Chapter 3
AN: Thank you for the reviews ^.^ and stuff. I just going to apologize ahead of time *hides behind a curtain*
unwanted
"Why did you come?"His wheezy voice made her grab her heart. Keeping her back to him she looked out of the cave. He had been asleep for four days. Four days of hiding their tracks and setting genjutsu traps. Four days of healing internal bleeding and second degree burns. Four days of holding her breath that the enemy nin squad that was following them wouldn't find their cave. Four days of hoping he wouldn't wake up and ask her that question.
"You should know that answer to that." She closed her eyes pushing her unwanted tears back, bracing herself for his response. To her disappointment, he said the other thing she hated to hear.
"You should have just left me there."His words brought a spiteful smile on her face.
"So that you could almost die again!?" She spat the words out of her mouth. "When are going to stop doing this to yourself? Why can't you just accept and understand that it's not your fault?" Turning around she stared deeply at his one eye. "If you need to blame anyone it should be me!"
"You don't understand." The sting of his words left a bitter taste in her mouth. Yes, she had heard those words countless times.
Sighing at the ache in her heart she stood up. He always claimed that she would never understand the guilt he felt. It's why he went on these S-class suicide missions constantly. It was like he was punishing himself.
Turning around she said the same thing she said every time they had this conversation. "When are you going to understand that if you leave me I won't have anyone left in this world?"
"It's blank?" Sakura stated out loud in the hallway. Leaning her head back against the door, a loud exasperated sigh echoed in the hallway. Glaring at the blank pages, she flipped through them searching for anything. Standing up slowly, Sakura entered her living room and dropped the book carelessly on the coffee table before flopping on the couch in annoyance. All that trouble to hide it and it's blank. Sakura glanced at her wrist watch. Guess I should go meet Naruto for 'Team 7's weekly ramen meeting'. Staring down at the book, Sakura rubbed her arms and tried to shake off the familiar aura it gave.
__________________
"Sai for the last time would you quit talking about my penis!" Naruto's voice rang out across Ichiraku as he slammed his hands down on the counter. Sakura glanced briefly over Sai's shoulder only to see Sasuke, who was seated to the left of Naruto, giving a look of disdain to the choice of conversation topic.
"I was only asking if you had your foreskin circumcised, because it could be the reason your penis is lacking in length."
Sakura turned away from Sai and started playing with her left over ramen. She had become quite accustom to this weekly ritualistic penis talk. "Sai, why are you asking that? I doubt Naruto even knows what foreskin or circumcision is." A large grin appeared on Sakura's face at her own comment.
"Of course I know what that is!" Naruto announced. Before leaning over to Sasuke and whispering "Ne, teme what's a foreskin."
"Shut up dobe." Sasuke bit out blushing profusely.
"Why Naruto-kun, the foreskin is the loose fold of skin that covers the glands of the penis, and circumcision is the removal of said foreskin, which is usually done for religious, aesthetic, health, or hygiene reasons." Sai's dictionary reply caused Sakura to burst out laughing. A look of mortification began etching on Naruto's face when he finally comprehended Sai's words.
Chuckling, Sakura turned to face towards her porn addict ex-sensei seated on her left. Placing her elbow down on the counter, Sakura leaned her chin on her fist and stared at him and began contemplating his weird behaviour last night. He seems to be his nonchalant self again so what came over him yesterday? Was it really just chakra fatigue? Her eyes scrolled him up and down looking for any sort injuries. Glimpsing up at his masked face, her eyes made contact with a very bored expression being sent her way.
"Is there something you wanted Sakura?"
Sitting up, Sakura rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment. "Er, I was just wondering if you were feeling better today. You seemed a bit off at my apartment the other day."
Shutting his book and tucking it into his pocket, Kakashi stood up and placed his hand on affectionately on top of her head. "You worry too much Sakura-chan." Sakura's eyes widened a fraction at his out of character, and almost warm gesture. She looked up at his innocent eye crease before tilting her head down to hide her growing blush. Kakashi immediately removed his hand and began walking down the dark street. "See you around Sakura."
"Ne? Where's Kakashi he didn't pay his bill!" Naruto bellowed.
Throughout the night, the feeling of his fingers lingered in her hair.
"Sakura are you paying attention?" Snapping out of her window gazing, a thirteen year old Sakura turned towards her teacher's annoyed expression.
"Yes, sorry shishou." Sakura got closer to her teacher's desk.
"Well you better be; this genjutsu is not an easy one. Even for someone with your chakra control." Sakura watched her teacher crack her neck before making unfamiliar hand seals. "Now what do you see?" Sakura looked around her shishou desk.
"Um, I don't see anything?"
"Exactly," Sakura looked at her teachers grin in curiosity. "It's called the vanishing act genjutsu. It may seem simple to make something vanish, but what makes this type of genjutsu different is you do not insert chakra flows into a person, but into an object; the object itself emits the illusion by radiating small amounts of chakra barely traceable by most shinobi. Most shinobi cannot do this type of genjutsu because they cannot create nor control such small rifts of chakra to complete the hand seals."
