FATE
A Ranma1/2 fanfic by PansutoTarou5925
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Disclaimer to follow at end of chapter
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Sifu Morisato drove through the streets of her new assignment with increasing confusion. Never before had she seen such a collection of weirdness and obviously bug-created bizzarities. People were screaming and running around waving signs that said 'repent', there were people putting up 'for sale' signs on every home and lot in the district, and a surprising number of people were reading the newspaper and crying. She recognized the person they were crying about instantly, as well. That red-haired woman was the putative mother of her target, the young demoness Chiyeko.
She pulled back in front of the apartment building she was going to be staying at for the next year - or possibly more - and pulled her helmet off with a sigh, before getting off her bike. Her stuff was already in the apartment and she had already talked to the landlord, and her boxes of clothes and supplies weren't going to unpack themselves.
Sifu slid open the door to her room, peeled off her leather jacket, and collapsed on the futon. She sighed and looked at her oily fingers. Sometimes she felt like.. she couldn't describe it, really. Not really a goddess. Just another human, like her father and her friends, and she never escaped the nagging feeling that she didn't quite live up to her mother's expectations. The worst thing was, she knew she wasn't right, that Belldandy loved her just the way she was without reservation, and that sometimes drove her nuts. "I'm like Auntie Urd that way," she said, smiling. Her half-goddess aunt had once made the same comment to her before. "Speaking of my aunts..."
Sifu picked up the phone in her apartment and dialled heaven collect. There was a brief pause, and then she heard her aunt's voice: "Goddess Relief Office, Skuld speaking, how can I help you?"
Sifu giggled. "It's your favorite niece, Auntie Skuld," she said.
Skuld laughed. "I heard you got your Earth Trainee License."
"Sure thing. I've been meaning to tell you and Urd, but I got an assignment straight off."
That got Skuld's interest. "An assignment? Right off the bat?"
"Sure," Sifu answered. "There's this demoness Kami-sama wanted me to watch in Nerima."
"Why does Father want you to watch a demoness? You're a Class 3 goddess right now?" Skuld asked uneasily. Sifu could hear her drumming her fingers on her desktop nervously.
"This demoness is as young as I am," she said as an explanation. "Still, Kami-sama wants an older goddess to keep an eye on me."
Skuld sighed. "And you didn't want your mother looking over your shoulder the whole time." Right. Sifu was at the age whee she wanted to be independent, and Belldandy could be smothering sometimes.
Actually, Sifu thought, the one I wanted to ask was Urd, but I thought my mother would be dropping by every ten minutes if I did that. "Exactly. Mother doesn't always give me my space."
"Right," Skuld said. "Well, I've got some more work to do, but I'll tell Kami-sama that you want me to help you out. You should tell Belldandy, too."
"Mom already knows," Sifu said. "I've just got to call Aunt Urd up."
"OK, I'll probably drop by tomorrow. Just don't tangle with that demoness before then."
Sifu laughed. "Don't worry, Auntie, I'm not even going to go outside except to eat. G'bye."
"Bye," Skuld said, and hung up. Sifu put down the phone and started flipping through the phone book.
Due to the sort of cosmic coincidence that has haunted Ranma's entire life, her eyes lighted on an ad for an Italian restaurant called Vittorio's, and she made up her mind at once.
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Meanwhile, Konatsu and Ryoga had picked up the third member of their team on their way through town. Although he hadn't been able to reach her on the phone, he had left a message on Akane's answering machine. Sure enough, Ranma's ex-fiancee was in the perfect mood to teach Ranma a lesson. "I can't believe he's doing this," Akane fumed. "If I knew Hild's number, I'd give her a call and let her fix his wagon!"
"You don't know Hild's number?" Konatsu said idly, squirreling that factoid away. He hadn't been able to locate it himself, but he would have figured Akane knew it.
"No, she drops off the face of the earth or something when she's not with Ranma and Chiyeko," Akane said, shrugging. "I guess she values her privacy."
"Whatever," Ryoga said irritably. "We need to make this quick. I want to return home in time to put my kids to sleep."
Konatsu quickly produced three movie tickets. "These are for the movie that Ranma will be watching with his date."
