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Kirk, Spock, and the Admiral walked into the briefing room. The man, Goddard if Kirk remembered correctly, was a rather robust man with a bulbous nose… it looked vaguely like a furless tribble stuck on the man's face. Kirk already hated him. Spock, on the other hand, looked as though he would have been happy to cut off the man's nose and study it. It was quite distracting, until they realized that the man was also an obvious neat freak. He even wiped his white glove across the surface of the chair as though looking for dust. Then, to add to his prissy appearance, the man pulled out his chair and cringed before lowering himself primly onto the edge, not touching anything he didn't absolutely have to.

Spock and Kirk found themselves sharing an impressive look of barely concealed exasperation. Upon realizing that they were indeed agreeing with each other on something, both parties turned their attention back to the Admiral, who was inspecting his nails. Kirk sighed bitterly, surprised when he heard an echoing sigh from his First Officer, who had come to the same conclusion he had…

This was gonna be a long, painful morning…

Goddard looked at Kirk with disdain. He didn't want to be there, and it was obvious that the half-cocked Captain of the Enterprise didn't want him there either. He just wanted to get this over with. With a sigh, he pulled up the orders on a data pad and passed them to Kirk.

"Your new assignment is simple," Goddard began, which earned him a snort from Kirk. "You find this amusing, Captain Kirk?"

'You are full of shit. In Starfleet there is no such thing as a "simple" mission,' is what Kirk wanted to say. Instead he shook his head innocently. "Not at all, Admiral. Please continue."

The man glared at him. "As I was saying, your mission will be a simple one. You will be traveling to Star Base Six located deep within the Gamma quadrant. There you will be picking up Ambassador Cullen and his family. You will escort them through the neutral zone to a medical facility on the edge of Romulan space and assist them in whatever they need."

Kirk looked at Goddard with an incredulous expression. "You mean that we have to fly all the way to the Gamma Quadrant, a good week's flight at Warp 9, and then turn around and fly all the way back out here and out to the edge of the neutral zone?"

Goddard nodded. "That won't be a problem will it?"

"No, but isn't that a serious waste of resources?" Kirk asked, trying to make up some quick and logical reason to decline the mission. He was a starship captain not a damned shuttle service!

"It is an honor to transport an ambassador so the loss of resources is negligible," Goddard replied wickedly.

"Is there no other ship already heading in that direction?" Kirk asked in vain hope.

"Yes, but they all have their own orders. Besides, after your last mission, the Federation thought you deserved something less stressful."

'Ok now that was just plain un-called for!' Kirk thought as he felt himself getting hot under the collar. Their last mission had been a total disaster. No, that was the understatement of the year. It had been the cluster-fuck of the century. How was he supposed to know that smiling in that culture was a serious offense? Or that their ranks were determined by color - blue meaning royalty and yellow meaning personal slaves. Apparently they had thought Spock was the Captain and had completely ignored Kirk at first. And to make matters worse, he'd been forced to act the part of a sex slave to Spock (punishment for speaking out of turn)… he would never live that down. Granted, he had the satisfaction of seeing a rather mortified Spock when he realized what he had to do. However, he still found sitting to be very uncomfortable from time to time, so it nullified any satisfaction he may have received from seeing Spock's brief reaction. In addition, the planet had ultimately refused to join the Federation, claiming that they did not wish for their way of life to be poisoned by the likes of "creatures similar to the one called Kirk".

"You mentioned that our guest is an Ambassador," Spock cut in. "May I ask for which planet?"

Goddard nodded. "He's the new Chief Medical Officer and Head of Health Sciences for the United Federation of Planets."

Kirk rolled his eyes. Oh joy, another McCoy. Hopefully this new guy wouldn't be as hypo-happy as his current CMO. "Is there anything else Admiral Goddard?"

Of course there was. There was always something else. "They have special dietary requirements, so you will have to carry a special supply of their food. You will be able to pick some up at the Star Base. Beyond that, the specifics are listed in your data pad, should you care to actually read it that is. I know that reading isn't among your highest skill sets. Do you have any questions for me?" He asked in the most arrogant tone he could muster.

Kirk flashed a shit-eating grin and picked up the pad. "None at all, Admiral." He spoke with respect even though he wanted to tell the man to piss off. After all, he'd been enjoying his off time and he'd been interrupted for a baby-sitting mission! Oh well, there was nothing to be done for it.

"Are you certain that this mission is easy enough for you?" He asked, needling the young man.

"I have absolute faith in the skills of my crew," Kirk answered darkly.

"I meant can you, James Kirk, handle this mission. Your crew is not my concern. After all, it will be your head if anything should go wrong."

"You seem convinced that I am going to fail," he growled.

"Not at all. I merely wished to get an idea of your confidence."

"Consider me confident." Kirk spoke dryly. Don't punch the Admiral. Don't punch the Admiral. Don't punch the Admiral.

"Very good, then." the Admiral left soon after that, much to the relief of Kirk. If he'd had to put up with the head ass of the Admiralty for a moment longer he might have killed him, and he was certain that the Federation would not approve.

Kirk turned to leave and noticed that Spock was looking at him appraisingly… at least he thought that's what the look in his eyes meant. It was hard to tell. "What?"

"You were behaving oddly respectful to the Admiral, when he was clearly trying to get an emotional response from you."

"And this puzzles you because..?"

"You rarely disappoint." Spock spoke as though it were obvious.

"I am capable of behaving when the situation warrants it, Mr. Spock. I just have more fun when I can express myself. It's a human thing."

"I noticed. My congratulations Captain, on finally achieving the restraint most learn as children."

Kirk's mind quickly translated that to mean 'Spock is unimpressed.' If Spock were human, he imagined that the pointy-eared bastard would start slow-clapping. He tossed his shoulders back as though they were sore and cracked his neck twice before walking calmly out of the room. He was half-way down the hall before he stopped and replayed what Spock had said. "Wait! I 'rarely disappoint'? Does he like it when I cause a diplomatic incident?" He glanced back towards where he could see Spock walking in the opposite direction. He shook his head at his First Officer and then continued on his way to the lift.

"Bridge," he ordered tersely…

Sulu had been lounging at his station when he heard a familiar whooshing of the lift. For some reason he slipped into his normal at attention position. Turns out he had decent timing, he realized, as a fuming Captain Kirk stepped onto the bridge and went directly to the center of the bridge where he promptly flopped down into the Captain's chair.

Sulu had heard that they had been given new orders, and from the looks of Kirk, the orders were likely to be one of two things. One, they were being sent on a mission that meant certain death. But he decided against that one because Kirk was normally excited by a challenge, even if he was a little irritated by the parameters. Sensing no excitement, Sulu was fairly certain that it was the second; that being a rather pointless mission that would be better suited for first year cadets - incompetent first year cadets. Though, if last mission was anything to go on, it wouldn't surprise him. He still had a good laugh about that. As it was he was fighting a smirk.

"Sulu." Kirk barked.

"Captain?" he asked in surprise, the smirk vanishing immediately.

"Set a course for Star Base Six." he ordered sharply. "Warp factor nine."

"Aye, sir. Course laid in." Sulu replied, moving rapidly. He had to admit it, when Kirk was in a mood, he could be almost as scary as Spock… almost. Speaking of Spock, where was he? Wasn't he with the Captain during the meeting?

He heard the sound of the lift opening and he turned to see Spock walking out onto the bridge. Spock didn't say a word as he went to his station and got to work, so Sulu took that as a cue to do the same. As the ship slipped into Warp, Sulu mentally sighed. The next hair-brained mission of the USS Insanity - aka Enterprise - was underway.