Hii, sorry for the slow update! But here it is.. stories back! Thank you so much to- JenniCullen, caww, Twilightlovergirl, lionlambluv, since1918, Randomreviewer, aman, vampiregirl1654, alyshia-jean, d, mysoundlesssilentscream, vikkisecret42, Vampire., Bby-Leyla-Vamp, miisANGEL, twilightfan27, xoBEDWARDox, TwiHoster95, Vanpiress123- for reviewing!! It's really appreciated as usual, thank you!
So, there isn't long left of this story, maybe 5 chapters at most?! Plus an epilogue? But yeah, there won't be a very long wait until this is all done.. though I swear I'll be really sad when this is done, I really love writing this one, probably the most. There's just something about angst that I love writing… weirdo huh?
Although… this chapter is quite happy as far as this story goes, a bit more Edward and Bella fluff before the drama begins! This chapter is also by far the longest; it isn't far off being 5,000 words long… which is a long chapter for me considering my average is ¾ thousand. Hopefully the length will help with forgiving me for the wait...?
The next update will be very soon, I have a lot of time free over the next couple of weeks so it should be done quickly.
You know the drill… please review!
Thinking of you
Chapter eight
Song for the chapter- Tender by Feeder
Faith, new roads to take together,
Days lying awake, remember…
I'm letting you know, Cleansing my soul
Been letting you know, For days…
Turn over everything, Time can heal us again
I'm tender in your arms…
Reaching inside of me, Bringing the love I need
The loneliness has gone.
Previously…
"I still have more questions you know" I said, trying to make my voice light, "… but for now let's leave everything the way it is"
He was silent for a moment, "You're not afraid of me then?" he asked hesitantly.
I waited a couple of seconds before replying, glad that my voice was strong- "Not of you" I said sincerely, "I'm only afraid of losing you"
I felt him smile against my cheek, "That'll never happen, I promise" he whispered gently.
"I love you"
March 1945
We both remained in our comfortable positions for what only felt like a few minutes, but was most certainly hours instead.
We had moved so I was still cradled in his arms, but sitting on his lap instead. I currently had my eyes closed and my head resting against his chest, just breathing in his beautiful, sweet scent. A scent so unique, that I was certain only he could have it.
I must have drifted off to sleep a couple of times over the night, I noticed this because one moment I would be looking at Edward as he smiled softly down at me, and then I would suddenly find myself waking up to hear his soft voice humming to me.
I never wanted to move. I was completely content and I felt safe and loved here up on this roof, with the city and all that I had known these past few years below me.
Edward and I didn't talk much; we only had casual short conversations every now and then, nothing was of major importance, I avoided the current issues surrounding us just for those couple of hours.
Although, I loved how Edward kept whispering how much he loved me and had missed me against my cheek as I drifted in and out of sleep, which certainly was calming.
I had missed his soothing touch and words too much.
Really, there were so many things that I had missed. It's still and would always be a mystery just how I had managed to survive so long without him.
Because even though he'd only been back a very short amount of time – just mere hours - the thought of losing him again sounded impossible.
He was my life and my soulmate, and I couldn't lose him again.
…I knew I couldn't live if my soul were gone, and he was just that.
I know I should have probably reacted differently about his confession… most people would have probably run away screaming, or stood there and begged him to spare their life of something… but not me.
And why did I react calmly? It's simple- I knew he was still my Edward.
Some of him had changed, his eyes are one example, however I've noticed that despite them being a different colour that they still held that gentleness and love that they always had.
He was still Edward- he was still the intense, interesting, loving man I had fallen in love with, and he would always be.
And I knew it wasn't his choice to become this. He did what he could to still be a good person.
Besides… even if he did kill people, I knew I would still love him.
I would love him no matter what, vampire or no vampire. Just as long as he wants me in his life I will be there and will accept whatever he tells me, because that's just the way I feel.
I love him too much to let something like this come between us, especially after such a long time apart.
Besides, I know I'm not in any immediate danger, it's not like he wants to drink my blood… right?
I must have drifted off to sleep with my thoughts yet again, because when I finally opened my eyes again I noticed that the air was slightly warmer, and that the sky was becoming a lighter blue. It must have been early in the morning by this point.
And so, no longer the night.
I closed my eyes again, relaxing.
"Bella?" Edward whispered to me gently.
I ignored him, but smiled as I snuggled against his chest… maybe if I didn't move much he would believe I was still asleep...
He was silent for a moment, and then repeated himself, "Bellaaaaa…?" he whispered, leaning down so his lips were right by my ear.
"Hmm…?" I murmured, still not opening my eyes.
