A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up, I've been busy, and I'm also working on two other fics. I'm in the middle of the third chapter for Ow My Foot: The Saga Continues, and I'm almost finished with a slash fic requested by a friend of mine. Unless the plot bunny does something extremely weird, there should only be a few more chapters and possibly an epilogue remaining for this story. After this chapter, the story will actually start to take some direction, and there will be (gasp) action instead of just angst and humor, and smut. . Hope ya'll enjoy (if there's still anyone reading this) cause ya'll sure waited long enough for it.

Peace, Love, and Chicken Grease.

Disclaimer: SMUTASTIC! All characters are over 18.

Chapter 7

The day was already not going as Lex planned it. She'd been surprised by a visit from Sam, not that visits from Sam were at all unusual nowadays since Mikaela moved with her family; he spent a rather large chunk of his free time rattling around Lex's house, the problem was, she'd been expecting Bumblebee to come on his own. However, the Autobots had added a new addition to their base, and, like most men, wanted people to ooo and ahh over it.

Bee took Lex and Sam. Lex drove. Well, not really drove, more like, rode in the driver's seat and bullshitted with Sam. She also managed to talk Bee into heading to DQ for an ice cream. She got a banana-split and two spoons; her and Sam were sharing. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

...At least until Bee braked hard to avoid another car. Sam was right in the middle of passing the banana split back to Lex when they were both thrown forward by force of Bee's brakes. His tires squealed, and their barely eaten ice cream splattered all over his steering wheel.

Lex and Sam stared, speechless, at the horrible mess on the steering wheel for a full minute. It was barely recognizable as actually being a part of car it was so covered with bananas, chocolate, whipped cream, and soft serve. Lex pressed her legs against the bottom of the steering wheel in a vain attempt to keep the cold sticky mess from getting onto Bee's carpet.

Desperately trying to maintain a straight face, Lex said, "Sam, please tell me there are napkins in the bag. Lots of fucking napkins."

He closed his mouth and turned to the bag, quickly searching its contents, coming up a few seconds later to feebly wave one single, solitary napkin.

"Oh shit, we're boned. Do you have any in the glove box, Sam?"

Sam shook his head mutely for a minute, his whole body shaking with suppressed laughter. "Bee won't let me keep anything in here, he says it's embarrassing if there's shit rattling around when he transforms."

They would've been ok, if they hadn't looked each other in the eyes. As soon as green eyes met brown, Lex and Sam dissolved into helpless laughter. They laughed until tears ran down their faces and their sides ached.

Bumblebee was a little less than amused. "Neither of you are ever eating inside of me again. You'll walk first."

Then, "It's COLD!"

And, "I can feel it starting to run."

Followed by, "Don'tletitgetonthecarpet!"

Lex looked over at Sam, "Do you wash your hands when you pee?"

"No, I wash them AFTER I pee, dumbass."

Lex shot him a bird, and when he returned the gesture she smacked him in the head. Then she picked a piece of banana off the steering wheel, dipped it in the sticky ice cream concoction, and ate it. Sam grinned, shrugged, and used his finger to scoop up some ice cream. Soon they were both using their fingers as spoons, fighting over the banana slices, and enjoying the slightly melted ice cream.

"You two put your brains together and THIS is the Grand Plan that you guys come up with? You're going to eat it off??"

"We know where you're steering wheel's been." Lex said comfortably. She seemed to think for a second, then looked at Sam who was in the process of reaching for a bit more ice cream. "Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"It just occurred to me..."

"What did?"

"You're eating ice cream off a DUDE."

Sam froze. He turned so red Lex found herself starting to worry that his head might explode. "You couldn't keep that to yourself, could you? Could you? I didn't think of it like that till YOU pointed it out. I don't like you anymore. Don't talk to me."

Lex snickered. "I dare ya to lick some off."

Sam refused to look at her.

"Double dare ya."

He gave her a withering look.

"It's not hard, see?" Lex licked a path of clean onto Bee's steering wheel. She felt the Camaro shiver.

