A/N: BIG shout out to SweetandSpicy180 for giving me some awesome help last chapter and a great reveiw and then indulging me in my obsessive author-ness! Okay, now that you've all festered in anger for a while, let's get this show on the road so you can stop being mad at me and/or hating the story. Read and Reveiw?

I disclaim: If I were SM, I'd sue all of the people that made the movies and demand a re-make. But I'm not, so no one who you recognize is mine.

Part I - A Lack Of Color

"I'm reaching for the phone...But I know it's too late. I should've given you a reason to stay." - Death Cab For Cutie, A Lack of Color

KPOV

I flexed my right hand and added my inside leg, tightening my abdomen and taking a deep breath. Her stomach bent around my leg to make a crescent shape as she rounded the corner. I dropped my stirrups and let myself sink into the saddle, twisiting my hips to the right end tightening my left rein as we danced along the straight. I stilled my arms and tightened my abdomen further, effectively bringing Fiona to a stop. I leaned back a little, and she moved backwards as well. Once I leaned forward, I shifted my hips and picked up a canter, trying to still my lower leg against the saddle. But it wouldn't. I stopped more abruptly and Fiona threw her head, causing me to snap the bit a little painfully in her mouth. I shifted my hips once more and continued my path around the arena.

I took my time and slowly tightened my legs, lifting myself out of the saddle and positioning myself to hover in complete balance over her shoulders. She extended her stride, taking bigger steps until we were cover ground fairly quickly though at a slow pace. My leg was still not tight enough and I gently eased back into the saddle, Fiona collecting her stride with the new pressure. That was good, she had been ignoring that signal for the past week. I decided to end on that and let Fiona walk on a loose rein to relax her back and neck muscles. I took a deep breath and my back cracked painfully. I was in pain, not just physical pain, but emotional as well. It was horrible, this empty feeling.

It was unnerving more importantly. I was supposed to be imperturbable. Call me Brutus. But I was altered, completely changed, like an element that had undergone only half of a reaction, only half bonded. I had felt. Not the 'sad' I felt when I missed my mom. Not the 'hurt' that I felt when I thought about how I was a failure as a daughter. Not the 'frustration' at people and their stupidity. Nope, I had felt weightless, delirious, distracted, so high above my old self, I had thought. Obviously not. I missed him like crazy... not that I'd admit that outloud. But I did. I was always cold now. Always empty. But I didn't show it on the outside. I wasn't weak. Nope, not me. I had done what I needed to do - remove him. But then why did it hurt so much whenever I thought about that night? Why did I still feel?

I finished up with Fiona and cleaned all of my stuff, taking extra long to distract myself. My truck felt empty without Jared's huge presence to fill it up. I hated that. Why did he have to go and change of the things that I loved most? God-dammit.

You see? Yes, that! That is what I hate. Let's just switch emotions like underwear. I mean really? What the hell had he done to me? This was not me! This is not me! I do not go from empty to frustrated, back to empty and then to angry. And then I sighed and decided not to feel. Just like before, right? Wrong. I felt everything, ten times worse than it already was.

I made my way back home slowly, trying hard to concentrate on the wet roads while my emotions raped my chest cavity, from empty to lonely and back a thousand times. It felt like every time they crawled their way up, they just skidded back down, rubbing the area raw with their claws. And then I started to cry before I even got up the driveway. My arms shaking as I sobbed into to the steering wheel. I opened my door, desperate to just get inside, where no one could see me.

My legs were weak and unstable. And I was angry that I couldn't even support myself, and I was frustrated at what a stupid little girl I was being, and I was nauseated at the very thought of going into my mothers art studio to sob to her, and I was so cold. My body was convulsing in the cool summer air, trembling from the force of this complete mental breakdown. Actually, this past three weeks has just been one huge mental breakdown.

My key shook in the lock as I hastily undid it, breathing deep as the tears started to come in thinner tracks down my cheeks. Max sleepily walked down the hall and into the foyer. I quickly gathered him in my arms, still clad in my boots and chaps as I sat down on the love seat, desperate to hold onto something. I buried my head in his soft fur and he licked my cheek. I didn't even have the energy to be worried about how unsanitary that was. I didn't really care, either. There was something concrete and soft and warm in my arms.

