He wasn't there when she woke up. Confused she sat up, noting that her jacket and shoes had been removed, the items of clothing placed neatly on a chair, and that the blankets had been tucked neatly around her. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she glanced around the tiny room...and sighed. He was there, wedged uncomfortably on the too-small sofa with arms and legs draped over the sides and his hair all in his face. He was asleep, though it didn't look like he'd had a restful night, his face pinched with discomfort. Climbing from the bed she walked over to kneel beside him, brushing the hair away gently but being careful not to wake him. She'd asked him to stay, had curled up beside him to enjoy his company for the first time in over two years, and had drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face. But Mwu..

"What am I supposed to do with you?"

If he knew, he wasn't telling. Shaking her head she leant on the sofa, feeling his breath tickle her hair. He'd told her of his actions with the Alliance and expected anger - he'd admitted with a small smile that he didn't expect people to look at or treat him the way they had before, and he wasn't sure that he wanted them to. "To the people on this ship, to the people in Orb, I'd be a monster. A war criminal. To say 'I was just following orders' is just an excuse..."

But there's a difference, she told him silently, placing a hand over his. You didn't want to follow those orders, but you had no choice. You were trying to protect your crew. He hadn't been able to see that difference however, the weight of his guilt increasing with each order he'd been given.

"But I still did those things. They used that crew to try and turn me into one of them."

"You're not one of them. And you never will be." That had most likely been their intention, to break his spirit and reform him into the soldier they wanted, someone who would have followed their orders without question. But they hadn't been able to. He was still her Mwu, and she was determined to help him see that. "Though you're not making it easy.."

He smiled faintly, blue eyes opening a fraction. "When have I ever made anything easy?"

"That's a good point."

"It was you."

"What was me?"

"The reason I'm still me." He brushed a hand over her hair affectionately. "I always hoped I'd be able to see you again one day somehow, and that kept me going."

To her own annoyance Murrue blushed, hiding her embarrassment behind a veil of auburn hair. "Y-you never mentioned that before.."

"It's true though." Sitting up he patted the sofa beside him, small smile growing when she climbed up to join him. "It was all I had. There were spies all over my ship - I knew they were there even if I didn't know who exactly - I was always being watched, and never more so when we were near Orb or when I saw Archangel. But I still hoped I'd find you."

"And now you have."

"Yeah. Now I have. But what do I do now?"

She smiled and pecked a kiss to his cheek, surprised when he flushed a faint pink. "I've room for a second-in-command if you're interested.."

"I don't..."

"Why not? You'll be better at it than me now. I'm out of practice."

"Wrong kind of practice."

"Nuh-uh. Doesn't matter what you did. It's still command experience. Please?"

He sighed, running a hand through long blonde hair. "It's not like I can refuse you anything. I never could."

"It'll help you settle back in." Delighted she took his arm and snuggled close...only to frown when he hesitated. "What is it?"

"Nothing." She raised an eyebrow and he sighed, leaning back against the sofa. "I just...I thought all that time about being able to see you again, but now that I have I'm not sure what I should do."

"What do you want to do?" It hurt a bit but was understandable - he'd been alone all that time and probably wasn't used to even being friendly with people. "That's why you were on the sofa.."

Mwu nodded. "I don't know if I've changed too much. You haven't. The kid said you waited for me."

"It was the same for me as it was for you. I always hoped I'd see you again."

He chuckled softly. "I don't know why I figured you wouldn't wait. Should've known better."

"You thought I wouldn't wait for you?"

"Well, we weren't together for all that long. I thought for sure that you'd find someone else."

She rolled her eyes. "If you thought that, then why did you kiss me?"

"Two reasons. One, to see if the kid was right, and two....it was all I'd wanted to do since I saw you."

"Me too." Deciding to see whether distance was what he really wanted she reached up to brush a fingertip over the scar on his nose. He smiled faintly, eyes closing at the touch and she giggled, hugging him close. He hesitated again for a moment, glancing up at her as though to make sure it was really okay, then returned the embrace with a deep sigh, holding her so tightly she could hardly breathe. You needed this as much as I did, perhaps more. You've been alone for so long.. Wanting to kiss him but not knowing how he'd react she instead held him, resting her cheek against his hair.

"M'sorry.."

"For what?"

She felt him smile. "Being a jerk."

"You already apologised for that, and you never needed to in the first place."

"Thanks." He looked up at her again, expression still slightly uncertain, then nodded and lifted her to sit on his lap before closing his eyes with another sigh...this one of contentment. Murrue smiled and stroked his hair. He'd be all right. Maybe not right away - things were bound to be strange for him at first - but with time and friendship he'd become himself again. Once he realises he isn't alone anymore... And they could start right away.

"Mwu?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

He didn't reply, not with words anyway. His gratitude was evident in the way he held her, in the smile that finally reached his eyes, and that was all she needed.