Sam went back to refusing to look at her. Time to pull out the big guns. The one thing NO teenage guy could resist:

"I. TRIPLE. DAWG. DARE. ya."

Sam narrowed his eyes, obviously thinking. No self-respecting teen aged guy could turn down a triple dawg dare, unless of course, he wanted to walk around knowing himself to be a sissy for all of his remaining years. Sam wanted no part of that. But, maybe..."If I do, and I'm not saying I WILL, I think you should make it worth my while. I mean, you are daring me to lick a GUY for your amusement."

Lex decided Sam was spending wayy to much time around her. He'd went from being sweet and bumbling to sweet, bumbling, and slightly manipulative. It kind of made her proud.

Seemingly oblivious to the ice cream steadily dripping in her lap, Lex said thoughtfully, "Fair enough. I'll owe you a favor. Call it in whenever you want, and I'll do whatever it is, as long as its within reason, AND as long as my cute little Bumblybee is cool with it." She'd added that last bit as an afterthought. Sam was a nice guy and a great kid, but he was still a teen aged boy, aka, a walking vat of hormones.

"Deal."

Sam sat there for a second. He took a deep breath, obviously screwing up his courage. Lex watched him, mildly amused. She fervently hoped that Bee was on her wavelength with this, if he was, it would make all the wheedling worthwhile. She thought he probably was, it was just a feeling she had, but she also knew she could be wrong. He'd been pretty Scroogetastic earlier, and had since lapsed into his customary silence. But she thought it might just be AMUSED silence.

Sam unfastened his seat belt, put his hand on the side of Lex's seat, leaned over and gave Bee's steering wheel the longest, wettest, and most slurpy lick he could muster. It wouldn't do to have Lex say he welshed. Not at all.

Bee shivered when Lex licked him, but when Sam did it, Bee shuddered, his Camaro form rocking on his shocks like he was caught in an earthquake. He moaned loudly, a guttural sound of pure pleasure before purring in a low seductive voice, "Oh, Sam, baby, that was just how I like it. Do it again."

"Buahahahahahahahahah!"

Sam's face glowed brighter than the sun. "You guys... make me sick. Seriously."

Embarrassing Sam had improved Bee's mood a good bit, and the scrubbing the two human's laid on his interior helped even more, though by the time they got back to Lex's place (sans Sam) Bumblebee was still a little huffy. They followed the long drive way to Lex's back door, and she climbed out of the drivers seat, stretching. Bee closed his door, and she leaned on it with one hip, gently rubbing his roof.

"I wouldn't mind soaking up some rays. Okay with you?"

He grumbled and shifted slightly on his shocks.

Grinning, "I'll take that as a 'yes'." Lex pressed a kiss to the center of Bee's hood, and jogged inside the house to change clothes. Well, in a manner of speaking, anyway...

A friend of hers, Jesse, had once told her that if a guy was playing hard to get, just to walk out naked in front of him. "If he reaches for ya," Jesse said knowingly, "he wants ya."

Lex had thought this was the most ridiculous advice she'd ever heard. She also thought she must have been nuts to ask Jess in the first place. Here was a guy, that spent 20 minutes making sandwiches he referred to as 'masterpieces' just so he could wolf them down in about five seconds flat. And God forbid he ran out of cheese or something. Personally, Lex was fairly certain that Jesse spent at least some of that prep time making love to his sandwiches, as much he was obsessed with them. Of course, it could just be that he really liked to eat, and probably was, but teasing him with the other possibility was pretty damn fun. Still though, Jesse- probably not someone you want take relationship advice from.

Until now.

Bee hummed softly to himself and settled lower on his shocks, getting comfortable. He lowered his windows, and started sifting through radio stations, trying to find some decent music. He was actually in a pretty good mood. The ice-cream incident hadn't annoyed him as much as he'd led on. Actually, said incident hadn't really annoyed him much at all, he just liked having his humans dote on him, cleaning his interior and trying to cheer him up. Even a Bumblebee could be a bit of a dog, sometimes.

