He couldn't move fast enough. The woman's hand was raised, pointing a handgun he hadn't even noticed at the princess. No-one else had spotted it, except for that girl the Athrun-kid called 'Mia' - she jumped in the way of the bullet just as the woman fired. There was no way he could prevent it...all he could do was sit there and watch. Closing his eyes he pressed his forehead against the window glass. The events of that day kept replaying in his mind, mixed in with memories of his actions with the Alliance - he wanted so much to make up for the things he'd done, but he hadn't been able to do anything, not even save one girl's life. Deep in thought he never heard the door open, only looking up in some surprise when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Are you all right?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine." He smiled in an attempt to reassure her but knew it had fallen flat by her saddened expression. "C'mon, don't look at me like that.."

Murrue didn't say anything more, just hugged him. The embrace provided comfort, as she'd no doubt intended and he smiled a little more genuinely, closing his eyes again and breathing in the scent from her hair. She'd known. She always knew. "No fair."

"There was nothing you could have done."

"I keep telling myself that. It doesn't help."

She sighed, pulling away slightly to cup his face in her hands. "No. Stop blaming yourself for things."

"If I'd just seen her earlier.."

"Mwu, stop it. Beating yourself up over it isn't going to help anyone, least of all yourself. Lacus-san's upset too, but she's decided to fight in that girl's memory - isn't that better than blaming yourself?"

"I guess..."

She smiled, brushing her thumb over his scar. "I want to fight so no-one else ends up like that girl. To fight for Erica and my friends, for a world everyone can live in. For you."

"For me?"

"Of course. I'm a better captain now, and I can do a better job of protecting my pilots. Because I want us to go home together this time."

He nodded thoughtfully. Wasn't that what he wanted too? Instead of moping, perhaps he should focus on keeping his ship and fiancee safe. Think about the ones he could protect. I couldn't save that girl, but I can save others. I can watch out for Murrue. I can make a difference this time.. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Straightening out his collar she kissed him gently. "Everyone wishes they could have done more. One of the hardest things is accepting that we really did all we could - that sometimes your best isn't quite good enough." Her smile became a little bittersweet at those words and he leaned in close to touch his forehead to hers.

"But yours was."

"I was lucky."

"We both were." He kissed the tip of her nose. Lucky he'd been certainly, to meet on the same battlefield after so long, to experience a taste of what life together might be like.....lucky to have met her in the first place. "Thank you."

"For what?"

He grinned. "Knocking some sense into me."

Murrue smiled. "Any time. Being all solemn doesn't suit you."

"Doesn't it?"

She shook her head, reaching up to trace the curve of his smile with a fingertip. "Whenever I remembered you or looked at the photograph you were always smiling."

"I see." It was the same for him. He'd always done his best to make her smile when she was sad and carried memories of that smile everywhere he'd gone in the last two years. Being solemn didn't suit her either - she deserved to always be happy. Scooping her up in his arms he chuckled at her squeak of surprise, twirling her around before sitting down on the bed with her on his lap. "If I smile more, then you have to." He gestured to the paperwork littering the desk in the corner. "Leave Captain Ramius on the bridge or in her office, and just be Murrue here."

She considered that, then nodded with a smile. "I can do that. If you leave your pilot self in the hangar bay."

"No problem. And even when we get home, okay? No working till all hours of the night."

She made a face. "It'd pile up otherwise."

"I could help you. I don't know what I'm going to do when we get home - maybe the Director would let me work with you."

"She might. Though she might suspect you'd distract me too much."

"And I probably would." With a sigh he flopped backward onto the bed, she still sitting on his lap. "I never thought about it. I don't know how to do much else other than fly. Would you still let me?"

Murrue swung her legs idly, chewing the lipstick from her lower lip as she thought. "It'd be alright if you weren't fighting. Erica's been looking for good test pilots for a long time..."

"So I'd get to test the stuff you designed? That sounded good - in fact that sounded very good. "I think I'd like that."

She smiled. "Erica keeps asking me whenever we talk. She thinks you'd be perfect for it."

That caused a laugh. "I've never been perfect for anything."