I eventually unzipped my boots and curled up into a ball with Max still attached to me, making little puppy noises once and a while. It was hard not to picture Jared whenever I looked at his big brown eyes.

Jared, Jared, Jared. Ouch. I missed him. I wanted him. But I didn't like to feel the way he made me. I had let my guard down and now I was feeling everything I tried so hard to not for so long. Ten times worse. One hundred times worse. I didn't even have the energy to get up and make myself dinner. I didn't want to go read my AP Bio reveiw book. I didn't want to reorganize the tupperwear cabinet. I didn't want to clean the laundry room. I didn't want to wash the curtains in the dining room. I just... didn't want to. I wanted to call Jared and beg him for forgiveness. But that was against the Kim Rules. I didn't beg and I when I made a decision, I stuck with it. I was headstrong and decisive. But with each passing second the rules started to seem more and more stupid. The phone was right next to me. It was sitting there waiting for me to call him. I stretched my arm out. So close.

And then there was a knock at the door. A loud, one, two, three. I could feel it, the pull in my chest, right where my heart was. I got up and walked down the hallway to the door. And even though I was kinda falling apart and I was starving for those arms, I held my head confidently and acted like I didn't want him here. Because those were the rules.

Part II- So Obvious

"I'm losing my mind, broken inside...It's obvious that my heart beats for you." -Runner Runner, So Obvious

JPOV

I was broken. I was bleeding and seizing and convulsing with every passing second that I stared at the wall next to my bed. I couldn't get up. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't breathe, couldn't feel anything. Everything was numb and cold. I vaguely recall Sam coming over and talking to my mother about what had happened. I vaguely remember her trying to get into my room to talk with me but my door was blocked by the bookcase, the dresser, and the armoire. I vaguely remember her trying to talk to my dad about it through her hysterics. I wish I could do something, wish I could make it stop... but it only got worse. I laid there for so, so long. I tried to bury myself under the mattress, tried to crush the feeling away. I tried to curl into a ball and wish it away. But it just wouldn't leave. The big gaping hole in the middle of my stomach that was sucking everything into it, I mean.

There was a big bang on the door and Sam came crashing through the book case, landing next to the dresser with an 'oomph'. I didn't look at him as he got up and dusted himself off.

"Jared?" No, the tooth fairy. "Jay, I can't even imagine how you feel right now." Yay, a lecture. This one was definitely planned out. Sam can't talk about this stuff without stumbling all over his words and getting red in the face. "You need to fix it though, and I think - "

"Okay Sam, thank you but I can handle it from here," my mother cut him off abruptly.

"Sure thing Mrs. Taylor." Sam walked out the door and my mother's scent filled the room. Her hesitation was evident.

"Honey?" Ow, that hurt. My mom was sad too.

"Yeah Mom?" My voice was scratchy and cracked. Her weight shifted the matress a little and I felt her hand come over my shoulder. It felt cold like everything else. But it was my Mom so I turned over and hugged her like a little boy.

"Oh Honey, I'm so sorry." I tried not to crush her but she kind of felt like something solid to hold onto when it felt like my whole body was falling to pieces. "I know you don't want to talk about it, sweetie, but it's been nearly three weeks. Tell me please, tell me everything. Let me help you, Jared." I forgot how to make my voice work so I nodded but didn't say anything for a while.

"Kimberly Morgan. Imprint." Ow. Fuck.

"I see." She said, contemplating her answer. 'Okay... well, it makes sense. Sam told me that she didn't want to see you anymore. That's all he said. But I think, given the circumstances, that I understand why. Do you remember the funeral, Jared?" I nodded into her and she stroked my hair like when I was little. "Well Kim was always quiet but I think now there's more to it, honey. She doesn't like to... feel. She felt vulnerable when she saw how much you loved her, I think. She didn't like that, Sweetie. People like Kim like to be perfect and imperturbable. They don't like to be human. It hurts too much for them, honey. Do you understand, Jared? You didn't do anything wrong." I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything wrong. But how did she know that? How did she know that I wasn't just the worst excuse for an imprint ever?

