This chapter was a bitch to write. Here's hoping it reads better.
…0…
once I had it right, it was all too late, too late, too late, too little, too late
-Erik Hassle, Hurtful
…0…
New York; 2012
Once the pieces finally come together, it feels like a story told backwards. The ending was already written and all they had left to do was work towards it.
One way or another, it was always already there, just waiting for them to find it.
Justin remembers his mother telling him, from the time he was able to understand the concept of right and wrong, to never lie, to never hide the facts. Because the truth will always out. It will always make itself known. Better to save yourself the mess.
But Justin grew up with Alex and all the many skewed notions of the world she made up as she went.
Alex thinks nothing of lying, of sneaking around, of deceiving people. Even those people she holds in the highest regard. If asked, she'll simply shrug and say that lying is necessary sometimes, in that tone of voice she reserves for those things that, in her mind, should be obvious.
When they were younger, Justin held out hope that some part of what made him the responsible person he was would rub off on his sister and every once in a while he would catch her eye or observe her from a distance and he'd think, just maybe, that it had.
But the day they both simultaneously reach for their wands to place the same memory spell Justin used on Zeke on their mother and her horrible, horrible timing, was when Justin came to the cold realization that Alex was the one who had rubbed off on him.
His fingers wrap around the thin, sturdy wood of his wand first and the tiny burst of light is out there, giving Theresa no time to react while Alex rolls away from him and hides quickly.
No more than two heartbeats pass.
"Justin, have you seen your sister? I've looked all over for her."
Turning his wand over in his fingers because it's a habit he's developed when there's no need for discretion (and a better reason for having it out than the real one) and rolling it between his palms, he forces all the emotion out of his voice before he answers. "Not since yesterday."
"Hmm." Theresa comes over and feels his forehead for errant signs of his mystery illness from the day before and then leaves, telling him that Max got offered some more hours at the garage and they need Alex to work the dinner shift and would he please tell her when he sees her.
Justin nods, cheery fake smile plastered on his face.
A soft rustle accompanies the fading footfalls down the stairs and he turns to see Alex emerging from the closet, a sad look on her face he can't quite decipher.
"I was going to do it," she states simply. Sitting back down on the edge of his bed, Alex tucks her legs up underneath her and takes one of Justin's hands in hers. "You didn't have to do it again."
She's thinking of Zeke and their resulting blowup later on. Justin thinks back on his hateful words and he hates himself for letting something affect him so when he knows, that it was the right thing to do. He knows.
He shrugs and falls back on his bed, head towards the footboard, feet on his pillows. "I didn't even think about it," he tells her, and for a millisecond he could be talking about either situation. "I just…reacted."
Alex stretches her body out along the side of his. Pressing her nose against that hollow spot between his jaw and ear-the one that drives him insane, oh my God-she lays a hand on his chest, fingertips brushing the skin along the edge of his t shirt. "That's called impulse, Justin. I know it's not a concept you're really familiar with, but some people are what they call spontaneous and-"
"Ha, ha," he says dryly, earning a cheeky smile from her, tongue poking between her teeth. "If you're finished mocking me-"
Alex shakes her head. "Oh, never."
He groans, dramatically, playfully, and throws his hand over his eyes. Justin appreciates Alex's attempts to make him feel better, less responsible, more than he can ever put into words.
Never having been one to shy away from expressing of emotion, Justin noticed that as Alex got older, she got more private; keeping things easily compartmentalized in her life so that few ever actually knew what was going on in her head.
He used to be thankful for that.
Now though, now Justin wants to know what Alex is thinking. He wants to ask her, to talk to her, and just be able to sit and have a conversation without the jokes and teasing or the yelling of accusations. There's never really been a middle ground for them. In such different ways, they are both extreme people. They run at things full tilt and they don't back down.
But they do band together and they have always been able to latch on to the other in the most desperate of times.
There must, Justin thinks, be some type of happy medium somewhere between disaster and avoidance.
…0…
They spend the night before the battle on top of the bridge again, quiet, but edgy all the same and neither one of them dares to speak about what's really on their minds.
So they distract themselves.
Afraid to admit that he's scared out of his mind, Justin lets Alex roll him over on top of the mound of pillows and blankets they've got spread out.
