate desire from my eyes. I needed her though, wanted her. Every part of my body longed for her as I mentally slapped myself to pull it together. The imprint was based on a need to procreate, that was certain. It made me sick but the alternative, fighting it, seemed like an incredible waste of such a gift.
Focus was all I had to keep it together. I tuned out to take in the surroundings. Wooden seats, red carpeted floors, stained glass windows. And yet, every thought was tainted with her. I watched her under the ruse of a worrying friend, careful not to stare. Her long black hair shone as it trickled down her face. She brushed it delicately behind one ear, leaving the other half to cover her scars. A self-conscious habit. Her eyes met mine as I offered a sympathetic smile. She returned one and wrapped her hand around mine. Our touch was electric but she didn't seem to notice. Sue did, shooting me a scolding look. Reluctantly I took back my hand to make her happy. I would never over step my place with Emily, I could feel that she knew that. Sue Clearwater, on the other hand, was not as trusting.
The large doors opened announcing the late arrival of Jake and Leah. They entered almost undetected, creeping in as quietly as possible. I didn't need to turn around to know it was them, I could smell their scent. They reeked of sex. I felt my rage levels begin to grow as I quickly composed myself, not wanting to alert Emily. I glared behind me to see them find their place at the back. Jake placed a light, comforting kiss on Leah's neck as she smiled at him and rested her head on his shoulder. His eyes locked with mine as a small smirk crept across his lips. A victory smile. I wanted to leap back there and tear his head off. He shot me a "quiet" look and turned his attention towards the front.
My head snapped back in place and I looked forward. It was only the second time since the imprint that my thoughts had shifted from Emily. The feelings I had for Leah were almost completely gone. The memories of my infatuation were still there but without any sort of residual emotion. All efforts to remember disappeared with the sound of Emily's tears. I placed a hand in comfort on her back, rubbing it lightly. I was angry at myself for the feeling that her cool skin gave me but again, it had to live with it. Sue was watching me with warning in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her niece. I glared at her and moved my arm back at my side. I would never do anything to hurt Emily, regardless of the desires that I was feeling.
A traditional chant followed as we moved outside to bury the bodies. Leah came over to console her cousin. She wore Jacobs scent like a second skin. It was nauseating. The two girls stood together as the coffins were lowered. Emily turnedher face as the coffin hit the ground. I moved to comfort her when Leah shot me the same glance her mother had ready. The Clearwater women were obviously jaded by imprints. Neither were willing to let me get too close.
Another chant, more tears, numerous hugs and several condolences announced the completion of the service. Emily refused to attend the wake, opting instead to be taken home. I promised I would escort her, Jake and Leah offered to stay the night in 'support'. Leah clearly wanted to keep an eye on me. They would stay on for the wake needing time to pay their respects to Quil's family.
We made our way towards the car as I realised this was the first time Emily would be returning home since her miscarriage. I felt her fear as her face stayed strong. Her breathing began to quicken as did her heart rate. The sound of her rapidly beating heart filled my eardrums as I sat at her side unaware of how I could comfort her in the suddenly awkward setting of my small car. As if she noticed my distress she pulled back a little, taking slower and deeper breaths instead. Sitting in the driver's seat I stalled while considering possible options.
"Do you want to stay at my place tonight? My mom will be there. She'd love to have you."
"I can't hide from my old life Embry, but thanks for the offer." Her answer was short and determined. As if she was convincing herself. She was far too strong to run from such things.
The five minutes of driving time didn't allow for either of us to prepare as I pulled the car up to the front of the small house. Before now it had always been a haven, a place of gathering for friends and loved ones. It was also a house filled with love, noticeable from the second you entered the front room. Leah had hated that, she told me herself. Spoken with a jealous tongue. Now the house was a standing monument to a life that was lost. A history with Sam that was just beginning to be her future. Of all the heartache, Leah's former jealous state seemed like a life time ago. A broken heart now something she shared in common with her cousin.
I could feel her anxiety grow as she sat near me. Neither wanting to leave the warmth of the car. Pressure was the last thing I wanted her to feel.
Five minutes.
Ten minutes.
Thirty minutes in total.
Finally, she had psyched herself up enough to find the courage she needed. Her hand gripped at the car door handle as she opened it quickly. I was out of my seat and next to her in a heartbeat, helping her from the car. She looked into my eyes with a forced smile.
"Stay with me?" She whispered, already holding back the tears.
"Of course." I replied, holding back my own tears. Her pain was overwhelming and we weren't even in the house yet.
Walking slowly to the front door she stoped just in front of it. Her hands dropped to her side as she gestured for me to open it first. She was afraid and I was there to protect her. How it should be, and hopefully would be for years to come. I took a step inside, looking around to show her it was ok. The house felt as if it had lost its soul. The positive energy from before completely gone. Emily and Sam had made it into a home. Now it stood as unfamiliar as a hotel suite.
She walked in, refusing to lift her eyes from the carpet. One tentative step after another, she made it halfway into the living room before taking a deep breath. Her eyes lifted to the now empty spot that Sam's hand made crib had occupied. And then she broke down. Her body slumped to the floor, my arms only barely catching her before she made contact. Her tears were gone, as she made low whimpers into my chest. Picking her up, I carried her body into the bedroom. Gratitude washed over me as I was thankful Leah and Sue had cleared it of any remnants of the last time Emily was in here. She was too tired to fight as I placed her weary body in the bed. She protested at first and then sunk into the warmth as I placed the comforter over her icy cold skin. Her blinking started to slow as she began to drift off, my hand stroking her hair until I was satisfied she was asleep.
