Disclaimer: -sniffle- I own nothing except me box of cookies. –hugs cookies to chest– Wait – I don't even own that anymore. –grumbling– Stupid fanfiction authors giving me cookies away…

Summary:

Every 75 years, it is said that a portal opens at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry admitting students from 20 years into the future. What happens if the portal just so happened to open during the Marauders' seventh year? Partly AU.

Chapter 7- The PBJ Dilemma

Harry made a beeline for his trunks as soon as Hermione stepped foot into the Heads common room and set down his suitcases. He didn't give Lily's hand a second thought.

Settling himself on the floor in front of both his suitcases, Harry tried to remember which trunk contained Ginny. Glancing between the two cases, he realized that they looked exactly alike.

It's a fifty-fifty chance… Harry thought, feeling as though he was playing on a reality television show. What he didn't realize was that he was muttering his thoughts aloud, receiving odd looks from the other three in the room. Young, Mr. Harry Potter can either open a suitcase full of clothing –which he really didn't need, as he was perfectly comfortable going around naked…or borrowing his good friend Ron's clothes– or a suitcase containing his beloved red-haired, freckle-faced, badgering ex-girlfriend whom he really isn't fond of at the moment because she's the reason his other good friend Hermione is currently sending him harsh glances. Which trunk shall the astonishingly sexy Mr. Potter choose…

By this time Lily and James had arrived and were peering over Harry's shoulders curiously. Hermione merely sent Harry another disapproving glance as well as a slightly concerned look from her place in one of the pouf chairs near the fireplace, a book resting open in her lap already.

Ignoring the fact that his teenage parents were leaning over his shoulders, Harry took in a breath and chose to open the trunk to the left. In it were his belongings, thrown around haphazardly inside.

And he loses…perhaps he should leave now, and let his vehement ex-girlfriend stay locked in the other trunk forever…oh, but then, if the ex-girlfriend ever gets out, what sort of ruckus would she cause? She could shave him bald while he was sleeping for all he knew!

Harry let out a whimper and stroked his hair, mumbling nonsense to himself.

"I have a psychopath as a son…" James moaned. Lily turned toward him.

"No doubt a trait from his father…at least he doesn't run his hands through his hair in that obnoxious way like you do," She responded before turning back toward Harry, who had thankfully stopped mumbling by that time.

Harry threw open the second trunk. Inside was a very ruffled Ginny Weasley surrounded by a large amount of fluffy, white pillows. Smaller pillows encircled her head like a halo. He held out his hand to help her out of the trunk.

"About time," Ginny said impatiently. She accepted Harry's hand and clambered out of the trunk. "Now, if you could remove the bubble-head charm…" Lily was rendered speechless by this point. It wasn't normal to see a girl climbing out of a trunk as if she did it everyday of her life!

"Bloody hell…" was all James could say before bursting into peels of laughter with the occasional outburst of, "That's my boy!" and "A true Marauder!" He had apparently forgotten all about Harry's breakdown a few moments before.

James's laughter caught Ginny's attention. "I'm guessing this is your father?" she asked Harry amusedly.

"Yup!" James answered the question for his son. "I'm James Potter, Marauder and prankster extraordinaire. Oh, and Lily Evans's –she's the grumpy red-head beside me– boyfriend." Here, Lily shot him a glare, but James wasn't deterred and chose to ignore her. "Who are you, and why did you come out of a trunk?"

"I'm Ginny Weasley, a sixth year at Hogwarts," she responded, smiling at the interaction between Harry's parents. "Harry was so kind as to carry me to the past in a trunk since I wouldn't be able to go otherwise."

"It was blackmail," Harry said darkly. "One thing I've learned from the past is that you should never cross Ginny Weasley's path."

"Or Lily Evans's," Lily spoke up, still glaring at James, who was slowly edging away so as to put some distance between him and the tempered girl.

"Fine. Lily and I kissed only once but never went out!" James exclaimed. Immediately, the two began squabbling until Ginny spoke up.

"Now that we know the two of you don't seem to get along and bicker like an old married couple, can we get back to me? I still have a bubble surrounding my head, Harry," she said, poking said "bubble" to emphasize her point. James, wanting to get far away from Lily as possible by this time, left to go explore the rest of the Heads quarters.

"Er…I don't think I know the counter for that charm…" Harry tried to phrase his words in a way that wouldn't land him with a Bat-Bogey Hex.

"Finite Incantatem." Hermione removed the charm from her position near the fireplace before speaking again.

