A/n So, we're moving along with this POV and I may be able to return to The TA soon, we'll see.

Music:

Sugarland – Time Time Time

Rich Bischoff – I'll let you drive

Sugarland – Stand Back Up

Jennifer Nettles Band – Story of Your Bones (it's like the theme song for this section and seems to weave it's way in as an undercurrent to these chapters where they're uncertain about the relationship)

"How is she?" I practically accosted Alice as she walked up. Instead of answering she filled her mind of images from their shopping trip but refused to show me what she looked like when she left Bella only moments before. The images were good though. She smiled and talked to Alice about normal things. I could hear her laugh through Alice's mind and it elevated my mood. Bella was alright. Alice smiled wryly at me.

"See, no permanent damage done." She smiled. "I think she even had fun." Have you talked to Jasper yet?

I looked one direction and then the other.

Do it, he can help you. She showed me Bella smiling slightly when asked about me.

"Jasper?" I turned to him.

You need my help?

I nodded.

"I presume that you want to know where the lady's feelings lie?" He grinned at me.

I smiled back at him a bit embarrassed to ask for help. "I don't want you to do any manipulation though. Would you just tell me if I have a chance?"

"Oh, I think I can handle that." His smile widened as he remembered Bella's typically intense emotional reactions to almost everything. She feels very passionately about everything and her emotions are generally very clear. The only problem lies in the interpretation of what they're about. Her reactions are seldom about what we attribute them to being because she thinks differently than most humans. "I need you to touch her though to be sure."

We loaded into the car with Alice, Emmett and Rosalie in back and Jasper riding shotgun. There weren't enough seats for Bella too. Someone would have to run through the woods or ride her motorcycle. She was going to ride in the car though.

"How am I going to touch her?" I looked to Alice.

Start considering options brother.

I asked her to take a walk. - rejection

I just reached out to touch her hand – she shrank away

I asked for a ride on the bike - rejection

Wait, try for the bike a different way.

I was not going to let her drive that thing. If I had to I would start an argument in the parking - Bella asking me to get on behind her.

That's it! You get to pick a fight - but you have to let her win.

I groaned.

It's the only way you're going to get to touch her Edward.

"Fine." I mumbled pulling in to the parking lot. There she was standing next to her bike in clothes that flattered her body. The blue shirt perfectly complimented her skin, her hair was clipped back at the nape of her neck but it had obviously been styled before she had clipped it, she looked like she had stepped out of a magazine. I would have to thank Alice later. She was stunning.

You're welcome. She smirked. I'm earning that Porsche.

"Yes you are..." I smiled at her in the rear view mirror. Emmett rolled his eyes a the silent conversation. He hated these and always found them to be rude. This was something that I usually did with Alice and Jasper but he did benefit from it every once in a while.

"Are you going to let her ride?" Prude. Emmett piped up from the back seat.

"I have no intention of letting her ride off on that death trap." I gritted my teeth. "She's small we can squeeze her in back, right?" I half joked with Alice who glared at me. I pulled the car up next to her and rolled down my window.

"Get in." I ordered. If I had to pick a fight I might as well start strong.

"I'll follow you. There's not enough room and I'm not leaving my bike on campus." She didn't know that Jasper was perfectly capable of riding that thing. I shook my head slightly and she considered her options. "Do you know what could happen to me when I come back to get it tonight? College campuses at night are not safe places to be, especially in these heels. " I suppressed a grin at her use of my protective nature.

"Then let Jasper drive it." I put on my best angry face.

"Um, thanks but no. I'm pretty sure I can keep up if that's what you're worried about. It's faster than it looks." Emmett and Jasper had the nerve to cheer her on! The thought of her trying to keep up with me on that thing had me out of the car and truly upset in seconds. There was no way that she was going to drive that thing at that speed whether or not it could do it.

Oh come on Edward! Let the girl have some fun! Emmett protested.

You need to get close to her Edward, don't tick her off too much. Jasper laughed.

"You'd better get back in that car. Didn't Alice warn you about me and the bike? I'm a little attached to it." She was trying very hard to hold her ground and not step back away from me.

