Chapter 22

KaoruxOCxHikaru

"Find what makes you happy in life, and never let it go, no matter how hopeless it may seem."

For some reason that morning, grandpa's last words seem to repeat themselves in my mind. It felt like something important in my life was being pulled away. I was trying too hard to hold onto it. So hard that it brought pain to me, and the people I loved. I tried to smile through breakfast as we sat there, and ate, but it was quiet, and I could just tell they were analyzing my every movement, just waiting to ask what was bothering me.

Today was Kaoru's day, I couldn't ruin this for him. After we ate, Hikaru called his limo early, so he could head out before us. I expected him to blow me off like he had done so many times before when he grew jealous, but he was actually acting pretty normal, for Hikaru anyway. He said his goodbyes, and pressed his lips against my forehead, before turning to leave. I extended my hand, to grab his wrist, and pulled him back. He was stunned, but I wasn't ready for him to leave yet. I wanted to hold him. He didn't resist, he just couldn't, because deep down, he didn't wanna walk away either.

This situation grew harder, and harder, and all I wanted to do was break into a million pieces in his arms. I wanted to cry, but I held it back, and smiled at him, before he kissed me on the lips, and headed for home. When I turned back to the spa, Kaoru leaned against the fence post smiling. He didn't seem irritated in the least. Somehow that only made me feel worse.

When his limo pulled up, he opened the door for me, and I slid inside. The whole car ride to wherever we were going was actually much better than breakfast. He held me snuggly, and while I was resisting the urge to cry, I was heavily intoxicated by his scent, which temporarily eased the pain within me. We'd say something once, and a while, but we had become so close that the exchange of words weren't needed. We already knew what each other was thinking. He could see the turmoil in my eyes. He could feel the hurt every time my heart beat.

When he held me tighter, I knew it was his way of taking the pain away. To bring me in so close that I'd no longer feel it, and all that would remain, was the sensation of his embrace. Kaoru was such a loving person. Could I be with him?

Once we got to our destination, he walked behind me with his hands over my eyes. I felt very disoriented without sight, and when he said we were about to go down some steps I panicked. He was just joking with me to see my reaction, which was me ripping his hands away from my face. In front of me was a bunch of steps leading downwards. It was a bunch of bleachers, that were facing a huge indoor skate rink. The ceiling was decorated with a lovely scene of the night sky. My heart fluttered with the butterflies, "Kaoru, I can't skate." I muttered.

"You'll learn." he teased, moving my hair to kiss my cheek.

"But," I started to protest, but he placed an index finger over my lips.

"I'll teach you. I promise you won't get hurt." he had me as soon as he ran his fingers down my cheek. I melted.

He treated me like a child, as he laced up the skates on my feet, like I had forgotten how to tie shoes. I watched him work, as I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, "Why skating out of curiosity?" I asked.

"Anything that gives me an excuse to hold you seems like a winning situation to me." he replied, finishing up my second skate. I found it sort of humorous. He was so sweet. He rolled me over to the entrance of the skate rink, and I was already feeling off balance.

"I don't like this…" I whined, and he just laughed.

"I have a question for you." He said, wheeling in front of me, and slowly pulling me along. I held onto him for dear life. This made him chuckle once again, "Why not just use those psychic abilities of yours to keep balance?"

"I don't like using them as a crutch. I'd rather learn stuff naturally. It's kind of cheating if I do it any other way." I said with a smile.

"This isn't so bad is it?" he asked, returning my smile.

"It's horrible." I said flatly, but I was kidding… sorta.

There was random elevator music playing over the sound system. No one else was around. Had he rented this place out? I started to feel myself slip, as I'm sure he felt it too, but he pulled me back up before I could actually spiral to the ground. "Like I said, I will never let you fall."

I started to gradually get the hang of it. He could tell I was getting more comfortable when my death grip on his hands started to let up. Suddenly, a song I sort of recognized started to play on the sound system, it had a weird sounding beginning, but in a beautiful way, it was haunting.

When the rain is blowing in your faceAnd the whole world is on your caseI could offer you a warm embraceTo make you feel my love

It was Josh Kelley's version of To Make You Feel My Love originally written by Bob Dylan. It seems Kaoru was catching onto the lyrics as they strummed on. He smiled at me gently, as we slowly skated side by side. Him still holding my hand as an insurance policy, but I also like to believe because he just wanted to hold it.