He enjoyed sunbathing with Lex. There was something peaceful about soaking up the warm sun with her resting comfortably on his hood, soothing songs coming out of the radio. It was probably, he surmised, one of the closest things he'd come to having a perfect day.

He saw Lex exit the house out of the corner of his optic, dressed in her usual odd white covering she wore over her bathing suit. Still lost in his own thoughts and the search for the perfect music, he paid only vague attention to what Lex was doing, relying more on sensory touch than anything. He felt a soft, cloth wrapped container settle on his hood. Drink? Check. Bee smiled a little to himself- Lex could be a pain in his aft, but more often than not, she was thoughtful of him.

I come out here prepared to get naked, and look at him totally not paying attention. Lex wasn't sure HOW she knew it- Bumblebee's holo could be pretty damn inscrutable, but his car alt took the cake. He looked like a car like that, it was pretty fucking impossible to know what he was doing at any given time in that form, but she was positive that he didn't have the foggiest idea that she was standing in front of him totally in the buff, suntan lotion in one hand, and her white short-robe in the other.

To test her theory, Lex mentally reached into her archive of old-timey dances, and did about 30 seconds of the (nekked) Monkey which degenerated into all out head banging after about 15 seconds. So it was the nekked-head-banging-Monkey. Good 'nuff. Lex watched Bee expectantly.

Nothing.

She scowled at him.

Still nothing.

Lex hopped lightly onto his hood, settling her bare ass against Bumblebee's smooth metal skin. She wadded up the white 'covering' as he called it, and chucked it at the right side of Bee's windshield.

She had his attention. "What the hell was that-" Bee's question trailed off into nothing as he re-focused his optic sensors on Lex's bare back. Her completely bare back. No cloth bathing suit straps there to break the expanse of smooth flesh. He watched her shoulder blades moving gently beneath her skin as she rubbed her hands together. Turning ever so slightly to one side, she started rubbing coconut scented sun tanning lotion on to her right arm, slender fingers stroking delicate flesh, over her bicep then across her shoulder and up the line of her neck. Lex rubbed her hands together again, transferring the tanning lotion from one hand to the other, before repeating the process on the other side.

Primus. She was driving him insane. When she twisted slightly to give her left arm its turn, the change in position revealed a brief glimpse of the soft swell of one breast. That's all she was allowing him, brief bits and pieces that made his processors want to over-heat because the lack of what she wasn't showing him made his own imagination fill in the blanks. Tipping her head back, she rubbed lotion onto her neck and then lower. Bee could tell from the position of her arms that she'd moved on to her breasts, and he tried hard not to think about how badly he wanted to feel them in his holo-form's hands, or pressed against his chest.

From there she went to her thighs and legs, long and no longer atrophied, it was impossible to tell that he'd broken them so many months ago, what sometimes seemed a lifetime ago, and he wanted them so badly to be wrapped around his waist, dragging him closer, that it was an ache he felt throughout his yellow, metal body. It was need, pure need and desire, and when she shifted, resting on one hand to bring her oiled legs under her to kneel on her knees on his hood her skin moved against his metal like silk, and his groan could have never been mistaken for human. She rubbed her hands over her ass, working suntan lotion into the skin, slowly, before giving the cheeks a two handed slap, letting him see it all... giving him a show.

By the time he got it together enough to form his holo beside his car form, she'd already re-arranged herself on her back, and looked completely comfortable. He stared at her, blue eyes glowing, raking over her body, taking in the view she'd denied him earlier. He said nothing, and neither did she. Instead, Lex reached into her glass with her left hand, pulled out an ice cube, and popped it into her mouth, sucking on it gently, before transferring to her right.

When she opened her eyes, they were as inscrutable as his. Lex took a moment to admire his holo's body, clad only in a pair of yellow board shorts. He was lean and muscular without being scrawny or bulky, a perfect center between the two, and the small amount of body hair he'd given himself was fine, and blonde and looked so soft she had to resist the urge to rub her face against his chest and instead trailed her melting ice cube down the fine happy-trail of hair that would eventually lead her to his groin. He caught her wrist when she got to the waistband of his shorts, gripping her not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to be slightly uncomfortable.

