This chapter's for Kat, who wouldn't let me quit, and Abuhin for giving me just about the nicest review ever.

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and your smell, it sticks to my clothes

Good Together; Teenager

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Hartford; 2012

There is a distinct lack of comfort after the two of them mange to get away from Paige that is almost audible.

Justin figures that if there were truly a way to convert feelings into sound, the air around him and Alex as they walk back up to their assigned rooms would, in his opinion, have the palpable echo of a thudding heartbeat, racing with the all adrenaline behind fear.

Side by side they make their way up through the labyrinth of a house, the noise of happy revelers below floating up to them.

He's not really sure what he expects to happen when they reach the door, but Alex walking in with quick strides in her too tall shoes like she's on fire certainly isn't it. Paige had told them that her relatives had a tendency to get lost when they'd had too much to drink, and advised them to lock their door. It was with that piece of advice in mind that Justin flicks the lock shut, hearing the tiny snick sound reverb inside his head.

He's not positive, but he thinks he sees Alex jump when she hears it.

She begins silently taking clothes out of the dresser across from the bed, first a pair of pajama bottoms that he recognizes, followed by an old shirt of his that she claimed before he left for college, going as far as to grab it out of his suitcase when he was packing.

It had been oddly sweet at the time. Confusing, but sweet.

Just as quiet, Justin walks to his side of the room, brushing past her and feeling the tension in her small frame, and pulls a pair of pajamas from the closet. He risks a glance up when the sound of her heels clacking along the hardwood floors reach his ears and finds her standing beside the nightstand on her side of the bed, back to him, removing her jewelry and sparkly hair thingies. The image makes him pause; her dark, dark hair tumbling down between her shoulder blades, obscuring the line of bright lemon yellow of her dress. She kicks her shoes away, loosing 3 inches in height, and turns to pick her clothes up and her eyes meet his.

Justin looks away, his cheeks flaming at being caught staring at her.

"You can, uh, you can go first in the bathroom," he stutters, wanting to curse. He hasn't stuttered in the presence of a girl in years.

She doesn't reply, just walks into the bathroom and shuts the door. Justin blows out a heavy puff of breath he started holding in when Paige bade them goodnight. His breath comes out shaky, nervous, and it almost hurts. He scrubs a hand over his face and begins to get ready for bed; toeing off his shoes and unbuttoning his shirt.

The bathroom door opens with a bang and Justin jumps.

Alex looks outwardly uncertain when she steps back out of the bathroom, still wearing her yellow dress, flushed and jittery, making small movements like she's second guessing what she's about to do. Her eyes though, the most obvious give away she has of her true feeling despite whatever her mouth may be saying, could almost be described as glowing they're so bright. Bright and anxious and determined.

There's a moment of inner debate going on in Justin's head. He doesn't know what she's going to do and therefore, doesn't know how to react. So he simply stands, unprepared and stock still, watching her wring her hands as she lets those big eyes of hers search his face.

"Alex…?" The quiet finally gets to him, and Justin begins to walk towards her. He's beginning to get a little scared here.

Meeting him halfway-the foot of the bed to be precise-she looks up at him, an expression of trepidation creeping its way into her eyes, dimming them. She's having an inner battle of her own he realizes, seeing her shake her head and close her eyes briefly, before she fixes a very pointed look on him.

The same look she used to get right before she had to explain to their father why Max was dangling from the ceiling or had purple hair.

When she acts, Justin couldn't be less surprised.

It wasn't like he was expecting her to reach out and take hold of his collar, to pull his face down to hers, to kiss him like she needed him more than oxygen.

Is he taken aback? Yes. Upset? No. Worried? He's not sure.

He is, however, a little too startled to react. At least at first. But then Alex seems to calm down, and the bruising force of her lips lighten up a little bit. She winds her arms around his neck, pressing herself into him, and he feels the tension leave both their bodies at once.

Maybe it is as wrong as they both know (and ignore) it to be, but he decides to just go with it.