His co-conspirators looked at the two tickets. "'Bridges over Dancing Wolves'? Sounds boring as hell!" Ryoga said with a grunt of disapproval.
Akane snickered. "Ranma will just love this. Are we sure we can't just skip the movie and mess up their dinner? Ranma will probably kneel down and thank us if we rescue him from this."
"Yeah," Ryoga opined. "Besides, I bring my kids to this theater sometimes... it's nicer than the one in Kokura. I don't want to be thrown out of it."
"Kokura?" Konatsu said, confused.
"Yeah, just north of Tokyo, in the suburbs," Ryoga said. "They have a great childrens' rate." Ryoga pulled out a map of Hungary and indicated exactly where he thought the movie theatre in question was in his private world.
Konatsu stared at Ryoga blankly for a few seconds. He nodded slowly. "That's right. I forgot-"
"Eh? Forgot what?" Ryoga said, looking up.
"Nothing, nothing!" Konatsu said, waving his hands. "Let's just go to the movies."
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"The movies!" Chiyeko said, her smile threatening to overshine the bright glow of the theatre's signs. She turned to Ranma. "Yet another thing I didn't get to do while you dragged me all over half the world, obaba!"
Ranma rolled her eye. "Yes, and sitting in the dark while loud noises and bright lights are distracting your attention is the perfect thing to do when you have a bunch of obsessed Chinese assassins after you. Besides," Ranma said, "when I was your age, I didn't go to the movies much, either, and I never complained."
Ukyo nodded. "I remember that. Ranma-honey here spent too much time fighting half the town to go to the movies. So did I, as a matter of fact."
"Just because you were deprived of a normal childhood is no reason to deprive me of one!" Chiyeko said.
Ranma stopped and glared at her, unmindful of the small crowd watching their mild disagreement. "You make a few sacrifices, being a martial artist," she said, pointing to the patch over her eye. "Not going to the movies whenever you want is one of them!"
Chiyeko turned away from Ranma. "I'm not having this argument," she said, waving her hands. "Come on, Atasuke, let's get some popcorn."
"Fine with me," Atasuke said. He walked along placidly, pulling out the money for the popcorn and soda.
Ranma poked him in the arm. "I want two large popcorns, a large soda, and a bag of Raisinets." Atasuke gulped, not quite expecting to be buying that much stuff.
"Buy some popcorn for me, too," Ukyo said, "I don't want this walking stomach to eat it all. Oh, and a soda. And popcorn okonomiyaki if they have it."
Ranma rolled her eyes. "Not everyone is as crazy about Okonomiyaki as you are, Ucchan." Chiyeko's hopes soared. Pet nicknames! Perhaps there was hope here for her mother.
"They should be!" Ukyo said, and as they started arguing over the merits of okonomiyaki in movie theaters, and Chiyeko and Atasuke waited in line for food, they all missed three people enter the theater.
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Akane looked over at them briefly, repressing the urge both to point them out and to shoot them with a powerful ki-blast. "There they are, one group setting a perverted example for another group." Privately, she had suspicions that Atasuke needed no examples in perversion, although she had never been able to prove it. But having two girls dating right in front of him couldn't possibly help. And Ranma had no business corrupting her own daughter with this... hentainess!
"Where?" Ryoga said excitedly, as if looking for a rock star. He then noticed Ranma. "Yep, there he is. Be fun to kick his ass again. 'Ranma prepare to die' hasn't been said in far too long."
Konatsu looked at them both and sighed. "Let's wait over here and pretend to look at the movie posters. We can slip into the theater right behind them. We're unlikely to be seen that way."
"Good call," Akane said, and turned to the posters. She couldn't resist taking the occasional glance at Ranma and Ukyo, though. Ranma's acceptance of this date was at least comprehensible to her, he had always been a pervert, and doubly so after the curse was locked. Why Ukyo was going along with this when she had someone normal like - she glanced at Konatsu and amended that - someone comparatively normal - someone male like Konatsu was disturbing.
Maybe Ukyo was a pervert like Ranma? "No wonder they're best friends," she muttered to herself.
"What was that?" Konatsu said, his sharp ears catching what Akane said.