"What if you're wrong?"

"I've known Kim a long time, Jay. You know how Mrs. Morgan and I used to work at the studio together? Well I used to watch Kim somedays for her when she got busy. You were always out playing sports and hanging out with Paul, so you don't remember, but I know how Kim operates. She was a project of sorts, when I was taking that Child Psychology class at the community college. I analyzed her." How had I not known such an important piece of this puzzle?

"Tell me more." I sounded like a caveman but the slight possibility that I may be able to fix this was making me hope beyond reason.

"Well, I'm not a psychologist, Hon, but Kim's the type of person that's going to need a lot of love. She's hurting, even if she pretends she's not. It's the way she survives. You survive by ignoring and avoiding. We all have different defense mechanisms, Kim's are just more prominent because she's had to go through a lot. Like I said, Jared, this isn't your fault."

This wasn't my fault. It really, honest to God wasn't. Well, I didn't do anything right either. So I was neither right nor wrong... where the hell did that leave me? It didn't matter.

I should've realized this earlier.

This was my Kim. She had baggage, and battle scars, and she was vitiated and I needed to figure out how to deal with it, how to work around it. I wouldn't have it any other way. It was like a puzzle, figuring out my Kim. An extremely hard puzzle that kept changing it's picture, shape, and size. Part of me loved the challenge but I hated the time it took to put some of the peices together - I wanted everything to be alright and put together right now. Not when I finally had a 'eureka!' moment... or when my mom had the 'eureka!' moment. I took a deep breathe and reveled in the feeling of everything going to be okay. The muscles in my neck and back that had been taught with stress these past few weeks without my Kim have caused released a bit.

Back to the point: this wasn't my fault. God, that was just such a good feeling.

She had felt susceptible and valnuerable and if there was one thing that Kim hated, it was feeling ripped open and exposed. I loved that about her, it made her a strong person, but right now it was an issue in our relationship. I wish I had figured that out instead of having to go to my mother. How had I not seen it? I felt a little inept but it was nothing compared to how elated I was about finally figuring out how to fix this. I kissed mom goodbye and let the drizzle shower me, cleaning my body and my mind.

I jogged the path towards the north side of the rez. and ended up on the big white porch sooner than I normally would've. I was a little nervous, some of the tightness returning to my body. I ran my hand through my hair and knocked on the door.

The cushions on the couch became light with her weight gone, socked feet made light steps down the hall way. A deep intake of breath, a hesitant glare, and a shake of the head. She opened the door confidently.

God she was so beautiful. But too thin. The once smoothed over muscles were now taught against her skin and her bones protruded sharply wherever they found the chance. But she was still gorgeous. She cleared her throat and stared up at me as she ran a hand through her beautiful dark hair.

"Hey," I kind of half whispered-half breathed.

"Can I help you?" Ouch. Her voice was hard and cold.

"This isn't my fault," I said, making my voice overly warm and happy. Going to fight ice with fire.

"Excuse me?" Ouch. She was overly formal and completely fake.

"This is not my fault," I repeated slowly.

"I am aware of what the words mean. I do not, however, understand how they pertain to your current position on my porch."

"You don't have to understand. I'm just letting you know that this is not my fault and that I will not let you push me away anymore. I'm here to help you; I'm not the enemy." It was plain and simple. Please believe me.

"You're entitled to feel that way but you don't really get a choice in-" oh really?

"Nope, actually, I do get a choice and I choose you. I fully understand the problem now so don't try and pull any of that 'you wouldn't understand' crap. If you don't know already, let me lay it out for you: you feel vulnerable and too soft and too human and that scares you because the only way you know how to deal with problems is to take an apathetic approach." Take that Dr. Phil. I should get my own TV show. "Now I don't know what happened to set this off or how exactly I'm going to fix it but I do know that you're trying to shut me out and I - " I didn't know what to say: I love you, you're everything to me, I need you - "I can't live without you." My heart beats for you, how do you not understand that?