If possible he pulled me even tighter to him, "As comfortable as this is, we really need to move now" he sighed sadly.
"Why?" I groaned, not wanting to move from my spot.
I opened my eyes and followed his gaze to see the Chicago skyline, which was still submerged under darkness.
He let out a soft breath against my ear, "Because it's nearly sunrise and…" he cut off his explanation.
I looked up at him, "and what?"
"I… I can't go down on to the streets when the sun is out"
Despite his bizarre comment, I smiled- "Why not? Afraid the sun will burn you?" I teased, before pausing in my comment internally wondering if what I said was actually true. After all, the Vampire myths say that they do burn in the sun…
He laughed quietly at my comment, pressing his face into my hair, "Silly Bella…" he murmured, "no, I won't burn or catch fire… but I can't go out in front of people, at least not in direct sunlight"
"Why not?" I asked, still puzzled.
He sighed, before turning to me with a gentle smile on his face. I smiled back, finding myself unable to not smile at him.
Without any more words he gently lifted me off his lap and stood up, holding his hands out to help me up.
When we were standing and facing eachother, I saw that he was still smiling softly at me as he whispered, "Come with me and I'll show you"
*~*~*
I didn't hesitate to say yes to going with Edward, I knew I would do anything for him, which including going wherever he wanted to which I needed to do in this situation.
We walked quickly through the streets of Chicago, heading towards the outskirts of the city where I lived. I didn't ask where we were going, and I didn't know what to expect from it either.
As we walked hand in hand, I secretly hoped that no one would see us- I wasn't ready to face the real world just yet.
Because as selfish as I sounded, all I wanted to keep it this way, just for a little longer… just Edward and Bella, me and him… us two only.
From the way Edward kept glancing around us nervously, I imagined that he felt the same, either that or he was afraid of anyone seeing him especially because he's still believed to be dead.
Wait…
My thoughts completely altered as something hit me.
Would Edward still let his family still believe that he was dead…?
We were now in the woods near our old home, and I noticed how he visibly relaxed knowing he was away from sight.
Which was another factor that led to the question that I desperately needed to ask.
"Edward…?" I whispered quietly.
"Yes?" he replied, seeming distracted as he gently wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me over a fallen tree branch.
I paused for a moment, carefully choosing my words before I spoke- "…What's going to happen after today?" I whispered shakily.
After hearing my unsure words, Edward stopped in his steps and whirled round to face me, instantly dropping my hand in the process.
We were now deeper in the woods, and so we were completely hidden from sight… not that there was anyone about this early to see us anyway.
He was clearly trying to mask it with some other emotion, but I could see anger on his face, "What do you mean by that Bella?" he asked slowly.
Once again I chose my words carefully, "What I mean is… are you going to tell everyone? Like Emmett for example? Or your parents?" I asked quietly, wringing my hands together.
His expression was flat and void of emotion, "tell them what exactly?" he asked warily.
I flinched slightly at his tone, "That… you're alive maybe?" I replied softly.
He sighed, and turned away from me though I could tell he wasn't angry anymore, instead looked sad and defeated- "I can't" he whispered.
I hated seeing his expression so heartbroken.
"Why not?" I whispered softly, trying to urge him on, I knew how much his family meant to him- "they'll understand your reasons… they'll just be so happy to see you, just like I am…"
He cut me off at that point, though when he spoke his voice was gentle- "It's not that simple Bella"
"It sounds pretty simple to me" I argued.
He groaned loudly, "you don't understand" he murmured more to himself then me.
"What don't I understand? Explain it to me Edward, please…" I begged him.
At that he looked at me and his expression became even softer then before. "It's not because I'm afraid of their reactions Bella… I can handle whatever happens, I would be able to accept it if they resented me... The only persons reaction I cared about was yours" he explained quietly, lifting his hand to gently rest on my cheek.
I smiled softly at his action, "then what's the problem?" I whispered.
He closed his eyes, but leant closer to me; his hand was still resting on my cheek
He struggled with his words- "It's just… humans are not supposed to know about vampires… we have to try to hide our existence out of fear of what will happen to us." He began to explain.
"Your family wouldn't do anything to you" I insisted.
He nodded; knowing what I said was true. He didn't and would never doubt his family.
"I know" he murmured, "but you see telling them would mean telling what the others consider too many people… they wouldn't accept it, they may try and do something to ensure that the secret doesn't get spread anymore" he explained.
I tried to digest what he was saying, but I was having difficulties.
I was nervous when I spoke next; maybe it was because I was afraid of the answer- "Are these 'others' fine with me knowing?"
