Reasons that reason cannot know
Chapter 4
"You're sure you're ok?"
They were in front of Brooke's place. They didn't say even a word during the ride home. It was the first time either of them spoke.
"Yeah, we're fine."
Brooke smiled at him.
"Luke, thank you for being here for me tonight. You don't know how much it means to me."
"You're welcome, Brooke."
They stayed like that for a few more seconds when Brooke said:
"Well, I'm sorry that you spent you're whole night in New York in the hospital. I owe you a dinner."
"No problem."
"Why don't you come by for breakfast tomorrow? I'll have a day off, so…"
"I'd love to."
"9 o'clock?"
"Perfect."
They smiled at each other.
"It's good to see you, Lucas."
"You too Brooke."
"Well, se you tomorrow then."
"Yeah. Good night, Brooke."
"Night, Luke."
She went out of the car and Lucas waited till she got inside the house. Then he got a cab that drove him to his hotel and got into the room. He sat on the bed and couldn't help thinking about something. There was a reason why Brooke didn't tell him. He didn't know what it could be. Maybe she was too hurt from the father. Perhaps she was worried how he would react. But then another option came to his mind. One that scared him. She didn't tell anyone who Anna's father was. Nobody knew. And she was about 3 or 4 months old, at least she seemed so. Last time they met was 12 months ago. What if he was the father of this child? This thought scared him. He didn't know what to think. If that was the truth, why haven't she told him? But something other bothered him. She didn't tell him she has a daughter. Probably Brooke wasn't going to tell him if this allergic reaction hadn't happened. She was confused when he asked her about her personal life. What if she had hidden this from him? But why? To protect him? Maybe. He knew he would have to ask her in the morning but he didn't know how. His head was full of questions. He decided to get a shower, go to bed, and think about it in the morning. If he could get any sleep at all.
*-*-*
Brooke was looking at her sleeping baby girl. This night was the most horrible in her life. The possibility that something may had happened to Anna was unbearable. There was nothing more important to Brooke. This girl meant the world to her. Brooke kissed her daughter's forehead and went to bed. She though about all the strange coincidences. That allergic reaction happened while Lucas was in town. Even more, he was there when she was getting through it. What games was fate playing with her? She knew that tomorrow Lucas was going to ask questions and she knew she couldn't give him the right answers. She didn't want to lie to him, but it would be better. How could she otherwise tell him that after that night in his hotel room she got pregnant and never told him, because she knew that he'd take his responsibility? It sounded stupid. But she knew why exactly she hadn't told him. Lucas had his life know. He had a girl who he loved so much, and she loved him too, no matter what happened between them. He has just begun the work on the editing of his novel. He had college too. But the main reason was something else. Brooke didn't want to deprive him from the possibility of happiness. Because she knew that no matter what happened that night between them, he didn't love her in that way anymore. She wasn't even sure he ever did. She knew Luke though he was in love with her, but it has always been Lucas and Peyton. And she knew that. So, Brooke just wanted him to be happy. And she knew that if she had told him, then he would stay with her. Yes, he'd love his child, but this was not everything. For her it was. She was ready to give up her company just to be with her baby and the man she loved, but only, if she knew it was the best for him too. That's why Brooke decided not to tell anybody. Of course, someone knew everything. Victoria. Not a day passed without her mother teasing her for what happened. When Brooke learned she was pregnant, she didn't tell anyone about it. But once the doctor called when Brooke had forgotten her cell at her mother's office and Victoria picked it up. When she heard that the doctor said she had to go to run some test to find if everything was all right with her and the baby, her mother was shocked. She blamed Brooke for being not responsible of her actions and she immediately guessed who the father was. She pushed Brooke to make an abortion, but she said that she's having this baby no matter what and if Victoria didn't want to be a part of this, she could leave. So, her mother left, but not before swearing to Brooke that she won't tell anyone about that night, least Lucas. It wasn't as she wasn't in her life at all. The opposite – she was the bitch who was trying to make her regret