Reasons that reason cannot know

Chapter 10

"They had a big beautiful wedding and they lived happily ever after."

Brooke was with Anna and had just read her a fairy tale. Her daughter was smiling at her mother.

"I love fairy tales. There are princes and princesses and they are all happy."

Brooke smiled. Anna was so cute and adorable.

"Yeah, I love them too, honey. Now, go to sleep, it was a long day for you."

She kissed her daughter's forehead and went out of the bed to turn the lights off.

"Momma…"

"What is it, sweety?"

"Sing me a lullaby."

Brooke sighed. She knew she was a horrible singer. Jamie was a lucky boy with Haley's talent. But she knew Anna just wanted no one else, but her mom to sing to her. So she sat back on her girl's bed and started singing some song, cause she really didn't know any lullabies just because nobody has ever sang any to her. She was looking at her beautiful daughter who was smiling until she fell asleep. Everyone though she was a total copy of her mother. But for Brooke, she had so much of her father. The sweet smile, the amazing blue eyes, even his fingers. And she was getting so much like Lucas every day. Brooke thought back on the hours they spent together, the three of them, like a family. They made it even harder to keep lying and keeping secrets, but she had no choice. And even if it was harder for her to see Anna and Lucas together, knowing they were supposed to be like that all the time and she is depriving them from that, Brooke just couldn't let them be apart. Not now. Not ever. It wasn't right. She stayed there for a few more minutes, looking at the little girl who made sense of her life. There was nothing that could compare to looking at her sleeping daughter. Not money, not fame, not her company, not even her friends. Yes, she loved them all so much, but Anna was Brooke's oxygen. She was even more than that. She was her daughter. And Brooke was so blessed to have her that she couldn't thank God enough. She took one last look at Anna and then she went to the main room to talk with Peyton. She saw her best friend sitting there, obviously deep in her own thoughts. Brooke felt a bit guilty because of what she did with Lucas that night – it was not fair to Peyton, but she didn't regret it. Still, she thought it was better if Peyton never learned about it. But there was something else she wanted to talk about with her best friend.

"Hey, P. Sawyer. What's on your mind?"

Peyton turned around and saw Brooke sitting next to her.

"Oh, nothing really. How was your day?"

"Great. We had so much fun…"

"With Lucas."

Peyton seemed so hurt when something about Lucas came on the surface.

"Peyton… I don't know what to tell you… I know you love him and you miss him like crazy. I know how it is, I've been there. Twice. And for you, it's even worse, because what you two had was so much deeper, it has always been Lucas and Peyton…"

Brooke was hurting as she was saying that, but no matter how painful it was, that was the truth.

"You know, I thought we were meant to be. I thought that when we said we were going to be back on that court 4 years after graduation, we would stand there, 22 years old, still together and in love as we were when we wrote our names on the ground. And look how things turned out? Nathan and Haley are going through so much right now, you are a single mom, Lucas is with a woman I haven't met yet and says we should be just friends and I'm alone, not able to get over it. And leave our love lives. Haley is tortured by her students, Nathan is in a wheelchair, Lucas is in author's block, your mother is torturing you, and I don't know what to do with my own life. How did we get here, Brooke?"

"I guess we have to fight all the time. Life is hard. Life is awful sometimes. But we have to keep fighting. Otherwise how could we say we are alive?"

"You know, I felt so… Inspired on our graduation. I really believed I could do something that matters, that means something to someone. That's why I went to LA. To chase my dream. But what happened? I became assistant to the assistant, I lost the boy I loved and I lost myself too."

"Peyton, you remember the talk we had before we came home? You remember what I told you? We came home to find ourselves again, to get that inspiration again, to change the world. And you can do this, Peyton. And I'm gonna help you with that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I want you to start your own label. I wanna invest in your label, because I know you can do something amazing that means something not only to someone, but to many people."

"Brooke, I don't know. I can't ask you for something like that…"

"You're not asking, I'm offering. No, I'm doing it. We are doing it."

