A/N Edward is a bit upset that I'm behind on his version of events... This chapter goes between chaps 2 and 3 of "The TA". Many of you will be happy that Jasper is getting some much deserved face time in this one!

The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

ColdPlay – What If

Cheri MacGill – Up in the Air

Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories – Do You Sleep

It didn't take long to locate Jasper and Emmett; they were in the game room at the student center intimidating the humans. They particularly enjoyed messing with a group of kids in the corner who were playing some sort of game with dice on card tables. I gleaned from their thoughts that some form of vampire was involved and shook my head. They were so far from the truth about our world. I pushed open the doors and Jasper's eyes caught mine immediately. He felt me the second I came close and nudged Emmett. They abandoned their current game of annoy the clueless and racked up a game of pool so that we'd have something to occupy us.

"So, the depression and self loathing are back, what did you do?"

"I kissed her" I admitted darkly.

That doesn't sound like it should be depressing. Emmett picked up a pool cue.

I take it that didn't go well? Jasper raised his head.

"It didn't go well at all." I took the cue Emmett handed to me.

"You didn't..." Emmett's mind flashed to a gruesome image of Bella's body broken.

"No Emmett!" I loosened my grip on the cue after feeling it strain. "I certainly didn't do that."

Has she moved on? Jasper stared at me levelly.

"She's very angry." I shook my head, there was no evidence of anyone else in the minds of her coworkers.

Really, you think so? I thought you were the smart one. Emmett chalked his cue unnecessarily.

Did you find out what happened to her? Jasper remembered the intense scent of blood and finding her house in complete disarray. There was a large hole in the wall and although it had been cleaned haphazardly and the damage was a few weeks old when we got there most items in room held the smell of Bella's blood. His memory was also tinged with the smell of vampire and something that I recognized as werewolf. My own memory of finding a stack of her favorite books under the broken bed, saturated haunted me. I had taken the copies of Romeo and Juliet and her Jane Austen compilation with me and cleaned them as much as I could. Her copy of Wuthering Heights was a paperback and the blood had dried in to all of the pages, that we buried. The others sat on the end table in my room along with the presents from her eighteenth birthday that I had hidden under her floorboard.

"Edward?" I looked up at Jasper, we had stopped playing. "Did you find out what happened to her?" She had to have been seriously injured.

"She's not really speaking to me in the strictest sense of the term." Admitting it made me feel worse. I had made so many mistakes where she was concerned that I couldn't count them. "Her right leg's been injured though, she favors it when she walks. Did you see her side this morning?" My brothers shook their heads. "There's something there but I haven't seen it up close."

"If she's not speaking to you then how and why did you kiss her?" Emmett raised an eyebrow.

"She was yelling as me and she leaned in very close to my face..."

Wow I always thought you'd be too much of a prude to behave like that little brother.

"And you took that as an invitation?" Jasper was shocked at my behavior. His times as a human had been similar to mine, you didn't just kiss a woman. You cad!

"I just didn't think. She was so close and I'd been watching her and then I just got wrapped up in the emotion and her smell and kissed her." We made another effort to appear to actually be playing pool.

A low hum emitted from Emmett's pocket and he fished out his cell phone. He glanced at the caller ID and smiled. It's Alice.

"Hi Alice." He flipped the phone open and I listened to his thoughts.

"Emmett, Do you have class right now?" Alice sounded impatient and frustrated.

"No, I'm playing pool with Jasper and Edward." He shook his head.

"I need you to get out of there, Edward has messed things up royally and I think you're the only one Bella will listen to." She was speaking as fast as she could without confusing nearby humans.

"I see" He looked at me and smirked. After all these years I can finally clean up a mess for you.

"She's heading across campus in a few minutes will you go talk to her now? I can do it but I think you'd be better." Alice's voice held the quality that it did when she was having a vision.

"No, I'll go catch up with her, consider it done." Don't worry Edward, I've got your back. She can't be any harder to deal with than Rose on a bad day. He closed his phone and smiled before relinquishing his cue and heading out the door.

Is he going to Bella?

I nodded while pretending to miss a shot. Pretending to be bad at things requiring coordination could get boring but we did it out of habit.

Did you find out anything or did you just make a complete fool of yourself? Jasper smirked.

"She's a graduate student." Jasper missed his shot in earnest at that. "Yeah, I guess that she hasn't had much of a social life. Bella's never been outgoing without having it forced on her and she loves to read. Knowing those two things I would conclude that she finished college in three years and probably didn't talk to anyone while doing it. I guess I was wrong about giving her a chance at a normal life."

It's a little late to regret that. He looked up at my change in mood. I suddenly felt very guilty about what I had said in the forest, it's something I never told anyone, including Alice and Jasper. What's with the guilt? "You did tell her why we left didn't you?"