"Er, nevermind," Akane said, looking on Konatsu with faintly pitying eyes. That explained it all. Ukyo had never fallen in love with Konatsu because Ukyo was only attracted to other girls.
Looking suspiciously at Akane for a second, Konatsu then glanced towards their collective target and noticed the distinctive red hair moving towards the theater doors. "They're moving. Let's go."
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There are boring movies, and then there are truly mind-numbing movies. Ranma certainly decided that this dumb flick was in the second category. It made no sense whatsoever and was full of sappy scenes that were driving her nuts. The only excitement she'd had the whole movie was when she noticed Atasuke, who was in the row in front of them with Chiyeko, had surrepetitiously and apparently unconsciously prepared to sneak a quick grope of her daughter, at which point Ranma 'accidentally' kicked his seat in the rear hard enough to loosen the bolts attaching it to the floor.
Ever since that moment of brief drama, Ranma had been stunned into a stupor by the glacial pace of the plot, lack of action, and extreme sappiness. Of course, Ukyo was tearing up and kept reaching for her hand, but Ranma had ceased to notice that after the first half-hour. There was little that Ranma knew of that could save her from the hour and a half of hell she had remaining. The only upside was that Atasuke was in the exact same hell.
Chiyeko on the other hand was having a wonderful time. Atasuke was being nice, and apart from that suspicious bone-rattling kick her mother obviously gave him, hadn't attempted any misbehavior. Ukyo and Ranma were even holding hands... although her mother, depressingly, was demonstrating her utter lack of femininity by being completely unmoved by the movie. Strangely, Ukyo seemed to really be into it, which confused her to no end. The last kind of guy she could see her mom with was the annoying weepy sensitive kind.
She sipped at her diet coke and watched the screen wide-eyed as the cast burst into a sudden musical number.
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Several rows back, Akane and Konatsu were both enjoying the film, while Ryoga was glowing a sickly green and privately lamenting the fact that, for once, he could not just get up and get lost. Well, technically, he could, but then he'd lose track of Ranma and not get the chance to relive old times again. How many times did Ranma go on dates nowadays? Not nearly enough for Ryoa to have any hope of accidentally crashing one. He glared at his two partners in crime. They felt no urgency in disrupting this part of Ranma's date. They were enjoying themselves, while he and Ranma were tormented by the sheer banal fruitiness of this incredibly boring film.
Ryoga stewed in resentment for about three more minutes before an usher built up the courage to poke the muscular glowing guy in the back row's shoulder. "Excuse me, sir, but is there a problem?" The other ushers were shaking, ready to bolt for the door at the first moment, but doing their best to pretend to be ready to back him up.
Ryoga turned slowly to face the bravest usher, as Akane and Konatsu finally took notice of the sickly green glow around Ryoga. Actually, Ryoga was now the center of attention of a quarter of the theatre now. "Yes. There is a problem," he mumbled, staring at the ground.
"And what would that problem be?" the usher said, as one of his compatriots quietly slipped back to go warn management.
Ryoga slowly looked up with crazy eyes. "The problem is... I CAN'T TAKE THIS STUPID MOVIE ANYMORE!" With a loud primaeval scream, Ryoga tore the seat he had been sitting on out of the concrete it was bolted to, hurled it violently through the screen, and followed that with a mighty Shishi Hokodan that blew a hole the size of a semi in the wall. The hole neatly coincided with the hero's head, as he sang love songs to the love interest.
Of course, you don't blow up the screen in a theatre without some reaction from the crowd. They immediately started running around in a blind panic and screaming at the top of their lungs. "Terrorists!" some people screamed. "Worse, martial artists!" someone else yelled in the throng of people beating a retreat to the door.
"We have to get out of here," Konatsu yelled to Akane over the noise. "Before the ushers get management!"
"We should follow Ranma! Look! She's getting away!" Akane yelled, pointing. Sure enough, Ranma had grabbed Chiyeko and Uyko under her arms and bounded through the large hole in the wall created by Ryoga's outburst. Growling, Akane grabbed Ryoga's arm and hauled him along, pushing her way through the crowd.
They emerged to find that Ranma and Ukyo had lost them. "Damn!" Akane yelled, punching the wall and putting a small crater into it. "Ranma must have jumped up on the rooftops while we were inside."
