A/N- Hii, so thanks for the amazing reviews! Yay, we're up to 60! That's actually pretty darn cool. So thanks to Mombailey, tillyrose3, EmilieDeVere, randomreviewer, Smiles!Lol, Iheldyourhand, xXashxbeckiXx, lemon-fizzay-pop, vampiregirl1654, Haayleey (:, Jackie, Kimmy, CauldronCakeBaker, irishxrun75, call-it-golden, MissStrawberries, caww, safarise, fiona, aman and UnderservingSoul for your lovely reviews.

There was a mistake with the dates in the last chap, it's supposed to be 1945 not 1944.. so please just ignore that :) Thanks to randomreviewer for pointing that out!

So heres the latest chap! Admittedly this chapter is angsty, which is to be expected… but it's also romantic. I hope you all enjoy it.

Please, please review! :)

Thinking of you

Chapter six

Song for the chapter- (Natalie Merchant- My skin)

Oh, I need the darkness,
The sweetness,
The sadness,
The weakness…
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby,
A kiss good night,
Angel sweet love of my life,
Oh, I need this…

Previously…

I was just inches away, within touching distance this time…

He was holding me; I could feel his arms around me keeping me against him. His newly golden eyes were locked with my own… they were beautiful.

He looked so different… and yet the same.

…I knew it, I knew he was alive! I knew it all along…

"Edward… its you…" I breathed.

March 1945

My heart was beating faster by the second- it almost felt as if it was going to burst out my chest at any second- it was almost painful it was beating so quick, and yet I loved the feeling.

I hadn't felt this alive in so long; it had been far too long since my heart had raced this way, since I had been able to literally taste the air on my tongue, to breathe in the sweet scent that surrounded me… that was coming from him.

We lay in that position for an immeasurable amount of time, I was too stunned to talk or move and he seemed deep in thought. Our eyes never broke contact though, both staring into eachother due to the time we hadn't been able to do so.

Eventually I realised that one of us would have to move or speak, and that person would probably be me, after all it was me that just had the biggest shock out of us two after all.

And so, I slowly reached out my hand to his face- just needing to double to check- to feel if he was really was real and that I wasn't dreaming or in heaven.

I softly ran my fingers down his cheek surprised to feel how cold his skin was, and how smooth it also felt- after becoming satisfied that he really was real I continued running my fingers over it. In response his eyes slowly closed, hiding the brilliant gold that they now were, instead allowing pure white lids to cover them.

He slowly sat up with his eyes still closed tight; soon he had us in a sitting position, me on his lap facing him. He had one arm around my waist securing me, to stop me from falling.

I'm certain that the situation that he really was alive after all this time hadn't really sunk in yet, if it had I'm sure I would have either of been screaming for joy or fainting from shock.

I think that my mind was numb with surprise, that it seemed to accept this truth that he really was alive so easily.

… As if I really had known all along that he wasn't dead. I had always believed it deep down, but now it was coming clear that maybe I was more certain then I previously thought.

And so back to the moment… I couldn't keep my eyes off him. Slowly his own eyes opened, I was surprised to see that they were not the topaz from before… they were much darker and were much nearer black then gold. I must have been staring at him with a confused expression because after he looked at me he kept his eyes downward.

He was magnificent… I always did love his emerald eyes, but the topaz was also just as mesmerising. However I just didn't understand how they had changed colour though, first from green to gold, and now from gold to black.

Despite my raging curiosity I decided not to ask him yet, deciding to let that go for now.

"Edward…?" I whispered my voice barely a whisper in the soft wind.

He looked up at me, his dark eyes boring into my own, signalling he was listening.

Although I was certain that I couldn't cry anymore… it happened, as tears fell. However they were only cool tears that signalled pure happiness, I didn't know why I was crying because of that reason… I just assumed that my emotions were haywire and affecting me greatly.

I slowly leant forward and rested my head on his shoulder; "I missed you so much" I breathed against his shoulder.

I had spoken so quietly that I didn't think he would be able to hear, but somehow he did. He relaxed from his stiff posture and held me tighter then before, one of his hands now fisting my hair.

"You can't even begin to imagine how much I missed you" he finally whispered.

I was about to reply with, 'I think I can' but I thought better and instead kept quiet, relaxing in his hold.

I knew that soon I would have to ask him questions, they were inevitable.

Questions such as-

…Where has he been all this time?

What happened to him, what is he?

What about our relationship now, can we ever be what we were?

Does he still love me and want to be with me?

Why did it take three years for him to come back?!

… I knew I was going to ask those questions, I wanted- no I needed answers.

But for now, I was living in the moment just feeling utterly elated, in wonder, joyful… I was feeling every word that equalled 'happy' in the dictionary. I felt so whole again, as if I had never been broken apart, or never felt the pain and heartache I had experienced.

I knew there would be time for talking and explanations, I wouldn't let him leave until I had my answers, besides he might have some questions of his own.

That was when it hit me.

What was I going to tell him about Jacob?!?