"It's not safe, you could be killed" I attempted to argue with her but she didn't hear beyond the first part of my sentence before putting her helmet on, preventing her from hearing me clearly.

She flipped her visor up before addressing me. "I haven't come close to having an accident in over three years. Last I checked, I was a grown up and capable of making my own decisions."

You have to let her win Edward! Do not back her down any further or she'll leave without you.

The problem was that I didn't want her to win. I wanted her to be safe and safe didn't involve a motorcycle flying down the road with precious little to protect her other than a thin layer of leather and a helmet. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. I heard a slight chuckle from Bella.

She's getting anxious. Jasper informed me.

Here it goes, don't mess it up.

"Do you want to ride with me?" She lifted an eyebrow in a flirtatious fashion. "It's a lot of fun." She suddenly looked like she regretted asking.

Wow! Edward, get on that bike, whether she says so or not she wants you there and she wants you there yesterday! Jasper's inner monologue was shocked. There's more lust coming off of her than Emmett after three days without Rose.

I moved to get on the bike and Bella beat me to the front of it. I would be forced to ride behind her. I swung my leg over and slid as close to her as I could. Her heart flew for a second and I could feel Jasper's head reel from the excess emotion rolling off of her. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

Edward, you have more than a chance. She still loves you in the worst way.

"Are you alright?" I murmured into her shoulder seductively. This new revelation made me more confident. She did love me.

And now she's embarrassed. She's rather perceptive isn't she? There was a smile to his voice. I'm pretty sure she knows that you and I both know about her feelings. The jury is out as to how she'll react. If you haven't told her that the feeling is mutual, now might be a good time.

"I'm perfect." She snapped her visor down before I could say anything and kick started the bike. The engine revved and Bella turned the bike on a dime before Rosalie could get away.

Rose took off at her usual speed attempting to call Bella's bluff. This was not a wise idea on her part as it was likely to incur my wrath. However, Bella kept up seemingly effortlessly. She hadn't bothered to tuck her hair fully into the helmet and wisps blew into my face. I breathed in the scent of her shampoo and continued to hold her as closely as I safely could. The burn in my throat was welcome as we whipped around curves. The motorcycle responded to her body like a lover, they were in perfect sync and I didn't have to have Jasper in front of me to feel her joy. She loved this. Rose continued to speed up and I felt a slight chuckle build in Bella's chest, she would not be easily deterred. She was determined to prove her ability to me. I liked this new Bella.

The gravel drive appeared and Rose tried to confuse Bella by executing the turn at break-neck speed. It didn't work. We turned gracefully even on the gravel and shot into the garage just after my siblings. I didn't release my grip on her completely after the motorcycle stopped but instead slid my hands down to her hips.

She's a bit sad now but the love is still rolling off of her. Stay here and talk to her; we'll hold off Esme for a few minutes.

Bella moved to follow my siblings and I stopped her. We were still sitting very close, my chest pressed into the curve of her back. She removed her helmet and reclined her head slightly to listen to me, correctly anticipating that I had something to say. The sexually frustrated monster within me roared to be heard. I beat him back with my decision to let her initiate our next contact. I could not, would not kiss her. The next time our lips met would be on Bella's terms.

"That was amazing, thank you." I whispered into her exposed ear. The responding shiver and skip of her heartbeat was almost too much for me. I fought not to caress her neck or kiss it. I could not give in to my desires now, I had something to say and she wouldn't take me seriously if it was said with our bodies pressed together on the garage floor. I had to move! I vacated my seat on the bike quickly but gently and put some distance between the two of us.

I watched her unclip her hair and fluff it before removing the jacket in a slow, mind-numbingly attractive manner. I wanted to close the distance I had put between us. I wanted her. I wanted to make her see and convince her to never leave again but I also never wanted to hurt her again. I had something that I needed to tell her.

"Can I say something before the sarcasm and the insults start again?" I smiled at her back as she took more time than strictly necessary to arrange her things on the saddle.

"I make no promises about the sarcasm, it's kind of ingrained at this point but I'll try not to insult you further." She glanced at me. I had shoved my hands in my pockets in a move inspired by my uncertainty. I was about to confess to the worst sin imaginable, I had lied to her and she needed to know.