Even though its summer and just walking down the street is enough to make anyone break a sweat, being on top of the bridge is cool bordering on cold, especially when the wind kicks in. As soon as Alex has his shirt off he hisses at the icy feeling across his heated skin and she laughs. "Sorry."
"No, its okay. Just…cold."
His hands come to settle on the curve of her hips and she smiles down at him, almost shy, and leans in, closer, closer.
And this time, when her palm drifts lower, he doesn't stop her.
…0…
The competition is set to begin at sundown and the entire apartment is filled with tension. Theresa cleans everything, Jerry spends the day reminding them of spells and potions and whatever else he thinks they might get tested on. The shop is closed, the sign on the front door saying they'll be open again the next day.
Max is listening to his iPod out on the balcony, trying to tune out the world and pouting a little as well Justin suspects. He had wanted to go into the garage for the day but their father wouldn't hear of it. He wants them all there for a reason they're not entirely sure of. Alex joked that he was going to make them scrimmage beforehand and started to explain to Justin that it was a sports term and what it meant before he threw a throw pillow at her.
The two of them are getting some strange looks from their dad, as hard as they try to act normal. But there's a marathon of some fashion reality show on and Alex has the remote hidden somewhere to prevent the channel being changed so that's what they watch. Alex is stretched out on the couch, her feet in Justin's lap and a bowl of popcorn balancing on her knees. He snags handfuls with one hand while he holds his spell book in the other.
It's not so much the couple-like pose that gets the strange looks. It's the fact that they're not arguing, that Justin's not complaining about being used as a footstool, that Alex isn't dumping the kernels all over his lap.
"Alex, are you sure you're prepared?" Jerry asks, a worried look on his face.
She nods, eyes still glued to the television. "Totally."
The corners of Justin's lips twitch. He turns the page in his book, trying not to let on that he found his sister's indifference to the situation sort of endearing and not exasperating as he would have in the past.
His dad casts Justin a pained expression, silently pleading with him. He closes his book and puts the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. "Come on, Alex. Let's go down to the lair and work on potions."
"What?" She props herself up on her elbows and stares at him. "They're about to announce who's going to Paris."
Rolling his eyes, Justin takes her wrist and pulls her up of the couch on the way down the stairs.
"Justin…" she whines.
Once they're down in the shop (out of range of being overheard) he pulls her against his chest. "Dad was about to go nuts up there that you weren't studying."
She snorts and untangles herself from him. "What about Max?"
Justin opens the door to the lair and steps aside so she can go in first. "Dad's been working with Max nonstop for weeks. He's prepared as far as Dad is concerned. You and I are the ones that haven't had lessons with him in a while."
"I think we're prepared enough." She flops onto the bench, observing as he quietly gathers ingredients and a small cauldron, lights a fire under it, with such focus. "Are we really going to make potions? Justin, even if we do lose our powers that's one thing we're always going to be able to do."
"Exactly." He grins at her, so big his gums show and she shakes her head at the brilliant simplicity of his idea.
She joins him at the table, sitting on the stool beside his and wraps her ankle over his while he adds herbs and water to his makeshift concoction. When she props her chin in her hand and watches him, a fond expression in her eyes, he begins to squirm, and meets her eyes. "What?"
Alex shrugs, a big smile breaking across her face. "Nothing."
He knows better than that. "Alex…"
To Justin's surprise, two twin spots of pink pop up on Alex's cheeks and she ducks her head. A warm, fizzy feeling begins deep inside Justin's body and seeps outward until even his fingers and toes tingle with the emotion and it starts to build upon itself, feeling it burst when he wraps a hand around the back of Alex's neck and pushes his lips onto hers, hard.
She's not surprised and responds eagerly, fingers twisting into the fabric on his shoulders.
He feels the outline of her smile against his mouth, and he pulls her closer so that their knees knock together and he can slip his palm down the bend of her spine to the sliver of warm skin where her shirt's ridden up.
Then her fingers find the top button on his shirt and works it through the opening, moving downwards and his lips fall down to her neck, moving over the soft skin and he hears warning bells in the back of his mind that he's heard before but refused to listen to…
"Hey guys, you still in here?"
They spring apart and before Justin can even react Alex trains her wand on Max and the sparks shoot out and hit him directly in the chest.