Tangling a hand in the hair at the back of her head, Justin tilts her head to the side, the angle letting him deepen the kiss, the other hand sliding up her spine to settle on the back of her neck.

Some sort of noise makes its way out Alex's throat-something between a moan and a gasp; he feels it through every point of contact between their bodies. His grip on her tightens.

In the back of his mind he feels Alex's hands sliding forward; over his shoulders and down his chest, but it doesn't fully register until her fingers tangle in the fabric of his t-shirt and start pushing it up.

He hadn't even realized his dress shirt was gone.

Just like he didn't realize Alex was walking him backwards until the back of his legs hit the edge of the bed and he sits down to keep from falling down.

Her hands go into his hair as she tilts his head back, taking the lead for the moment before finally pulling away for a much needed breath. Justin raises his arms to let her pull his bunched shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere on the floor behind her. He watches her take her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes on him and a look on her face that's making his body temperature soar, a strong flush rising up her neck to her cheeks.

Justin's hands are settled on her hips. He rubs just a little, feeling the soft material and the warmth of her skin underneath. Alex likes that-he sees it in the way the corners of her lips turn up and he grins in response.

Alex's fingers are still tangled in his hair, he feels them threading, tugging just enough for him to notice, and she tilts his head back even further. Her lips fall on his again and the rustle of fabric against fabric tells him she's moving closer into him before he feels her mold her body into his, until she's flush against him and still pushing as he falls onto his back on the elaborate quilt.

And just as Alex has always taken the lead in about pretty much everything in their lives, she takes the lead here and Justin allows himself to be pressed him back into the pillows while she stretches her body out atop his.

Though he wouldn't consider himself a ladies man by any means, this isn't exactly unfamiliar territory for him. Yet it feels different somehow. More innocent maybe. Cautious. The way a first time is supposed to feel-even if its not the first time.

Things begin to fuzzy and things get steamier, and his brain momentarily shuts down as his body takes over. Hands begin wandering, lips following in their wake, and it just all feels good.

Then Alex's hand finds its way to his belt buckle and the inner panic button in Justin's head goes off.

"Whoa." Startled eyes meet his when he takes hold of her wrist. She pushes herself up and away from him, giving him the much needed space to think with his big brain.

Pushing her hair away from her face, Alex takes a few deep breaths before speaking. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he tries to reassure her by rubbing his hands along her arms. "I just think we should slow down."

10 seconds ago, Justin would never think he could imagine Alex looking as lethal as she begins to look. The flush on her face deepens to an almost angry color and she jerks away from him roughly, jaw clenched as she slides off him and stands beside the bed.

"You know, Justin," she spits the word out like they taste bad. "You're the only guy I know who objects when the girl he's dating tries to get him naked."

Ouch. That stings more than he though words could.

Sliding over to the edge, he sits up and takes one of her hands tentatively in his. "I'm thinking of you here," he tells her.

She pulls her hand away, gentler than before and tucks the ends of her disheveled hair behind her back. "I'm thinking of both of us," she whispers, blush renewing itself in her cheeks.

His reaction isn't immediate because honestly, he's not sure he's really seeing what he is, but he finally snaps back to focus when Alex has the side zipper of her dress halfway down.

Justin jumps up, a 'stop' falling from his mouth before he can stop it.

Alex takes a step back, stunned at his outburst. She takes on a wounded expression that breaks Justin's heart into a million pieces and she blinks rapidly like she's trying to quell the flow of tears he can plainly see rising in her eyes. Without another word she stalks into the bathroom and slams the door.

Of course she locked it. Why he even bothered to try to turn the knob is beyond him, but Justin does before tapping his palm against the wood a few times. "Alex," he says, "I'm sorry. I…it didn't come out right."

"You're lucky I don't have my wand," she yells out and he breaths a sigh of relief. Its only when she's really, really hurt or angry that she gives him the silent treatment.

He fights the urge to laugh. "I know. You just…you caught me off guard. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

He hears her scoff. "You didn't," she says, with pretty much no conviction behind her words.

