I come bearing the next chapter!! Don't expect the next one for about a week or so because I have a super busy weekend comming up and then classes start next monday so we'll see how it goes.

BTW, when i write a stroy I always create a playlist. If anyone's interested in this story's playlist, let me know and I'll let you know what it is. This chapter was inspired by The Weepies "World Spins Madly on" and Katy Perry's "Thinking of You". Strange combo...but whatevs!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 16: The Animal

"What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up Like a raisin in the sun?... Or does it explode?"~Langston Hughes

The darkness was comforting. There were no worries or fears and I just drifted in the all consuming nothingness. It pressed against my ears, my chest, and my legs, almost like a heavy woolen blanket, shielding me from the rest of the world. And for a while, it was a comfort to know that nothing could touch me there. I only took small, shallow breaths like a baby rabbit afraid to make too much noise.

Later (or at least when I thought it might be later, because time ceased to exist) the darkness was not quite so solitary. Emma made a few appearances, drifting ghost-like just in front of me. I saw her as the impetuous six year-old she'd once been; her honey blonde hair blinding in the sunlight. She held her hand out to me as she laughed and laughed and laughed. But the laughter didn't last, like it hadn't in the real world.

Next, she appeared as a somber ten year old in her little black dress with lace on the collar. She stood by the front door of the house in Canmore, tears trailing down her cheeks. There wasn't anything I could do to make this one right.

Then, she was standing in my ruined living room, the room I destroyed three years ago. Emma glanced around, a sneer on her lips, hands on her hips. Still her amber gold hair flashed in the sun that penetrated the window.

"What did you do?" Emma barked.

I couldn't say anything; I just held my hands out to survey the damage. My tongue stuck to the bottom of my mouth.

"Well?" Emma tapped her foot in impatience.

But I had no mouth to speak, no words to say so I just I shook my head. But I tried to reach out and engulf her in my arms; however, she was just out of reach. Then, like she always did in my dreams, Emma turned into a deer. She bounded away into the darkness on her nimble deer feet.

I tried to scream and reach for her again and then I was back in my bed, it was night and Emma was nowhere to be found. A strange gurgling noise escaped my lips and I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself. Next to me, a large warmth shifted and then reached out.

"Babe?" Logan's voice was deep with sleep as sat up next to me "What is it?"

"Night…mare," I wheezed, unable to catch my breath or slow my racing heart. "S-same…one."

He was more awake now and ran his hand in circles on my back. "The deer one?"

I nodded and clutched my chest. "I can't…breathe…" I fell back and closed my eyes. I heard him call my name over and over.

There was a clatter near me. A shout then a snarl. The measured step of military feet against a concrete floor. And then my own erratic and hard breathing.

"Heart rate coming up normally. But hyperventilating…"A cool female voice stated somewhere above me. "Must have been stressed when given the hydrochlorothiazide." There was a small click that echoed off the concrete walls and then a cool hand to match the cool voice pressed against my forehead. "Ms. Silverfox, open your eyes if you can hear me."

I screwed my eyes tight as the light burned against them.

"Ms. Silverfox, I can't help you if you don't help me." She insisted, firm but patient.

I did, blinking against the light. The walls spun and my stomach plunged to the floor, gagging me.

"Take a deep breath, please and try to relax," she was a petite blond but a white blond; no depth, no dimension to the harsh platinum blonde. Her mouth was a grim line but I could see how her lips curled up at the corners as if she wanted to smile. She had a gentle touch despite her cool demeanor; I could almost feel her sadness as she moved above me.

I took a deep breath, this time able to draw in enough air.

The woman pressed her finger to my wrist taking my pulse and counted against the watch on her slender wrist. When she was satisfied, she picked up her clipboard, first removing a small personal recorder, and wrote something down. "Are you nauseous or dizzy at all?"

"Both," I whispered as the room gave another nasty spin. "Where's my sister?"

"She's safe…and so are you," The woman whispered. "For now…"

"What do you mean?" I sat up a little.

She shrugged. "I'm just a doctor, that's all. Stay calm, Ms. Silverfox. I don't want to have to give you a sedative; it could be very dangerous for your heart." She packed her bag and shut the door behind her with a ominous click and then the unmistakable jingle of a lock.

I glanced up, only seeing moss green cell-like walls with no windows. The floors were cement and cold. The cot on which I'd been disposed was property of the United States Army, I read on the tag. Same with the woolen blanket and the pillow. What I wouldn't give to be home… in my familiar bed, under my semi-ruined flannel sheets, Logan next to me as the moon slowly sinks down behind the mountains. It may not have been perfect or easy, but it was the only life I ever wanted. And now, it was just a memory, a piece of a past that couldn't be brought back.

