Chapter 8: Thoughts

Author's Note: Wow…Quick update here…The one's after this may be slightly slower…Because I don't have a written out plan for this one and am kinda flying by the seat of my pants. Also, I don't feel this chapter is up to my usual standards, so I may yet re-do it…I'm sick Been getting really bad headaches and nausea. And while this may contribute and I really wanted to get a new chapter up for you guys quickly…I do apologize if it's less satisfying than the others. Anyways, I have like two different directions this story could go…Maybe I will place em as a poll.

Weeks went by, and with every passing hour Mustang felt any hope of seeing Edward again dwindle and die. The search team had long lost its drive and at this point it was only himself and Hawkeye still actively on the hunt. Though an amber alert had been issued, Ed was still a child no matter what he was or how mature he acted; so far even with all of Central on high alert the Homunculus had done his part well. It was like Edward had fallen off the face of the Earth. It pained Mustang to think of the torture his young lover…Or perhaps ex lover, he wasn't sure Ed would ever forgive him…was enduring. He almost hoped that if he couldn't be saved, he was already dead. Anything was better than being tortured and abused every minute for weeks. Sighing he stared out to the misty day, so like the day he had lost the youth, and his paperwork was forgotten once more.

He pulled on his jacket and was met with questioning eyes.

"I'm just going to take a quick look around town..." He muttered to his subordinates and they nodded back, pitying the man. Each one of them had noticed how hard he was taking it; he had even dropped in weight, probably from sleepless nights of wandering aimlessly down back alleys hoping to catch some glimpse of the other alchemist. His eyes were more pits now, burning intensely over dark circles. Roy's skin had always been pale, but it was becoming translucid as the Colonel neglected himself more and more. Riza wished he would stop beating himself up over the abduction, but didn't have the heart to tell him to stop trying so hard. She placed a hand comfortingly on his shoulder, hoping to calm him somewhat.

"After you're done, why don't you go home and rest? You look like shit, when was the last time you slept?" Roy shrugged, not a good sign.

"A few days…" he said softly and stared out into the drizzle again. Gently he pulled away from his long time friend and walked to the door. Every person present saluted him as he left, thinking he was a fool for exhausting himself, but admirable for caring so much.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Envy still hadn't returned. It was strange after so long of being with the sin, to finally be left alone. Weak from abuse, hunger and the drugs he had been given Edward had quickly given up escaping the warm room and was now simply sitting on the edge of the bed. He was bored, and he began thinking how funny it was he could be bored with all he had endured. The blonde wasn't even certain of how long he had been in that room, could have been hours, or years. He had tried alchemy to escape, but there was no reaction and he soon felt too weak to continue to try. The door proved too heavy to shatter, and though the windows appeared breakable..They were made with some resistive material. Sighing, for the twentieth time, he almost wished someone would walk in the door. He just wanted someone to talk to. There wasn't even a book in the god damn room.

With nothing else to do, the blonde found himself replaying the memories from before. Envy had come back as planned, blood splattered and sinister, and the sight of him had terrified Edward.

'Get up.' The sin snarled and when Ed didn't comply, too warm and comfortable in the blankets, Envy pulled him out by his hair and onto the floor.

"On your knees," was the next command and slowly Ed complied. Envy smirked and grasped Ed's face, tilting it upwards.

"Now, I think it's time for some more fun…But I don't think you can handle what we did last night..Not so soon anyways. But I bet it would feel just as nice if you sucked on me." The nausea returned tenfold to Ed and he attempted to back off, but Envy wouldn't let him.

"Now now Edward, after I was so nice to you. I bandaged your wounds and gave you food. I think you owe me." Edward glared, it was his fault after all that he had those wounds in the first place, but it appeared he'd been with the sin's twisted logic too long…Because it was making sense to him. Next thing he knew his face was shoved into the others crotch and again he recoiled. Envy looked pissed off but attempted to keep his cool, he really didn't want to hurt his pet more than needed.

"Ed, I'm trying to be nice here.." He hissed, a voice full of promise. He guided the teen back and pried the teen's jaw open, and pushed himself past the other's teeth and commanded the boy to begin, and he did..Afraid of what would happen if he disobeyed.

