A/n: We are now officially only one chapter behind Bella / "The TA"

Stephanie Meyer owns these ridiculously fun characters – not me.

Music:

Dire Straits – Love Over Gold

From Never – Lost Boys (this is obscure and the band has broken up but they still have a myspace page with their music on it as of July 2009)

Bon Jovi – (You Want To) Make a Memory

Somehow we ended up thrust into a conversation about Bella's table, or lack thereof. Emmett was never going to let this go. We were only making out and we were already breaking the furniture, I had the benefit of Emmett's overactive imagination to coax me into thinking of what the carnage would be like if we were to actually engage in sexual activity. Emmett, much to my chagrin, has a very graphic imagination. He didn't even have the courtesy to substitute someone other than Bella or myself in the images that flowed from his brain. I couldn't help myself, they were totally unblockable. When he had finally finished I let out a breath that I had apparently been holding. Emmett was not helping my patience.

My reverie was suddenly interrupted by Alice. Her eyes went glassy for a moment and her mind fed mine images, or a lack thereof. Bella would be disappearing again on Saturday morning. I seriously considered cursing. What was she thinking? The vision was followed by a much more normal and less consequential one for me. There were nomads moving seventy or eighty miles away; they appeared to be settling in for a week to feed and have some recreational time before moving on. This was a common occurrence and as Alice could see no contact with them, I wrote it off as no concern of mine. What did concern me was the beautiful woman who was now sitting on the front porch completely winking out of existence in a few short days. I shared a panicked glance with Alice before moving to the door to eavesdrop on Bella's phone call with the dog.

I slipped out onto the porch and stood behind her. I was fairly certain that she didn't realize that I had come outside. I settled myself next to the door, perfectly still to listen to her plans.

"Does he let me out? What do you think he runs my life or something? He's not my dad or my jailer Quil." Her laugh echoed off the trees, it was beautiful. "Are you interested in doing some cliff diving?"

Those two words crushed all thoughts of beauty that I had. Cliff Diving! Jumping off of a cliff, for fun! I never thought that I'd long for her to cut me off on the motorcycle to get a thrill. What on Earth had she been doing since I left? How was she even still alive? An image popped into my head of Bella tripping off of the cliff, injuring herself in the process, or worse cracking her head open in too shallow water.

"Good, Saturday morning meet me at my place in the morning – early. Did Charlie give you my address?"

Apparently the dog didn't share my concern as he agreed to this incredibly stupid idea of Bella cliff diving. If anything happened to her I was planning on holding him personally responsible.

"I am happy. I'll see you Saturday." She clicked the phone closed and took a breath. I intentionally made a little bit of noise, the soft scuff of a shoe, to alert her to my presence. This was not a discussion that I wanted to enter into with Bella jumping nearly out of her skin. She wasn't shocked when I moved around in front of her with my arms folded over my chest. My intention was to remain calm and have a rational dialog in which she would realize exactly how foolish she was being and cancel the asinine cliff diving trip with the dogs.

"You're going out with the dogs on Saturday?" I could tell by looking into her eyes that I had failed before the exchange had even begun.

"If by dogs you mean the friends who saved my life, then yes." She snapped at me; I should not have called them dogs. It was exceedingly unintelligent of me to engage in name calling directed at the Quiluetes.

"What happened to taking a trip? Just us?" I took a seat next to her on the steps and attempted another route. She had promised me a trip, away from everyone else so that we wouldn't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, they're only here for a week today is Tuesday and I don't have anything planned to do with them until Saturday. The whole rest of the week is essentially yours. I might go out to eat with them or something if you think you can handle it." Bella was apologetic and seemed to me that she was almost asking for permission, but I knew better.

"Bella, I wouldn't mind if it was just that you were hanging out with friends. But did you see his reaction to you this morning? He almost phased within feet of you. Emmett restrained me." I pulled my hands over my face in frustration and tucked my knees up to my chest to match Bella's position.

"I think that he had a right to be shocked." She was defending him. Bella often loved the wrong things, me for example, and would always be willing to defend them to the death.