When the evening shadows and the stars appearAnd there is no one there to dry your tearsI could hold you for a million yearsTo make you feel my love

He outstretched his arm, and gently swung me around so I would be pulled into his embrace. My cheeks turned red, and I buried my face into his shoulder. I felt more and more like a child. So small and vulnerable in the blanket of his love, and affection. Gently he swayed us back, and forth. It was magical. As if the painted stars above us were brought to life, and were shining on us in that luminous moment.

I know you haven't made your mind up yetBut I would never do you wrongI've known it from the moment that we metNo doubt in my mind where you belong

He paused, and I looked up at him. I was a bit surprised to see he was in a bit of pain himself. His smile was now melancholy, as he leaned in, and kissed me softly, tears streaming down his cheeks. He was trembling, and I held him like he held me. I didn't know what had suddenly clicked within him, but whatever emotion it was, it was strong.

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blueI'd go crawling down the avenueNo, there's nothing that I wouldn't doTo make you feel my love

He pulled me in tightly again, as if shielding me. To protect me from something. Really he wanted to hide his face. He was ashamed. He was just crumbling in front of me. I was really starting to worry "Kaoru…" I murmured, and he stopped trembling. Like hearing my voice brought him back down to earth, and he started to lose his balance. He was starting to fall. There was a small crash to the ground, but it was me. I held my broken little angel in my arms, so he wouldn't land on his already broken wings. I didn't know what else to do but hold him quietly, listening to his small sobs.

The storms are raging on the rollin' seaAnd on the highway of regretThe winds of change are blowing wild and freeYou ain't seen nothing like me yet

Why was he crying? He was so afraid to let go, like I'd disappear in the darkness if he did, "I'm right here Kaoru, I'm right here." I reassured, "What's the matter? What's wrong? Please tell me." I begged. He wouldn't say anything back, so I just kissed his now sweaty forehead, and held him tightly once more.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come trueNothing that I wouldn't doGo to the ends of the earth for youTo make you feel my love

"I love you Chelsea." he murmured, and my eyes widened. What had he just said? Was I hearing things? My heart was already pounding, but now it shifted into overdrive. He lifted his head, and looked at me with crying eyes, and tear stained cheeks, "I love you so much." he confessed. Now I was starting to cry, "but… I…" he said looking down at the floor, "I mean… I can't be with you…" And like that all oxygen escaped from my lungs, and I wanted to retreat. What did he mean? "You belong with Hikaru, Chelsea." he said looking back up at me, placing his hand on my cheek, which was now cold. I was as white as a ghost. I couldn't move I was so… shocked, "I did this to spend one more day with you. To be able to hold you one last time. To be able to kiss you one last time. I thought I could do it. I thought it would be easy, because when I see how happy you two are together, even though it makes me hurt… it makes me so full of happiness. You two are so beautiful together."

I cringed. Weren't we beautiful together? Wasn't this beautiful? Everything we had done up to this point… didn't it mean anything? My mouth opened, but my lip quivered, and I just couldn't formulate words. "K-k.." I couldn't speak, I was starting to panic. "Kaoru…" twin tears slid down my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands, as I fell apart. I was crying, and sobbing so loud I'm sure I could disturb the city outside. I should have known that eventually, if I didn't make the decision, one of them would. "I wanna go home." I whispered breathlessly. He had to lean in to hear me. It was killing him to see me like this. He wanted to hold me, and he was so tempted to, but when he held out his hand, it dropped to the floor.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. Apologized for what? For loving me? For letting me hear the words I had longed to hear for far too damn long just for them to be stolen away!? "I'll get my driver to take you home."

"Come with me!" I begged, my face exploding with sadness.

"I can't." He replied, tilting his head.

He knew it from the start. When he came home. When we were at the spa. When he almost cried, and that morning with Hikaru. He had it planned from the beginning. He wanted to spend this day with me… and then cast me away. He didn't even bother to walk me to the car. He just helped me to my feet, and let me do the rest alone.

The ride home was so weird. In a huge limo all alone. This had never happened before. Normally Hikaru and Kaoru were snaked around me to keep me warm and sheltered. That would never happen again…

"Find what makes you happy in life, and never let it go, no matter how hopeless it may seem."

What if it was two? What if it wasn't just one thing, one what, that made me happy? I unhooked the necklace they gave to me and stared at it thoughtfully.

"No matter how cheesy it sounds, you complete us."

Hikaru agreed with me. Somewhere deep down he agreed. It wasn't just two of us, but all three of us. We all needed each other. Three wasn't a crowd, not in this case. It was the only thing that made sense.

