As long as forever is through I will get over you

Life was totally was like all I was capable of was to be there . Be there, be numb , be nothing ,be in pain. The kind of pain you feel when acid is thrown straight in your face , the kind of pain you would feel when thousands of tonnes of a construction crane treads on you. It was worse then my Vampire transformation, worse than when I met Bella for the first time , it was the worst pain anyone ever suffered from.

My exsistence did not mean anything to me anymore . I would have put a stop to it, put a stop to the pain if it wasn't for me then for Clarlisle , Esme and my family.

.

Wholly unto myself
I exist

That's all that I probably do

I wrap no soul
In my embrace.

I am all alone
Between failure
And frustration.

I am the red thread
Between
Nothingness
And Eternity.

Little had I perceived what solitude is, and how far it extends

For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,

and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love. No Bella. It had been three years since I had deserted her, not only her but my physically stationary heart, my soul, my being. I do believe now that we vampires have souls, how could anyone feel this kind of agony if the soul was absent. This unbearable pain was gradually destroying me, burning away my vampire strength, step by step, leaving a weak and tarnished Edward behind. I was an alien even to my body because I did not belong here, here in the wild jungles of Africa. My world was back there in Forks Thousands of miles away . And I did not even get a glimpse of it, I did not know what condition it was in ….but it was impossible to stop thinking about it.I thought I could not love Bella more than the time when I had been with her, but now it just seemed to get deeper. Bella was all I wanted and all I couldn't have. Every part of me craved for her. Bella was really my personal drug, but it was not her blood it that i lusted for … it was her love, her warmth, her softness, that i was addicted to. But whom could I blame apart from myself ?

Why did I have to love Bella so much that it hurt to even be away for a second ? Whom could I blame but myself for going away? Whom could I blame but myself for being so wrong for her ?

***

'Edward', Esme was calling me..

But I just didnt feel like bothering to go speak to her. I would just make her feel more morose. She hadn't really smiled sice 3 years. No one in my family had. But whom could I blame but me ? I did not even deserve one tenth of their love. Even Rosalie had tried to persuade me to go back to that insignificant human girl.

'Edward'

But she had something important to discuss. So I pushed myself out of the black sofa and went to the living room. Everyone else was already there, waiting anxiously for me.

Here he comes,what does he think he is? Can't he just go back to Fork ,why does he have to spoil this for everyone else? Rosalie thought.

Carslisle - Edward, son, I really don't understand how you feel .But I would do anything I possibly can to help you. To get you out of your suffering .God give me some way to help him.

Ed bro why are you making yourself so miserable? Just go get her. SHE is yours bro! All you have to do is make her more durable. Why are you so sucked up about it? Emmet was thinking

Edward. I miss Bells so much. She is my sister in the true sense. Get her back. I would have done so mysef if it werent for you. She loves you. She will never regret being a part of our family. Edward please !!!!! ,Alice was inwardly frowning

Hey brother I know how you feel .I am trying my best to help you but you are not ready to even take it in .Its unbearable to see you suffer this way Ed .Jasper was thinking in a desperate tone.

Edward,dear I dont know what am I supposed to do? .How can I put your life back to track ? I would do anything to reduce his God Why are you doing this to my son ? Esme was holding back a tearless sob.

That was always how everyone felt about me when I entered their thoughts.

Not giving me time to ponder over their grief, Clarlisle spoke

''We are gathered here to share some excitig news !

Well what is it?

Three guesses…

A resort in Mauritius ?

Far away

The Lamborghini Reventon?

No

A trip to Mongolia?

I am disappointed.

''Okay dad what ?''

.

We are planning to back to the States in a few days. I hope all of you are okay with it ?

''Obviously'' all the others said in unision

Carlisle looked at me sceptically. Son if you dont feel like it ,Well probably just stay here and relax from some more time.

But I knew he was longing to return .Even though it was perfectly hidden behind his comforting words. He would never talk about going back if I said no, but I wasn't going to destroy their happiness any longer. I would be the same here or there.

''I am in if we are not within 1000 mile radius of Forks'' .

Well I was thinking of Massachuttus, Its rainy and a good more than 2000 miles away from Forks too. I got a job in Cambridge in the city Hospital, so all of you can attend Harvard Law College. Neither of you have done law yet so maybe you will enjoy it !''

''Well thanks Carlisle''

''Harvard sounds like a nice place.''

''We all are ready for this Clarlisle''

Well then what are you waiting for ? Go get your things packed. We are leaving the day after tomorrow.

*****8

''Jacob where are you taking me ?''

''Nowhere Bella, just put on something pretty and come.''

''No Jacob, you tell me where we are going or I'm not coming?''

Bella nowhere you'll be embarassed by your clumsiness .Now dont waste time dolling up, I ll give you 15 mins.

Patience is a virtue Jake !

An hour later

Jake I hate you, You should have said we were going to La Mer, I could have put on something more formal.

I told you to look pretty, besides no one here can look like you Bells. You are much hotter in your grey sweats. This way Bells.

Wow Jake ….celebration or something huh ?

The balcony was overlookig the magnificent Pacific Ocean. The waves were calm and the sunset was casting an orange reflection. There was no one on the beach. Just the sun and the ocean. So calm and peaceful. Made for each other. Noone could destroy this kind of beauty. The serenity of it all was overwhelming me. This perfect beauty. I just stood their gaping at this natural wonder when Jacob shook me.

Bella ,what d'ya wanna drink ?

Oh Jacob.. um ..well.. apple juice will do.

Well Bella would you like to have a seat ?

Thats when I saw that there were only two seats. All of a sudden I became nervous.

Thanks Jake

So bella I am really going to be clear about this.

About what jacob ?

I have to well tell you something

He took my hand from the table and folded it in both of his.

Bella I love you, I always have , madly do and always will. No Bella I know you will never love me with your entire heart. Never love me the way you loved that reeking leech, but i know you love me. And whatever little part of your love you are ready to give me is more than enough . I know your blood reeking leech will never come back and I want you to accept it too.I want you to marry me Bella. It is the only way you will be able to live with a smile . You are the air I breathe, you are my sunshine, you are my first and last love Bells, you are my destiny. Are you ready to tolerate me for your entire lifetime??

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