Always the first

Bella Cullen

I got up and kept my gaze with hers as long as I could. Her eyes were the same colour as any member of the Cullen's when we weren't as thirsty the odd Gold colour. She was in so much pain we every scream she petrified me, I just wanted to tell her that it will be ok and take away all the pain, but this was the worst I'd seen her conscious, the only time her eyes changed was in the sunlight, it wasn't noticeable but I could see and so could everyone who was close to her. I didn't look at her straight away. I focused on Carlisle first his eyes told me all, this was bad. Edward gave me a reassuring hug and confidence flow though me, Jasper. At this point I turned my self to face the bed were my daughter lay and had died, that moment sent a chill down my spine I still hadn't thanked Carlisle for bringing her back to me. Though the sight that lay before me sent another chill down my spine.

Her whole back, my Renesmee, laying there. Her whole back was covered in bruises, it was a dark purple and none of her pale crystal skin was visible. It was covered and her spine seemed to be in shade of red.

"Bella" I was crying and before I knew it Edward had embraced me and he kissed the top of my head. "Bella, calm it down." He repeated as a whisper in my ear, I couldn't calm not after knowing my Renesmee Carlie Cullen was laying there helpless because of me. I showed this thought to Edward he pulled me tighter and then I shut of my mind again.

"Renesmee, you have bruises covering your back. They are very heavy bruises none of your skin is visible" I heard her silent tears hit the floor she was in pain, no agony

"I think this bruising continues, down the whole of the back side of her body, I will need to see the extent of these, Bella could you remove her clothes for 5 minutes, underwear can stay on but would you mind cutting her pyjamas off." Cut them off, I couldn't even take them off that would cause her too much pain. Why was her body fighting herself? I did as he asked.

"Momma, don't leave please" Nessie said through her teeth, gritting them tight so she wouldn't scream in the pain. I was never going to leave her.

"Love. I will never leave you, we will always be together through our hearts" I whispered In her ear I took one step back to see the full damage but her hand reached for mine I held it for 3 and a half seconds then loosened the grip of her hand which wasn't hard because she was so weak. I joined Carlisle to see the full extant of the damage. I wasn't shocked by what I saw but I was devastated. Her whole back of her body from the balls of her feet to the top of her neck was covered in bruises.

Renesmee Cullen

I wanted to see the look on her face so I to could see what was on my back. I knew it was covered with bruises but I didn't know the effect of this on the rest of the back side of my body. I didn't move or even try to think it hurt way too much.

"Renesmee like your back the rest of your body if covered in bruises, there is like your back no skin visible though this bruiseing will not be noticed by full length clothing which is why I hadn't noticed it before" I was amazed by the honesty in his tone, like he should of noticed earlier. Well I guess there was on good thing I wouldn't have to be trapped indoors I could go out, if I wanted to.

"When can I be moved, downstairs? and when can I walk again? and will I be able to attend high school in a week?" I questioned him.

"Nez stop with the questions. How could you even think about going to high school in your state and let alone move you down stairs. Nez look at your self, look what we've done to you, my Nez im so sorry" I could hear the stream of my mothers tears, as she spoke. Her fault their fault they were just questions that I wanted to be answered how was that an answer? She infuriated me their fault what the hell?

"Your fault, its no bodies fault. If I could look at myself I would but seeing as I cant move I don't think that is possible. I would like to be moved down stairs as soon as possible as it is more convenient for everyone else and I wont feel alone. Now I will not stop with my questions they have simple answers, you are not forgiven, there is nothing to forgive you for." I screamed then and only then did I notice how harsh my comment was.

"Sorry" I murmured

"You can be moved tomorrow or when your parents allow it, I think because I recon you can heal faster now, you will be able to attend high school. I recon, now remember I don't know how fast you heal, but I recon you could walk in 3 days, in 3 days you will able to walk fine but you will be very tired and it will be very painful when you rest." Carlisle answered my previous questions.

"NO, I think that's a bit to soon Carlisle" dad almost screamed across the room.

"Edward we need to get her on her feet before she forgets how to walk" Carlisle said calmly.

"Edward, I think he's,… right" mum said quietly in the corner of the room.