He stops, body going rigid for several seconds before he shakes his head. Then his eyes refocus and he gives his siblings the exact same smile he has since he was born. "You guys still working on potions?"
Justin feels Alex deflate beside him, the tension leaving her body. "Yeah." She pulls away from Justin and he is relieved, he honestly is, but he wants to comfort her because he knows how it feels to do what she's just done for someone else and it's a big burden to take on.
His sister isn't that girl who did whatever it took to duck responsibility, who refused to grow up.
"This is most disappointing."
A cold chill creeps over Justin's body as he looks around for the source of the voice.
He knows that voice.
As if appearing from a dream, Professor Crumbs shifts into sight in front of them, hands clasped in front of them, the very picture of judgment.
"What-what's going on?" Max looks back and forth between Justin and Alex and Crumbs with his brow scrunched in confusion. "I thought we were starting at sundown."
The lair door opens again and Jerry and Theresa walk in, Kelbo trailing behind them.
Justin feels like a vice grip is tightening around his chest and the blank yet eerily knowing look on his uncle's face. He couldn't possibly know…
But why is he here? Last they'd heard, he was in the Ukraine somewhere.
"Justin," his father says slowly, "why did your uncle ask your mother and me to come down here?" He notices Crumbs for the first time. "And why is professor Crumbs here so early?"
"Umm…" His mind spins and he looks at Alex, still sitting, frozen, in the same spot.
Crumbs walks forward a few paces and points his wand back at the spot he was standing in. "I think I have someone who can answer that question." With a flick of his wrist, he directs his wand in a downward motion until Jack's form comes into full view.
"Jack?" Theresa's hand goes to her chest in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
Crumbs motions for Kelbo, who asks Jerry and Theresa to sit down.
"Jack," Crumbs begins. "Is a wizard. That's what drew him to working here in the first place. Magic recognizes magic, even when it's hidden." Jerry nods. "I've known Jack's family for quite a few years now, so when he came to me with this problem, I knew he was telling me the truth."
Justin begins to feel sick, but struggles to keep himself from showing the signs of utter terror he feels.
"I don't understand what's going on here." Jerry stands and looks between his children and his brother. "Kelbo, why are you here?"
"As the eldest magical Russo family member," Crumbs answers in Kelbo's stead, "we had to take the problem to him. He has decided what must be done."
"Dad?" Max comes to stand by his father's side. "What are they talking about?"
"I'm not sure…" His turns, fixing a look on his two oldest children who have been strangely silent and sees that both of them are white as death. Alex has her eyes squeezed shut, turned cattycorner like she's trying to hide behind her brother without actually getting behind his body, who is stock still, looking at the floor. "Justin? Alex?"
They say nothing, so he turns back to his own brother. "Kelbo?"
Clearing his throat, Kelbo walks forward and places a hand on Jerry's shoulder. "Jack, as you know, happens to be very fond of Alex." He, and Theresa and Max, nod in confirmation. "And you know, he likes to hang out place he knows she's going to be." Again, they bob their heads. "Well…he saw something he thought Crumbs should know about."
Blindly, Justin's hand finds Alex's and grips tightly.
"Justin," Crumbs begins. "did you, or did you not, use magic on a mortal, in public, risking exposure as a wizard?"
Six sets of eyes, everyone but Alex, fly at him and he feels paralyzed by the heat and weight of accusing, bewildered stares. "I…"
"It wasn't his fault."
Alex has finally reacted; jumping to her feet beside her brother, cheeks red and eyes bright.
"Alex-"
She whirls on him when he tries to silence her. "No, Justin-" Turning back to the group, she goes on. "It was me; I did something I shouldn't and he was just covering for me. And he was behind a curtain." She added the last part quickly, sounding less sincere than Justin knew she was being. In spite of everything else going on, he was touched that she was trying to take the blame off him.
"No one saw him." Her voice falls to a near whisper. "Honest."
"Apparently Jack saw him," Theresa chimes in, "or this wouldn't be happening."
"Well maybe Jack should take a hint stop following me around everywhere I go," Alex seethes.
Justin watches the younger boy shrink back, refusing to meet anyone's gaze. Then he does; he meets Justin's eyes and there is a silent moment in which Justin realizes that, not only did Jack see him cast the spell on Zeke, he also saw why.
This is not good.
