Author's note: YO WAZZUP HOMIES!? There are two sole reasons I decided to continue this. 1) It got 2 reviews on the first chapter! I feel pitiful saying this, but hell I'm proud I got that. And 2) I HAVE CINNAMON CRUMB CAKE IN MY FUDGING HOUSE!! 83 That shit tastes too good! Anything else to add...I don't think so. ENJOY!! AND IF YOU FLAME I'LL...NOT GIVE YOU ANY VIRTUAL COOKIES!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA, I'M JUST TOO EVIL!!

By the way, am I the only person in the Universe who's had a dream about an evil wiener dog kidnapping one of their family? I'm curious if anyone has had something similar to that...

WE LAST LEFT OUR HERO'S(Hero's...hm, I'm curious if we can be considered that) WHEN THIS HAPPENED: My hair whipping everywhere, I pouted and crossed my arms."Is this the end of our snowball war?"

Ichigo gave me that stared that told me 'Shut up before I make you shut up.' Violent much? I suggested,"Maybe we can use one of those movie methods of stopping a giant black hole from sucking up the entire known and unknown Universe. Like in that Fairly Odd Parents movie Wishology whenever they somehow used a boom box and nine hundred pounds of cocktail weenies." Everyone stared at me in disbelief."So what? I watch cartoons. You don't like it, then kiss my ass."

"Well gee, Salem, that's the best idea you've had all year," Ichigo scoffed."However, we don't have NINE HUNDRED POUNDS OF COCKTAIL WEENIES OR A BOOM BOX DAMMIT! HOW WOULD THAT STOP AND EFFING BLACK HOLE ANYWAY!?"

"I DUNNO, BUT IT WORKED FOR TIMMY TURNER!!"

"AND WHO THE FUCK IS TIMMY TURNER!?"

I gasped then snarled,"You sicken me!" Ichigo gave me that million dollar 'What the fucking hell?' face, and I turned to the problem at hand."MY DEAREST COMRADES, I MUST ASK YOU ALL SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT!!" They all stared at me for a moment as I built dramatic tension like the awesome kick ass writer I am."Anyone got any ideas?" They all groaned. Our impending doom was upon us evidently. Oh the undying joy(BWHAHAHAHAHA HANA I'M USING YOUR SAYING!! Sorry, friend of mine...).

Suddenly(that word is used a lot by me isn't it?)there was a convenient kit that said, in bold print,'HOW TO STOP A SUPER MASSIVE BLACK HOLE FROM KILLING EVERYONE AROUND YOU AND YOURSELF FLIP TO OTHER SIDE FOR MORE DETAILS' Being curious, I flipped it. The other side read in medium sized print,'Made in U.S.A.-'then in itsy bitsy print,'China'. Damn Americans, trying to make everyone think they make their own damn products. U.S.A. is a big city in China that made a lot of products, right? I wondered while opening the kit. I don't think anyone else noticed me yet. To preoccupied with their impending doom. Gosh.

Inside was a bottle of gorilla glue."Dammit...I thought the Chinese were good at this shit(no offense intended to Chinese peeps CALM THE FUDGE DOWN)," I scoffed, glaring."SCREW THIS GLUE!" I grabbed the gorilla glue and threw it into the black hole thinking Heh...rhyme. And then the black hole was sucked into something else and the gorilla glue bottle fell into the snow with a soft thud. I stared at it for a few seconds and yelled,"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"

"I think the gorilla glue bottle sucked in the black hole...this story so screwed up." That was Shiro-kun F.Y.I.

I blinked."I didn't plan on that...but I'm not dead. Thus I have no reason to complain," I said, walking over to the gorilla glue and picking it up. Wow, I must've been high to think of that...whatever!"LET US CONTINUE OUR SNOWBALL WAR!!" I then proceeded to throw a snowball right into Ichigo's mouth.

"PEH-BLEH-ACK!! WHY IS EVERYONE THROWING SNOWBALLS AT ME!? WHEN DID I BECOME THE MAIN TARGET, HUH!?" Ichigo yelled, spitting on the parts of the snowball that weren't melted already. Everyone except our dear Strawberry looked at me, smirked evil-ish-ly, and began rapidly pelting Ichigo with snowballs.

"Hmm...why do I feel this story is about to take another odd twist...?" I muttered to no one. Dark clouds began forming above as I, everyone's favorite main character(=3),dramatically glared at the sky with growing worry. Just when you think everything is normal then...BOOM! Then again it would be boring without BOOM's, you know? The wind began to blow softly, but turned into a very violent gust. As in 'Surrender Dorothy!!' bad.

"MWHAHAHAHAHA!!" A voice came from the sky, deep and horrible. Everyone dramatically turned to look at the new swirl of black clouds. This is turning out like one of those bad suspense/drama movies...nyah..."MWHAHAHAHA-AGH! OH SH-" There came a fit of coughing and choking with some inserted swear words. It finally stopped after a good two minutes of my life that I shall never get back.

"Kenny don't choke! It's impolite!"

"OH GOD NO!!" I yelled, grabbing the hilt of my zanpaktou."FOR THE LOVE OF-WHO PUT HIM IN THIS STORY!?"

"YOU DID!" everyone yelled in unison.

