Harry's Firebolt
Grrrr.... I'm so bored! I mean, I understand Harry's under a bit of pressure, y'know, with the whole triwitch or wizard or whatever the hell it is, but can't he just relax and take me out for a fly? It's kinda stuffy here in the trunk.
Yeah, the the socks are pretty cool guys, and I get on really well with the pants, if you know what I mean, but I need to get out, y'know? Just ride on the wind. So anyway, I heard about this great new wa- Holy cleansweeps in a blender what the hell is happening?
I mean, one moment, I'm in the trunk chatting up the trousers and the next- Woah! Was that a window I just went through? Ah well, not much to complain about now. I'm outside, so it's all good.
Hey, what's going on? There's the Quidditch Pitch, but there's, like, this huge black thing down one end. Now I don't know about other countries or whatever, but I'm pretty sure bludgers aren't meant to be that big. But, I'm getting closer now, so I should be able to see what it is really...
AHHH! *&%*^%E(*#^)#*^)(*&)&$)^%! What the hell! Get me away from it! Why is Harry fighting a dragon?! I'm going to be burned to a crisp! Are you crazy? I think I'm starting to believe those articles you keep muttering to yourself about you crazy ((&%#*$^)(&^%*&^%!
You're just lucky that I don't have arms, Harry, or you would be going down for doing this to me! I am wood! Dragons breathe fire! You put us both in the same situation and it's not going to end well! I hope you'll be happy after I'm a nice little pile of ashes on the Quidditch pitch you stupid sod!
...
Okay, I admit it, you're a damn good flier and I should have trusted you- Ah! Why are you going near it again! I've changed my mind! I wanna go back to trunk with your trousers! I know they're a little traumatised by what they've been through with you, but I'm sure we can work through that!
And now you're omigodomigodomigodomigodomigodomigodomigodomigodomigod! We are not diving towards and angry, viscious, fire-breathing dragon to get.... an egg.
Holy crap Harry Potter.
What is wrong with you?