I suddenly thought of all the people I'd left behind: Paul, Dee, Danny and little No-Name….I wondered if Dee had found out, if she'd even gone to the appointment since….My head ached and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I wasn't sure if it was the drugs I'd been given or the weight of missing everyone but I slid down into the harsh wool blanket, the anchor of sleep dragging me back down into the darkness.

The days took on a shape; I slept when it was dark, woken when the lights came on. Food in all shapes and forms was shoved under my door; I didn't touch much of it. I was let out and led down to a huge room, with a dark glass wall that I assumed was two-way glass so I could be studied. They put me with a few other mutants to test my abilities. I complied because I had nothing else to fight for. Nothing to resist for. Emma was here somewhere, somehow and Logan….I didn't know and a part of me didn't want to know. He would be all right without me, I told myself.

Three days after I'd woken up in that cell, they pushed me into the testing room and there he was….the boy who'd stolen my sister from me standing there eyes wide as the door locked behind me.

Something inside me snapped. The anger I held back, the tears, the rage and the fear all broke through my compliant sheep façade and I lunged at him, pinning him to the wall.

"You bastard!" I screeched. "You stole my sister from me and led her here?! To him?!"

He chuckled. "You don't understand as much as you think you do."

"Don't laugh…" I tightened my grip on him digging my nails into the tender flesh of his neck deep enough to draw blood. "I should make you jump out the nearest five story window, so you can lay there in agony in a broken body before you die." I surprised myself with the freezing tone of my cruel voice.

He snorted in disbelief. "And how are you going to do that?"

I bent closer. "By telling you to."

Jamie laughed.

"Didn't Emmy ever tell you about my powers?" I wondered silkily. "I used to make her do all my chores and serve me lemonade just by touching her," I squeezed and savored his hiss of pain and surprise. "Now, sit down, your forehead against the wall." I pressed my will against his struggling one. For the first time in a very long time, I savored his compliance and his lack of fight as he did as I told him to.

"Well, no wonder she ran from you." Jaime hissed. "I'd run too, if I was worried my sister could tell me to kill myself and I would have to do it."

"Why did you do it?" I asked again. "She trusted you, loved you even and you led her here….?"

Jamie twisted so I could see his face. "The same reason you did," he replied, the guilt now plain on his face. I released him as my anger get go of me. "For my family, Stryker threatened and I caved. Just like you. I know you did this for Emmy." He was still calling her by his nickname for her….I loosened my grip just an inch.

"I…I'd do anything for her…." I stammered.

"I know," he met my stare with a knowing one of his own. "Even if it means throwing someone else under the bus."

I covered my eyes and let go of him entirely. My heart plummeted and I suddenly couldn't breathe. What had I done?

"I saw what Stryker did to him…" Jamie sighed sadly. "Poor bastard."

"What?" I whispered, letting my hands fall. Logan was alive, but in what condition? "What did Stryker do?"

"You don't want to know…" Jamie shuffled his feet. "It…" he winced. "Wasn't…pretty."

I hung my head, letting my hair fall like a curtain around my face in my private grief. "What have I done?" I murmured.

"Emmy…" was all Jamie said and started walking toward the door.

"Wait!" I called after him. "What about Emma?"

Jamie shook his head and returned to my side. "Nobody escapes Three Mile Island, alive anyway." He leaned in closer, so the military men behind the tinted glass couldn't hear. "I promised to work for Stryker…but you should know that the mutants he can control he keeps in cages, the ones he's afraid of, he blackmails….you hold more cards than you think." Jamie straightened, a slight grin playing about his mouth. "If you see Emmy, tell her…" Jamie swallowed hard. "…tell her I am sorry, that I never meant to hurt her."

With that, he returned to the door and waited until someone opened it. He vanished into the labyrinth halls and I never saw him again.

The next day, I got an even better surprise. Victor was at my door to escort me to that day's test. By his grin, I could tell that Stryker wasn't far off either.

As we walked past a smaller room that I hadn't noticed before, I saw a TV. flickering. I stopped short and realized that it was Logan on the screen. He was submerged in a tank, hooked up to too many tubes to count. And the needles. There were at least ten of them poised and ready to strike.

"No!" I breathed, suddenly unable to find much of a voice. "What is going-?" But then I stopped short when the Stryker onscreen began the procedure.

The needles suddenly glowed white hot and then were submerged in the water. I closed my eyes; I didn't want to see what happened next. Logan may have had a mask on, but I could still hear the screams as the needles bored into him. Somewhere inside, I was screaming too.

I chanced a glance at the screen and saw him thrashing as the needles continued their work, the vats full of silver liquid silver began to empty. I noticed the heart rate monitor flying higher and higher. "Make it stop…" I whispered to Victor. "Please….it's going to kill him…."

But it didn't and while in reality, the procedure was only two minutes top but it dragged on and on until, quite suddenly, Logan stopped thrashing and lay quiet. God….I'd been wrong. They'd done it, they'd killed him.