Laying his palm against the surface, Justin speaks softer, hoping she can hear him. "Its not that I don't want to, Alex. I just feel like we were kind of trying to prove a point there."

She doesn't say anything. His nerves start to tingle.

"We've been so careful about all of this, and it carried over I guess. We're in such unfamiliar territory here…I don't know, it felt like going from zero to sixty if that makes any sense."

The door opens. Justin steps back, moving out of her way so she can walk back into the bedroom.

"It does," Alex whispers and he's so relieved she's out that it doesn't compute for a second. Then she moves into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face into his chest. His own arms move to encircle her back on instinct. "I think I had a 'now or never' moment there," she mumbles into his skin. "I just wanted to let you know that I wanted to."

Justin is careful not to let her know how much her words affect him. Because they do. He is so very affected but this is the right thing. If they ever go there, he wants it to be right, with no regrets tainting it.

He owes her that.

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Washington; 2018

Blood rushing through his veins (yes, he can feel it) and airway constricting, Justin searches Alex's eyes, letting his lips hover where they are; inches from hers, exchanging heavy pants of breath.

"This is a bad idea…" Alex whispers and her eyes drop down to his lips, making him tingle like she's touching him. Her gaze is that heavy.

Justin licks his lips in hopes of curing his dry mouth. She's right, he knows she's right. But that tiny bit of logic doesn't do much to quell the onslaught of yearning attacking him. He feels his common sense being squashed down to a place in his head where it can be easily ignored, rapidly getting replaced by the same notions that started this entire situation. "I know."

They stay that way for several seconds, each simultaneously too absorbed to move away and too hesitant to close the scant distance between them.

"Can I ask you something?" Alex's voice is little more than air and he feels it ghost his skin. It takes every ounce of willpower Justin possesses to nod his head. "When you think about that summer, what do you remember?"

Loaded question, and he sifts through his brain for all the recollections (and there are many) of the events that unfolded during those weeks. There is much, more than he was conscious of when they were unfolding around him, and its hard to pick out any one specific moment in the collection. Each one is equally precious to him and he's carried them around in his heart for five and a half years, so guarded that talking about them, even with the only other person who shares them, is difficult.

"It's not…really just one moment in particular." Words are forming in his mouth and they feel foreign coming out. "It's more like…I felt good." Alex tilts her head to the side, perplexed. His fingers twitch while his clouded mind struggle to conjure the right descriptions. "Even though we were sneaking around and lying to everyone…it still felt… good. Being with you, it made me happy."

It feels like he's fallen short of the true nature of his emotional state back then, but its all he can come up with at the moment. "I'm not explaining it right." He turns his neck sideways and lets his head drop back to the couch.

He feels the couch shift and Alex scoots down. If he turned his head back to his previous position he would be looking her right in the eye again.

Letting his gaze flick over her face while she stares into the fireplace, he returns her question. "What do you remember?"

"I remember that night, that first night, when we fell asleep in the lair." There is hesitation in her words, no deep thought like he'd had. "I'm not sure when I started thinking of you in that way, but I was so sure that I was going to gross you out." She's still not looking at him, but the even tone of her voice tells him that his sister is trying desperately to keep herself, her emotions, in check as she speaks. "I walked by your room one morning and you were just sitting there, on your bed, tying your shoes, and it didn't feel like looking at my brother anymore. I was looking at this guy I'd known my whole life," Justin finally feels her facing him and he meets her eyes full on. "But it felt like seeing someone for the first time."

She pauses and takes a deep breath. "And it all sort of…snowballed? I guess is the word, from there."

"It was like that for me," he admits. "Once I realized that there was no going back, and I let myself see things for what they were, it just kept growing until…" His voice trails off. He squeezes his eyes shut, tight, and stars explode behind his eyelids.

A small chuckle emits from Alex's throat. "We really made a mess of things, didn't we?"

"I think that's pretty much a given," he mutters darkly.

She sits up, face impassive, and swings her legs down to the floor. Holding out a hand, she motions for him to take it. "Justin, come here."