"I need you to understand that this is as hard for me as it is for you." I hesitated, did I actually have to say that I lied? I fought the emotions raging through me and continued. "I never stopped loving you Bella. When I thought you died Carlisle and Esme refused to allow me to be alone. For three years I've had one of my siblings or another right next to me to keep me from going to Italy every second of every day. I haven't been living, but today – when I saw you – when you took off your helmet – it was like my heart started again. I know that I have a lot to make up for, I know that something terrible has happened to you and that it's my fault but I'd like a chance if you'll let me have one." I begged her for a second chance.

She still wasn't turning to face me. I needed to see her eyes, to know what she was feeling. She was looking down at the saddle of her bike absently running a finger along the leather watching the dent that her soft finger placed in it.

Don't panic, she's just confused! Jasper's mind shouted at me from behind the door.

"I still don't understand, you said you didn't want me." Her voice was filled with grief, she didn't believe me. Her shoulders hunched just a bit further. She had listened to at least one thing I had said in the forest. Why had it been the lie? Why didn't she listen when I asked her to take care of herself?

"I -." I could avoid this no longer, she had to know about the lie. "I have regretted that day every second of my life since. I never expected you to actually believe me. I lied so that you would move on. The day you disappeared..." I sobbed and found her in front of me faster than I thought a human could move. Her delicate arms wrapped around my waist and she pulled me close to her. Why was she comforting me? She should be angry, I had wasted four years that I could have had with her. I had subjected both of us to four years of needless pain and suffering for nothing! Had I been there I could have saved her from whatever this was that happened, she would be safe and whole and uninjured, perhaps even immortal. How could she comfort me?

I continued to sob as I let my grief over my part in her anguish pull me to the ground. I did not deserve her. She cradled my head and caressed my face like a mother soothing a small child. She was gentle with me like I was the fragile one. When my breathing slowed and I calmed down she pulled my face up to look directly into hers. Her eyes studied mine with a familiar intensity before she pulled me into a tight hug. I could feel her pain like it was my own and it made mine even worse.

"no, that's good..." a heard a soft voice from behind the door. We had an audience but there was never any privacy in our family and this did effect all of them.

"I fear that my side of the story is only going to hurt you more. Do you think that you can handle it? Because, it might have been better for you if I had died than to know what actually happened that spring and summer. I can't tell you if you can't forgive yourself." She continued to hold onto me like a life raft out at sea as her eyes ran over with tears.

"I don't think that anything could be worse than what we smelled in your room that day." I sighed, the truth could not be worse than my imagination.

"It might very well be worse than what you've imagined. The story is kind of terrifying but I can't even consider taking you back unless you know what happened, it's part of who I am now. I can't tell it more than once, I think it would break me apart, so when you're ready I'll tell everyone together." Her hands made small circles on my back and I pulled in a slow draw of her scent. Freesia and strawberries burned down my throat and I loved every second of it.

"Are you ready to go in?" She sounded pensive. I nodded against her shoulder and pulled the two of us to our feet. I wrapped my hand around hers, she was so warm and delicate.

As soon as we were in the door she was torn away from me. Jasper smiled at my jealous heartbroken reaction to loosing contact with her. It was silly, she was with my family and wouldn't be going anywhere but the loss of contact was unbearable. Esme and Carlisle fussed and fretted over her before Jasper gave her a quick hug. She was then rushed off to the kitchen. I didn't follow because Alice, Jasper and Emmett blocked my way and steered me into the living room.

"How did it go?" Emmett looked to Jasper instead of me which made the hackles on the back of my neck rise.

"It still seems a bit shaky emotionally. She's really unsure about this Edward." He smiled apologetically. "You need to take it slow and be very careful with her. She loves you but she's scared and could cut and run at any second."

I nodded.

"Absolutely no yelling tonight Edward – no matter what she says." Alice's eyes darkened as she focused on her exact words rather than why she was saying them or even the meaning behind them.

"You're still hiding her news from me." I accused her.