"Have you seen what happens when they phase too close to someone?" My hands clawed at my scalp as my frustration grew.

"I have." She was now using the same calm tone of voice with me that she used on the dog. Between that and her admission that she knew, she knew, what they were capable of and she was still willing to hand around them sent my temper over the edge.

"You can't go!" I looked into her eyes and ordered her.

"That's not your choice to make." She fixed her cold gaze on me. I dropped my head into my hands again as I realized that I had slipped once again into ordering her, it was a fatal mistake. "I'm going to go ahead and go so that you can cool down until we can talk about this reasonably."

She bounded off of the steps and made her way toward the garage. I jumped down and blocked her path swiftly. Bella knew that she couldn't run from me and I wasn't allowing her to leave. She didn't look shocked. She just mimicked my stance, arms folded over her chest, feet shoulder width apart firmly planted. If we hadn't been arguing it would have been comical to watch.

"You're not leaving until we talk about this."

"I'm getting on my motorcycle and I'll see you later when you're prepared to discuss things like an adult." She gestured angrily at the bike and the recrossed her arms. I couldn't hold her against her will, Carlisle and Esme would never allow it. The thought did cross my mind though.

"Would you please come inside and hear me out?" I had to get her to stay of her own free will and choice.

"Fine, but know that it's because you asked and not because you ordered me and you'd better continue to be civil." She snapped back in an acidic tone before turn on her heel and marching back into the house.

I was 'greeted' by Alice as I led Bella through the living room to the stairs. If you had held your temper you might have had a chance but she's dug herself in now and you're not going to convince her to go to Europe with you instead. If it were possible to huff while thinking, Alice would have been doing it. She disliked not being able to see Bella's future, possibly more than I did.

I took her up to my room where she could sit comfortably with the illusion of privacy. If her past reactions to supposed privacy could be relied upon she would be more willing to discuss things in my room rather than downstairs even though the number of ears able to hear wouldn't change. It was a very human reaction from her and I almost dreaded what would happen when it finally dawned on her that it didn't matter where we were in the house, there were no secrets.

I knew that in it's current state that my room had the potential to be a shock to her. She had noticed the lack of piano downstairs the night before and the drastic change in my room was sure to be something that she would pick up on instantly. Her aura, her entire demeanor changed as she crossed the threshold. She had practically stomped her little feet up the stairs with her arms still crossed even with the difficulty this caused her balance. However, the second she stepped into my room the anger dropped. She looked around and one of her delicate hands moved from her chest to cover her mouth.

My room was no longer the modern gold and black that she would remember. It was rare for one of us to really change the décor in our rooms, moving as much as we did keeping some semblance of consistency was often appreciated but I had asked for a change. After some time attempting to get over Bella or put her behind me, I decided to embrace my emotions and envelop myself in all the things that reminded me of her. My walls had been painted my favorite shade of blue, the one that set off her skin tone and made it look like cream. The other major furnishings were brown, warm brown like her hair and eyes but this was not the extent of the change. My CD's were not displayed prominently on the shelves as they had been before. Esme had insisted that the shelves for them remain a part of my room but I had boxed up the discs themselves. Instead of CD's volumes of Bella's favorite books stood on a large bookshelf. She took in the room slowly and when she reached the bookshelf the hand that wasn't at her lips reached out to brush the spines. She looked at me; her expression was completely bewildered.

Then, as her eyes dropped away from mine they rested on the end table next to my brown leather couch. Her things were there. The two books that had survived from her room as well as her CD and the expired plane tickets from Carlisle and Esme, and the photographs. She mechanically crossed the room to touch them. At first, it seemed that she didn't recognize them as her own but then she picked up the battered copy of Romeo and Juliet and thumbed expertly to a page when she had made a note that had puzzled me every time I looked at it. She at some point had wondered what would happen if Juliet loved Paris too. Unshed tears welled up in her eyes before she noticed the rest of the pile. Her CD, the CD that Alice and I had made for her eighteenth birthday, was nestled in that pile. That, she recognized instantly and pulled it out greedily. She looked almost as if she'd done something wrong rather than me.

"Can I have it back?" She asked.