He could still remember the first time she'd told him that. She'd been adorably shy about it, hiding her face in his jacket before standing on her tiptoes and whispering the words into his ear. He'd been taken aback at first - no-one had told him that since he'd been very small, and it had taken him a while before he'd believed her. But later on that became the only thing I did believe. Everything was turned upside down....but she was always there. She helped me get through that, and she'll help me get through this. He couldn't find the words to thank her, but he knew she understood. She always did. But still... Bringing her closer he kissed her gently, trying to convey everything he felt, everything he wanted to say but couldn't find the words for. She smiled into the kiss and returned it equally gently, thin fingers winding in his hair.

"This isn't so bad, is it?" she murmured when they broke, brushing lips against his forehead.

"No, it's not bad at all." Far from it.

"Welcome home."

Welcome home. He was home. The realisation made him slightly giddy and he laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. "Yeah," he said softly, reaching up to brush the back of a hand against her cheek. "I'm home."

Murrue beamed. "It's going to be alright. However long it takes, we'll get through it, okay?"

He liked the 'we'. "Where do we start?"

She tapped her chin then nodded, tugging at the collar of his Alliance issue T-shirt. "We find you a better uniform. Black doesn't suit you at all."

"You should have seen the helmet they made me wear."

"Whatever for?"

He shrugged. "Probably so no-one would recognise me. That and I think it intimidated people."

She huffed, nose crinkling the way it always did when she was cross. "I'm glad you didn't have that on when I found you." Leaning forward she kissed the scar over his nose. "Think it was to hide the scar?"

"That too. I had gloves on and everything. I looked like Klueze.." He'd hated that more than anything - the fact that he'd looked like him. "Looked like him, acted li-" He got no further than that before Murrue placed a finger over his lips, shaking her head with a kind smile.

"You're not like him. To me and everyone else who knows you, you're the same person you were two years ago. You've just been through a lot."

He sighed but smiled. "You're not going to let me blame myself for anything, are you?"

"No."

"Okay then," he mused, "so I get a new uniform. One like yours?" At her nod he smiled. "What else?"

"Haircut."

He peeked upward at the mop of blonde. Sure, it was pretty long by now but he'd gotten used to it - his hair had always grown fast. "Really?"

"Either that or I braid it for you." She wisped a lock of his hair between her fingers, chewing her bottom lip as she thought about what to do. "We don't have to cut it really short if you don't want to. Maybe to your shoulders."

"That doesn't sound too bad. Alright then." He held up his hands with a smile. "I'm all yours."

Murrue grinned and clambered off his lap. "Wait here then." Donning her jacket and shoes she slipped out of the door, it hissing closed behind her and leaving him in semi-darkness with only the memory of her scent. Shaking his head with a quiet chuckle he glanced around the tiny cabin. It had changed very little in the last two years....clean uniform carefully folded on a chair, nightstand holding a few personal items, including, to his delight, the photograph of the two of them he'd taken two years ago. She really did miss me...

He'd missed her like hell. Whatever he'd had to do, however depressed he'd gotten, he'd always been able to get through it by thinking about her. He hadn't expected her to wait for him or even miss him - the fact that she'd done both was a little overwhelming. She could have anyone she wanted, but instead she waited for me. She might never have seen me again, but she still waited. I don't think I'll ever come close to deserving her, but... But he wasn't about to let her go. Getting to his feet Mwu wandered around, peeking in cupboards and on shelves. With anyone else it would have been a breach of privacy, but he felt sure she wouldn't mind. Books there were plenty of - she'd always loved to read - and piles of paperwork, and... He grinned, picking up the white officers' cap. She'd given him this, along with a stack of new uniforms after he'd left his old behind in the duffle bag at Alaska, but he'd never really worn it....except when he was playing at being captain. He'd never pulled rank on her unless she'd overworked herself, but occasionally he'd decided to be the one in charge, which had always been fun. Definite misuse of authority, but not the sort you'd ever hear come up at a court-martial. I should have done it more often..

"Back."

Lost in old memories he didn't hear her at first, glancing up in surprise when she patted his arm. She gestured to the armful of material she carried, her smile becoming tender when she noticed what he held. "I had to keep it." she admitted. "It was odd that it reminded me of you, but I had so little else. Clothes, a photograph, memories...I wanted to hold onto everything I could."

"Interesting memories, though," he mused, poking the Alliance insignia. "Considering the only times I wore it.."

Murrue pinked. "Yes well....they were good memories.."

"That they were." Those were the ones he'd held onto the tightest - of the Murrue only he had seen. Not the captain, but everything she was underneath. Funny, mischievous, selfless....and stubborn, grumpy and a workaholic. Everything that made up the person she was - the person he loved more than anyone. Ducking down he kissed her gently, tangling a hand in long dark hair. "Thank you."