Theresa comes over to stand beside her daughter, putting her arm around Alex's shoulders to calm her.
"So what now?" Jerry faces Crumbs, clearly not comfortable with the look on his former teacher's face. "Does Justin have to fulfill some sort of punishment before the competition?"
A look passes between Kelbo and Crumbs. The older man nods, and takes a deep breath. "There isn't going to be a competition, Jerry."
"What?"
They all voice the question, all five of them that have no idea what that means or what could have lead to it.
"Jack," Crumbs says, "thank you for being here. You can go now."
He begins to walk out of the lair, taking a moment to pause and look over his shoulder at the Russo's. "I'm sorry."
"Alex?"
Arms around herself, Alex raises her eyes up to Crumbs.
Justin has never seen his sister look as young, as unsure, as she does right now and he wants nothing more than to make all of this go away for her. But he can't.
"Did you see your brother use magic on a mortal?"
She glances at Justin, checking. He nods, so she answers. "Yes."
Theresa sucks in a breath.
"Did you witness this magic in a public place?"
"Yes, but-"
"Yes or no, Alex," he instructs her. "What spell was it?"
"The memory spell," she whispers.
"Why?"
Justin feels all the color drain from his face. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Alex paling equally.
"Alex?" Kelbo coaxes. "I know it's hard, sweetie. But you have to answer the question." Beside her, Theresa rubs her hand up and down her daughter's arm.
Justin begs Crumbs to let him answer the questions, to leave Alex out of it. "It was me, not her."
"We need all the facts, Justin." Crumbs's hand pats his shoulder in an attempt at comfort and Justin realizes with sick certainty that they know the whole story; Crumbs and Kelbo, they knew exactly what Jack saw before they came here.
Max has been quiet through the ordeal and now he beaks his silence, walking over to his older brother whom he has teased and pranked on more than one occasion, but whom he has always, always respected, always trusted. "Justin, what'd you do?"
"I used a spell on Zeke," Justin announces. "I did it. Alex had nothing to do with any of it. Please." He's tempted to get down on his knees and beg. He would in a heartbeat if he thought it would help. "Dad, please."
Jerry wraps an arm around Alex's other shoulder. "Justin has admitted what he did. Can't we just leave Alex out of this?"
"We could," Crumbs says, "if it weren't for the fact that I witnessed Alex use the same spell myself not even a moment before you entered this room."
Oh God.
He knows what is about to happen here. He knows, can almost see it unfolding in his head, premonition like.
And he is powerless to stop it.
"Alex?" Theresa is concerned, pushing Alex's hair back from her face. "Honey, who did you use the spell on?"
As if in slow motion, Justin watches his sister's eyes raise and land on Max, who takes a step back in surprise, hurt in his eyes. "You used a spell on me?"
"They were down here practicing," Jerry's laugh is meant to sound easy, relieved, but comes out forced and fake and all Justin wants to do is sit down and cry. "It was just an accident." He glances at each of his children in turn. "Right?"
"I'm going to ask one last time," Crumbs states, voice more controlled, more authoritative than Justin has ever heard him. "Alex, why did your brother use a memory spell on the young man you've identified as Zeke?"
Tears begin to slip down Alex's cheeks, her shoulders shaking. She shakes her head and wipes at her face, but says nothing.
And Justin knows why. She's trying to protect him.
He breaks in between his parents and puts his hands on Alex's shoulders. "Alex," he chokes and his throat burns with the words, making them come out raspy. "You don't have to do this, okay? You don't have to say anything else. I'll take care of everything. I promise."
"No," she whispers, and tears fall from her chin onto the skin of his forearm.
"Alex-"
He can only imagine what is going through his parent's heads, through his brother's head, but he can't dwell on that now. He can't spare the time to think about why they're not saying anything, why they're not demanding to know what the two of them aren't saying. Alex never breaks down like this, and it must scare them as much as it does him.
"Justin used the spell on Zeke because Zeke saw me kiss him."
…0…
It all comes out.
He stands and watches the horror cross the faces of his parents, his brother, his uncle, as he and Alex tell them the truth.
They've crossed the line, they've used magic on friends and family whenever they were caught. They have lied to everyone they know.