"I actually never took it, I hid it under your floor until..." I couldn't bring myself to say it again and I hoped that she wouldn't make me.

"So, why the redecoration? The rest of the house is the same, except for your piano." She voiced the concern and I dreaded having to explain how badly loosing her had affected me.

"After a couple of years I decided to stop trying to forget you. So, I did the opposite. I surrounded myself with things that remind me of you." I moved in from the door as she sat down. The explanation had come more easily than I thought it would. I didn't break down. She eyed her books and I explained. "We found those in your room. Wuthering Heights was too saturated to save but the other two were easy enough to clean up. They still smell like you, probably because of the blood. I needed something to hold on to. We buried Wuthering Heights for your memorial service." I never could understand what she saw in that particular book but as it was her favorite by far; burying it in her stead seemed darkly appropriate.

"So this room is..." She bit her lower lip again.

"It's my own personal Bella memorial. Esme brought up my music for me to put back out when we discovered you yesterday. She figured that I might be ready to transition back into being myself. The piano should arrive this afternoon or tomorrow." I sat down with her, perhaps this was the understanding that we needed to come to in order for her to take care of herself. "I need you to understand that I've gone through loosing you once and I cannot do that again."

"You're not going to loose me again, not any time soon." She was genuinely concerned for my welfare.

"Bella, you say that but you aren't doing much to help me keep you safe." She still didn't get this. Her safety was the same as my welfare. "Do you understand why I'm anxious about you going with them? Alice can't see you, it's like you're dead when you're with them. I can't protect you if she can't see you."

"Edward, for once in my life that kind of protection isn't necessary. No one is coming after me." Bella was pleading her case that she was safe, she didn't seem to understand that not all danger came from supernatural forces.

"Danger follows you." My eyebrows drew themselves together. "Not only that but you seem to court it."

"I court danger?" She smiled as if I had told a joke.

"It's not funny love." I reached for her cheek and she placed a hand gently over mine.

"I wouldn't consider myself someone who courts danger, unless we're taking about you." Bella was still looking at this like it was a game. I was a bit amused by her persistence and the fact that she suddenly counted me as dangerous.

"I'm not even factoring myself into that equation." I smiled at her. "Would you like me to explain?"

"I can't wait to hear this." Bella was not going to listen to me. The slight sarcasm in her tone was a definite cue that her mind was made up.

"Well, there's the motorcycle, and I'm not saying that I have a problem with it you love it and I wouldn't dream of even asking you to get rid of it, but this morning you were rather reckless." The realization that this could be taken as an affront to her desired mode of transport dawned on me just as her lips parted to argue. I softly placed a finger over them.

"Shhh, please let me finish. Then, your insistence on hanging out with werewolves. But what are you and the wolves going to go do my love?" I only tore my finger away from her lips because I knew that she would need them to speak.

"Cliff diving." She looked guiltily up at me again.

"That's what I thought I heard. You're going to intentionally throw yourself off of a cliff into water of a questionable depth for fun." She had begun to look down and I couldn't handle that; I needed to see her eyes. My hand slid gently under her chin and lifted until she was forced to make eye contact with me as I made my point. "For you, that's almost courting death."

"No, it's not!" She smiled slyly. I was now positive that there was some other form of dangerous behavior that she was hiding. "I'm not courting danger or death. These are things that I do all the time now." I couldn't look at her. "Edward, look at me." Unless of course she asked me to and I wasn't completely capable of denying her something this simple. "I know exactly what I'm doing. Please calm down and relax."

"You're so fragile." The thought of her injured at the bottom of a waterfall or on the side of the road or someplace else was physically painful.

"I'm not that fragile." She was frustrated but she was exactly that fragile; she just refused to recognize that fact.

"Could you at least let me change you if you want to do things like jump off of cliffs?" If she would just accept a more durable form of existence then I could possibly bear the thought of her behaving recklessly. I would even consider approving of rock climbing if she wasn't so fragile.

"Since when are you so keen on turning me into a vampire?" My newfound eagerness to turn her was not something that she relished.

