A/N- Hii! Wow, I loved the response to the last chapter! Truly amazing, thank you to- Vampiregirl1654, Twilightgoddess, Vanpiress123, MissStrawberries, xLadyAng3lx, liz526, cullenlover642, mysoundlesssilentscream, caww, anonymous, hugsmaketheworldgoround, TwiHoster95, JenniCullen, lionlambluv, yellowipod, Twilightteen14, nougat81, since1918, twilightlover90, jokesrup, alys09, lexi-virgo, j5girl31012 for reviewing! I'll reply to everyone individually at some point now I've figured out how to do that.. but still, every review is truly so appreciated!
So here we are, chapter nine.. hope its not too boring, its kind of a filler. I really didnt have much time sadly. Plus I'm scared that no ones going to like it, or want to review it or anything..
If you do like it or want to give constructive critisism.. or anything, then please review!
Thinking of you
Chapter nine
(Song for the chapter- In my own time- Delta Goodrem)
My head is spinning around and it's making me dizzy.
I'm spinning around and it's making me ill.
You don't understand what I'm going through just to find a way to climb.
It'll be in my own time.
It'll be in my own time.
Whispering thoughts in all different ways.
That I'm in a daze.
My head is spinning around and it's making me dizzy.
I'm spinning around and it's making me ill.
You don't understand what I'm going through just to find a way to climb.
It'll be in my own time.
'cause it'll be in my own time.
Previously…
"Alice? Jasper?" I yelled loudly, hearing my voice echo around the small house.
"Bella, is that you?!"
In the next instant Alice appeared in the doorway, her eyes were red, and her short hair was a mess. She ran over to me and pulled me into a tight hug, making it slightly difficult to breathe.
She eventually pulled away, and her relief soon turned into anger as she yelled at me-
"Bella, where on earth have you been?! I've been worried sick!"
I sighed quietly to myself, here come the lies…
March 1945
I was fully aware of the two pairs of eyes focused on me as I quickly tried to think of the best excuse possible, I chose not to look at their expressions feeling afraid of what I might see in them.
My voice came out shaky as I eventually replied; "I've been… away…"
It was the best I could think of under the pressure, though it was certainly not a convincing excuse to anyone, unfortunately.
Alice was tapping her foot, with her arms crossed over her chest. "Away?" she questioned quietly.
"Yes…" I replied in a rush, trying to come up with a better explanation as quickly as I could- "I needed some space for a day, just to clear my mind… and to put things into perspective"
Alice nodded, though I could now see that worry and confusion was clearly etched onto her face. "Right… okay… why couldn't you of told me that you were going? I was really worried… I thought you might of…" she trailed off, and I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what she was going to say next.
The ironic thing was that she was right.
I sighed softly, feeling guilty for making her worry so much, "I know, I'm sorry… I just wasn't thinking straight" I whispered.
She still didn't seem satisfied with my lack of an excuse, "It's okay, we'll talk more about that later… but where did you go?" she asked quickly.
"I… um… I went out of town," I stuttered, noticing Jasper look at me suspiciously out of the corner of my eye.
"Anywhere in particular?" Alice asked again, desperate to get more information.
I shook my head, "not really…" I murmured.
It was silent for a moment, I could tell they were both ready to ask more questions, so I made a quick interruption.
"I'm sorry… I'm not trying to be so rude intentionally but can I go and sleep? I'll talk to you both more in the morning" I asked them softly.
I knew that least I would have more time to think of a better excuse.
Alice sighed heavily, seeming frustrated with me, "of course…" she whispered, pulling me in for a hug.
She whispered quietly to me- "Bella… you can tell me anything you know that right?"
I nodded against her shoulder, feeling the guilt in the pit of my stomach.
She continued talking softly to me- "It's just… I know that you're still missing him, but I didn't realise how badly it was affecting you. Probably because you never told me… just please let me in next time?" she begged me.
"I will" I replied quietly, feeling shame for lying to my best friend.
She had done so much for me over the years and I treated her this awful way… and I was going to continue, for Edward's sake.
I was basically choosing him over her.
Was that even fair…?
She had been there for the three years… while Edward let me believe that he was dead.
I blocked out the horrible memories of the three years as best I could… I knew Edward had a good reason for what he did, he had already explained it slightly. I would make sure to find out the full reason before I put my plan into motion.