of her decision and who was trying to make her life in the company horrible. Brooke had such a hard time then. She felt all alone and only the though that she'll have the baby of the man she loved gave her strength to move forward. Now, when she had Anna, everything was so much easier. Not that there weren't obstacles, because there were so many. But when Brooke looked at her baby girl, she knew she'd give her life fighting for her happiness. Of course, it wouldn't be easy for both of them without Lucas around, Brooke knew it would be hard for Anna to be a child only with a mother, but she'd do her best to give her everything she needed. Brooke's thoughts leaded her back to Lucas. It was so crazy what happened. Like fate was giving her some signs, but she knew that she can't do this. She couldn't tell him the truth, because it would be wrong. So, she decided that she'd say he had a one night stand with Anna's father, that it was just for the fun, Brooke meant nothing to him, that's why she decided to raise her daughter alone. It was painful even to think of lying about something so important to Lucas' face but that was the right thing to do. Actually, Brooke knew there will come a day when Lucas was going to learn that she had a daughter, but she hope it would be years later, so that he couldn't jump to conclusions so easy. Brooke closed her eyes and though about the time the three of them spent in the car. Then, it felt so right. As if everything was as it was meant to be. But she knew it was not. She didn't have the right to mess up Lucas' life now. That wouldn't have happened if she hadn't gone to his room that night and almost begged him to stay with him for the night, that wouldn't happen. Yes, it takes two to make a baby, but she knew it happened mostly because of her. And she didn't regret it even for a second. She didn't regret it even before she knew she was pregnant, because that was a night with Lucas, the man she loved so much. Yes, the man. She couldn't think of him as a boy anymore, not after has become the father of her child. After she learned that she was pregnant, it was a shock for the first 5 seconds. But after that, she was the happiest woman on earth. She knew it was going to be hard, but the truth was that this was everything she wished for. All those emotions came back to her as she was lying in her bed. She smiled, remembering something else. "We're still going to have time to have a big family. – Two boys and a girl." Who would believe some part of that could happen? Brooke looked at the clock. It was late and she got a hard time next morning, so she had to get some sleep.
*-*-*
"Hi, Luke!"
"Hi, Brooke!"
They hugged each other smiling.
"Come in! I have your favorite breakfast!"
"Oh and how would you know my favorite breakfast?"
"Well, let's see. We dated, then we were friends, I moved into you house, we lived together for a while, then we dated again, and we're friends again, so I think you're a total stranger to me, Lucas Scott."
They were both laughing.
"French toast for you, Mr. famous writer!"
"Great! And I brought your favorite food."
"Ice cream?"
"Of course."
They laughed again, when something interrupted them.
"Oh, Anna is awake. Give me second, Luke."
"Sure."
Lucas looked at Brooke holding her daughter. A daughter who probably was his child too. He got confused again.
"Hey, sleeping beauty. Mama's here."
Lucas smiled. Brooke was glowing.
"Ok, I think we're going to need a lady minute. Do you mind?"
"No, of course not."
As Brooke was going upstairs, the doorbell rang.
"Luke, open door and tell whoever is there to wait for me for a minute."
He opened the door and he saw someone he wasn't expecting to see.
"Oh! Lovely! Do you have a ring again?"
Victoria Davis was standing there. He got in the room a second later.
"So, where is Brooke?"
Lucas was pissed at her because of what Brooke and Millie told him, but he tried to keep it polite for now.
"She's upstairs with Anna. She'll come back in a couple of minutes."
The woman looked contemptuously at him, obviously mad at him for being there.
"Oh, she's playing the role of a mother again. I told her what to do: abortion or adoption, but she wasn't smart enough to do it. So, what are you, boy, doing in my daughter's house?"
He couldn't take it any longer.
"Oh, so now Brooke's your daughter, right? But was she when she needed you? Were you there when she needed support?"
"My relationship with Brooke is none of your business."
"You're wrong, it is. Because, unlike you, I care about her. How could you tell her such horrible things when you learned she was pregnant? How could you treat Brooke and Anna like that? They are your family – your daughter and your granddaughter for God's sake!"
He was mad. He couldn't bare that.