I hooked the necklace back around my neck as we approached my apartment building. By then it was about 9PM. A long drive, that seemed even longer being by myself. The tears just kept coming, so much that I couldn't even feel them running down my face. I was so numbed by the day. When I walked in, I laid down on my bed immediately. If I was lucky, I just wouldn't wake up once I passed out. That's when the phone rang. It was my cell phone. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID, I just answered it blankly, "Hello?" I asked.

"Hey," it was Hikaru.

The sound made me feel a tinge of happiness, "Hey." I replied.

"You still with Kaoru?" he asked.

The name sounded familiar, "No… he gave me a ride back home, so I guess he should be on his way." I figured he called another limo to come get him after the one I took left.

"Oh," he answered simply.

"Yeah…" I replied.

He grew quiet, and then I heard him take a deep breath, "Chelsea."

"Yeah?" He called me by my name.

"You alright? You seem… I don't know? Disappointed."

"I'm really tired Hikaru." I mumbled.

"Where'd Kaoru take you?"

"Skate rink." I replied.

"Did you fall?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"Hard… very hard." I murmured. I heard him cut up, and without even realizing it, his laughter brought a smile to my face, as more tears spilled from my eyes, "Jerk." I grumbled.

"Don't worry," he said smoothly, "I'll kiss you, and make it all better." he reassured.

"I'll give you something to kiss alright." I said flatly, and he chuckled again.

"Yeah, yeah." he muttered, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, I like to bite."

I shook my head, and rolled over to stare up at the ceiling, "Hey Hikaru." I whispered.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"Why did you really call?"

He grew quiet, and then "I…"

"You were checking up on me hmm?" I asked.

"Something like that." he muttered.

"Yeah, you were worried." I smiled confidently.

"Why would I worry about you Yankee?" he asked flatly.

"Don't Yankee me." I argued, and could tell he was smirking by the little noise he made through his nose.

I heard him grow quiet after that, and then he quickly said, "Hey I think Kaoru's home. I'm going to go check on him. I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Yeah," I murmured quietly, not wanting to let him go just yet, once again. Disappointment swept over my face.

"Hey Yankee."

"Yeah?"

"Smile."

And I did, like the goofball I was.

"I'll talk to you later." he repeated.

"Night Hikaru." I replied.

"Night Chelsea." when he was about to hang up, I had to say something.

"Hikaru." I bit my tongue, but he heard me.

"What?" he asked, sounding a little irritated.

I sighed, "Nothing. Good night." I hung up before he could say anything else.

Hikaru stared at the screen of his cell phone blankly, when Kaoru walked into the room. He looked like a wreck, and of course Hikaru caught on, "What's the matter with you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kaoru stared at him, and then took a seat on his bed in front of him, "Did Chelsea call?" he asked.

"That's not important. What happened?" asked Hikaru, growing more concerned.

"I told Chelsea I loved her today." said Kaoru.

Hikaru stared at him, feeling sort of hurt, but he wouldn't let it show on his face. "She rejected you?" asked Hikaru.

"No," said Kaoru shaking his head, "I rejected her."

Hikaru was getting more confused, "What?"

"Hikaru, you called her didn't you?"

"Dammit Kaoru! Stop changing the subject!"

"Just answer me." replied Kaoru. Hikaru stared back down at his cell phone, "You love her, just as much as I do Hikaru."

"Shut up." growled Hikaru, "That's not true. I-"

"You do." finished Kaoru. "It pains you to walk away from her. You want to be as close as possible to her, but you can't because you're afraid it'll hurt me, that it'll hurt us right?" he asked, "Go to her Hikaru…"

Hikaru stared at his brother not being able to comprehend the words he was hearing. Running his fingers through his hair with irritation written all over his face, he was growing frustrated.

"Admit it, you love her." murmured Kaoru.

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blueI'd go crawling down the avenueNo, there's nothing that I wouldn't doTo make you feel my love

Author's notes: This is really nearing it's end… or is it? I'm going to make three endings for this story: one true ending, and two alternate endings. The alternate endings will be posted first, and then the real ending will be posted at the end. I'm hoping to end it on a note that I might be able to write more chapters later xD I just can't let go of this story. I love it too much. =D anyways, see ya at the first alternate ending guys.

Curious Question for the readers… "Who do you see Chelsea with? Kaoru, or Hikaru? Why?" I'd love to know your answers =D

Hint: There are no right or wrong answers here ;)