"No." Theresa stands up, shaking her head. "I don't believe it." Her big dark eyes roam over the face of her children, refusing to believe what they have done, searching for some clue in their expressions to know that it's not true. "They wouldn't."
Kelbo asks for Undo Dust, and he pours it over the head of his sister-in-law after Max hands it to him.
Justin can't look at his mother as the dust works on her and the memory of what she saw comes back to her.
"Oh my God."
He hears the pain in her voice, the disgust. And she begins to cry.
"Max." Kelbo motions for him and then sprinkles the blue glitter on him as well.
When Max doesn't say anything, Justin looks up at his brother and is greeted by a look so angry, so betrayed, that he shudders with the feeling of shame that smacks into him.
"Justin, Alex," Crumbs stands in front of them and extends his hand, "your wands."
"What?" Alex's head shoots up from where she's been caught up in fiddling with her bracelets. "But-"
"Alex." Kelbo intones. "You can't refuse."
Anger coming off her in waves, she pulls her wand out of her back pocket and places it in the hand of Professor Crumbs, taking her fingers away slowly as if she couldn't bear to part with it.
"Justin."
He takes his wand and places it beside his sister's and it feels like a he's just given up a piece of his soul.
"We debated long and hard about what to do," Kelbo tells them all and hands a still sniffling Theresa his handkerchief. "But Justin and Alex, they knew better and while this isn't the worst thing they've ever done," he looks pointedly at his niece, "it's the motives behind it that made our decision, and the fact that it was their own family the two of them have deliberately hurt the most."
"But it wasn't deliberate," Justin interjects.
Crumbs raises his eyebrows. "Oh? Then you weren't under your own cognizance when you used magic on your mother to make her forget witnessing you do something you knew you shouldn't be doing?"
Justin drops his head and says nothing.
"Are they going to be punished?" Jerry speaks up, words clipped. Justin can't imagine how angry his father must be.
"Yes," Crumbs replied. "For the multiple negligent misuses of magic, the potential exposure, and for the complete disregard of the Wizard Code of Conduct in practicing deceptive magics on your own family, Justin and Alex Russo, you are hereby stripped of your powers forever. They shall never be returned to you for clearly, your judgment is not to be trusted."
Justin feels the very second his powers are pulled from his body. There is a dull, hot burning in the center of his chest, replaced by a sharp sting and then a feeling of emptiness.
He's…empty. That's the only word that keeps rolling around in Justin's head. Empty. Empty. Gone. His powers are no longer thrumming through his body with a steady pulse of ancient magic that went back to the beginning of his family. They sit, glowing in the palm of a small, elfin man that Justin used to view as a kindly, grandfather type figure.
And now he doesn't even feel like he's the same person anymore.
Proceeding to strip Alex's powers as well, Crumbs walks forward and instructs Max to extend his palms. He does, placing them directly over the older man's, and his entire body alights as the magic from his brother and sister course through him and he stumbles back, holding his stomach. "Whoa."
"You okay?" Jerry asks.
Max nods and he glances at his siblings, his face unreadable.
Crumbs pats Max on the back and then reaches to take hold of Theresa's hand. "I'm sorry about this."
She says nothing, but Jerry shakes his hand and tells him that he's the one who's sorry, making Justin color in humiliation.
Crumbs leaves, followed by Kelbo who offers to stay and help, but Jerry assures him that he and his wife can handle it.
Justin takes a tentative step, towards his parents, because he thinks standing so close to Alex is not going to help the situation right now even though he'd like nothing more in the universe than to wrap his arms around her and let her cry out the anger and pain he knows she must be feeling, so like his.
"Mom, Dad-"
Theresa cuts him off by holding up her hand. "How could the two of you do something like this? You know better."
He fights the urge to glance over his shoulder at his sister. "Mom, we're sorry."
"Sorry?" Her words do nothing to mask her outrage. "You're sorry? Justin-" she breaks off, and inhales sharply. It's a gesture he recognizes. She's trying to control her anger, trying not to fall on the instincts of saying something she shouldn't. He does the same thing. "There are some things you just don't do. This is one of them."
Justin knows this. Alex knows this. They just…couldn't stop.
"Alex." Jerry doesn't sound as angry as his wife. Maybe some part of him didn't want to believe it; what they've done. He hadn't been witness to the two of them together the way his wife and youngest son were.