Dad I'm so sorry, sorry, what I said was out of order are you and mum going to forgive me. I want start high school in a week and ill stay up here for well as long as you want. Please im sorry.

Dad smiled and shocked his head. Mum gave him a look as in to explain.

"O, Nessie. Me and your mother could never ever be upset by you, we may get a tad annoyed but never ever think that you need to apologize maybe once but never think we won't forgive you." He was ashamed of what he was saying, that made me cringe.

"Nessie you could never think such a thing ever" mum said in a panicked tone walking towards me she kneeled by my side and kissed me on the back of my head and held my hand.

"Umm I don't mean to sound rude but do you think you all could maybe leave the room for 5 minutes? Alice I need you" mum said in a normallish tone for her, she seemed very, well tired for a vampire. They did as they were told and as soon as mum had asked for Alices asitance she was there.

"O, I know I have an idea" with that my favourite little Pixie aunty skipped out of the room and 5 minutes later she returned. She had a pair of my favourite joggers though the had zips down the sides to a human this wouldn't be visible but I was just that little bit beyond human. She was also carrying a blue top with no back which to had zips that no average human would be able to see. Soon I was fully dressed and I liked alices Idea of being able to see the progress or the increase of bruising in my back.

"Nessie, its ok im here" my mother repeated in my ear when I woke up from my usual she held my close to let me know she really was there.

"JACOB" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was screaming as I had seen just one extra clip of my dream, I saw him turn his back away from me. I needed to know if he still loved me, I prayed he did.

"He's not here he's sleeping back home. He doesn't want to see you Nez not until your not in pain" this sent more pain in every part that hurt I closed me eyes so the pain wouldn't show in my eyes.

"Can I move downstairs today, Ma" I said in very calm tone to almost prove to her that I could pull this off.

"we discussed this last night, we have decided as a family meaning everyone Carlisle Rosalie, Jasper. You see were im going. Right we decided that Carlisle can set you up a hospital bed in the living room, and we shall have to carry you when we hunt. Carlisle is going to help you walk and he is going to see if he can find some strong pain killers."

"Ok. But mum it's so dangerous to hunt on someones back."

"Well your father has offered but we would prefer Jacob" mum admitted.

"Well ok" I admitted. It wasn't her best plan ever but it would do.

Dad, Dad, Dad. With every dad my voice or my mind got higher in pitch.

I heard him jump up the stairs two at a time.

"What" he questioned me in a cherry way.

"Ok. A, get Jacob and b, please move me down stairs." I was almost begging I wasn't usually a beggar I don't think I had ever begged in my life before o no hang on I did beg my parents to take me to see Renee.

"Jake!" Dad shouted. And with that he scooped me up in his arms and started to walk down the stairs and before I knew it I was laying on the sofa. Though Jacob had still not yet appeared, Dad get him for me. I saw him roll his eyes. He left to get Jacob but just moving down the stairs was tiring so I shut my eyes, seemed like a simple plain at the time.

"Nez! Nez! Are you ok? Come on Nez wake up, Not again I cant lose you again" I heard Jacob shout at me. Lose me again, What? I aggressively flung open my eyes. I could hear the faint chuckle of laughter from the rest of the family behind me. Is there something you forgot to tell me dad? HUH? I screamed in my thoughts.

"What do u mean by lose me again Jake?" I sneered through my teeth knowing if I didn't I would have screamed the house down. I saw dad give him a glance that said all, Let me handle it was the exact look that came to mind and with that Jacob left the room.

"I asked Jacob Dad" I muttered under my breath even though I knew he could hear me I felt no regret, which was odd I hated saying or doing something that made me seem spiteful or horrid even it was just for a second not even that.

"Renesmee you were right when you said you were going to die" what he had just said haunted me I could feel myself change from my eyes to the colour of my skin to my temperature but the thing I noticed most was my heart rate drop rather than increase.

"Breathe Nez" I heard Jacob shout from the room next door, but I didn't need to breathe I never had needed to breathe but I did as he said it helped me concentrate but it didn't help my heart.

"I died. I was always half dead but now im more dead than anyone ever" I managed to spit my words out though I wasn't prepared for the aftershock. I don't know how but I did, I managed to get up from the sofa and run, I ran as fast as I could into the forest I wasn't me, because I was dead, so who was I now?