"...Well!" I pulled out my zanpaktou one-handed, glaring at the sky."Yakedo no Shi, Miko.(Burn to Death, Crimson Truth)" Miko glowed crimson, and everyone backed away a good few feet.

Kenpachi landed on the ground with Yachiru clinging to his shoulder like a monkey."Whoa, whoa, I'm not here to sword fight."

Everyone froze. Many had their own odd reactions, but here's mine(cause I matter more...heehee...): My jaw dropped, my eyes grew, and I twitched."Who-the hell-ARE YOU!?" I screamed, shoving my zanpaktou inches from his nose.

"Kenpachi Zaraki, Captain of Eleventh division," he said, staring at me."Salem, we can't go through this EVERY SINGLE TIME I see you."

I groaned."That's not ME who does that. That's Ichi-chan!"

"WHOA WHOA SINCE WHEN AM I ICHI-CHAN!?"

"Since five seconds ago," I said, sticking my tongue out."Nyah nyah nyah! Watcha' gonna do 'bout that, Ichi-chan!"

"YOU'RE SO SCREWED!!"

"Oh Ichi-chan! You're so naughty! Bad boy!" I laughed manically. This caused a unnamed two to have nose bleeds. AHEMURYUUANDSHUUHEIAHEM!! I'm innocent...

"YOU SICKO!! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!"

"You're TRYING to give me ideas, aren't you? Eh Ichi-chan?" I flicked his nose and turned my attention back to Kenpachi."Okay, Kenny-IF that's your real name. I'm curious. What are you here for?"

"I'm here to end this story." I blinked. Whaaaa?"This story is so boring it needs to be ended."

"WHAT!?" I yelled in rage."Hey, this story is plenty interesting!"

"Then name something."

"Okay, the whole freaking thing." I smirked proudly and crossed my arms."I hath said it, and now it is LAW!"

"Wow, that's TOTALLY not conceited of you Salem," Uryuu said. I didn't reply. Why should I care what homos like him think of my story? OOOOOO BURNED!!

"Time to end it," he said. Suddenly I realized something. The widest grin in history strectched from my one ear to another as I faced Kenpachi."Whoa dude. That's not right..my grin doesn't even stretch that far." (By the way, how DOES he grin like that? Wouldn't it hurt...?)

"You cannot end it because I'm in control. What are you gonna do?"

"Rip the screen in half like they seem to be able to do on the old cartoons."

"HA! THIS IS THE NEW AGE, OLDY!! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!"

He grimaced at "Oldy". Then after a few hours of yelling random things at one another(Ex.: "ASS WIPE!!" "BITCH!!" Blah blah blah...), Kenpachi and I decided to try to slice each other to ribbons. Cause, you know, we needed to scream at each other for hours on end and torture everyone around us before we killed each other.

"Fifty bucks on Salem!" Shuuhei yelled, watching as our fight progressed.

"Hundred on Kenpachi!" Rangiku challenged with a smirk.

"QUIT IT GUYS!!" Ichigo yelled."THIS FAN FIC ISN'T WORTH KILLING EACH OTHER OVER!!"

"WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON ICHI-CHAN!?" I yelled, barely dodging Kenpachi's(XD Spell check suggested Gazpacho's) near slice to my poor shoulder."ARE YOU SUGGESTING THIS SUCKS!?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and decided not to get any further involved. Now, I was going to make me win, but that seemed much to conceited. I mean suddenly I'm going to be stronger than everyone including the Captain of first division and rule the Soul Society. I promise people, I'm not THAT much of a bitch. Slight bitch but not that much. So skipping forward to my overly dramatic defeat.

The cold unforgiving wind gusted around me as it made me wounds burn much worse. As if in slow motion, I fell into the icy ground. All the snow around me slowly turned blood red as I panted and bled. My vision becoming blurry, I closed my eyes to the world. Wishing it would fade. Pain and all...

PSYCHE!!

Phft! As if I could do something that dramatic in an effing parody. Plus that's depressing, wouldn't you agree? Of course you would! (Note: I apologize for writing this part as author author not character as author. =3 See I apologized. I'm such a saint...)

Ken had that weirdo huge ass grin on his face. The one that makes him look like the most psychotic serial killer in the whole freaking universe. Yeah, that one. He stepped on me(did I mention I was collapsed and conscious on the ground?) and said,"Has this game come to an end? How boring."

"Boring? Jeez, I was fighting you for a few hours. Conflict-hungry asshole. Either way, I'm not finished. Thank you very fucking much!" I think he forgot what he came here to do...

"Oh yeah! I'm just making this run longer! Oops." DAMMIT!! "Whatever. Now this ends..."

DUN DUN DUN!! IT'S A CLIFFY!! Which I know you all love. =3 Even though it is in no way dramatic or leaving you hungry for more. I actually started this right after I finished the first. XD Just proves how freaking lazy I am. And I felt like adding Kenpachi cause I couldn't think of any other way to keep it going. Which is quiet ironic now that I think about it...Don't expect the next chapter anytime soon. Though I will be making it. Just super duper slow as freaking usual. Oh yeah, and the cinnamon crumb cake was gone much before I finished this. =( Makes me wish I had more right now...OH WELL!! REVIEWS ARE ENJOYED!! OR SALEM-CHAN WILL GO FROWNY FROWN!! DX AND SALEM-CHAN DOESN'T WANT TO GO FROWNY FROWN!! BYEZ!!