A/N—This one was purely for fun, so no one take it seriously, m'k? Great :) Enjoy!!

"I challenge ye to a duel!" Emmett announced.

Jasper quirked a brow. "A duel?"

"Aye!" Emmett replied.

"Aye?" Jasper questioned.

Emmett huffed "Quit repeaten' me last words lad, yer driven' me bloody mad!"

At last, Jasper sat down his book and uttered words that hadn't already been spoken "What's with the accent?"

Emmett walked from behind the couch and came completely in view of Jasper, who upon seeing his attire, reached for a glass of water that just so happened to be sitting on the table in front of him, took a large gulp, and spewed it out all over the place.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he spluttered "Good God, man! Why are you wearing a skirt?! And is that a-a....is that a purse you've got there?!"

Emmett glared with indignation "Its called a kilt, lad. And tis no' a purse, tis a sporran!"

Jasper was still gawking "Bu-but that kilt barley covers half your thighs!"

Emmett had the good graces to look embarrassed and muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?" Jasper asked, trying not to stare at the pink and blue mini ski--he meant kilt, Emmett had on.

"'Twas the closest I could find. At least it covers the goods." Emmett grinned, spinning full circle.

And for the first time Jasper saw the butter knife strapped onto Emmett's back, held on by duct tape.

That wasn't the only thing the duct tape was holding on.

Emmett's kilt was slit down the back and only wrapped half way around him. Covering the front, but the back....not so much.

Jasper had never seen so much tape in his long life.

"Well, no' all the goods. But really, I'm doing everyone a favor; this is one fine piece of ass." Emmett winked over his shoulder and slapped a hand on his duct tape clad rear.

If a person could die, a second time in his case, from laughing so hard, Jasper would have.

Emmett turned back toward a now floor sprawled Jasper, muttered "Foolish American's", adjusted his Louis Vuitton sporran and marched out the door.

A few minuets later Jasper picked himself up from the floor, still laughing a bit, and went in search of Alice. He wasn't looking forward to telling her she had to go buy new clothes and such. Again.

Hmm, I tried to talk Emmett out of this one, I really did. But the boy saw that skirt and couldn't help himself….;)