"I've made mistakes where you're concerned. I realize now that it's either give you immortality or watch you die, there is no in between." She had already made this point herself. Her resolve was now building and I had to move before she caught me in her eyes again or did something really dangerous like say the word 'please'. "If you want to continue to live in this dangerous manner, I'd like you to consider it."

"Cliff diving and riding motorcycles are hardly reasons to become a vampire and the wolves will no longer associate with me when my heart stops beating." She unconsciously raised her voice.

"What about for me?" My eyes burned into hers.

"You've only been back for two days and you want me to drop everything for you. It doesn't work that way. It may have when I was younger, I don't know how I would have reacted if you had come back earlier but for now I don't think you understand the fear I'm dealing with and you can't ask for a leap of faith like that." She was right, but there was more to her reaction than she was willing to explain. Her new reaction to the thought of becoming a vampire was an enigma. Perhaps – it suddenly dawned on me that my decision to change her had nothing to do with what the future would hold. That was why Alice's vision didn't change with my mind. Bella. Bella was the one who was holding back. I felt like such a fool for not seeing it before. She had been through enough traumatic experiences with vampires that she must have some sort of aversion to becoming one.

"Can we talk about why you're afraid?" I kept my distance but her breathing quickened and her head dropped into her hands.

"I'd prefer not to." Bella's entire frame shook as her heart rate picked up. Her breath came in short little gasps and I felt entirely helpless. From the first floor Jasper felt the sudden change of emotion in the room. He flew up the stairs assuming that some sort of danger had occurred due to our mutual panic.

Jasper stood stunned in my doorway. He had expected to find nearly anything other than Bella on the couch with her head in her hands and me standing across the room. He looked from her to me and back again.

What is going on here Edward? The two of you were talking and now you're both panicked beyond belief.

"We were discussing the possibility of her becoming a vampire and I pushed the issue, this is the result." I made my voice low and soft so that it was below Bella's ability to hear.

She's afraid? That doesn't sound much like Bella.

"Do you think that this may be because..." I didn't have to finish.

The newborns. Jasper sighed and calmed Bella down as only he could.

"Bella, you're safe now. No one is going to hurt you." I crouched down in front of her. "You need to talk about this or it will never go away." Bella was almost completely unresponsive. She had calmed down and she knew that I spoke to her but she made no move to acknowledge that I had spoken.

May I help? Jasper raised an eyebrow. I have an interesting perspective on newborn vampires after all.

I nodded at him and suggested the idea to Bella,"I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it, but perhaps you could talk to Jasper when you're ready."

"I have a lot of experience with newborn vampires." Jasper explained when her face finally lifted from her hands. She was confused as to why he would have experience with newborns, it occurred to Jasper and myself that although he thought about it almost daily, Bella knew nothing of his life prior to joining the family. Things had always been said in silent conversations or just beyond her ability to hear them.

"I don't see how talking to Jasper is going to help, no offense." She confirmed our suspicion.

"Well, I do have a masters in psychology but I have some very intensive experience in training newborn vampires for combat. My gift helps too." Jasper tried to give her a non-threatening grin.

"I'll consider it, but I'm still going this weekend." She was still just as set on risking her life as ever. She couldn't handle the thought of newborns but the potential for death she could deal with, she looked forward to it for goodness sakes.

I think it's a lost cause, bro. She doesn't seem to want to talk about this, perhaps you should compromise.

I eyed him warily.

Alice said that she's going on Saturday. Bella is going with or without your blessing because she doesn't need it.

This did not change my opinion. My eyebrows pulled together.

Edward, she's not a teenage girl anymore. Those four years of development you missed were crucial ones. If you want a real relationship, you have got to stop telling her what she can and can't do. She doesn't need your permission but she would like you to accept her choices.

Stop looking at me like that for goodness sakes. I have a lot more experience with women than you do. Trust me, make a deal.

"You agree to talk to Jasper and I won't complain about this weekend. I don't like it but I won't complain in front of you." I made the offer against my better judgment.

"Deal" Her agreement came quickly enough that I considered the possibility that this deal worked more in her favor than my own. I groaned internally at the thought of her out alone with the dogs.