"Well, well, well. You seem over protective about them. Like you have anything to do with Brooke and her baby."
She said that in a very sarcastic way.
"Actually, I do. Brooke is important to me, and so is her daughter. But obviously, I can't say the same about you. Do you know what happened last night? Anna was in hospital. This was one the hardest moments in Brooke's life. But of course, you wasn't there, you didn't care. I wanna tell you something. Even thou Brooke has had her daughter for a few monts, she's 100 times better mother than you have ever been."
"Victoria, what are you doing here?"
Brooke was back in the room, holding Anna in her arms.
"Since you're not at work, Brooke, I came to tell you we have a meeting with the board on Friday. Make sure you'll be there no matter what."
"There is no 'no matter what' any more, Victoria. My daughter is more important than the company to me, but for you it's not apparently the same."
"I have told you hundreds of times that this kind is going to ruin you're life, especially when her father isn't around, right? So, you could have done what I advised you to. I even gave you options. It was your choice. Board meeting, Friday, 12 o'clock. Be there."
Then she left. Brooke was confused. She was hurt again by her mother and now, when she had Anna, more than ever she couldn't understand why her mother was acting like that.
"I'm sorry, Lucas. I know she's awful, but believe me, it's not my choice."
She looked like she was about to cry.
"Hey, I get it. Remember my family."
"I know - the D – A – N factor. Actually, how do you feel about that? Him being in jail?"
Lucas' face got an angry expression.
"I hope he dies in there."
She looked at him, her eyes were full of support.
"I'm sorry you had to get through all this, Luke. I know it was really painful."
"Well, your mom and dad aren't the parents of the year too. Look, are you sure you're not adopted, because it is not possible that this witch can be blood related to you."
"I wanna believe I was, but I can't deny I look almost just like her when she was my age."
She smiled.
"Can I hold her, Brooke?"
He looked at her just when she turned her eyes on him.
"Yeah, of course, Luke."
Brooke gave him Anna and he looked at her beautiful little face.
"She's amazing."
"She is. She's the most perfect girl ever."
The both looked at the little girl in Lucas' arms.
"And of course she is. After all, I am her mother and I can say her father is a hottie too."
Lucas was freaking out even thou he didn't show it. There was such a good chance that he was holding his own daughter. And no matter that he was scared and confused, it felt good. She was really amazing. Beautiful and charming. Anna looked a lot like Brooke, there was no doubt. She was smiling at him and he was smiling at her. But he had to talk to Brooke.
"How you've been doing with all this alone?"
"Well, I'd lie if I say it is easy, but I'm happier than ever, Luke. I've never though of myself as a mother. Actually, I still felt like a child before I learned that this little girl is coming to my life. But I think I'm doing well, at least I try to."
She touched her daughter's face and Brooke seemed like she could do this forever. Anna smiled at her and caught her finger with her little hand.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant before? And why didn't you tell me you have a daughter now last night, Brooke?"
They sat on the couch and she looked at him.
"When I learned I was pregnant, I was a bit scared and vulnerable, and you know that I hate people seeing me like this. And then there was the Bitchtoria part and everything was so messed up. And I though you have enough problems to deal with: college, Peyton, the novel. After she was born I really didn't have time for anything. I am trying really hard to do what's best for Anna, to take a great care of her, and I have the company to look after too, because otherwise Victoria is going to kick me out of it, no matter that it is my company. Last night was my first night out for over 17 months, Luke. I guess I was scared to tell you because I didn't know how you'd react. And to be honest, I knew that if had told you, there would be no other subject the whole night, and I wanted us to talk about other stuff, about you, the success of your book, how are things with Peyton going. Actually, I was probably going to tell you later in the night, but I wasn't comfortable with telling you before Millie called me. And after that, when she told me Anna was in hospital, I didn't think of any kind of explications. I just had to go there and find out what was going on with Anna, because there was nothing I fear more than something happening to her. She is my whole world, Lucas."
He listened very carefully to every single word Brooke said. It seemed like she meant what she said. But Lucas was still not sure she was telling him everything.