"You must be extremely hungry, Ginny. I'll take you down to the kitchens to grab a bite to eat."

"Of course…sure," Ginny responded uncertainly, glancing at Harry before turning her head back to her.

"Then let's go!" Hermione shot out of her seat with deft speed, grabbed the redhead's hand, and was halfway out the door before Harry spoke.

"I'll come with you!"

"No!" Hermione turned around to face him. "You've caused enough trouble as it is!"

"Like what?" Harry asked incredulously.

"What are –"

"Hey! There's a kitchen attached to the common room!" James's voice floated into the common room from, apparently, the kitchen.

Harry smirked. "I guess she doesn't have to leave with you after all. I can make her a sandwich!"

"Peanut butter and jam please!" Ginny called out. Harry winked at her and gave a thumbs-up before disappearing to wherever James's voice was drifting from.

"So…you and Ginny, eh?" James tried to make light conversation while searching the cabinets for any sign of peanut butter. Harry was rummaging through the refrigerator for jam.

"No, no me and Ginny…ah ha! Jam!" Harry pulled out a purple jar from the back of the refrigerator. "Found the peanut butter yet?"

"Nope…that's grape jam. Isn't there any other kind?" James responded, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

"You should probably check the pantry if you want to find the peanut butter sometime this year…and there's also raspberry jam, blueberry jam, strawberry jam, apple jam, and, wow, lemon drop jam," Harry said, banging each kind of jam on the counter as he said the name aloud. Unfortunately, the glass jar of lemon drop jam broke when Harry slammed it on the counter, and splattered, covering both the surface and the floor with yellow jam. James turned to look at the cause of the noise.

"Whoops?" Harry let out a nervous laugh. James stifled his own laugh and handed him a broom from the closet.

Harry stared at it. "What do I do with it?"

"Simple – you broom."

"I broom. Okay…" Harry awkwardly moved the broom back and forth over the muddle of jam but it only succeeded in making the mess a lot worse.

"Whoops?" James imitated Harry's earlier laugh. Harry gave a sickly sweet smile.

"Dear Father, it seems as though you have left yourself with no choice but to lick the jam away," he said in the best innocent voice he could muster, surprisingly able to keep a straight face.

"WHAT?! You lick it!"

"You're the one who handed me the broom, Father. And, Lily seems to have a soft spot for me, so imagine what would happen if I were to tell her that you forced me to lick jam off the floor…"

"Fine." James lowered his head and stuck his tongue out until it was hovering directly over the jam, not noticing Harry conjuring a camera.

Snap.

"You traitor!" James exclaimed after Harry had taken the picture. "Deceiver! You are no son of mine!"

"Oh, Li-lyyyyyyyy!!!"

"…but I love you nonetheless! Because you are a faithful, non-deceiver, and very polite son of mine!" James quickly added. Harry smiled. He quickly developed the picture magically before making the camera vanish as James leaned down toward the jam once more.

Suppressing one last shudder, he tentatively met the jam with his tongue.

"What are you doing?!" a female voice cried out in shock and disgust. James looked up to find Lily with an expression of revulsion on her face.

James pointed to Harry. "He made me!"

"How dare you accuse an innocent child of such a heinous crime!" Lily pulled Harry close. "Harry would never tell anyone to lick jam off of the floor nor would he do it himself! You have only yourself to blame, James Potter!" She waved her wand and cleaned up the lemon-drop jam before using 'reparo' to fix the jar.

"How did the jar break in the first place?" she asked Harry, tiredly.

"James did it! And he decided to lick the jam off the floor instead of using his wand, like any remotely intelligent wizard would," Harry supplied the lie before James could speak. He received a look of utmost loathing in return.

"Maybe I should make the sandwich…" Lily looked between father and son uncertainly.

"No," Harry answered swiftly, "we'll be fine, now that there is no more jam on the floor."

"Alright…" Lily turned to leave the kitchen, sending one last look at the two before fully exiting. That was when James spoke from his position on the floor.

"I hate you."

"CRUNCHY OR CREAMY?" Harry yelled from the kitchen, James giggling in the background. After the jam fiasco was over, James and Harry immediately went back to work, finding all the kinds of peanut butter and bread that were available in the Heads' kitchen.

"WHAT?" Ginny yelled back from the common room. "I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!"

"PEANUT BUTTER! CRUNCHY OR CREAMY?" This time James yelled out while Harry sniggered.

"CREAMY! NO – CRUNCHY!" The two boys immediately broke out in hysterics.