The sound of Jakes car stopping outside the house was the only thing that tore me from her side. I walked to let them both in, placing my finger to my lips as a request for quiet. No one spoke until we were all in the kitchen and confident that our voices would not disturb her.
"How is she Embry?" Leah asked with genuine concern. I was tempted to ask where that concern was when her cousin was asking for her before the service began. I knew the answer though, she knew that I knew just from looking at my face. Her hands dropped from Jacobs arm as she attempted to distance herself a little from him. I resisted rolling my eyes.
"She's exhausted, as you would expect. She's sleeping now."
"Look Embry, Mom and I want to thank you for everything you're doing for her. We really do appreciate it you know." Leah's hand stretched out towards mine but I moved mine out of her reach. She took it back quickly with a small look of embarrassment.
"I'm doing this for her, no one else."
"Hey, Leah was trying to thank you, no need to be such an ass about…."
"Jake its fine, lets just, ah, lets make something to eat, ok? Emily is probably starving by now."
Jacob stared me down as I returned to Emily's side. I closed the door on the two of them, still annoyed at their lack of respect for the days events. I was angrier then I thought I would be although I couldn't figure out why. Leah standing anywhere near Jake made me livid which was childish and yet I couldn't help it. I tried to focus on Emily as thoughts of Leah began to push their way through. Again, the only time that my mind allowed me to waver from thoughts of Emily. It was confusing but my mind refused to let me dwel on it. For this I was grateful. The scent of her cooking filled the air and my stomach growled in response. A light tap hit the door brought me too my feet as I opened it eagerly.
I opened it, hearing Emily stirring behind me. Leah stood with two large plates of steaming hot food in her hands. It always amazed me at how she could cook up a meal from almost nothing. The two heaped plates of steak and vegetables broke my hard exterior as I took them both too eagerly.
"Its your fave, Em. Once again, thanks for taking care of her." She stuck her head in the door to talk to her cousin. "Glad to see you up Ems, Jake and I are staying the night. If you need anything, we'll be in the guest room."
Emily sat up as she returned a smile. Even after only a small nap she already looked a million times better. Her mood was incredibly different too. I brought her plate over as I sat on the bed. She took it and began to eat, unprompted and of her own accord. I watched her, curiosity plain on my face. She stopped eating for a second as she returned my gaze.
"What's up?"
"Its just…well you seem so….."
"Happy?" She smiled back at me.
"Ah, yeah."
She continued to eat her food happily avoiding the question. She got halfway through the huge plate before offering me the rest of it.
"Leah served me a wolf sized portion, do you want the rest?"
Ever caring I took the plate from her, having downed mine in less time then it took for her to eat her half plate.
"You boys and your appetites." She said as she looked over me with the same maternal look as she had before. I couldn't help but feel the warmth in my heart that her smile brought me. I didn't want to question her change in mood. For now it could only be a good thing.
"Thanks Embry, for everything. Really. I think I might just go back to sleep. Good night sweetheart."
I walked back to the couch feeling happy that Emily was improving. Tomorrow would be the real test though, after the first night home. It seemed to lift her spirits more then the hospital which was a plus. My mood was so good I was able to block out the sounds of Jake and Leah's playful laughter as I began to drift asleep.
--- --- ---
The impact was painful, crashing through the water barrier with such force. The freezing cold water was just as bad as one pain was transferred to another. My body started to react, the temperature dropping suddenly. And yet I was happy. Happy that this sort of pain would never bother me again. Happy that it was almost over. My lungs tightened as they craved desperately for oxygen. Not long now.
Not long until freedom. Not long until true happiness once again.
My body shot upright, jolting me from my sleep. A thick coating of sweat drench my bare chest as well as the sheet that was barely draped over me. My mind worked fast to consol me.It was just a nightmare Em, nothing more.
Shielding my eyes from the sunlight streaming through the curtains I stood up, eager to have a shower and shake off the feeling of my dream. It had seemed so real, I was still shaking from the memory.
I opened Emily's door just a sliver to see if she was awake yet.
An empty bed.
That gut-wrenching feeling of panic took only seconds to consume me. The dream. I couldn't figure out if it was a premonition or a plan. I stopped for a second, trying to make sense of what was going on, but the panic was too strong.
Leah came running from the spare room, wrapped only in a bed sheet.
"Embry, what's wrong? Why are you shouting?"
I'm shouting?
I heard myself as I was screaming Emily's name. I forced my hand over my mouth in an attempt to muffle my cries. My brain was too erratic to follow orders. I felt shaking as two firm hands were on my shoulders.
"Focus Embry, Is she okay? You can sense her if you just focus" Jakes voice cut through heavy fog of my mind as I concentrated now.
"Yes, I..I think so. I mean, yes, she's okay right now.."
Their voices turned back into a steady stream of sound. The words made no sense. Emily was out there, somewhere. And she was planning to do something incredibly stupid.