"F-for what?"

"Sticking with me."

She beamed. "You don't need to thank me for that. Here, c'mon.." Taking his hand she led him to her little desk and motioned to him to sit down, tugging a pair of scissors from a drawer. He peeked up at her through the messy fringe with a rueful grin. I guess it makes sense. So I can be me again. Not the Alliance soldier or even an Orb soldier, but the me she knew before. Murrue nodded as though she'd heard him, taking the ends of his hair between her fingers to measure it's length before carefully beginning to cut it. He watched the locks of blonde fall to the ground, trying not to wince. Only hair, but he'd gotten used to it.

"You should have said," she scolded. "If you didn't want it cutting you should have told me."

"But.."

"But nothing. It's your hair."

"It'll be fine." Only hair. And he could get used to it like this too. Besides, Murrue was cutting it for him. Settling back in the chair he let her work, closing his eyes with a smile at the feel of her fingers brushing the back of his neck, at the sound of her laughter. So relaxed was he he barely noticed when she'd finished until she tapped his shoulder. "Hmm?"

"All done."

"Already?"

"Sorry.." Her lips quirking with a smile she leaned down to brush the shorn hair from his shoulders. "Go take a shower, and I'll sort your clothes out.."

He glanced at the folded material on the desk, the purple and white Orb military uniform, and smiled himself. "Okay."

He'd left the door unlocked. The sounds of running water and his tuneless whistling (that much at least hadn't changed) echoed through the cabin, causing a smile. At times like this it felt as though he'd never been away. She'd already swept up the three-inch locks of hair and folded his discarded Alliance uniform - tidying up after him was something else that brought back memories. "How's the water?"

The water stopped and he poked his head out of the bathroom, shorter blonde hair drenched and almost covering his eyes. "What?"

She giggled, shaking her head. "Never mind."

"No, c'mon, I want to know what you said."

"I said," Moving closer she brushed the wet hair from his face, "how's the water?"

He smiled, the expression as sunny as she remembered. "It's great. Tell you what. Why don't you join me?" Before she could say anything he caught her hand and pulled her into the bathroom.

"Mwu!"

"What? It's okay. We used to do this all the time, didn't we? Saving water and stuff.."

She ran a hand through her hair, refusing to look at him. "Yes, but.."

"Wash my back then?"

Murrue smiled despite herself. "Alright, I can do that." He really was behaving more like himself now, as though knowing he was home and loved had been enough to thaw the ice around his heart....just as she'd hoped it would. Crossing to the shower stall she slid back the glass - and gasped.

"Murrue?"

"I...I had no idea that...that.." The scars on his back were large and livid, the skin raised when she ran a finger over it. He hissed softly and she drew back quickly. "Sorry, sorry.."

"Don't be." He laughed a little, shaking his head. "It doesn't hurt anymore. You just...surprised me."

"I had no idea they were so bad. I mean, I should have guessed they were, but....I'm sorry."

"For what?" When she didn't answer he peeked back over his shoulder, frowning slightly. "Murrue, you aren't blaming yourself for that, are you?"

"Shouldn't I?" She shrugged.

"Of course not. I knew what I was doing. And I'd do it again."

"I know you would.." Leaning close she kissed the scars gently. "But I'm sorry anyway. Now pass the soap."

Mwu chuckled. "At least take your jacket off. You'll get soaked."

"Just my jacket?"

"It'll be a good start."

She did wash his back, soapy hands carefully tracing the scars, which oddly he seemed to enjoy given his smile. "No-one ever touched them like that before," he admitted. "It feels really nice."

"Does it?" She brushed a fingertip over the largest of the scars and laughed when he shivered. "I see..."

"Okay, turn round. It's your turn now." Taking her hand he spun her around to face the wall, hands working to tug off the soaked red undershirt to expose the silky camisole top beneath. Eyes closed, Murrue smiled at his whistle of appreciation.

"It's no different from what I wore before.."

"I know, but I haven't seen it in a long time." Leaning close he kissed the back of her neck before sliding hands underneath the top, chuckling into her hair when she squirmed. "How'm I supposed to wash your back when you're wiggling like that?"

"You're not even touching my back," she pointed out rather breathlessly, having to brace herself against the wall to keep her balance.

"True. Did you want me to stop?"

"No.."

"Good, 'cause I don't plan to." He turned her around slowly and looked her up and down, the expression in his eyes making her knees feel weak. He continued the attention, hands skimming underneath the camisole until she finally reached up to pull it off and toss it aside. He grinned and ducked down to kiss her, leaning her backwards against the wall for support, and when she felt him tug at her skirt she just smiled. Hadn't she been expecting this? He loved her, knew she loved him...what better way to prove it without words?

Now he really is home...

( Angst. And smuts. Today's story brought to you by the letter 'S'. And Kinder chocolate.

please read and review! )