But she didn't know.

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands
(Like A Star Lyrics - Corinne Bailey Rae)

He lay on his back, hands behind his head. Connors's eyes were closed, but he could still see her. She had soft features, very pretty to say the least. In the back of his head she reminded him of Snow White, dark hair, fair skin, kissable lips. When he first picked her up she had sighed and nuzzled against his neck. The warmth of her breath so close to his lips almost tempted him to steal a kiss. She smelled of a nice mix of fruits and flowers, "What was he doing? He'd broken into her home, carried her into her bedroom, and now he wanted to steal a kiss?" Murphy would've thrashed him if he was here. He slipped away before he had a chance to make any mistakes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chel'an had woken up from a wonderful dream. The first in a long time. She remembered falling asleep sad and alone as always, but for a few moments she was filled with warmth. She felt safe and content, and complete. It wasn't "him", but a nice feeling none the less. Thinking of "him" woke her up. She didn't remember coming in from the balcony last night, but she did have a long night. Slowly it was getting easier for her to be without "him", but she felt guilty. She didn't want "him" to be "out of sight, out of mind". She didn't focus so much about what could've been and how their lives were cheated unfairly. That was the first month or so, mostly now she was sad/mad that she missed him. The sun was up, but the air was still brisk. She was greatful her coat was warm enough to combat the weather. She found a cream sweater, mid length denim skirt, boots, and a scarf amid her bags. Unpacking would have to hold off until this afternoon.

There was still time before mass, she found her way to a side chapel to light 2 candles and kneel in prayer. Eyes closed, head down, her fingers softly touched the rosary ring on her left hand. She didn't pray for herself, she prayed for others. When she was done, she noticed two young men beside her. They were deep in prayer too. Silently and swiftly she made her way into the main cathedral for the morning mass.

Connor and Murphy ended up seated directly behind her in mass now. Murphy didn't pay much attention to her, just the day's sermon. Connor had noticed her hands fidgeting with her rings. On the right was a shiny sparkly, on the left was a cross? No, a rosary ring. And her voice, she was singing without even bothering to open up the hymnal. Murphy knocked him on his head, "Fer Christ's sakes man! Pay attention!" As she slipped out after Communion, Conner was curious as to why she didn't stay for the whole mass.

Chel'an was happy to start her day. She left mass early to avoid having to meet and greet the locals. On the way home she stopped by the grocer's and dropped in on Doc to see if he needed her. Officially her schedule for the clinic was Wednesday – Friday nights. She figured she'd keep herself busy at the bar then. Doc slipped a bottle of Chivas in her bags while she was chatting with the other girls. It was a nice walk back to the apartment from there. She smiled up at the sky, the clouds bright white among a sea of light blue. This was healing, no pushing or prodding, or sympathy. No one was here to look at her and cry with pity. She was trying to be herself again, not some poor sad widow, lost without her husband. Atleast she had switched her rings from right to left, occasionally she'd switch left to right. The diamond ring was a comforting reminder that she was loved and she would wear it to honor him. The rosary ring was when she needed faith and hope for strength.

The discovery of the Chivas in her bag set her laughing as she unpacked her groceries in the kitchen. A little bit of liquid warmth made the unpacking of her luggage and boxes easier. The last box she should've opened on arrival, but she hadn't wanted to scare Laurie. Chelan placed a small gun safe under her bed, tapping the key pad the door swung open easily. There was just enough space for her to be able to open it quickly and the door open freely. She also retrieved what looked like a black make-up carry all. She flipped the combination lock and slid the clasps open to reveal one Sig P230 and one Glock 19. "Liquid courage, meet careful courage," she breathed. She'd have to apply for a CCW in this district, better to be safe than sorry. The quick release of the safe swung easily and she placed the two guns securely inside.

Being the wife of a Sheriff's Deputy didn't always mean being comfortable and skilled in shooting. But she'd been around guns even before having met her husband. Not that she was a gun afficionado, but she always was at the range with family growing up. It was a nice plus that it was easier for her to be armed after they were married. Now it was a stark reminder that as a victim she would always be able to be certified for concealed weapons. His last gifts to her had been a specialty purse, with an easy access but lockable compartment and an ankle/calf holster. She had a gun with her always, but not out of paranoia. It was just better to be safe than sorry. Ironic that the one day she didn't have either on her, was the day she lost him. The amber liquid warmed her throat as the tears formed again. She wiped them away gently with the edge of a tissue, he always hated it when she cried. But he wasn't here any more to watch her, or make the tears go away.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

She was back to work at the pub that evening. Doc had introduced her to more of the regulars. They were a kind crowd, she was hoping to fall under the category of being a young traveler. So far no one asked too many personal questions, she let them assume she was just the friendly carefree girl. She met each customer with a smile. At the bar two young men were chatting it up with Doc, she rememebered them from the night before. He waved her over to introduce them, "B-b-boys I want'cha ta m-m-meet Chel'an. She's the n-n-new nurse at the c-c-clinic up the street and my n-n-new girl. Missy, th-th-this here's Murphy Macmanus and his b-b-brother Conner. Y-y-you let me know if th-th-they give you any t-t-trouble."