"No," Konatsu said. "Ukyo can't roofhop - she doesn't stay in practice the way we do."
"But Chiyeko and Atasuke can - Ranma could carry Ukyo and let them tag along. We'll have to run over to the restaurant and cut them off."
"Right," Konatsu said determinedly. Then, remembering, he grabbed Ryoga, who was glancing back at the movie theater nervously. "Don't gawk, you've blown places up more thoroughly than that before!"
"I just don't want to have to explain this to my family if we've been banned from the theater..." Ryoga mumbled, as he joined them in the rooftop race.
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Sifu Morisato, blissfully unaware of the damage done to a certain theater, the dinner plans of her nemesis, and the unlikelihood of the quiet, refined dinner she wanted, motored towards Vittorio's, completely missing the martial artists leaping from roof to roof in front of her.
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Vittorio's was large, decorative, and owned by a real Italian fencer who had moved to Japan to study the sword arts there. In other words, its owner was the typical sort of person who moved to Nerima, and like many of the restaurants owned by martial artists in the area, a good portion of the help had more than a passing familiarity with the fighting arts themselves. The maitre'd of the restaurant was one such, as his arms, clearly visible as he had torn the arms off his tuxedo and the dress shirt beneath, showed. "'Fraid not. Can't let you in," he said coolly.
"Why's that?" Akane demanded angrily.
"You might cause a disturbance," he said, unfazed.
"What makes you think that?" Akane yelled back, a slight bluish haze forming around her.
The maitre'd raise one eyebrow at this display. "Not bad," he said admiringly. "Some of our previous customers gave a description of you and said you'd cause a ruckus." He ran his eyes over the trio. "You seem to be proving them right. Perhaps you would like to dine at a later time, after the other party leaves? I'll offer you a discount," he said agreeably.
Realizing that they'd be proving Ranma and company right if they refused this offer, they stomped outside in annoyance, rudely brushing past the girl entering the place. Said girl huffed in annoyance at the rude people before walking up to the front desk.
"How's the wait?" Sifu asked, looking around. The restaurant didn't seem to be full, although the goon in the ripped tuxedo might have something to do with it. She then caught sight of her unfavorite person and started momentarily.
"No wait, you can take a seat immediately," the goon replied. He looked briefly at the odd tattoos on her face but dismissed them, a lot of people looked weird in this town. He then motioned for one of the waitresses to take care of her.
Sifu pointed to a table relatively near her opponent. "Could I have that table?" she asked politely.
The waitress shrugged. "Sure, why not?" she said, leading Sifu over and putting a menu down in front of her. "Will anyone else be joining you?" she asked.
"No, just me," Sifu answered with a smile. She sat down and immediately began drilling holes in the back of the blonde demoness with her eyes. Said demoness was currently yukking it up with her mother and two poor mortals who didn't have a clue what they were dealing with.
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Outside the restaurant, in an alley cloaked in shadows, three highly irritated martial artists were plotting. "So much for 'just like old times'. Back then we would have simply knocked him aside and started the fight right then."
Konatsu sighed. "You're right. I don't know what got into me there, Ryoga." He looked at Ryoga with a sneer. "Perhaps it was just a bit of maturity."
"Quiet, you two," Akane growled. "Let's just try to sneak in through the back."
"Fine," Konatsu said. "Follow me."
Surprisingly, the trio managed to slip without much trouble into the back, primarily due to Konatsu's ability at picking locks. The crossdressing ninja pointed out a booth in the back for Akane and Ryoga to wait in, then slipped back into the work area and clandestinely snuck looks at the various orders until he figured out which ones were the dishes Ranma's party had ordered. Quickly, he produced a small vial from his pocket and put a single drop in every plate except the pizza, which he was reasonably sure was Ukyo's.
Konatsu slipped back into the dining area just before Ranma's waitress returned to fetch their dinners.