"Okay…must…stop…laughing…" Harry struggled to get the words out. Five minutes later, the boys were calm again.

"WHAT ABOUT JAM?" Harry asked loudly.

"WHAT KINDS ARE THERE?" Both Potters fell into laughter at the question.

"GRAPE, RASPBERRY, BLUEBERRY, STRAWBERRY, APPLE…THE LEMON-DROP JAM DISAPPEARED!" Harry answered with a shout once they regained their composures.

"Er…GRAPE!" James immediately set the grape jam next to the crunchy peanut butter.

"We could have avoided the entire lemon-drop jam incident if you hadn't told me to look for other kinds of jam," Harry noted after hearing her answer.

"Oh shut it…WHITE, WHEAT, WHOLE GRAIN, POTATO, OR SOURDOUGH FOR BREAD?" James shouted.

"ONE SLICE OF POTATO AND ONE SLICE OF SOURDOUGH!"

"ONE PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM SANDWICH COMING RIGHT UP!" The two bellowed together before getting to work.

"No, you birdbrain! You put the jam on the peanut butter! Not the peanut butter on the jam!" James could be heard yelling at Harry.

Ginny heaved a sigh. It hadn't even been five minutes since she 'ordered' her sandwich…

"You nincompoop! You do put the peanut butter on the jam! Hence the name, 'peanut butter and jam'!"

"That's it!" Hermione put her book down. "I'm going in!"

"Be careful," Lily advised. Ginny nodded in agreement.

"Well, Mr. You-Put-The-Jam-On-The-Pea–"

"Isn't it nice to know that you both are wrong?" Hermione interjected, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked hotly. "You put the peanut butter on the jam, end of story."

"No, you scruffy haired moron! It's the jam on the peanut butter, period!"

"You have scruffy hair too, buddy. I'm not explaining to you a–"

"No need to explain!" Hermione exclaimed. "You both are such incompetent numbskulls, unable to make a simple peanut butter and jam sandwich!"

"Watch who you're calling 'numbskull'!"

"Yeah, we're already scruffy haired!"

Hermione shook her head at their proclaims, and began giving orders to the two so they could make a proper sandwich.

"James, take the piece of potato bread –no, the other one– and spread grape jam on it. Good," she turned to Harry, who had his eyebrows raised.

"That's a jam sandwich," he contradicted. "Ginny wanted peanut butter too…"

"I'm getting there!" Hermione said, exasperated. "Harry, grab the slice of sourdough bread –no, not the peanut butter– and now take the peanut butter and spread it."

The kitchen was silent as the two Potters were vigorously spreading either peanut butter or jam with…their fingers.

"What are you doing?!" Hermione yelled when she realized that they were using their fingers. "You're contaminating the sandwich!" She ran over and grabbed both slices of bread away from their spreaders.

"We did what you said!" James cried out, Harry nodding his head animatedly in agreement.

"I thought it was common sense to use a knife to spread, but I didn't know how dense you two could get!" Harry sent a mock scandalized look at his friend before getting two knives from a nearby drawer and handing one to James.

Both boys went back to spreading, with knives this time. Silence reigned until ––

"Ow…I see blood."

Harry looked over at James's finger. "Blood not good."

"HARRY! You were supposed to use butter knives! Not…those knives!" Hermione signaled toward the sharper knives that were now lying on the counter.

"Aren't butter knives for butter though?"

Hermione put her head in her hands. "Absolutely hopeless…"

"Er…Hermione?" James said, unsure of what her reaction may be, and whether or not he wanted to be witness of it. "There's blood on the sandwich."

"AGH…I CAN'T TAKE THIS!"

A/N: I had to do A LOT of research (a.k.a. asking friends) on bread, jelly, and…peanut butter. Eew…no, no, NO! Oh god…the thoughts…they're coming back…it was so nasty! I learned A LOT more about peanut butter than I needed to! I am officially tainted by pervertedness…oh god, ew, oh my god…that's so nasty…

ALL BECAUSE OF YOU READERS! I WENT THROUGH IT ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! So, review :)

I will never be able to look at peanut butter without cringing again…ew… -shuts eyes- AidenBlade put the thoughts in my mind after…describing…it to me…and Casablanca Dreams wasn't helping the situation any!

So…if you don't know why James and Harry were laughing at the crunchy/creamy part, you're too young to know. Bask in that glory because it won't be there long.

This chapter was reposted on August 9th, 2007. According to quite a few reviewers, they use the term 'jam' in place of jelly in Britain, so I changed all of the 'jelly's to 'jam's.