"Come with me, please… Ichigo."
This man hated me. I could see it; sense it with every aspect of my being. He had the right to hate me, this I know. I hate me too.
"Yeah." It was the only thing I could say without my voice breaking. I didn't have it in me to deny him this, this chance to talk, or kill me, if that's what he wanted. So I stood, with his help, my knees were shaking slightly and I didn't even have the strength to blush because I needed his support.
Without a word he began walking, I followed. I would have followed him to the end of the earth if that was where he wanted me to be, if it would rid him of even the tiniest bit of pain that I've caused him. And so we walked together for hours, it seemed as if silence lay over the entirety of the Soul Society; a dark, but comfortable blanket of silence as if the sky was telling us 'it is dark now, but come tomorrow, there will be new light.' Well, that's what I was hoping it meant.
I came from my thoughts the moment we stopped. We were under a Cherry Blossom tree, on top of a hill looking over a field of wild daisies.
"This was Rukia's favorite place to sit and think," was all Byakuya said to me as we stood there, looking out over the flowers. It was too much for me, way too much. I turned away from him as the tears began to fall again. This place smelt too much like her, it reminded me of the flowers she put in my hair while I was sleeping one night, and how I laughed at her when I woke up, she was trying to take a picture but the camera was upside down. This place was beautiful. It was my personal hell.
"You… you want to avenge her death… right? That's why you brought me out here?" I had to know. I had to know if I was going to die. I didn't know if I would fight him, I didn't know if I wanted to die or not.
"No, that's not why I brought you here. If I were going to kill you, I would have done it as soon as I saw you walk through that gate with her in your arms. I would have killed you, and caught her before she hit the ground. If I wanted to kill you, Kuro- … Ichigo, you would be dead."
He should have killed me. I dropped to me knees; hands gripping the roots of the cherry blossom tree, my back was turned to him and I was praying. Praying silently that he would shove his sword through my heart right then. Hoping that he wouldn't.
"WHY?!? Why won't anyone blame me for this!?" I knew these were practically the same words I screamed at my father, years ago, on the sixth anniversary of my mothers death, but I couldn't stop the words from flowing. "I couldn't do ANYTHING! Why is it that no one blames me?!?" I crumpled to the ground, tears flowing freely from my eyes, my hands gripped in my own hair, trying to remove this feeling, the pain, the guilt. "It.. it's.. s-so hard! It would be e-easier if everyone would just… b-blame m… me."
"I said I wouldn't kill you, and I won't. That does not mean that I do not blame you for my sister's death…" I looked up at him; his eyes sparkled with unshed tears and he turned away from me, gazing back out over the field. "I won't kill you because she was in love you… I… I assume you were in love with her too, correct?"
"…Yes." I never knew that was true, until now. I didn't know how much she actually meant to me until she was gone forever.
"I loved her. I know it may not have seemed like it, but it is true. I loved her. My little sister. She is the only reason I did not kill you, Ichigo. Her love for you saved your life." The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. "That, and because I wouldn't want her to kill me, if I see her again."
I smiled too, a small smile, but a true one. For the first time in days I felt a little lighter. We said not a single word to each other for the rest of the night, but I found comfort in the silence around us, sharing the stars, the grief, sharing hell.
As the sun rose over the horizon, he looked back at me as I stood.
"I wish… I wish I would have told her… that I loved her." I said, as I began to walk away from him.
The wind carried his soft whisper to me. "So do I."