She doesn't say anything. Tears begin falling down her face again and Justin moves towards her. It's not a conscious decision. Its instinctual, not something he can control.
"Don't!" Jerry booms and Justin reels as if his father has, not yelled at him, but instead hit him.
Taking a shuddering gasp, Alex turns and flees out of the lair, Theresa chasing after her, and the sound of the restaurant door slamming echoes in the large room.
…0…
Theresa doesn't find Alex. She comes back into the lair alone, saying that Alex ran off into the crowd and she doesn't know which way she went.
Justin gets accusing looks in his direction and he knows that, yes, he deserves them.
That doesn't make handling them any better though and he decides that he just can't right now, so he heads upstairs and locks himself in his room, packing away all the magical paraphernalia he has littered about and shoves the box into the back of his closet.
It's not even dinner time yet, so he knows he's in for another long day of self-imposed solitude. This time though, he knows that no one is going to come in and check on him. He's too far beyond positive that this time 'sick' is a term they have no trouble believing if the looks on their faces mean anything.
God, those looks…they keep replaying in Justin's head like a film on loop that just won't quit, won't even pause.
If he were to walk downstairs right now, Justin is pretty sure he'd find his mother praying quietly. She takes matters of faith very seriously, and the thoughts of her eldest son and daughter entwined must be the absolute worst breach of the morals she's instilled in them their whole lives.
For that, he feels the guiltiest. For going against everything he has been taught by his parents and his church since birth.
He knew better. God help him, he knew better.
Closing his eyes, Justin lays back on his bed and tries to conjure up an image of his sister that doesn't make him want to bash his head against his wall; walking her to school in third grade and tugging on her high ponytail when it bounced, of letting her stand on his back so she would be tall enough to sneak cookies out of the tall cupboard over the refrigerator, anything.
Only…he can't. He has a lifetime of simple, innocent memories of their childhood to draw upon and none of them are working. The past few weeks of heated moments have overridden them to the point where he can't separate Alex, his sister, from Alex, the girl haunting his every waking moment.
The two of them have never discussed what they were going to do after. The thoughts of the battle had been ignored purposely. He let the planning of a future after the summer was over stay off in that future, refusing to wonder what they were going to do when he was back in Virginia and she was still here in New York.
What could they do? Long distance dating? Furtive emails and phone calls?
He knows what he has to do. There really is only one option.
But that doesn't make it any easier.
…0…
Justin walks slowly down the stairs of his childhood home, feet heavy as lead. His parents are sitting at the dining room table. They look up at him when he stops in front of them, but say nothing, not even about the luggage he has with him.
They had to have known something like this would happen. They'll never be comfortable seeing him around Alex after yesterday, and he doesn't blame them for it. He's also tired of the worrying about the pain he's going to cause them, the pain he's already caused them, with his selfishness.
Without another word, he leaves the house key he's had since he was eight years old on the shelf and walks out the front door.
"Justin!"
He stops, hands gripping the handles of his bags.
Max comes up in front of him, still in his pajamas. "Weren't you even gonna say goodbye?"
"Its better this way, Max."
"Better?" He spit's the word out like it's bitter, or hot, like it burns his mouth. "For who?"
Justin sighs heavily, weary of it all. "Max…"
"No!" his younger brother explodes. "That's crap, Justin, and you know it. You're just…" He throws a hand up, making a disgusted face. "You're a coward."
Sucking in a sharp breath, Justin walks past him. He knows it's the truth, but hearing it from the mouth of his little brother doesn't make hearing it any easier.
"What about Alex?" Max calls after him.
Justin stops and turns back to his brother, not saying anything.
"How is she going to feel when she comes home and you're gone?" Max demands. "You don't think its going to hurt her that you didn't even bother to say goodbye to her?"
"She'll understand," Justin assures him.
Max walks towards his older brother, where he stands on the steps leading up and out of Waverly Place. With no warning, Max rears back and Justin feels an eruption of pain as Max's fist connects with his jaw.
Shaking his head, and his fist, Max turns his back on Justin and walks back into the Sub Station.
Fighting back tears that have nothing to do with the ache in the lower part of his face, Justin glances around the street he grew up on before making his way to the subway, and eventually the airport, rosary clasped in his palm, praying that someday, someday, his family will forgive him.
…0…