"No!" I screeched "No! He can't be gone!" I fell down on my knees, head in my hands as I cried for what I'd allowed to happen.

I looked back up at the screen, and still he hadn't moved, he was as peaceful as he'd been the first night we'd spent together. My heart dropped through the floor to the unforgiving earth.

"Oh, please God…." I moaned into my clasped hands. "Please…."

Then, on screen, I heard Stryker order: "Wipe his memory…"

"No!" I cried at the same moment that Logan did.

He always said he was an animal, but I didn't believe it until that moment. He rose up from the water with a sickening primeval roar and slashed with long metal claws at anyone who came near. He slashed the tubes connecting him to that torture chamber and leapt out.

The camera went dark and I remembered where I was and who I was with. Victor's angelic smile reflected in the black TV screen as I stood up again.

"What did you do to him?" I choked out.

"Just an experiment," he shrugged. Apparently, it was no skin off his nose.

I whipped around this time. "For what?"

"To see if the adamantium would stick, to see if he'd survive."

I stood there in shock for a moment before another voice whispered: "And we couldn't have done it without you, dear," Stryker appeared next to Victor. "He wouldn't have gone through with the procedure without thinking you had been murdered…."

I simply stared in shock at him, my mouth unable to work.

"You see," Stryker grinned. "He's the only one who I could safely put through the procedure-"

"You almost killed him!" I roared.

"Ah, but I didn't…" Stryker pointed out. "He survived. And from what I understand, he just destroyed about three million dollars worth of military cars, helicopters and weaponry."

I huffed out a breath. "Well I'm, honestly not surprised at that."

Stryker frowned. "And this is why I have a back-up plan. Victor, loosen your grip. I don't want her to have any bruises, any marks he can see."

Victor relaxed his hold from painful to uncomfortable, growling as he did.

"What do you mean?" I whispered. "Any marks he can see?"

Stryker smiled that chillingly cold smile. "He's probably checking in with a few old friends looking for me. And he will, I'll make sure of it. When he finds his way here…." He opened his white lab coat and there was a revolver.

I snorted. "You think a bullet is going to stop him?! It better be a damn magic bullet!"

"Oh, I think adamantium will stop him long enough for Victor to separate Logan's head from his body…."

"You bastard…" I growled, twisting my fingers into fists while my eyes clouded over with tears. "You lying sonofabitch!" I screeched at him.

Stryker smiled victoriously and waggled his finger in disapproval. "Now, now…is that any way for a lady to speak?"

"Why you-!" I leapt at him but Victor, or course, would not allow any harm to come to his master and his nails dug into my upper arms. But I struggled to get free anyway. "You'll get yours," I threatened. "You will. If it's the last thing I do, I'll make sure you both get yours."

"Careful what you wish for," Victor ran a ragged nail down my cheek. I held back a scream. "You might just get it."

"And I suppose you'll get yours, too?" Stryker dangled something in front of me. A dog tag, new one with a single word stamped into it: "Wolverine."

My knees buckled as my heart turned over itself in anguish. "I guess I will."

That night, as I had for the past three nights, I fell into the darkness. This time, however, I embraced the dream that descended on me as soon as I closed my eyes.

I cracked one eye open to see that I was back in my bed in Canmore, the flannel sheets; warm and smooth against my skin, and Logan was lying next to me, forehead to forehead, his hand lying halfway between the both of us as if he were reaching out for me.

Despite the peace my home brought (it, after all, had been both my haven and his), shadows flickered across his face. A nightmare wasn't far off. I'd spent enough nights with him to know when one was fast approaching. So, I did the only thing I could; I met him half way. I placed my hand on his. Instantly, his fingers curled around mine, I felt the rough patches and calluses that I knew so well. He woke up smiling sleepily.

"I'm dreaming," I whispered. "Aren't I?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Are you?"

"I am," I sighed. "I wish it could last forever, I wish I never had to wake up."

"You can't do that," he replied quietly.

My eyes glazed over with tears so he blurred before me. "I don't know if you'll ever understand or know this after this dream is over, but," I sighed. "I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you…..I never meant for any of this. The only good thing that came from all this mess was the fact that I learned that I love you."

"It's nice to hear every now and again," he reached over and covered my cheek with his hand, running his thumb over my cheekbone. I closed my eyes briefly, memorizing every bit of it. "Go to sleep," he murmured.

"No," I whispered. "Then, I'll wake up and everything will go back. I want to stay here with you forever."

"You can't sleep forever," his eyes were closed again and mine were heading that way too. "You have to wake up…."

I opened my eyes and I was back in my cell on Three Mile Island. Everything I'd seen and done that day hit me all over again and I buried my face in my hands and cried.

Only two chapters and an epilogue left!!!!!