Chel'an nodded and shook their hands politely. Murphy took the initiative to offer her his stool, "Here ya go, I'm sure Doc here can let you off early. It's extrememly rare we get to have the company of a nice girl." She looked up at Doc, and he waved her down, "You s-s-sit, you worked t-t-too much tonight any-h-h-how." He set 3 pints of Guiness ahead of them. She was now seated between the brothers and Doc had seemingly wandered away. She wasn't too wary, if Doc thought they were good, she could trust them. They shared a few rounds that evening.

"So I take it you two are brothers? Who's older?" she turned to look from Murphy to Conner. Murphy was the spiky dark-haired one with a mischeivous look. Connor was the dark blonde wavy haired one who had gentle eyes. The two of them had such deep blue eyes. She tried hard not to stare, Connor's gaze made her feel as if he could steal her soul and but she wouldn't have minded at all. They were close kin with playful banter, they told her their story about not knowing who was the older twin. They asked her about her home and where she was from, and how her family could let her come all the way over to Boston on her own.

Chel'an gave brief answers, only offering basic information. Oldest of three, presumabley the black sheep keen on wandering away from home. They learned that her real name was "Michelle Angela", and she hated it. San Diego was home, but so was San Francisco... home was anywhere comfortable and safe. She let them in that it was nice feeling safe and content in this little section of the city. They didn't press her, as she was still getting to know them. Chel'an liked these two, Connor especially. He was the more reserved of the two, his blue eyes she seemed to get lost in. "Don't stare... don't stare" she chanted to herself. Murphy was the energetic lively one, who liked to dance and nudge her in the shoulder like one of the boys. Conner she wouldn't mind getting to know better, she appreciated his quiet confidence. A few drinks later, she found herself at a more comfortable level.

It wasn't very long when Murphy decided to take his leave with a girl he met at the other end of the bar. Chel'an was off shift anyways and Connor offered to escort her home. She missed the wink Murphy had thrown at his brother as they all stood up to leave. She shrugged as she'd be fine on her own, but wouldn't mind the company. They spoke of growing up, his brother, her two brothers, of noticing each other at the church that morning. He had at one point offered his arm and she linked her arm in his. They were nearing her building and the awkward feeling of not really wanting to invite him up was at the edge of her mind. They stopped at the entrance and she stated, "Well this is me... do you have to go far to get home? I hope I wasn't out of the way."

He ruffled his hair with his right hand looked at her shyly and then waved to the building across with his left, "Actually me brother and I live right up there." He smiled as she put her hand up to cover her laughing, he liked her shyness. Her eyes weren't so sad this time. Connor pointed out the 3rd floor, "If you ever feel the need just open the window and call out."

She pointed to her own unit and said, "I'm glad to know we're neighbors. It's nice to know who I can turn to when I need a cup of sugar." Her smile was warm and there was a sparkle in her eyes, it seemed the sadness was gone.

He stepped closer to her, causing her to squeak, "Someone as sweet as you, wouldn't need any sugar now." Connor was testing the waters, seeing if she'd bite. She giggled a little and he hoped he hadn't made a corny mistake, and it seemed that he didn't. Her hand was still on his arm and hadn't lifted to swat him away. That was a good sign, so he leaned forward a little.

She stood on her tip toes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for a lovely evening." And then she was gone just as quickly as she delivered the kiss, already in the door. Connor smiled, she was the one who kissed him, maybe just maybe she was interested in him too?

Just behind the door Chel'an's cheeks were red and flushed and her heart was desperately trying to free itself from her chest. She kissed him, well it was a chaste kiss, one she delivered with relatives and good friends. But she couldn't help but feel the excitement of a school girl. That suddenly disappeared, as thoughts of "him" filled her heart. "What the hell am I doing" she wondered, "I just met the guy..." Shiny tears found their way down her cheeks, she didn't bother wiping them away. It took awhile to sleep, thoughts of Connor and "him" on her mind.