"For this, you are." She moved to settle down on the bed beside him, resting her chin on his chest and kicking stockinged legs in the air. "As long as you're careful."

"Me? I'm always careful."

"If only that were true."

He looked much better. Halfway through brushing her hair she turned to watch him, leaning on the doorframe of the tiny bathroom. He was lying on his back on the bed in T-shirt and shorts, arm outstretched and fingers splayed to make patterns from the dock lights on the wall. After a moment he smiled a little, turning his head to gaze at her. "It's nice to be watched like that."

"Is it?"

His smile grew, he holding the outstretched hand for her to take. Setting down her brush she crossed over to join him, giggling when he pulled her down to land beside him. "You do that a lot these days.....just stand there and watch me. How come?"

"Because I never thought I'd be able to again."

Mwu blinked, then smiled warmly, wrapping her in a hug she gratefully returned. She'd watch him whenever she got the chance, always reminding herself of how lucky she was to have him back. It might be a while before he became the way Kira-kun and the others remembered, but the Mwu she'd known had never disappeared. His heart stayed the same. It's an odd choice of words but it's true. Believing he'd see us all again was what kept him going..

"You can watch me as much as you want."

He chuckled. "I already do."

You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. She stood warily in between the two, eyeing them both nervously. Neither man had moved an inch in the last five minutes, expressions blankly neutral but postures definitely hostile. This was always going to happen, and I suppose it's better happening now than later. But.. She'd known for a long time that Commander Bartfeld's feelings for her probably ran deeper than friendship, and knowing she'd spent the last two years living with him hadn't exactly endeared him to Mwu. It was a strange and pretty uncomfortable feeling knowing that the two men were jealous of each other, even stranger knowing that it was because of her. As she watched, Bartfeld rather pointedly looked away, causing Mwu to scowl.

"Something to say, then say it."

Bartfeld shrugged.

"Well?"

"Do I need to?"

Mwu's scowl deepened. "What's your problem?"

"Nothing."

The other captains were watching the exchange with some confusion, and Murrue palmed her face. Taking the elbows of the two she steered them outside into the ship's corridor, glaring at them both once the door was closed. "Stop it, the pair of you."

Mwu opened his mouth, probably intending to say something like 'he started it' but a look from her made him close it. With a sigh Murrue folded her arms and shook her head. "You're behaving like children. Whatever problems you have, leave them out here and act like the adults you are in the company of others. Alright?"

To her satisfaction both men nodded silently.

"Good. Now, I'm going back inside. If you two want to fight, then do it out here. Otherwise you can join me."

As she'd expected Mwu followed her placidly, Bartfeld joining them a few moments later.

"He loves you."

She closed her eyes, leaning against the wall. "Did he tell you?"

"He didn't need to. I can tell by the way he looks at you. Did you know?"

"It's not something I wanted to think about. I never mentioned it to him...I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

"You never felt that way about him?"

Murrue glanced up at him, taking in his obvious worry. "No. He's a good friend, and I'm grateful to him for giving me a place to stay and helping me deal with losing you, but he never meant more than that." She smiled a little. "He wasn't you."

He smiled himself at that, running a hand through rumpled blonde hair to hide his embarrassment. "T-thanks.."

"It's true. I talked it over with Erica. No-one was able to compare to you, even though you're an idiot." She poked him in the ribs. "You've no-one to be jealous of."

"I think I always might be, just a little. He had time with you I never did."

She moved to stand beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. "But you'll have time with me that he won't. If things go the way we want, you and I can be together for as long as we like."

"Forever?"

"Yes."

Mwu smiled, pulling her close in a hug. "That kind of makes up for it."

"I should hope so. Will you try and be polite to him? Even if he isn't to you?"

He sighed but nodded. "I'll try. I promise."

"Thank you." They could be friends - they were very similar. Both kind, handsome and brave, and both stubborn and occasionally pigheaded. She'd never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all her friends, but she would never have been able to feel for Bartfeld what he felt for her. I think he knows that, but hope is difficult to let go of.

Isn't that what kept me going?

( blahhhh lol

please read and review! )