Its quite wonderful to see people enjoying my stories again. I'm glad I could be of service to you, my beloved readers. I also appreciate the reviews you've given me - they're quite encouraging. :)

Now, then, onto Chapter 3.

This one will just be a few quick shorts. I like to call them "What If...?" stories. The title says it all, really.

Disclaimer: Ich nicht besitze Hellsing, oder die rechtes zu Hellsing.

(Thank you, German 101... Yes, I'm actually taking German in college. How cool is that?! )

WHAT IF... History Repeated Itself?

As Operation Sea Lion II was well under way, Schrodinger couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. As he stood in the corner of the control room, watching the Major enjoy his final moment of glory, he couldn't shake a small feeling of worry that kept bugging him in the back of his mind. Clearly, this bothersome feeling made itself clear on his face, for after a short while, Schrodinger suddenly found himself standing in the shadow of the Captain. The tall Werewolf officer looked down on the small cat-boy, with only his eyes visible behind his collar and cap. The silent look in them said it clearly: "Is there something bothering you?"

"I... I can't help but feel a bit vorried about something..." Schrodinger shrugged awkwardly, feeling nervous about voicing his opinion.

The Captain arched an eyebrow. This translated into "What is it?" in Captain-speak.

"Vell... Ve're in ze Hindenburg II, right?" Schrodinger pointed at the floor. The Captain nodded. "And you know vat happened to ze Hindenburg I, jawohl?"

The Captain arched an eyebrow. In Captain-speak, this translated into: "But wasn't the Hindenburg filled with uber-explosive gases, due to a shortage of the usual gases used due to economic sanctions? I believe it was... Helium?"

"Nein, actually!" Dok suddenly interrupted as he casually passed by with a video camera. Apparently, while recording the moment the Third Reich rose from the ashes, he noticed their conversation... and apparently, he also spoke fluent Captain-speak. "It was supposed to be filled with Helium, but instead it was filled with Hydrogen, which is highly explosive! And to get the genuine feel of things, we filled zis ship with Hydrogen too!"

Schrodinger paled, and the Captain's expression went blank, although his eyebrows were slightly raised. However, his eyes went wide with horror when his super-sensitive ears picked up a voice in the distance asking, "Hey, you think zey'll care if I smoke in here?" followed shortly thereafter by a lighter being flicked.

It was then that many of the people present heard the Captain's true voice for the first and final time.

"OH SH-"

--

High over the skies of the Atlantic Ocean, a sudden fireball lit up the night sky. The flaming wreckage of the Hindenburg II promptly fell into the frigid waters below, and the water soon engulfed and extinguished the flames and the dreams of ever man and woman on board... forever.

Moral of the Story: Don't smoke in an airship full of Hydrogen.

Next story...

WHAT IF... Vampires could tan?

"What's wrong, mon cheri?" Pip snickered playfully, poking a certain blonde Draculina on the top of the head. Seras was sitting in front of a window, staring down at the sunlit grass in front of it. She let out a sad sigh, and looked up at the French mercenary with sorrow-filled eyes.

"I miss the sun..." she whimpered. A small tear began to form along the corner of her eye, and instantly Pip knew he'd poked her at a bad time.

"Oh no, don't get upset, Miss Victoria!" the mercenary patted her on the shoulders, trying to keep her from getting upset. The sight of a crying vampire was something that just didn't seem... right. Especially if the vampire was as cute as Miss Victoria... "At least you don't have to worry about sunburn!" he grinned.

"I'M A BLOODY VAMPIRE, YOU NITWIT!!" Seras suddenly screamed as she pushed the Frenchman away from her, her eyes now brimming with tears. "THE SUN WOULD COOK ME, LET ALONE GIVE ME SUNBURN!!"

"Oh... right..." Pip muttered as he shakily rose to his feet, having been hurled bodily across the room. "Well... hey wait a second! What about the moon?" Pip grinned.

"What about it?" Seras huffed, crossing her arms like a spoiled child. "Its just the moon..."

"But isn't it just as good as the sun? Maybe its not as warm, but its prettier! You can actually look at it, too!" Pip exclaimed cheerfully. He noticed a hint of a smile twitch at Seras' lips, so he kept going. "I mean, the sun is always there... But the moon is only out on certain nights, which makes it special!" Her frown deepened. He needed to think of something better. "Its more romantic to walk in the moonlight than the sunlight!"

This warranted a small giggle from Seras. "I suppose you have a point there... Although, I've never been on a romantic moonlight stroll..." Before Pip could respond, she added: "And no, that was NOT an offer."

"Aw..." the mercenary frowned. "Maybe one day... or night. Whatever!" he grinned.

"Hmph. Dream on..." she rolled her eyes. "Hm... I wonder..." she suddenly looked up at nothing in particular, and scratched her chin. "Could a vampire tan in the moonlight?"

(Several floors down, Alucard's coffin flipped over, and he rolled out of it onto the floor due to his laughter being so intense.)

"I... don't know..." Pip stared at nothing, trying to process how that would work. "Maybe? I mean... the moon is essentially the sun for vampires, I suppose. Perhaps it could work?"

"Maybe I'll try it tonight..." Seras mused, scratching her chin. "Well, I'd best be going. See you later, Mr. Bernadette."

"Au revoir, Miss Victoria..." Pip tipped his hat to her. He then turned to leave.

As the two went their separate ways, both began to ponder on where they had left something. Seras couldn't remember where she'd left her swimsuit, and Pip couldn't remember where he'd left his night-vision goggles.

--

The next day, Seras was as pale as ever. Slightly dejected, she began searching the manor for Pip. When she finally found him, he was watching tv. Or at least, trying to... It was hard to see through two black eyes. "Well, it didn't work..." Seras huffed. She then realized that Pip's face was one giant bruise. "Oh my goodness! What happened?!"

"I... fell..." Pip stammered, several of his teeth missing. "Down some stairs. Yeah... That's it. I feel down some stairs, and landed on my face. Repeatedly."

"Oh..." Seras frowned. "Well... I hope you feel better!" she smiled, turning to leave. Seeing him in worse shape than her made her feel slightly better, at least.

"Me, too..." Pip whimpered, trying to ignore the mocking voice of Alucard in the back of his head.

You should have known better than to spy on her with me around. If it happens again, you'll be recieving more than just three punches...

"Eeeeehhh..." Pip groaned. "Why meeeee?"

Moral of the Story: Vampires can't tan. Especially not in the moonlight.

Well, I hope you enjoyed those two small bits of hilarity. If you have any ideas or suggestions, feel free to let me know!

As always, if its not too much trouble, be nice and write me a review please, would you kindly? :)

-Agent HUNK