Peyton looked at Brooke. She was so amazing. She had heart of gold. She was so selfless and great. And that's why everybody loved her so much.

Brooke meant every word she just said. She had to do this for Peyton. She wanted to. Because Peyton Sawyer, no matter how many thing had happened in the past, was her best friend, her sister in every way except blood.

"You're amazing, B. Davis, you know that?"

"Yes, I know."

"Pretty cocky, right?"

They laughed.

"You are gonna be just fine, P. Sawyer. It may take a while, but someday, you're gonna be so happy, because you deserve it."

"You too, Brooke. But there will never be anybody I'll ever think is good enough for you."

The laughed and hugged.

*-*-*

Lucas came home. After he had spent most of the afternoon with Brooke and Anna, he went to the rivercourt with Nathan and Skills. He was tired, but he was in amazing mood. He saw Lindsey sitting on the couch.

"Hey, you."

She turned and saw him.

"Hey! I missed you today."

Lucas sat next to her and put her arms around her.

"I missed you too."
"How was your day with Brooke?"

"Really nice. We had lunch and went to the park with her and Anna."

"And who is Anna"

"Brooke's daughter."

Lindsey looked surprise.

"I didn't now Brooke has a daughter."

"Well, we have never jumped to a conversation about something near that. But yes, she has a 2 years old daughter and she is a single mom. I just wanted to check on them, how they are doing, because I know Brooke has so much to deal with. The father has never been around, she has so much work with the company, and Victoria – he mother – is so cruel and mean to Brook, she's really torturing her. I know it's not easy for Brooke, no matter she is always wearing her brave face."

"OMG, I thought the young, hot, rich designer and owner of a fashion empire has an amazing happy life. You should be there for her, Lucas. And I'll try to help if she doesn't mind."

"You're pretty amazing, Lindsey Strauss, you know that?"

"I hope you think so."

They kissed and then she rested her heart on his chest.

"Should I expect Peyton in town soon?"

Lindsey was joking. Lucas hasn't told her about Peyton's return and he has asked Haley not to do it. But now, he had to tell her.

"Actually, Peyton is in already back in Tree Hill."

Lindsey looked at him.

"How has she been here?"

"Well, I saw her the other night."

"Wait, you saw her and you didn't tell me? Why?"

Lucas expected that but he still didn't know what to do. He told Brooke Lindsey was fine with Peyton back in his life, but he said it because he just hoped she'd be.

"I don't know. It is a bit awkward, you know? You have told me so many times when we were editing the novel that you were willing for Lucas&Peyton to find their happy ending and told me billions of times how epic and amazing is their love. And I thought you'd be jealous. And I didn't want you to be. Peyton is a big part of my history and she is a friend of mine. You're the one I love and I'm in love with, Lindsey Strauss."

She still seemed worried.

"I just want you to be honest with me."

"I promise I'll be."

They kissed passionately and then laid on the sofa, she unbuttoning his shirt.

*-*-*

Peyton was lying in her bed, thinking about the day that has passed. About Brooke and this whole label thing… About Lucas and the being only friends thing… It was obvious he didn't want anything more. But still, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about how they never managed to be just friends. In their junior year, the Lucas and Peyton friendship ended up with them having an affair behind Brooke's back. In their senior year, they both realized that they have always loved each other. She remembered that night. The final of the state championship. It was just after she had lost hope. And then, Lucas said he wanted her next to him when his dreams come true. The moment Peyton heard those words, her world became complete and beautiful. She though that this was the beginning of their happy ending. But things turned out so differently. And it was her fault. She wanted to be with him forever. She should have said "Yes". They could have this long engagement and be happy right now. But she screwed it up. Suddenly, her thought went to Brooke. She was so sure that they were meant to be. It seemed she was wrong. At least as far as Lucas was concerned. Peyton just had to get over it and start living again. She'd soon have her own label. Brooke was so amazing. Peyton still couldn't believe how lucky she was to have her best friend who had done anything for her: forgave her twice about breaking her heart, helped her through both her mom's deaths, gave up her amazing life in NY and came back for her, and now investing in Peyton's label. Brooke Davis was amazing. Peyton thought how she should named her label. And then she knew. Red bedroom records. She smiled a little. Tomorrow was the beginning of her new life.