After saying goodnight as quickly as I could to Alice and Jasper, I made my way to the guestroom and began getting ready for bed. I hadn't realised until now just how tired I felt… I suppose that only the couple of hours sleep the night before had caught up with me.
I decided that I would be going back to my home tomorrow- hopefully to talk to Jacob, it was unfair to keep stringing him along anymore, I wouldn't tell him everything… just the basics, that I cannot be with him anymore.
After that I would gather everyone – my parents and my friends - to tell them my plans, and what I was going to do next.
I just hoped that they wouldn't get suspicious or fear the worst, like Alice did when I left for the night.
I was interrupted from my thoughts by a quiet knock at the door, I automatically assumed it was Alice coming to check on me.
"Come in" I told her quietly as I continued brushing my hair out.
The door creaked open, and to my surprise it wasn't Alice but was her husband Jasper instead.
"Is it okay if I talk to you for a minute?" he asked cautiously, hesitating in his spot half in and half out of the room.
"Of course…" I agreed instantly, gesturing for him to come into the room.
I began worrying about the state of the room- why did I have to make things look like such a mess?! "I'm sorry for the mess I've made in this room… I'll clean it before I go back home tomorrow," I mumbled, tidying up the bed sheets as I spoke.
He didn't say anything about it though and the silence was unnerving, I eventually turned around to face him and finally he spoke- though he didn't say what I was expecting him to.
"You lied to Alice didn't you?" he asked me quietly, his expression surprisingly understanding instead of angry.
How did he know…?
"I…" I began defending myself, trying to fight away my shaking voice.
He cut me off and continued talking- "something bigger then that happened… I can tell, so care to tell me the truth?" he asked looking up at me, expectation written all over his face.
I gulped and fidgeted nervously from my spot across the room- after all if there was one person that I could not lie in front of; it was the blonde ex-soldier standing in front of me.
It was bewildering but he could always see right through people… almost as if he knew whether their emotions were haywire. He could always see right through me, hence why I felt so nervous now.
"I didn't lie" I murmured in defence.
Well I didn't completely lie… not exactly.
He frowned at my response, "really?"
I frowned back in response, "really…" I replied, moving to sit on the edge of my bed.
He began pacing in front of me, seeming to be deep in thought; "It's just… if you really had gone out of town I'm certain you would have gone into more detail about where you went…" he observed. "It seemed as if you were thinking hard about what to tell Alice, as if you were making up your lie as you went"
"I wasn't…" I defended myself, "I'm just… tired that's all, I couldn't really remember the details clearly" I lied unconvincingly.
It was silent for a moment, "…You're doing it again," he accused me quietly.
"Doing what?" I snapped, "I wouldn't lie to my best friend… how dare you accuse me!"
He sighed softly, now looking guiltier then before- "I didn't mean it like that Bella…"
I just shrugged and refused to look at him, instead turning my attention to the small square window that faced towards the back garden.
I could have sworn I saw dark eyes staring right back at me, but it was probably my imagination.
I must have flinched or made an obvious reaction, because when I turned back to Jasper he looked even more suspicious then before.
"What now?" I asked quietly- I knew I was being rude but I wasn't in the mood for anymore interrogation from him.
I knew I couldn't hold my own when it came to lying- I hadn't even thought of a good excuse when I first arrived home, its no wonder Jasper was already suspicious.
"Nothing, you just seemed a little out of it there… really focused on something" he murmured, looking towards the window as well.
I sighed, "It was just the garden, that's all" I replied quickly.
He sighed, turning to look directly at me, "please just stop lying Bella… you're not fooling me"
I waited for him to stop staring at me- his expression was very calculating, as if he was trying to figure it out for himself.
I didn't want him to come to a completely incorrect conclusion, but I knew he wouldn't give up until he got an answer from- I knew I had to tell him something right away.
Stretch the truth perhaps… turn it into a white lie…
I rolled my eyes, "Fine… I was…" I stuttered, deciding on what exactly to tell him.
He seemed impatient, "Yes…?"
The words came out before I could stop them, "…I left last night with the intention of killing myself" I whispered softly.
Jasper looked like he wasn't expecting that, his eyes were wide and his expression shocked as he mumbled- "You… what?"
I continued with my lie, "I just couldn't take it anymore! I thought dying would be an escape from the pain that hurt so badly… the pain of losing Edward I mean…"
I continued with my desperate lie, "I know that me being around is just making everyone unhappy… I haven't been myself in so long, and I didn't think that I ever would be" I whispered sadly.