He had one of his arms loosely around me by this point; the other hand was stroking my hair gently, in a soothing motion.
"No… they just don't know that you know," he admitted, smiling at me.
…I knew Edward wouldn't be so relaxed if what he said was a bad thing, so I tried to calm myself down as well.
I smiled at him; "okay that sounds a little confusing" I teased.
He smiled back at me, "I know" he murmured, kissing me on the forehead softly. "But I'll explain it more some other time"
"You keep saying that" I accused him.
He shrugged, "I know, but I do mean it" he insisted, "but for now, can this just be about us?" he asked, gesturing to each of us.
I nodded, and reached my hand out to him again. "Of course" I replied softly.
He smiled at me again, before his expression turned slightly mischievous.
"What…?" I asked warily, as I saw the smile creep up on his face.
He let go of my waist, and wordlessly turned so his back was facing me.
"Climb on" he said, gesturing to his back.
"Surely you're not serious…?" I asked him incredulously, holding my hands out in front of me.
"I am one hundred percent serious" he insisted, turning to look at me quickly, "now come on, it's not long until the sun will be out and I want to get us somewhere on time"
I sighed, "I can't believe I'm doing this…" I muttered to myself as I walked up to him.
I could see his smile stretched across his face as he helped me up which made me feel a little better about this, however once I was in position I wrapped my arms around his neck as tight as I could, to stop myself from falling.
"Care to tell me what the point of this is?" I murmured into his neck.
"Well you wanted to know what being a vampire includes right?" he asked.
I still had my face pressed into his neck, I knew he would feel it when I nodded, but I felt the need to say my response out loud as well, "yeah…"
His smile grew even wider at my response, "well love, one of the only good things is the speed, hold on tight okay…"
He gave me no further warning, because with that he was running.
…And I was not prepared for what it was like.
I knew that Edward had always been a fast runner, even all those years ago, but his speed back then was nothing compared to this.
As the trees and rocks flew by us at alarming speeds, I held on to him tighter then ever before. I tried to not be frightened, after all I knew Edward would never hurt me… but in this situation, I couldn't help fear us hitting something.
…Which at this speed I knew would hurt.
I didn't make any noise, but I kept my eyes wide open, still disbelieving that this was possible.
Eventually after a minute or so of the running, Edward came to a sudden stop,
With his help I shakily climbed down from his back. When I was able to look up from the ground, Edward was watching me.
I brushed off my skirt, "well… I wasn't expecting that"
He laughed quietly, and reached his hand out towards me. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked warily, as he noticed my hand was shaking in his.
"Yes… just give me a minute to slow down my heart"
"Hmm, yeah I can hear it going fast, do you want to sit down?"
"You can hear it?" I asked in shock.
"Another vampire thing" he murmured, as he took both of my hands in his.
"Ah…" – I didn't feel the need to say anything else.
I waited for a moment, "I'm okay now, let's continue"
He looked unsure whether to believe me or not, but sighed anyway. He looked up towards the sky, clearly noticing how much lighter it was quickly becoming.
With my hand still held in his, he gently pulled me forward, and headed to where it looked as if the trees were thinning- there was a lot more light ahead as compared to behind us.
When we got closer, it became clearer that the light in the trees was actually a clearing of some sort. I walked ahead of Edward, eager to see what it was and where we were.
I wasn't prepared for what I was about to see… I broke through the remainder of the trees to find a clearing with a stream running through the middle of it, which was surrounded by wildflowers. The sun was now just beginning to rise into the sky, making the whole place light and beautiful.
The sky itself was a light blue and cloudless- it made a wonderful change compared to the clouds that had constantly covered Chicago for the past few weeks.
I was amazed, I found myself spinning slowly in circles so I could see everything around me, "Places like this just don't exist… at least not in Chicago" I whispered quietly to myself.
I thought it was impossible for Edward to hear me, but apparently his hearing had increased tenfold… he was still over in the trees, at least a hundred yards from me.
"Places like this exist for me…" he murmured, just loud enough for me to hear, "…this is where I've spent a lot of my time over the last few months"
I walked back towards him smiling, though I felt saddened by the thought that he felt so alone… I had always felt that way over the past few years, even though I never was. I had my family and my best friends.
And whom did he have…? Strangers that had turned him into something that he hated and who were forced to become his new family.
I know comments like that sounds hateful of me… after all this Carlisle person had saved him from certain death and then offered him a home so comments like that sound hateful of me… but I'm just looking at things in perspective.
My emotions had gone a bit haywire over the past 12 hours anyway, which I knew was to be expected.