After a few hours of running anywhere and everywhere my back begun to hurt so I slowed down but decided that I needed to be near life rather than stone and immorality. I was in port angles just aiminglesly walking around the high street, the sun was shining so only Jacob could find me now. I wasn't worried by the sun because nothing abnormal happened to me, apart from my eyes changed colour, instead of them being a deep brown they went the honey colour like my dads eyes were. Port angles never worried me though hardly anyone I knew was here. After a while I decided to walk another hundred passes and then go into the shop that was closest. I wasn't expecting though, a shop filled with alchol on a normal day I would have just turned around but today this seemed like the only cure. I walked in knowing I had no money or no bag so I was going to have to be quick. I walked around the shop deciding what I was going to try, it was like choosing the best pain killer. After I had decided I walked back outside the shop and then when nobody was looking I ran as fast as I could and shop lifted the appropriate items. The adrenaline rush afterwards was brilliant but I couldn't turn round and do it again, Alice was near I could almost feel her presence, I knew she was hiding in the shadows waiting to pounce. I took the fastest and most sunlight route, not making any decisions and I ran as fast as I could faster than I had ever ran before. I soon become tired and stopped suddenly carefully making sure that I didn't make any decision. I sat by a tree and opened the first bottle with my teeth, Vodka. I drank the bottle in almost an instant, I was about to discard the second when I someones memory came to me, it was Jacobs. What the hell was he doing kissing my mum? Why the hell was he in love with her? The liar he told me that they were just the best of friends and it never went any further. Then it hit me harder than anything else could, I was just a tool, something so he could be near my mother. With that I was quick to finish the other 4 bottles.

"HA! Found ya" I heard a deep voice boom from the other side of the forest. Crap it was Emmett.

"Ed, Jazz" he shouted and with that I sprang to my feet and ran away as fast as I could. Though I knew it wouldn't be long before I got caught, I still hoped. I could feel Jazz making me feel tired but that wasn't going to work, not today. I couldn't hear Emmett, that worried me, that meant Dad was chasing me, dang I was never going to win this. Then I had the most tremendous idea, they couldn't pass the border.

"He's there Nez. Jacobs there he'll get you and he has given us permission for us to cross the border in this circumstance." I heard my dad shout, he was angry, very angry. I continued to run then dad was by my shoulder and jasper in front of me I darted to the side, only to be knocked down by Emmett. I laughed so hard although I thought I may just had cracked me skull it was just the most hilarious thing. Though I felt the tension in the others, so I was just going to have to crack my joke.

"Not only am I the worlds first dead and a half person, im also one of only half vampire and half human." I took a breathe "Not only have I supposedly been imprinted on by a shape shifter" I snorted at the very existence of Jacob. "I am also the worlds first drunk vampire" by then dad had had enough and I was know being cradled no snatched into his arms and being ran home. Alice opened the door at least I think it was Alice.

"How is she?" I heard Esme ask.

"Drunk!" Dad hissed. It was then and only then did I see Jake with his arm round my mothers shoulder.

" I don't care if you don't want me! coz that, that was awesome" I hissed in the direction of him and mum. Then I collapsed.

I woke with a scream and the worst headache ever though, why I had a headache I didn't know. I sat up in my bed catching my breathe which wasn't needed, I searched through my ever expanding memory and then, and only then did I realize this headache was just the tip of a very large iceberg. The anger flooded through me, I screamed and screamed hoping to wake up once more, but nothing. After eventually bursting into tears and punching many holes in the wall Alice put her head round the door just as was about to punch the fifth hole in the wall.

"Don't Renesmee one more and, just don't push your luck." She said in quite an aggressive but calm tone. With that she left not another word not another gesture on what I should do next. I needed to gather my thoughts and think of my next step, though shielding that from my dad was going to be hard. I forced the window open even though it had been locked and sat on the window swinging my legs over the edge. I could hear the rest of the Cullen's by the front door deciding what they were going to do with me.

"Well that's it then we will have to take shifts-" I over heard my father say to the rest of the coven. That was it I wasn't a baby, I didn't need looking after. With that I sprang form the window to the nearest tree or that was the plan if I had not been blocked by Emmett and sent crashing to the ground luckily jasper was there but he didn't help he just tried to make me feel scared by everyones presence I didn't need to be scared I was already petrified.