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Sifu had ordered her dinner and was currently in the process of keeping an eye on her target while drawing a simple program on the tablecloth in front of her. While nowhere near as complex as the divine programs her mother or aunts used, it was as complex as the novice goddess could manage without total concentration. The barely-visible lines, whorls, and letters of mana ran across a good quarter of the table before she finished. They pulsed briefly and then disappeared
Her little spell was designed to detect signs of tampering or magic, and sure enough, the table up ahead fairly glowed to her eyes. The food was spiked, that redhead Ranma practically looked like she was on fire, and Chiyeko herself was fairly aglow as well. The boy the demoness had been talking to was glowing lightly as well; in fact, the only thing on the table not displaying signs of magic or other tampering was the older woman across from Ranma. Sifu had no idea what was going on, and she knew she had told Skuld she wasn't going to confront the demoness so soon, but whatever was in that food, she wouldn't let it affect innocent mortals.
Sifu got up from her table and walked directly towards the other table.
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"Who is that girl?" Konatsu said, pointing to Sifu.
"I don't recognize her," Akane said. "Must be some new problem in Ranma's life."
"She looks more Chiyeko's age, actually. Probably some sort of rival or enemy. Seems to be a Saotome trait."
"Whatever, she looks likes she's going to start a fight right here and right now. We might as well join in," Konatsu said. The trio got up from their table and walked towards Ranma's.
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"You demoness!" Sifu said angrily, pointing at Chiyeko. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, kill me now," Chiyeko said, banging her head against the table softly. So much for a 'normal' date.
"She's having dinner; what else does it look like, young lady," Ranma snapped. She blinked in recognition. "I recognize you. You're that girl who got in a fight with Chiyeko once. What are you doing here, don't you live in Nekomi?"
Sifu winced at the memory of the rather one-sided fight with the martially minded demoness. Deciding to ignore Ranma's awkward
question, she banged her fist on the table instead. "She's up to no good," she hissed through her teeth.
"You want a fight?" Chiyeko said, staring at the other girl. Morisato-san was the only other person she'd ever met with weird markings like her own, well, her and Auntie Hild. That didn't mean her instinctive dislike of the loony didn't overpower her curiousity, though. "You'll get all you can handle, grease monkey."
"I've picked up a few tricks, Goldilocks, you won't have such an easy time of it now," Sifu said, growling.
"Perhaps we could all just return to our own tables like civilized people," Atasuke said, inserting himself into the brewing catfight.
"Ranma! Prepare to DIE!" Ryoga yelled, landing on the table with a mighty descending blow from his umbrella and shattering it into a hundred pieces, with food flying everywhere.
"Nevermind," Atasuke said irritably as he kicked the older martial artist.
Ranma also kicked Ryoga, using the leverage of her chair to fling Ryoga backwards. Her longtime rival was launched into another table, smashing it and incidentally landing on several glasses of water. "Shit!" Ranma said, jumping up and fighting mad. "I can't have one stupid normal night out in my whole life!"
Konatsu took the opportunity to blindside Ranma, Chiyeko tackled him, Akane and Ukyo quickly joined battle, and soon the interior of the restaurant was quickly reduced to a battered mess.
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"...and STAY out!" the maitre'd said, then turned and slammed the door. The dejected (and ejected) crowd of martial artists and one young goddess stood around glaring at each other for a few minutes before going their separate ways.
"Ahh," Ranma said, the sigh half frustration and half reminiscing. "Brings back memories, doesn't it, Ukyo?"
"Yeah, that used to happen on, what, a daily basis? Sometimes twice daily." Uyko nodded to herself. "I'm amazed we weren't put on some sort of restaurant blacklist, after the stunts we pulled back then."
Ranma stretched out her right arm; Pig-boy had gotten some good shots in and she didn't bounce back quite the way she used to. "Yeah, I need to agree with you there." She looked back at the two younger martial artists. "You two have been awfully quiet, you know?"
"..."
Ranma turned to Ukyo and shook her head. "These kids, they wouldn't have lasted a week doing the stuff we used to do."
"Hey!" the two said, feeling slighted.
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DISCLAIMER: Ranma ½ is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shonen Sunday, Viz, and other parties; I make no claims of ownership of any of the intellectual or other properties pertaining to it. Oh! My Goddess belongs to Kosuke Fujishima, Studio Proteus, Dark Horse, and other parties, and I make no claims of ownership of any of the intellectual or other properties pertaining to it, either.
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Author's Note: I extol the wonders of carrots produced under the communist system...
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