"Not in so many words." I was trying to be evasive but Jasper rounded on me.

"What did you tell her?" Please tell me you're not a complete idiot.

"I told her that I didn't want her anymore and that it would be as if I never existed." I couldn't look into my brother's eyes.

Oh you are a complete imbecile. "She's not going to let that go quickly." What were you thinking? "You're really going to have to work to win her back now." You really are clueless about women aren't you. I hope she's as forgiving as she used to be because I'm not spending the rest of eternity listening to you whine. I've done my time, this is no longer my fault.

"Point taken." I folded my arms. "You could just let me go to Italy this time."

Speaking of which aren't you glad you haven't been dismembered and burnt to a crisp. I think that you owe all of us a thank you.

"Thank you Jasper."

Just don't blow it this time. "You have to tell her the truth"

I nodded again. Jasper and I finished out the game of pool and I made my way to find Alice. I had to face the music sometime for loosing control and now was as good a time as any. I found her under a large oak on a bench near the dining hall.

You have some explaining to do mister.

"I'm sorry Alice." I took a seat next to her and glanced up at the translucent green foliage. It was surreal to be out in front of everyone during the day.

"You don't realize what I'm about to give up for you dear brother." I'm going to let you save her.

I cocked my head to one side and she smiled at me.

I was going to try to sit with her while she ate today but as it turns out you need this more than I do. She's going to come into the dining hall in about half an hour and trip spilling her whole tray on the floor. You can rescue her by providing her with a new lunch. No heroics though, we can't afford exposure and she's not actually going to fall.

"So, you're going to let me have lunch with her unchaperoned?" I hugged her. She deserved something for this. I'd have to be on the lookout for something that she wanted. An image of Alice in a new yellow Porsche flashed into my head from hers.

I don't know if this is Porsche worthy or not but I'll certainly take one if you're buying. She smiled. "She's going to start off pretty hostile so don't let her get you angry. Remember, you left Bella, she gets to be angry – you don't." She showed me her vision:

Bella rolling her eyes and abusing a lunch tray by smacking it down roughly. Bella getting only a salad and putting a lot of things in it that I knew she didn't eat before. Had her tastes changed?

"Don't mess it up again." Something is very wrong with her and you need to be cautious.

I nodded again. This time I would be a gentleman, Esme and Carlisle's son, not some deranged stalker. This time I would wait for her to kiss me; I would not kiss her again until she was ready, even if it felt like I was being torn apart. The hurt that she had experienced was already too great. I would fix everything that I had done wrong and I would beg her to come back to me and then, I would change her.

The lack of a vision from Alice of Bella as a vampire disturbed me. This was the second time that I had firmly made the decision and there was nothing. I had made the decision, why wasn't it coming? The frustration was maddening.

"Remember, just behave yourself." Alice patted my shoulder and got up to leave. "I'm going to meet her in her office when you're done." She practically danced off in her usual graceful fashion.

My thoughts turned to Bella. She was still beautiful but she also looked thin and tired. I wondered if she slept anymore. I loved to watch her sleep, she was so peaceful and a sort of grace exuded from her when she was still like that. Would I get to hold her while she slept again and if I did would she murmur my name like she had so many times before? Did she still dream about me? I remembered holding her in my arms this morning while I kissed her and although her muscular strength had certainly improved she felt much more frail. This was my fault; I had broken her. If I could have cried, I would have.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I checked the caller ID. Someone had called Esme. I sighed and answered.

"Hello Esme." I breathed.

"Is it really true Edward? I spoke to Alice this morning and Carlisle just got off the phone with Emmett. Is it really her, is she back?" Her voice had gone up two octaves in her excitement.

"She really is here Esme, and she's beautiful and alive." I was withholding the amount of pain I saw in her. Esme didn't need to hear about that yet.

"Please bring her home tonight." She asked hesitantly.

"Esme, I don't know if she'll come." I leaned my head back again. "She's very angry with me."

"Emmett has already extended an invitation but she wouldn't accept. Please ask her Edward." Esme resorted to begging. I couldn't deny my mother.

"I'm going to try to have lunch with her but I don't know how responsive she'll be." I paused. "I'll try."

"Edward, bring her home. Please bring her home." Her voice broke and I felt it in my chest.

"I will ask but I don't know what she'll say." I promised intentionally fidgeting a bit as some humans walked by.

"We all need you to make this work so please be charming and do whatever you have to to convince her to come home." Esme sounded a little bit better.

"I will." I stood up from the bench. "I need to think first though and I'm down to a few minutes."

"I'll let you go then, good luck!" She hung up the phone and I let out an exasperated sigh. It was time to go into the dinning hall so that Bella wouldn't find me outside and run.