He didn't want to stop her. He wanted to take her right then and there, but she didn't understand the possible danger she was putting herself in, and that was his fault. He'd done his best to try and avoid this situation, hoping that Prime and Ratchet would find an answer or an explanation. No such luck. Somehow, Lex had managed to do the impossible: some basic, animalistic part of her body and being had not only heard his Spark call to her, but was answering it. There was no physical way for that to happen, Lex had no Spark, but it was, and he'd listened to Prime's and later Ratchet's hypothesizing on the subject, listing various outcomes to such a bonding attempt with her, and the one thing they'd both agreed on was the most horrible possibility of them all: It could very well kill Lex.

A few nights ago, he'd lost control, and the bond mating sequence had been initialized, and it had hurt her, he'd felt it, but she hadn't backed away from the fledgling bond that was being created, instead had reached for it with everything she had, and he'd only just barely managed to pull away from her to end it. He was afraid to make love to her, even in the strictly human sense of the act, afraid that if the bonding sequence started again, he wouldn't be able to stop.

So, he stood there, gripping her wrist, and in the pained voice of a man trying to talk while struggling to lift 350 pounds over his head he told her, "I could hurt you. I don't trust myself not to."

Lex looked at him, knowing he was telling her the truth as he saw it, but not caring. She was way past the point of caring. "Bee, I don't care if you skin me alive, as long as you're fucking me while you do it."

He hesitated only a second longer, then he took the sliver of ice from Lex's fingers, and traced it around one already hard nipple. She gasped at the painful tightening, and then groaned when the cold was immediately replaced by his warm mouth. He gripped the small bud, gently between his teeth, just biting down a little, before lashing at it quickly with his tongue. One of Lex's hands cupped the back of his head, pulling him closer, the other stroked the hard line of his erection, cupping him through his shorts. He thrusted his hips against her once, twice, grinding gently against her hand before pulling back and away.

He walked to his front end, standing in front of his grille. Lex noticed Bumblebee's hands were shaking as he grabbed her ankles, and dragged her down his hood, so that her thighs were pressed against his hips. She sat up, pulling him closer, wrapping herself completely around him. Bee kissed her roughly, his tongue invading her mouth, his lips abused hers, pressing against them almost hard enough to make them bruise before soothing the small pain with soft licks. She tugged at his shorts, and he caught her drift, making them disappear into the nothingness they came from, and he found his cock pressing into the soft junction of her thighs, and oh, Primus she was so wet, so ready for him, he knew the show she put on for him aroused her at least as much as it did him, and he was pressed against her entrance in about two seconds flat.

He needed the connection with her so desperately, his first instinct was to ram his way into her, to pound into her body, but he waited, shuddering, for Lex to give him what he needed. She shifted her position slightly, and with a quick flick of her hips, took his cock halfway inside of her. She dug her nails into the small of his back and kissed him harder, faster, and he sank as deep inside of her as he could get. Bee slid his hand between them, seeking the small, swollen bundle of nerves that made up her pleasure center before deftly stroking it. Lex broke their kiss, gasping for breath, panting against his shoulder, and he shifted her position slightly, moving her hips forward so that his cock stroked her clit with every thrust.

Tension and heat coiled in Lex's lower stomach, her muscles were tensing and oh God he felt so good, stretching her and filling her and she seemed to be running along a plateau of pure pleasure, reaching the peak way to fast- she wanted it to last but was unable to stop the rush, and right as she hit the pinnacle, Bee revved his engine, and the vibration under her shot through her entire body and she came, her scream muffled by his shoulder.