"How old is she, Brooke?'
"3 months and 4 days. The best time in my whole life.'
Lucas looked at Brooke, then back at Anna, who had fallen asleep again. She seemed so peaceful.
Brooke was looking at them, trying her best to look calm. She has not lied to Lucas. She just told him one small part of the truth. It was hard keeping the other part a secret, but she had to be strong enough. But she knew the hardest was just about to start.
"What about her father?"
Lucas' heart beat like crazy. He wasn't sure how he'd feel about Brooke's answer, no matter what it was. From one part, he was so attached to that little girl and it felt so right to be holding her like that, as if that was meant to be like that. From other part, he couldn't believe it yet. And he couldn't believe Brooke could hide something like that for so long. Also, he really loved Brooke, but he was not in love with her and would be strange to have a baby with her. She felt more as one of his best friends whom he felt over protective about and whom he had a long history with.
Brooke was confused. It came the time not to hide it from him, but to lie. And lying Lucas' at his face about their daughter was something she found so wrong, but still that was the best for him.
"As I said, I haven't been dating anyone. I just had a one-night stand with him. And that was it. It was just for the fun, for the sex, nothing more. No feelings. He didn't care about me. That's why when I learned I was pregnant, I decided not to tell him. It would make him feel caught in a trap, scared. And he has his life and I have mine. I think it was the better decision after all and believe me, I gave it a lot of thinking."
Most of that was true. What they had wasn't just a one-night stand, even thou it lasted just one night. And there were no romantic feelings from his side. Lucas cared about her, but not in that way. She was his friend, who he shared a night with to escape from reality. Lucas had his life, which was far away from Brooke's. It was the better decision not to tell him.
Something bothered Lucas. It was like she described what happened between them with some changes. He had to know. He had the right to know.
"Brooke, is that our daughter in my arms?"
He looked her in the eyes. She couldn't just say nothing now. That was it. Brooke's heart was breaking inside her chest, knowing what she was about to do.
"No, Luke. She's my daughter, but not ours."
That was it. She was broken. It was harder than she thought it would be. Like everything inside her was aching, burning and breaking at the same time. She couldn't bear it, it was too much…
Lucas felt so strange. He felt relief, of course. But what surprised him, he was upset and disappointed. He loved the idea that this amazing little girl was his daughter. Brooke didn't look away when she was telling him, so she wasn't lying. She couldn't be. Maybe it was better that Anna wasn't his child, but a big part of him wanted her to be.
"I… There were just so many coincidences, Brooke. Her age, the fact you were confused about telling me about Anna. I jumped to conclusions. Sorry if that bothered you."
"It's ok, Lucas. I thought you had. Look, I know it's probably strange and I don't have the right to ask this, but what if I had told you she was? Not what would you do, because I know you well enough to know that. But how would you feel? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
Their eyes met. Then he looked at Anna.
"I'd be confused. I'd probably mad at you for not telling me from the beginning... I'd be scared. But there's no way I wouldn't be glad, happy and proud to be the father of this amazing girl here."
Brooke's eyes were tearing.
"Lucas, you have a talent – you're always making me cry."
He looked back at Brooke and gave her a smile.
"Why are you crying now?"
"Because… I forgot how sensible and beautiful your words are. Do you remember: when you gave me your room, or your best man's speeches, or so many other moments… Lucas Eugene Scott, in moments like that I both love you and hate you!"
She smiled. That reminded him to ask something else.
"How is her whole name?"
"Anna Karen Davis."
Lucas was amazed.
"Yes, Lucas, after your mother, because she was to me the mother I never had."
"She'd be honored, Brooke."
They smiled.
"Hey, when is your plane leaving?"
"At 5.30, so I have to be there at 4."
"Well, would I be impudent if I ask you to spend the rest of the day with two gorgeous Davis girls?"
Lucas looked first at Brooke, then at Anna and said:
"Actually, I was going to ask you what you think about that.'
*-*-*
"God, I love Central park!"
Brooke and Lucas were walking in the park, and Anna was sleeping in her baby carriage.