"What would be the advantages of this type of genjutsu?" Sakura inquired still trying to find out what her shishou vanished.
"Secrecy of course, many medical ninja utilize it to hide poisons, antidotes, and such. Now, watch." Tsunade gather chakra in her fingers and grasped an invisible object. Instantly a cup of sake appeared on her desk. Sakura rolled her eyes. "The advantage of this genjustsu is you have to actually find the object to be able to override the illusion. Now, tell me what the disadvantage Sakura?"
Bringing her fingers to her lips in thought, Sakura smiled suddenly and replied, "Because it requires such a small amount of chakra to create it, it doesn't need a lot to override it."
"Very good Sakura. Now, let's see you try." Tsunade commanded, showing her the hand seals again.
"That's it!" Sakura's eyes burst open as she sat up in her bed. Pulling the covers back, she made a mad dash to the living room. Stubbing her foot on her couch, Sakura hopped to her coffee table, shuffled her medical scrolls and mission reports around before knocking the book on the floor. Sakura picked it up, thanked her inner self for the flashback, and flopped on couch.
It had been a two weeks since she found it. Two weeks of not being able to shake the strange feeling it gave her. Two weeks of being distracted at the hospital and on missions. Two weeks of simply staring at it and wondering why someone would put effort into hiding a blank book in the back of a storage closet. Two weeks of constant curiosity berating her brain non-stop.
Sakura took a deep breath before opening the book. I hope this works. Looking down at the pages and biting her lip, Sakura summoned chakra to her finger and placed it down on the first page. Sakura eyes widened as a flood of ink writing began covering the back and front of each page in the book. It was a genjutsu! That's why it gave me that weird feeling. I was sensing a weak genjutsu the whole time. Smiling at her accomplishment, with her inner self cheering her on, Sakura's eyes fell to the first page.
'I've read that journals and diaries are very therapeutic during hard and unbearable times. I am very thankful my mother bought me this as a present when I became a chuunin two years ago. She said I may need this one day in the near future when I would have no one to talk to. She was right.
Two days ago I lost someone I took for granted for many years. He was the friend who was always there for me, when all I did was ignore him. If I wasn't so weak he wouldn't be dead.'
Frowning, Sakura closed the book immediately. "It's a diary." She spoke out loud. I can't read this. No wonder someone used a vanishing act genjutsu. Sighing in guilt and mild disappointment, Sakura set the diary down back on the coffee table and went into her kitchen. Putting the kettle on the stove, Sakura placed her elbow on the counter and leaned on her hand. 'The person probably wanted someone to find it, someone to be smart enough to figure out how to read it.' Inner Sakura stated.
Sakura glanced over in the direction of the book, and began trying to make sense of her inner self's twisted logic. 'People hide things, so that others can find them.' Sakura grimaced, and picked up her shouting kettle. Not enjoying the manipulation from her inner self, Sakura crossed her arms over her chest and squeezed her eyes tightly shut trying to block her out. 'You know you're curious, and it will bug you every day until you crack and read it anyway. So why torture yourself? Just get it over with now.' Sakura sighed knowing her inner self was right. Alright but if it gets too personal it goes back underneath the floorboards! Her inner self patted her on the back.
Sakura poured herself some tea before settled on her couch, pulling her throw over her shoulders, she noted the time on her watch. It's 6:14 am. I'll read for an hour and then get ready for 'team 7's weekly training session' Sakura picked up the book and continued.
'I tried to talk about it with sensei, but he's so rattled with guilt. I don't want to bug him with my own weak emotions. But the thoughts and dreams won't leave me. I can still see him lying there half dead, grinning like the fool. All those countless surgeries I have done for the last four years would never prepare me for what happened. I can still feel his eye in my palm, their blood on my clothes. Why did I have to be a fool and get captured? I was always so weak, even with my medical jutsu I couldn't defend myself from those rock nin. If I had never-
The tears, they won't stop. I'm so selfish. Here I am balling my eyes out when I have no idea how he must feel. The pain he must be in. His face after the operation haunts my mind. I have never seen him look so upset, and terrified in my life. He wouldn't stop shouting his name after the accident. I had never seen him show so much emotion before. His tears, they still paralyze me when I think about it.
I wish I could be the one to treat him in the hospital, but they've suspended me for my "reckless actions on the field". How awful it must be to be stuck in there while they run those invasive and horrible tests; people keep saying about how he may never get out and if he does he'll just end up "mysteriously" dead on the street. Kakashi-kun I'm so sorry.'
"Kakashi!" Sakura said out loud; her eyes read the name over and over again in disbelief. This person knew Kakashi-sensei! Sakura quickly closed the book. Glancing down at the cover Sakura was startled to see the gold kanji on the front. Tracing the writing, Sakura spoke the name out loud. "Memoirs of Hoshino Rin."
______________________________
Sneezing sardonically, Kakashi ran a head through his silver drenched mop, and lifted his head to the weeping clouds. He slipped a hand under his hitae-covered eye and pressed his cool palm to his gift to help relieve the ache. Kakashi raised his other hand and traced his fingers over the familiar kanji names written on the memorial stone.