Hey peeps o' fanfic!

This here is a mini-chapter! Because we wanted the baseball scene to be a full chapter, and part of this was needed before baseball.

This clears up a little and is kinda fun.... and depressing... Yeah so here it is!

And the baseball scene won't be up for a while; it's long and difficult.... and intense. Not literally.

Chapter 11

After I hugged her, then I sat in a chair far away from everyone else and curled up, wishing I could be invisible.

Everyone else said their good byes.

"Oh, Bella. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to play baseball with us tomorrow." Alice said.

"Me play baseball?" Bella asked.

"Well, more you watch while we play. There's going to be a thunderstorm tomorrow and that's the only time we can play."

"Sure. I'll come, but why the thunder?"

"You'll see." Edward smiled as he led her outside and to his car.

Carlisle kissed Esme and waving to the rest of us before heading to the hospital. We were all very silent for a while. Edward didn't come back, not that it surprised me. He wanted to be with Bella. Soon, everyone but Esme and I disappeared to their rooms. I wanted to talk to her, but I was afraid . . . how could it end well?

I didn't know how to begin. Lucky, Esme beat me to it. "Why didn't you tell me?" She muttered quietly.

"Because . . ." I began.

"Because you didn't think I could handle it? Because you didn't want me to know? Because you thought it was better to keep me in the dark?" Her voice was rising in anger with every question.

I wasn't prepared for this. Esme was never angry, never. I thought she would be disappointed in me rather than mad. Mad wasn't a usual emotion for Esme, even as a human, she was hardly ever angry. It bothered me deeply she chose this particular occasion to express the emotion. If I expected her to be mad, it was about Carlisle and I once being together, but not for not telling her.

"I . . . we . . . huh? I don't get it."

"How could you hide this from me?" She said, hurt.

"I - I don't know." I hung my head. "I honestly don't know, Ez. Perhaps it was because if I could forget it, it never happened. I despise my human life, every part but what I had with Carlisle and it kills me to know what I once had, what I once wanted, is all yours."

I paused and gauged her reaction. She was taken aback slightly.

"I'm not jealous of you." I said quickly. "I've gotten to used to losing . . . it doesn't bother me much, it never has and most definitely never will."

"You haven't lost." Esme muttered.

I looked up at her. "I have. I lost my parents, my friends, my life, my death, my home, my son . . . Carlisle. Everything I accepted to happen when I was human is lost never to be regained."

"You've never lost, Ru. And you're wrong, most of that has been regained. Carlisle and I are your parents as well as friends, not to mention Alice, Jasper, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett and Bella. Your home is with us now and one day, I promise, you will find your love again." Esme said fiercely.

I couldn't help but smile. She was determined, and I knew what she said was true, all but the part about me finding love. It came and I missed the opportunity. And she left out the three things I wanted the most, to live and breath, to die and my son.

"That's the Ruth I like to see." She said, hugging me.

"Hopefully, she's here to stay for a while." I mumbled.

"She better be." Jasper said, coming down the stairs with Alice. "All your depression is annoying."

Esme let me go and I punched him hard, but playfully, in the arm.

"Is that a challenge?" He asked.

"Depends on how you take it." I grinned slyly.

We were headed toward the door in a flash. I turned around and glimpsed Esme and Alice shaking their heads silently. Suddenly, Jasper jumped me from behind.

I was quick to react and I threw him over my shoulder. He smashed into the ground, shaking the trees. Our fight continued for a while longer before Alice told me she needed my help with designing some new clothes for me.

I got up from the ground where Jasper had me pinned. "You win, OK?" I gave in.

"Who's the winner?" He asked, putting me in a headlock.

"You are, Jazz. The ultimate, supreme winner."

"Jasper, let Ruth go!" Alice called.

He did and I ran as fast as possible back to the house before he could catch me one last time.

Alice frowned at me as I walked in and sat beside her at the computer. "You have leaves in your hair." She said, pulling one out.

I combed my fingers through my hair, getting out the leaves and tangles. "Better?"

"Much."

Alice kept me busy showing me different designs and colours she was planning to use. It was a good distraction for me. Getting my mind off of the real world for a while was a great feeling, if only it was this easy to escape every time.

PLEASE REVIEW!! And maybe the next chapter will be up faster!