"It makes me feel safe and calm in such a crazy city as New York is."
"It has an amazing atmosphere. And it's a good place to take a walk with two beautiful ladies."
Brooke smiled as Lucas was saying this. For the past few hours, she was in heaven. Her personal heaven where the two people she loved the most were with here. Yeah, she knew one of them was going to leave her soon for an unknown period, but she was just enjoying the moment.
Lucas enjoyed being with Brooke and her baby daughter. The mother she was to Anna amazed him. She never pictured that: Brooke Davis having her own child not even 3 years after graduation and being the perfect mom. But she was a great mother. But there was something else he never expected before and that bothered him right now. That she was alone. Her friends were far away, except for Millie; she was raising her daughter alone, without anybody's help. Lucas could see that Brooke was happy, but he knew she needed someone by her side, even thou she was one of the strongest people he'd even known.
They sat on a bench together and both looked at the little girl who was now awake.
"So, Luke, where are you going now?"
"LA."
His feelings about that were complicated. This city was the place where everything between him and Peyton ended. But there was a chance to see her again and he desperately needed that.
"I need you to something for me while you're there."
"What is it?"
"I need you to call Peyton, meet her there and talk."
Brooke really wanted it. For her, the important thing was for Lucas to be happy. Yes, it was not easy, especially after the last events and these hours they spent like a family, but it was the way it was meant to be.
"I'm not sure, Brooke. Even if I see her, she may be has moved on. It's been such a long time."
"Lucas, she loves you. She has never stopped and I'm sure she is still crazy about you and misses you really much."
"Brooke, have you talked with her lately?"
"Well, no, but that doesn't mean I don't know P. Sawyer."
"Did she tell you what happened between us? Have you told her with everything that's going on with you? Things are not the same anymore. Probably we are not the same."
"Listen to me. You two got through so many things together: our triangle, the school shooting, Ellie's death, the psycho, your heart attack… You remember the final of the state championship, don't you? You remember the feeling when you saw her there? She's the one you want next to you when you're dreams come true. Now, one of them is true. You're book has such a great success and you know even better than me that many people relate to it because of the story of these two people who love each other no matter what."
It was hard telling him all of this. Making him go to Peyton once again. But that was the right thing to do. And Brooke was going to fight for Lucas' happiness.
Lucas was confused. He has though about everything Brooke told him billions of times. But there was something else that he hasn't told anybody: he was starting to believe that he and Peyton were not meant to be. He has never believed that day will come. Suddenly, he remembered something he thought about the morning when he found Brooke's letter.
"You know what? There is one person who has always been with me when my dreams came true."
"Your mom?"
"You, Brooke."
Their eyes met.
Lucas was glad to be there. He was glad he saw Brooke and that he knew about Anna. After all this time, Brooke was still one of the most important people to him.
Brooke was shocked. She never imagined Lucas would say something like that. He could never know what did this mean to her. She smiled at him and then turned to Anna, who was laughing.
Brooke was glowing. Lucas has never seen her like that.
"It is amazing, isn't it? To be a mother and experience all those amazing moments with you kid…"
He was looking at Brooke and Anna, both smiling.
"It's my dream come true."
Lucas smiled.
Brooke looked at him again. There were so many things in her mind right now, but mostly, she was thankful for this day.
"Can I hold her again?"
"Sure."
Lucas got Anna in his hands and smiled at her and she smiled him back.
"She really likes you, Luke."
"I hope so, because she is stealing my heart."
He laughed. It was a really nice day and he was glad he stayed with those two girls.
'Thanks you!"
"For what?"
"For letting me in, for confessing your secrets and fears, for letting me hold her. I know it was hard for you to open your heart. I want you to know that I'm here for you. And I mean both of you, Davis girls."
Brooke just said.
"Thank you, Lucas. For being there for me last night, for defending me from Victoria, for spending this day with us and for saying that. You don't know how much that means to me. Thank you."
He looked at her and smiled. They put Anna back in the baby carriage and hugged each other.
It was an amazing day.
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