Lex's feelings for Bee seemed to swell up in one giant wave: love, friendship, passion, all combined, and Bee felt it wash over him, knew it was from her. Words felt too clumsy to him, too fumbling, so he sent her his feelings instead, like she'd accidentally sent hers, and he was positive she got the message because she pulled him closer, and held him tighter, and when his own pleasure became too much to contain any longer he wrapped his arms around her and they hugged each other as he shuddered his release.

It took a few minutes for them to come back to reality, and as soon as she did, the first thing Lex noticed was that she was hot, sweaty, and sticky. Bee seemed to notice the same thing because his passenger door popped open and he told her, "Get inside, I'll turn on the air conditioning."

"But I'm all sweaty and sticky."

"So am I."

"Yeah, but you can make your sweat disappear, ya damn cheater, I can't."

He picked her up, and pretty much shoved her inside himself (something that when she thought about it, made Lex giggle) "I don't care."

He appeared beside her in the back seat (total cheater) and they stayed there, not speaking, just snuggling and enjoying each other. Lex had questions, she'd received the feelings he sent her loud and clear, thank you very much, and while she was dying to know what happened and how that was possible, she didn't want to spoil their time with a bunch of questions. She knew he'd tell her when he was ready, and so resigned herself to waiting. Besides, her life had been full of the inexplicable... it wasn't a new set of circumstances for her.

In the spirit of not asking questions, Lex looked at her Bumblebee and said simply, "Again."

He stared at her with wide blue eyes.

Lex shrugged, "At least you can't tell me you're not a machine."

Bee snickered at her response, but did as she requested.

The next morning, Lex woke up to a rather delicious mauling. His fingers were Russian, his hands were Roman and his mouth was just flat obscene. Lex was getting ready to settle into the idea of doing some horribly naughty things to a 16 foot (and 2 inch!) tall robot's holographic projection when she noticed the time. Ten minutes before he was supposed to meet Sam.

Lex put her hands on his shoulders, pushing at him. "You're going to be late."

Bee shrugged in a way that clearly told her Sam would live. If anything, his tongue got even more obscene. She wriggled under him and he pressed her harder into her mattress.

"He's going to be disappointed."

"You are a killjoy." But there was amusement in his eyes, and he moved up, pressed a kiss to her forehead. Lex kissed his shoulder, just a quick peck, but he made as if to shove her back onto the bed again, and she smacked him. "Go!"

He gave her a wicked grin, and his holo poofed out of existence. Lex decided it was a shame she couldn't use him in a magic show. She got up, walked to the sliding glass door on the other side of her room, and waved when Bee flashed his lights at her before pulling out of his 'parking spot' and heading down her driveway.

Later that day, Lex sat in her basement workshop, finishing the project she'd been working on for the past months. The work had been painstaking, her fingers could attest to that.

She was fairly certain that what she was doing probably couldn't be considered bright, but she'd found this metal underneath her front porch, right next to the annoyingly large hole in wooden skirting, and well, the metal was too good to pass up. It hadn't taken long for her to put two and two together, and the answer she came up with was five, and she could be making a serious fuck up, and it might very well be dangerous. Fuck it, though, who wants to live forever?

And, stupid or not, Lex wasn't the type to ignore a challenge. And that's what this was, a challenge, a puzzle. Had she figured it out? She thought that perhaps she had, her metal working skills and a few subtle questions... well, here goes nothing.

The last thing she needed- a jolt of electric current. She'd decided her best bet would be one of the home defib units, specifically designed to be used by idiots, that came complete with a recorded voice to tell her exactly what to do.

"Stand back, I'm a doctor!" Lex said to no one in particular (ok, no one at all) before placing the pads of the small machine in what she hoped were the proper areas. She pressed the button and let the little medical machine do its work. By the second jolt, she got a twitch.

Frenzy was back on-line.

A/N: I actually do have a friend named Jesse, who actually does take 20 mintues to make (love to) his sandwiches, and that is the actual dumbass advice he gave me once. Unlike my OC, tho, I didn't take his advice because I really don't like to be rejected, and I'm fairly sure that being naked and rejected at the same time would just add a new item to my shrinks list.