*-*-*

Brooke was laying in her bed. She had so much on her mind. Victoria has already started accusing her of being stupid and immature. Well, that was not something new. She has never been a mother. Yes, she gave birth to her, but she has never been there for her, she ahs never been a mom. All she cared about was money, power, the company. Brooke knew that but it still hurt. Especially now, when she had a daughter. She just couldn't understand it. Anna meant the world to her. There was nothing more important than she was. But for Victoria, her child meant nothing. She started tearing but she told her self to stop, because it was not worth it. She started thinking about Peyton. She was a total mess. Brooke wished she could make her feel better and she hoped that the label could help. But she knew that there were things that couldn't be fixed, at least soon. And both their names started with L. Lucas and Lindsey. Brooke didn't know how to feel about that. From one part, she was happy that Lucas was happy. And Lindsey seemed so nice and obviously, she loved Lucas really much and it looked like he loved her too. But from another part, Brooke wanted him and Peyton to fix things. Because she hated seeing her best friend suffering like this, trying to put back the peaces of her broken heart. And there was one other reason. One that Brooke hated herself for, because it was so selfish. She hoped that Lucas and Peyton would find their way to each other, because then her sacrifice would be worth it. Both her sacrifices actually. She remembered so clearly that night: the win of the state championship. The previous night, she and Lucas ended their relationship for good and later Peyton finally confessed her feelings to him. And he went away. The next day, when Peyton told her what Lucas said about who he wanted next to him when his dreams come true, she felt hope again. But it was just until the moment she hugged him and then saw Peyton standing there alone. It was then when Brooke realized that has always been the two of them and he probably never even loved her. So she encouraged him to go to Peyton. That was the first time Brooke sacrificed her happiness for the Lucas&Peyton epic love. Her heart was broken into million peaces that she was still trying to put back together. And then, 3 years ago, when she learned she was pregnant, it was even harder to do it. Because it was not just about her anymore. It was about all the four of them: Brooke, Lucas, Peyton and the child. But once again, Brooke thought that Lucas&Peyton were meant to be so it was about time for them to run back into each other's arms and when that happened it would hurt not only Brooke, but the child as well. So again, she gave up her happiness and the chance of her daughter to have a father for Lucas&Peyton's love. Brooke even lied Lucas just to protect him. And if her heart was broken on the night the Ravens won the state championship, then it was crushed since the day Brooke had decided to keep secret that Anna is Lucas' daughter. So now, she needed to know that it was worth it. She needed to know that Lucas and Peyton would find their way in the end, that they were meant to be. Because otherwise, all the pain was meaningless. Tears started falling from Brooke's eyes. She remembered the first time she, Lucas and Anna spent a day together. Anna was just a baby. And it felt so right to be there with them, like a family. And now, it felt even better. Anna adored Luke and he was amazing with her. Every time Brooke saw them together, she started wondering what could have been if she had told Lucas the truth. If they could be happy. If everything that happened wasn't a sign: she went to his room, although her reason told her not to; then Lucas wanted to be with her, something she never expected and after the amazing night they had together, there was a life inside Brooke; a life that was created by the two of them, that was the two of them; and one year later, he happened to be there when Anna was in hospital… Sometimes it seemed to Brooke that fate was giving them signs that they should be together again. That probably they were meant to be. But Brooke knew they were not. Lucas and Peyton were meant to be. They have always been and everyone knew it and believed it. It had to be this way. For everybody. Brooke was still crying. She so loved the day she spent with Lucas and Anna. It was again like they were a family. The family they were supposed to be. And it made Brooke so happy and so miserable in the same time. What if she made the wrong choice? What if she had told Lucas the truth? What if she had never let him go? What if they had their chance and she blew it? Lucas and Peyton had to get back together…