Could I tell him I had tried to move on, and that someone else cared about me?

Unless… could it be possible? … But did Edward know about Jacob somehow?!

After all, before I attempted to jump he must have known what I was planning… because he had managed to be in the right place at the right time. …And if all the times I had seen him on the street were real then surely he must have noticed Jacob with me at some point?

"Why Bella?" Edward eventually whispered, breaking the silence, his voice sounded pained.

I froze for a second, was his question referring to Jacob? Was he asking why I had tried to move on?

No… he couldn't ask that now, he wouldn't know, he wouldn't…

I tried to relax, and allowed my facial expression to change into confusion. I looked up at him only to see his expression tortured, "why what?" I murmured in response.

He sighed; breathing deeply- was that the first time he had done that? I hadn't been paying attention to that… - "why… were you going to jump?" he finally replied.

Oh… that's what he meant.

That did make more sense, I was slightly relieved… even though I didn't know what to say.

And so I didn't reply, and just buried my face deeper into his shoulder.

He continued talking- "I don't understand it… you promised that you would be happy and that you would live your life if I didn't come back, so why were you trying to end it now?" he asked quietly.

Again I was stuck for words.

"I-I… it's because… I tried to be happy, truly I did" I murmured, "But I just couldn't"

He continued as if he hadn't heard me talk- "I thought you would be doing okay, it's been such a long time…" he seemed to be talking more to himself then to me.

I tried to maintain eye contact again, when I was certain he was listening I continued talking- "I know it has… but I just couldn't forget you, I never could Edward, I love you too much"

He sighed and bent his head down so he wasn't looking at me.

And then he began talking- "when I saw you leave your house tonight I didn't think anything of it, I thought to myself 'she probably just wants some fresh air' … I thought it would be okay. But I couldn't stop that nagging feeling in the back of my mind. It was a warning feeling…" he explained, still not looking at me. "I kept a reasonable distance, just in case you needed my help, and I thought you were fine. But then I saw you walk in here and straight up the stairs to the top and suddenly I understood what you were going to do…" he murmured, looking at me the entire time.

"It was then that it hit me- you are not happy. I always thought you were so I kept my distance… but after seeing what I saw earlier, I realised just how unhealthy this thing is"

What did he mean by that?!

"… Unhealthy?" I croaked out in surprise.

"Yes… Bella, it's unhealthy. After all you were going to kill yourself over me, I heard what you said just as you prepared to jump… it's just… not right, you shouldn't die over someone like me, I'm not worth it" he whispered.

How could he say that?

"You are worth it" I argued instantly, my voice determined.

He shook his head; "I'm not," he said brokenly.

I do not know whether it was just the mix of feelings or emotions from such a long day, but hearing him doubt himself made me snap.

I leant back from him as far as I could; I would have fallen off his lap if it weren't for his arm around my waist still balancing me.

"What's happened to you Edward?" I whispered, my voice coming out horrified.

I was referring to the obvious changes I was seeing- his appearance and his personality. He looked different, and he wasn't the happy, loveable Edward that I knew.

…Something had changed him.

Even though I had only been with him again for a mere few minutes, I could see the differences as clear as day, they were too noticeable.

He didn't answer my question.

I climbed off of his lap, slipping out from his grasp as much as it pained me to do so, and to my dismay he let me go without a fight, not even looking at me.

The possible reality of what that meant began to crush me.

"Do you not love me anymore?" I asked him quietly, waiting for his reaction.

In a flash he was standing in front of me having crossed the distance in a split second- in an action that was far too fast and with impossible speed. I judged his expression, he looked surprised and angry.

"How can you even ask that?" he whispered, his voice low and his jaw clenched.

"Because… y-you waited so long to come back" I stuttered, my emotions getting the better of me.

"What?" he asked, seeming surprised at my comment, he took a large step away from me.

It was a metaphor- the distance between us that had existed for so long had been closed and then increased again after such a bittersweet and short reunion.

It hurt.

This was not how I imagined our reunion in all those nights I had dreamed of him, I always imagined he would just hold me and tell me how much he loved me… not that I would be questioning if he loved or cared for me at all.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, suddenly noticing just how cold it was, I ached to just be in his arms again.

But yet despite my instincts telling me not to, I continued talking, spilling out all of my feelings to him-

"It was three years that you were gone Edward- you've been alive all that time!" I clarified, my voice coming out loud. He nodded in response, waiting for me to continue- "so why didn't you come back before? I waited those three years for you; I grieved for every single day. There wasn't a single day I didn't feel the pain of losing you, or wish that you were still here with me." – my voice had grown even more louder by this point- "why didn't you come back before? It must mean something if you really wanted to be away from me so badly…"

That set him off- "But I didn't want to be apart from you! …I thought you were happy without me, all I wanted was for you to be happy!" he suddenly yelled, cutting me off.

His words echoed in the night time air seeming loud and menacing, and confusing. Finally they sunk in and I understood exactly what he was saying.