"Nez…" he began but before he could say anything else I had burst into tears and in hysterics shaking violently. Mum wrestled japser for me though luckily dad had heard my most recent thoughts If she even touches me im going to, to, to, Soon I was being taken hostage again by my father who took me straight back to his and mums house. He sat me down on the sofa and I could tell I wasn't going to be easily forgiven, his eyes were black, coal black.

"RENESME CARLIE CULLEN I HAVE NEVR BEEN SO DISSAPOINTED" he screamed at me which made me burst into tears once more.

"IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT, DON'T EVEN TRY TO SAY IT WAS ALL ME AND IM RESPONISABLE FOR EVERYTHING BAD THAT HAPPENED. BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW THAT."I screamed back at him I could tell he was rather confused. He could tell there was something bothering me now and that it wasn't for attention like most of the stupid things I did.

"Nez, please explain to me love" with that I raised my hand to imply he needed to bend down for me to touch my face. I wasn't going to miss anything out , with everything I showed him the shaking got worse and worse and to make myself stop shaking there was only one thing I could and didn't want to do and that was to collapse. Which I eventually did in my fathers' arms.

When I woke the whole family was surrounding me everyone apart from Jake, but mum was there, I decided that there was no use in being mad at her because she was clearly irreversibly in love with my father. Just then did I see Alice beam a smile at the rest of the group. Ah I see you betted. I hope you won. I saw Emmett scowl at me O they betted on something! .

"You got it" dad whispered with a half hearted smile.

"Ummm so, why the big reception, im not going to jump out the window again or anything. But ummm yer I guess im kinda of what im really trying to say is…." I took another breathe to brace my self for what ever reaction was coming next. "Sorry, for being such a disappointment all the time"

"Well not all of the time, actually we are always really proud of you" Esme replied with a loving expression in her eyes, as always. How could she be proud of me, how could anyone be proud of me.

"Were all here to say that, well, we love you Nez, always have and always will. And as for Jacob, well to say the least he's a lot worse than you ar,e and you have got to come to one of us when you get other peoples memory's especially the ones from before you were born." I grimaced at Jacobs name.

"I saw what I saw" I muttered under my breathe.

"Umm yer you did, but as much as I think he doesn't deserve you and the fact he's a dog, you need to speak to Jacob." Rosalie admitted in front of everyone that must have taken her a lot of courage and well a lot of regret to.

"I don't know…" I could hardly bring my self to say his name let alone picture him next to me again, after all this was his entire fault.

"Nez its not his fault, if anyone its your fault well not your fault but your gift, your gift is at fault. Sorry, I didn't realize it was a thought rather than words" he admitted.

"Fine get him round" I almost shouted in response but I kept a certain coolness in my tone. It was just going to get harder.

"Actually Nez we have arranged you to go to his for weekend, your leaving this evening, no need to pack I went shopping" Alice added with a grin on her face.

"So can I get up now?" I questioned with a half hearted smile on my face. I didn't want to get up but it seemed like the best and only option, it was the only option that would allow me to collect my thought, to decide if Jacob was what I wanted.

"Defiantly not, so much like your mother" I hoped I was, she was pretty, thoughtful, pure minded, loving, generous, intelligent, the list went on. Damn he heard. I could tell. dads eyes light up in a certain way, they always did when I complemented anyone in my family, especially my mother.

"Why not?" I really wasn't getting this conversation.

"Nez you are still human well at least half human anyway. You were pretty drunk the other night, you have what people now days call a hangover. You need to rest Nez, you still stink of alcohol. You need to get it out of your system before…" he stopped mid sentence.

"Renesmee somehow well you see Carlisle has done some test and if you had stopped at the first bottle you might be alright but because your half and half. Im not explaining this right am I" Alice tried to explain.

"No not really" I replied. I laughed and so did everyone else. Alice laughed to but then she must have seen something coming as all her joking around stopped.

"NO!" dad shouted.

"It's to late; we cant do anything" Alice replied calmly.

"Alice what did you see?" Carlisle asked calmly

"She's-so-young"