Saredance thanks so much for your comment! It's nice to see someone responding to something that I'm still not completely sure about! Agh! Everytime I think about what I'm actually doing I get this nervous feeling and wonder if I should just stop, but then I remember how much fun it is and shrug it off! ^_^
Onward!
Reflections
The sound of the neighbor's lawnmower starting up reintroduced me to the world of light. I slowly forced myself to sit up and pushed the thought of cacooning myself within the mound of blankets around me out of my head. As I dragged myself out of the confines of bed the cool air of my room greeted and chilled my skin. Goosebumps formed on my arms and legs and I quickly raced into the bathroom, turning on the shower taps to prepare for a gloriously hot escape.
As I stood in the shower with the hot water racing over me, my thoughts began to wonder. Now, wondering thoughts are great when you need a creative boost or an impromptu escape from Calculus class but when the last thing you want to do is think, then any sort of thought is an evil thing. A curse that no matter how hard you try to escape seems to drag you back into the confines of hell. As my mind began to race over the events of the past three months I quickly forced the water to cold. Anything to get my mind off a single subject. As soon as the water got to the coldest level it could manage I turned the water off and just stood standing there. It was when the air around me chilled my skin even further, to the point that it was almost tortuous, that I finally exited and pulled a towel around me.
As I wrapped the warm fabric around me I caught sight of my reflection in the now clearing mirror. The glass had begun to clear
from the hot steam and it now granted me sight of myself. Now I am not what you would call pretty. In fact if you were to ask
me to describe myself in one word it would be 'Plain.' I stand tall at 5'10 and I suppose you could call me chubby.
No not fat, I simply had a few pounds that were added on to the package. I don't think the added weight is too noticeable
however due to the fact of my height. Thank God for even distribution. My face is on the fair side, with a slight hint of a tan.
Eyes? Blue. Hair? Brownish/Reddish/Blondish. I don't think there is a proper way to describe my hair. I wish it would just pick a
color and stick with it. People I worked with would constantly ask if I had dyed my hair and I would respond 'No, I just decided
to let the blonde in me run wild today!' The one thing that I had ever really liked about myself were my lips. They were full and
pouty with a natural pink tint. The reflection that I now faced was not what I remembered. My skin seemed paler, my eyes
dull, and my hair seemed to have decided on a dirty, muddy brown.
I turn and exit the bathroom and shut the door behind me as I reenter the safety of my bedroom. I stop as soon as the click of the door shutting echoes in my ears. The image of my reflections flashes through my mind. I looked sick. I had lost weight, not enough to look like I had an eating disorder but enough to know that something was wrong. I had shadows under my eyes that looked as though they would never fade. My lips were pale and seemed thin, as if they were in a permanant grimace. A wave of emotion hit me as I stared at another face before me. There, on my dresser, stood the portrait of the person I had lost not long ago. The photo had been one of my favorites of him. His eyes were shining as they focused on the person behing the camera. His mouth was formed into a large grin that looked as though he had either just laughed or he was about to.
I couldn't help but let a tear fall. At the funeral I hadn't shed one, but now it seemed that all I had were tears. I hated it. I had never been one for sadness. I had alway had all the happiness that I needed. I had my music, my family, and Jason. Now I had seperated myself from my family, keeping myself at a distance, and I had no Jason.
I once again gave up on the thought of finally going outside and crawled back into the warm and comforting embrace of the bed.
Gravity has never been my friend. Ever. Five years old and I finally decide it's time for the big kid bike. Michelle? Meet ground.
Seven years old and my father buys a swingset for the back yard. Michelle? Let me reintroduce you to ground. Eight years old and
my father decides to add a playground to the back yard. Yes Michelle, it's time to once again introduce you to your good pall
ground, and bandaids. It was a running joke in my family that if you hadn't had it happen to you, don't worry, it would happen to
me instead.
So today was the day gravity decided to make itself know to me, again. I stared at the ceiling in shock as I lay on the carpet staring up. My heart was racing and I mentally did a physical check to make sure I was not injured. I wasn't. Now wide awake, I pushed myself off the floor and raced to the front door to greet the person that had caused me to have my oh so wonderful wake up call.
I inwardly groaned and externally smiled as I let my older brother in. He stared at me with a bit of humor in his eyes like he knew what had just occured.
"Good morning, Michelle! I just thought that me, being such a wonderful brother, would on such a wonderful day as this bring you the most wonderful news!" I stared at him wondering how many times he could fit the word wonderful into a sentence. He wasn't normally this chipper so I knew that either something big was going to happen or something was going to happen that I would not like. Most likely it was going to be a mixture of the two. I was not to be disappointed.