I felt like I had the upper hand somehow. Like I knew all the answers and I just had to explain it to her. All in due time.

She didn't know what to say. Which was odd because I'd never even seen her once at a loss for what to do or say.

"Now let me in so we can talk." I didn't give her much of a choice because I pushed passed her and grabbed her hand, leading her into the kitchen. Her hand felt good in mine and I squeezed it. She didn't squeeze back but that was okay because I was going to make it all better. I was going to fix this, I was going to fix her. No matter how long it took. I grabbed the pitcher of iced tea out of the fridge and poured us both glasses. I made Kim's with extra ice because that was just how she liked it.

She was leaning against the table, her arms crossed and her face unreadable. I handed her the glass and she sipped it elegantly; she did everything elegantly. The image of grace. I cleared my throat and pulled out her chair for her. I put my glass on the table, shuffled my feet, scratched my neck - trying to find the right words.

"Tell me what happened." I didn't demand it, because that would get me nowhere.

"Nothing," she sighed looking away.

"Kim, please," I whispered. It was getting hard to just sit here and not touch her, not gravitate towards her. I walked over to her and crouched down in front of her chair, placing my hands gently on her cheeks. She didn't protest, but her jaw tightened under my palms.

"Please," I pleaded once more.

"You were right... before, when - when you said that I don't like to be v-vaulnerable. I don't like to feel." She looked away and my heart broke because I knew a lot of the reasons why she didn't like to feel. And I had made her feel. I was simultaneously proud of myself and ashamed. I rubbed small circles on her silky cheek and tried my best to not kiss her right then and there.

"When did you decide... how did you make the decision to... cut me out." She closed her eyes and leaned into my hands that were still rubbing her cheeks as I cradled her head.

"I thought it was your fault," she whispered meekly. My Kim was strong and my Kim was rock solid... or so she thought.

"I'll take the blame if you want me to but," how did I convey this to her? How did I tell her how much of my world she was? "My heart beats for you; don't push me away."

"I won't anymore. I promise. I was three seconds away from calling you anyway." God, that felt good. I wasn't the only one who needed the other. I had broken her resolve, finally. Maybe it was the combination of my hands and my effective words, or maybe my confidence and my absolution. I didn't care what it was because I loved her and everything was going to be okay.

"Tell me... when I came her and you were... what happened that night?"

"I - I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't care." That was a lie, I cared very much but I needed to know what happened in order to fix it. I leant my forehead against her, and she grabbed my forearms. I hoped that meant that she wanted to have me as close as I wanted to have her.

"That night, when I went to that dinner thing... I saw my dad... and he was - he was with..." she was having trouble getting whatever it was out but I had a pretty good idea at this point.

"He was with another woman." She nodded and leaned in further to me. Her eyes were closed but the tears still fell.

"I shouldn't be upset. I just felt like if you weren't here I could deal better. I wouldn't have to pretend that everything was okay."

"You never have to pretend with me. You're my imprint. If you hurt, I hurt... only ten times worse." Something clicked because she opened her eyes and looked at me. Really looked at me. And then she launched herself at me. I didn't want to hurt her so I fell with her and we ended up on the floor, her arms so tight around my abdomen that I shouldn't have been able to breathe. She buried her head in my chest and my shirt was instantly soaked. I sat up and pulled her into my lap, holding her in my arms like if I let her go she would disappear. I ran my hands over her hair, her back, her shoulders. I didn't quite know what to make of the situation but I did know that if I didn't do something soon, I was going to go into emotional overload. There were too many things that had just happened. She had hated me, she had confessed to me, she had touched me, she had cried to me, and now she was hugging me. Wow.

She cried for a while and with every tear a knife twisted in my gut. I didn't know how to help. So I kissed her. I kissed her cheeks and her forehead and her shoulder and her neck. And eventually she stopped crying. I pulled her face to look at me and finally kissed her where I wanted to most, putting everything into it. And she kissed me back. Like she had never wanted anything else in her life. And we were together. And her body against mine was enough to make me forget about three weeks of pain.

A/N: So? So? Still mad?? Reveiw!!