"She doesn't think you're strong enough and she might edit what she's going to say even further. I can't risk you knowing something that I shouldn't." Alice remained calm explaining. There was a flash of someone tall and broad with dark skin in her mind whom she quickly pushed aside. I attempted not to pry.

"Well, we've waited for long enough and I for one expect an explanation." Rosalie sauntered into the room and settled herself down snuggling into Emmett's side. I had to bite back the urge to attack her for her callousness. Bella was upset enough and I didn't want her to get frightened and leave.

"Patience Rosalie." Alice warned sensing my struggle to keep from launching myself at her. Rosalie huffed. I tuned in to the activity in the kitchen. Esme and Carlisle were beaming at Bella. She had just explained that she was a graduate student. They really did think of her as a daughter. They loved her like one of us another pang of guilt rocked through me for putting everyone through the torture they had endured at my expense for the past four years. Jasper eyed me speculatively.

You alright over there?

I nodded.

Esme continued to coax food into Bella even though she insisted that she was full. I didn't blame Esme, I didn't believe Bella either. She wasn't taking care of herself at all. Esme noted and cataloged the changes in her daughter, that word was actually plucked straight from her mind. Bella was a daughter. She had noticed the very slight limp as well. We were all eager for an explanation of that and the scar on her side that my parents had yet to discover. Carlisle had thought something looked and smelled off about Bella when she entered the door. His medical expertise told him that something had changed about her but he couldn't put a finger on it.

Dinner was finally over.

Bella followed our parents into the room and glanced around, what she found seemed to shock her. Then, she looked around for something and I knew what it was, the piano. I had refused to take it with us when we moved it had too many memories of her, as did playing in general. The confusion she felt over the piano soon morphed into indecision as to where to sit. I no longer sat in what had become our usual place. Instead, I sat next to Jasper. Not knowing where to go Bella sat down in the floor. Jasper immediately sensed her physical discomfort and tensed just as I did. We were the only two who knew the amount of pain she was in sitting on the floor as she looked comfortable. The pain was nothing new to her. She fidgeted with the heel of her boot for a moment before looking up.

"Are you going to tell us exactly how it is that you're alive after the bloodbath we smelled in your bedroom?" Rosalie looked at Bella like she was a pest to be disposed of rather than a member of the family. I suppressed a growl just as Bella laughed awkwardly.

"Wow, Rosalie, I've missed you too. I'm so glad to hear that you've been doing well." Bella grinned and everyone but Rose laughed. She had grown bolder and I had known that but to watch her stand up to Rose was still a shock.

"I think we have a right to know. We've been grieving Bella. My brother has been grieving for three years. Edward would have come back for you long ago and we wouldn't have had to chaperone him constantly if we hadn't thought you were dead, and I for one would like to know what happened." Rose was clearly annoyed at being made the butt of the joke. Bella's face had slipped slightly from her grin at the mention of us grieving. That wasn't something she wanted but she wasn't about to let Rosalie rule this conversation.

"Listen, I'm not going to tell anyone the story unless Edward is ready to hear it. There's just too much risk of him finding out if I tell the rest of you. So, I'm waiting for him to give the word before I do. Is that okay with you Rose or am I not allowed to protect him from more heartache?" Bella fought hard to keep her voice even and composed but lost it. Rose's mouth dropped open and just as she was about to let out a retort Esme put her foot down.

"Rose, if you can't be polite, you're going to have to leave. I agree with Bella that it's best to wait until Edward is ready if things are potentially worse than we had assumed."

Bella's eyes dropped to the scar on her hand and then shot to her knee.

She really shouldn't be on the ground. Jasper had felt an increase in the pain and indicated for Bella to move to the other side of the large couch that we were seated on. She rose carefully, as if she would fall or somehow reveal the pain that was now shooting up her leg, and made her way to the indicated seat. It's like it's hurt for so long that she doesn't even consider the pain anymore. Jasper pondered.

My eyes met hers and I didn't know whether or not I could bear to hear what had happened to her. Knowing that she was in constant pain was almost too much on it's own.

"Edward, if you're not ready, then we don't have to do this tonight." She gave me a reassuring smile, as if it were to me that something terrible had happened, as if she had been at fault.