A previous worry suddenly came to me… and that was why didn't Edward come back to me sooner? I knew he had said he wanted me to be happy, but that didn't sound completely legit to me.
Besides… why was he planning on leaving me last night? He only decided to show himself when I was ready to jump off the building.
Did that mean that I was just a bother to him…?
Or did he still love me in some sense, but only decided to stay with me out of guilt?
Or what about…
"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me softly, cutting into my thoughts.
I looked up at him to see him looking at me in concern, obviously being able to tell by my facial expression that something was bothering me.
I knew I would eventually ask him those questions, but for now I just wanted to enjoy our time together.
Edward had said he wouldn't leave… but who's to say he wouldn't when I asked him if he still loved me the way he used to?
And so with all of that in mind, I thought of the best lie that I could in the situation.
"…I'm just wondering why you're still hiding in the trees when you should be out in the sunshine," I replied, shrugging off-handily.
He looked like he didn't believe my transparent lie, but chose to ignore it for now.
"Give me a moment" he eventually replied quietly. He was looking at the ground at his feet, which were kicking a couple of rocks gently.
After a minute or two he looked up at me, his expression was now a lot more determined then before.
He slowly stepped forwards through the leaves, slowly revealing himself to the light and to me.
When he was finally out in front of me, I looked properly at him… and couldn't for the life of me believe what I was seeing.
His skin… was sparking… like millions of diamonds were embedded on him.
He was… incredible, so different and yet so wonderful. He seemed wary, his eyes never left my own, watching my reaction.
Eventually he shrugged, his voice now sad as he spoke- "This is what I am"
I was lost for words, "You… you're…" I stuttered, trying to think of the right adjective- "You're beautiful" I whispered, slowly reaching my hand out to touch his own.
"Beautiful?" he asked in surprise and slight anger, "…This isn't normal Bella, something this strange shouldn't be called… beautiful" he mumbled.
I just shook my head, feeling a little tired of his negativity towards himself… he didn't see himself clearly. I continued to trace my fingers up his arm, surprised to see that he didn't feel any different… his skin was cold- only slightly warmed from the sunlight- but it was still smooth and felt almost normal.
"I understand why you can't go out in public like this" I murmured, "but please don't hate yourself for it"
He sighed quietly, weaving his fingers through mine, "I'll try" he whispered as he lifted my hand up to kiss it softly.
*~*~*
We ended up lying down on the grass together under the sunshine, at first we started off just next to each other. But within just minutes I ended up resting my head on his chest, while one of his hands wrapped around my waist.
He would occasionally lean his head down to kiss my hair, my temple or my cheek. And every time he did it I would feel a blush spread across my cheeks… it was unusual just how much he affected me.
The day passed in a blur, it went far too quickly for my liking- the sun moved across the sky above us, eventually disappearing behind the trees.
And so, Edward's sparkles disappeared… maybe that was a good thing though, he instantly seemed like he was more comfortable then before once his skin looked normal again.
Throughout the day I forgot about human things, like how I felt fatigued and a little hungry... after all things like that didn't matter in moments as tender as this.
We mostly lay in a comfortable silence not needing words at every moment, however as night quickly approached there was one worry that kept crossing my mind.
I didn't want to talk about this to Edward, but I knew I had to at some point- I suppose it would have to be now or never.
"Edward? You know about Jacob… right?" I whispered quietly against his chest.
He stiffened slightly, "Yes" he replied curtly.
I needed something else from him, a further comment perhaps, "And…?" I urged him, turning to head up to look at him.
"And… it's your decision" he replied quietly, not looking at me.
"What's my decision?" I asked baffled.
He looked hurt as he replied, "…Whether you want him… or me"
I sat up in surprise, shocked that he would think there was even the smallest possibility that I would rather have Jacob then him!
Did Edward not know just how much I loved him?!
I knew for certain that I would give up everything if it meant keeping him… even my life if I had to.
"Edward… theres no question, it's you, it's always been you" I insisted, trying to get eye contact with him.
He finally looked at me, but didn't speak for a while.
"Well then, I'm okay with it… that you were with him I mean," he replied quietly, "…I will admit that it did hurt for a little while when I saw that you had somewhat moved on, but I understood completely"
I was now even more in shock, and found myself at a loss for words, "You did?" I whispered quietly.
He sat up, so his face was now only inches from my own, "Of course… he helped heal you" he replied, softly brushing my hair from my face.
I shook my head; "I was never completely healed"
He nodded, now beginning to brush his fingers down and across my cheek tenderly, "I know… I could tell that last night with the whole… jumping thing, but you cannot deny that he did help you" he told me softly, looking at me the entire time.