It was silent for a long time.
"What changed?" Jasper eventually whispered weakly.
I looked up at him, "What do you mean?" I asked quietly.
He gestured to me, "you're still here" he murmured, smiling softly at me, "and you were using past tense, saying that it hurt bad- not that it still hurts"
He really is too observant.
I began trying to think of further explanation- "Yeah… It's because…"
"Because of what?" he encouraged me softly, cutting me off.
Think, think... "Because… of him." I whispered, "… I was ready to jump to my death, and it was like Edward was there in my mind… telling me not to jump…"
Jasper was silent for a while, "so what you're saying is that you wanted to kill yourself and you were going to… but you thought Edward wouldn't want that?" he whispered as if he was struggling to accept it.
I nodded, keeping my gaze level with him, "Yes, exactly"
"Wow… okay" he sighed in a breath, pausing for several moments. "…You know it still amazes me to hear just how much love you had for him"
I decided to correct him, "Have, love I have for him… I will never stop loving him," I replied, smiling at the thought of my Edward.
He smiled at me, "I know" he murmured pulling me in for a friendly hug, "why didn't you tell Alice the truth?" he asked quietly in my ear.
"I didn't want to upset her… you know over the suicide thing" I admitted quietly.
"Oh right… now that makes sense" he replied; though there was still a hint of doubt in his voice.
I nodded but didn't say anything.
He pulled away from the hug, his expression now sheepish, "I'm sorry for forcing you to tell me… I was just concerned"
"It's okay" I told him truthfully smiling at him.
He told me that he should probably go back to Alice at that point, and I agreed. We both said goodnight, him kissing my forehead just before he left the room.
I faced the door for several moments, before turning back to where the bed was.
I froze in my moments because of what I saw next…
Edward.
He was standing inside the room, the window open behind him, the breeze sweeping into the small room. I was relieved, ecstatic and overjoyed to see him again so soon.
He was smiling crookedly at me, "Should I be worried?" he murmured teasingly, referring to Jasper.
I could only smile breathlessly at him, "you're here…" I whispered, running straight into his open arms.
"Of course I am" he murmured, kissing my hair softly as he wrapped his arms tight around me.
I snuggled into his embrace before looking up at him, making sure I was pouting- "You didn't say that you were coming…"
His reply was quick, "I didn't know if I could sneak in without getting caught… I didn't want to make false promises" he explained softly, rocking me from side to side.
"Oh right…" I replied, leaning my head on his chest.
"Are you okay?" he whispered gently in my ear.
"I'm fine… I just hate lying to them, especially Alice" I replied just as gently.
He kissed my cheek, leaving his face pressed against mine, "I know, love"
We moved so that we were lying on the bed, cuddled up to each other.
I sighed sadly as I thought about Alice and Jasper, "I'm just going to miss them so much…" I whispered.
He was playing with my hair gently, but stopped in his motions when I spoke.
"Miss them?" he asked confused.
"Hmm" I murmured against his neck.
He still seemed confused- "When? They're still here for you, beautiful" he reassured me.
I closed my eyes, "They won't be… not when we leave" I murmured.
"You want to leave?" he asked, surprise evident in his voice.
There was no hesitation in my voice as I replied- "Yes, it's the only way we can be together without them finding out"
"Bella, please think about this. You don't have to leave your friends and family for me, it's a huge thing for you to have to do… I don't want you to be unhappy," he said quietly, resting his chin on the top of my head.
I chose to pull out of our embrace, leaning up on my elbows so that I was looking him directly in the eye as I replied- "I won't be… I'll have you"
Next chapter preview:
"How can you leave me after everything I've done for you?!"
Sorry that this chapter is shorter then usual, but this was all I could get done before I go on holiday and I figured its better to have a shorter chapter then no chapter at all for ages. :D
So yeah, as mentioned I won't be able to update for a couple of weeks, as I can't take my laptop on holiday with me. But I'm still aiming to have this story completed by the end of July- maybe the very beginning of August at the latest. Thanks to everyone who's been patient so far!
And I'm kind of sad now... we're very close to the end now. It'll either be 1 or 2 chapters plus an epilogue… depends on how things turn out and whether I need to divide the chapters in half or not.
Thats all for now. See you all soon :) Please REVIEW!
Thanks for reading, Emma.x