Edward ran for the bathroom, and kneeling over the toilet, wretched into it. The youth remembered how he hadn't let him go until he had swallowed all of the sticky substance the other had shot into his mouth, and the taste still lingered, a phantom essence of all that was wrong. He released his hold on the dish and weakly rested against the wall. When he finally recovered enough to stand, he looked longingly at the tub. He hadn't taken a bath, simply because he didn't want the sin to walk in on him while he was in such a vulnerable state. He felt dirty though and eventually he decided to bath, hoping it would help him feel like everything was okay. Turning the two knobs, he adjusted the water until it was right and watched the clear liquid begin to fill up the tub. Listlessly he ran his hand through some of it, his mind full when he wanted it empty.

Try as he might, he couldn't shake the lonely feeling, the fear and the disgust at being reduced to this. He missed Alphonse, if he closed his eyes he could hear the familiar clunking and the kind voice. He missed the food he prepared, food in general. Meals were scarce, possibly because the Homunculus forgot human's needed to eat often, or to keep him in a state of weakness. Edward came back to reality as the water hit the inside of his elbow and he reached over to turn off the dials. Hoisting himself up, which took him more effort than he'd ever admit, he lowered himself into the warm water. He winced as he jostled his left arm too much, his wrist was healing, testament to the long days he had spent in this prison…but it was still painful.

Reaching for a bar of soap Edward cleaned up any trace of the abuse he had endured, trying not to over analyze as the lather turned rusty in places from dried blood. If he thought too long or hard, he knew he would probably break down completely. His defense mechanism was to ignore it completely. He was alone right now, and though it was lonely and boring being locked in the same old room every day for at least a couple weeks now, he supposed it was still better than the anguish and fear he endured while the sin was with him. Ed splashed the water, listening to the sound fill the otherwise silent room. It wasn't like Envy wasn't trying though, Ed thought to himself. Compared to the first time, Envy was being very gentle with Ed as though he were afraid to shatter him.

Ed's mind again wandered to another memory of the past few weeks. This one was the next morning. Envy had come, the carnage that had been splattered on him like a child's finger painting had all but disappeared from him. Ed had pretended to be asleep…and the sin hadn't woken him up. The teen had felt the bed sag slightly as Envy had sat next to him, and heard a soft sigh and then fingers ran gently through his hair like he were some kind of pet to the Homunculus. Envy had sat there a few hours, and his touches never became violent, demanding or angry…just soft. It was like the sin was simply happy to sit near him and watch him rest. He'd said just one thing that morning…Something that had scared Ed, but at the same time was a small comfort in the hell he'd been thrust into..He'd whispered: I care about you more than you know. Then he'd squeezed his automail hand before getting off the bed and leaving…

Ed had long thought the Sin had somewhat of a split personality. On the one hand he was always rough and demanding when he was aroused. He would force, threaten or do whatever the situation called for in order to get what he wanted. Edward had new bruises every time, whether he consciously resisted or not. On the other end, he seemed to seriously care sometimes and was gentle and bandaged the new wounds, apologizing for his behaviour. It was confusing…And left some questions even Ed found difficult, even dangerous, to answer. He drew comparisons to the Colonel. The Colonel by contrast was always gentle, but emotionally had hurt him so bad it still felt like the world was ending when he thought about it…Envy at least hadn't done that. He shook his head violently. No, no…Regardless of anything, the sin had taken it from him…Had forced him. There was no way he was justifying this. He sighed heavily when he realized that was exactly what he was doing..Rationalizing this is a way that somehow made Envy look like the nicer one. 'Now I'm the one fucked in the head…' he thought morosely to himself, lathering up his hair and trying not to think about it any longer.

It was shortly after he finished rinsing out his flaxen locks that he felt the first signs of weakness. At first he thought it was just hunger catching up to him now that he was clean and warm, but, as he stood, he realized it was more like complete exhaustion. He swayed, the room beginning to circle him and he suddenly felt very ill. He scrambled to get out of the tub, but his legs didn't cooperate and the next thing he knew…He was falling. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. He felt the panic set in first as his arm shot out and grabbed the only thing he could, the white shower curtains. Then surprise as the curtains ripped, sending him once again plummeting…Next came alarm as he realized he was going to hit the tap, and then pain shot through his head as he landed back in the water with a splash.

He saw the blood starting to seep out into the water, staining it scarlet. 'So much bl--…'he thought dazedly before he slipped under the water.