He thought I could be happy without him…

"You don't know me very well then" I finally murmured, "I couldn't ever live without you… not a good life anyway, not one that meant anything"

"But please understand this, I thought that you could, I thought that time would heal the wounds…" he paused quickly, seeming to debate internally- "I'm so stupid, I know that now…" he explained, covering his beautiful face with his hands. "I'm not good enough for you"

"That's not true" I defended fiercely, if anything it was the other way around.

"It is Bella..." he whispered, his voice devastated, "don't you see? I've changed; I've become a monster Bella… I don't deserve you"

"Stop saying that!" I begged him, trying to plead with my eyes.

He didn't seem to notice, he continued agonising over his thoughts- "But, Bella I've become…"

"STOP!" I screamed cutting him off.

He instantly stopped talking and only looked in my direction, his eyes lingering on the distance between us.

"… Forget about your self-loathing thoughts and just answer me this, now." I said fiercely, "… do you still love me or not?" I whispered.

I knew I was taking a big risk with asking him this- it was giving him a chance to leave me again, a perfect opportunity.

I didn't care though… if he left me now I knew exactly what I would do; I wouldn't even hesitate. I was already on the roof 60 feet high, there wouldn't be any travelling or any planning involved, I could finish it all in a mere second.

Even though I knew I was taking a terrible risk… I just needed to know the truth- did he love me after all this time?

If he didn't then what was the point of us fighting, trying to heal the distance? There was none… There wouldn't be any point.

I finally looked up from the ground and looked at his face, it was much softer then before and less harsh. His eyes had gone back to the beautiful topaz I instantly loved, removing the frightening onyx.

And finally after what felt like the longest ever wait- when in reality it was only a few seconds- he replied-

"I do love you Bella… I have always loved you and I always will" he whispered sincerely.

In a split second my eyes felt with tears of joy again and my heart rate increased.

I closed the distance in just a second, running straight into his open arms, sobbing loudly.

"Then p-please stop saying your not good enough for me!" I begged him, the tears falling mercilessly, "You're here and you're alive, and you still love me and that'll always be more then enough"

"Oh my Bella… I love you, I love you so much" He murmured, his face in my hair, "I'll explain everything in time I promise… Firstly can I say just how much it hurt being away from you every day, I saw your face in my mind every second. I imagined your voice and remembered how beautiful and wonderful you were... you were all I thought about"

I smiled blissfully, the argument and the angst forgotten. This was just like my dreams I'd had for these few years… he was here, he was holding me, and he was whispering how much he loved me.

Was it real? Could something so wonderful really happen to me?!

"Am I dreaming?" I whispered quietly, as he rocked us gently.

He laughed softly, "I can assure you that you're not, unless if I'm dreaming as well and we're both having the same dream"

I laughed quietly through my tears, "that's not likely then…"

He nodded against my hair, "probably not"

He arms tightened around me and I found myself relaxing even further into his embrace, I still cried quietly, now whimpering against his chest.

"Shh, shh love, please don't cry" he whispered, kissing my cheek softly, still rocking me from side to side.

I relaxed even more in his hold, and finally managed to end the tears. He didn't let go of me though, and instead held me even tighter, now having his arms completely encasing me.

I looked up at the sky, smiling at how bright the stars were. It was soothing, and incredible.

I knew we had a lot of problems to face, first of all being Jacob, and my friends and family.

But none of that mattered now, because he was here.

I had my Edward, my love, back.

"We'll be okay right?" I asked him quietly, smiling against the fabric of his jacket.

He nodded, "we'll be more then that, Bella" he whispered soothingly.

I smiled and then stayed silent just enjoying his embrace. But then I noticed something… it sounded difficult for him to talk… his chest wasn't moving… I couldn't feel his breaths move in and out…

I looked up at him, and I knew that the reason why he was away was something so much more then just keeping distance, wanting me to move on.

His eyes had changed colour, his skin was so cold, he wasn't breathing, and I didn't think he even had a heartbeat.

…Was he even human anymore?

I knew I would love him no matter what he told me, no matter what he was, but I needed to know…

"Edward?" I whispered,

He rested his lips against my forehead, still not breathing, "hmm?" he murmured quietly.

I knew how bizarre my question must have sounded, but it was the only way I could think to word it. I took a deep breath and then finally asked-

"How are you not breathing right now?"

Next chapter preview:

"Edward, please don't leave me! Please… not again!"

(This is only short, but I didn't know what else to put without making it over-spoilerish)

So yeah I originally planned for this chapter to include Edward telling her exactly what happened, but then I realised when I began writing that I couldn't fit it into one chapter. Well I could… but it would be about 7,000 words and I just don't have the time to write it all tonight :/ The second part to this chapter will be done very soon though! Hopefully by Sunday/Monday ish time depending on if people want to read it or not.

Please review for a quick update! The reviews really have been so incredible, and this is another chapter I'm nervous about, I hope I did it justice. Besides… any chance we can reach 75/76 reviews or something like that? I would be so, so grateful!

Thanks for reading!