Full of trepidation, Justin wraps his fingers around Alex's smaller ones and rises up off the floor to sit beside her on the couch.

With a deep breath, she starts talking, laying Justin's open hand palm up on her leg and tracing the lines with her fingertip. "Justin, you're my brother, and I love you, but I need to know if that's enough for you."

He'd been watching her finger skim its way along the contours of his hand, but now he looks into the face of a woman he barely knows, once a girl he knew better than he knew himself, and he knows, knows, knows that this is his sister and he loves her in every way he's supposed to and in all the ways he's not and right now, there is definitely one side tipping the scales.

But he has to be the strong one here.

"It has to be."

She expels a deep breath, overlaid with a sob, and clutches at his hand, fingers gripping his vice tight.

Tears spill over Alex's cheek, streaking down her skin like water over terracotta porcelain. She looks at him, imploring, pleading with her eyes. "Does it?" she breaths and her voice is raspy, hoarse, and so unlike her. It breaks his heart all over again into a thousand pieces and he can't take it any more.

Snaking a hand into the tangle of curls at the back of her head, Justin tugs her forward into a heated kiss, full of want and need, tugging at her lower lip with his teeth before taking the briefest of seconds to shudder a pant of air against her cheek, then kiss her again with every intention of letting her know he's never wanted anything more.

Her hands go to his cheeks, cupping his face, and pulling him as close as she possibly can, opening her mouth under his with a tiny moan.

They end up tangled on the couch, Justin laying back against Alex's heap of throw pillows with her on top of him, hands everywhere from his hair to his chest and back again, mouth moving down his neck.

Greedy fingers roam over the skin of her upper back, bared between the thin straps of the top she'd worn to bed. Down, and back up under the cotton, splaying unrestricted across her shoulder blades.

Never would have Justin have guessed that he would dare to kiss Alex again. Never, when the memories of their initial outing and the aftermath still fresh in his brain, would he guess that she would allow him to; to kiss her, touch her, mold her against him and pour every single pent up emotion he'd been repressing out against her skin.

She moves over him, sitting up and dragging her hands heavily down his chest, feeling the ridges of his body in comparison to the body he'd had the last time they'd let themselves get this close. Gulping in air, Justin watches her, his eyes hot, as she takes stock of him when she pulls his shirt over his head and begins her inventory anew. Shifting over him, Alex leans down slow, hands moving to either side of his head, and her hair falls in a thick curtain around their faces. The bottom of her top has ridden up, and when the exposed strip of her stomach lays against his own abdomen, he sucks in a hard breath and turns them over so he's hovering over her.

Justin watches her eyes slip shut when he digs his fingers into the skin over her ribs, flexing his fingers until they touch where her hipbones jut out above the waistband of her pajama bottoms. Her back arches, and she opens her eyes to give him a lazy, languid look of contentment. If she were a cat, Justin thinks, this is the moment she would start purring. Feeling bold, he lowers himself down on his hands and places an open kiss on the fluttering pulse in her neck.

Alex's fingernails embed themselves into the back of his neck, and she loops a leg around his waist, hitching their hips together. His eyes threaten to roll back in his head. He groans, dropping his forehead to her collarbone. He runs his nose along the line of the bone, and the smell of her skin invades his senses.

God, she still smells of the same perfume and moisturizers and whatever else girls use that smell so delicious.

"Justin…"

He feels it; the vibration transferring from her skin to his and out of the corner of his eye he catches sight of that sketch; Alex's red dress, a reminder of what led them here now, and he's catapulted back in time, swimming in memories of salsa music, a wedding on the beach, shooting stars giving way to looks of horror on the faces of his family.

Is he really willing to break that trust? Again?

With extreme effort, Justin wrenches himself away from Alex and stands over her in front of the couch.

She gapes up at him, face flushed, clearly stunned when he pulls his shirt back over his head.

He fumbled for his shoes, jerking them on in a rush-not even sure he was putting them on the right feet. "I'm sorry, Alex. I just…"

Watching as her chin starts to quiver, Justin turns away, heading out the front door before he does more damage than he already has.

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