When I replied, I didn't know what I was saying, I didn't think before I spoke- "Why are you being so understanding?"
He closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them revealing a lighter shade of gold then before. "I've been trying to imagine myself in your situation, I knew that if the situation were reversed…" -he flinched as if imagining the possibility- "that I wouldn't be able to cope without friends or family to help me through"
Again, I didn't think about what I was saying, "But… he became more then a friend to me" I murmured.
He nodded, and replied quickly, "I know"
"H…how can you not be mad at me for that?" I asked sadly, feeling my eyes sting a little out of guilt.
His expression was soft and loving as he continued to trial his hand down my cheek, his touch soft. "Bella… you believed I was dead for so long, I do not blame you for wanting to find happiness, how could I? All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy"
I closed my eyes as I took in his loving words, and leant in towards him pressing my face into his neck. His arms were instantly around me, as I allowed a couple of tears to fall down my face and onto his neck.
"Thank you for understanding" I whispered softly.
I felt him nod in response as he held on to me tighter.
It was silent for a little while, though as the sky grew darker and the cold wind began to pick up I knew that we would have to move now.
Our time was drawing to a close.
And I know had to decide what to do next.
It was as if Edward had read my mind, his next question was almost exactly what I was thinking- "So Bella… what are you going to do now?" he asked quietly, his voice just a whisper in the wind.
For once I didn't need to I knew whom exactly he was referring to.
…And I knew exactly what had to be done.
"I need to go home" I murmured, pulling myself even closer to him, "I need to talk to everyone"
*~*~*
The moon was out and the stars were shining brightly in the clear sky by the time we were standing outside of Alice and Jasper's house.
Once we were standing still, I turned to face Edward with what felt like a torn expression on my face. After all we had been apart for so long, and I wasn't ready to leave him even though it was only for a short while.
He must have been thinking something similar, because he smiled at me reassuringly and then silently wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him.
I felt calmer at his touch; he gently rubbed soothing circles on my back as I clutched on to him.
It was silent for a while, until Edward spoke quietly, "They're both very worried about you" he murmured, referring to Jasper and Alice.
"How do you know that?" I whispered against his chest.
"Another vampire power, love" he replied quietly, kissing my hair firmly, "I'll explain more to you soon"
I smiled slightly, "You keep saying that"- I repeated my words from earlier.
I was certain he was smiling as well, "I know"
My voice was weaker then before as I spoke again, "I have to go… but I don't want to leave you"
"I don't want you to go either" he admitted, his voice trembling slightly, "but we'll be together soon" he insisted.
Hope quickly over took me- I already couldn't wait for that time; I knew that it was what I would rely on as I talked to Jasper, Alice and then Jacob.
It was bizarre really… I missed Edward already, and he wasn't even gone yet.
"We will…?" I asked quietly.
His voice was stronger then mine- "Of course… just come back to our spot when you can, and I'll be waiting for you" he promised, holding me even tighter then before.
I smiled again, "You promise?"
He smiled at me- "I promise"
I felt a lot calmer then before about going now, "Okay…" I replied, starting to pull away from him slightly.
He wouldn't loosen his grip though, instead he buried his face into my hair as he sighed, "I don't want to see you go, even if it's only for a short while" he whispered, his voice cracking slightly.
Now I needed to reassure him slightly.
"I feel exactly the same way" I murmured, stretching up to brush my lips on his neck.
He swayed us gently from side to side, his voice strong and beautiful as he replied- "I love you"
"I love you too" I whispered, loud enough for him to hear.
I silently turned and walked up the path towards the house, stopping once I got to the door just to look behind me. I was sad to see that Edward was no where in sight, but I knew he was still watching from somewhere.
I took a deep breath and then slowly opened the door, walking in cautiously.
"Alice? Jasper?" I yelled loudly, hearing my voice echo around the small house.
"Bella, is that you?!"
In the next instant Alice appeared in the doorway, her eyes were red, and her short hair was a mess. She ran over to me and pulled me into a tight hug, making it slightly difficult to breathe.
She eventually pulled away, and her relief soon turned into anger as she yelled at me-
"Bella, where on earth have you been?! I've been worried sick!"
I sighed quietly to myself, here come the lies…
Next chapter preview:
"You lied to Alice didn't you?" Jasper asked me quietly, his expression was surprisingly understanding instead of angry, "something bigger then that happened… I can tell, so care to tell me the truth?"
Hope this was okay...
The next chapter will soon as long as people want it...? Please review! Any chance at all of reaching 120?!? :D Please?
Thanks for reading!