Title: Right Where You Want Me

Author: carleymarie

Category: Gilmore Girls

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my thoughts and the MacBook I type them on.

Rating: T

Pairing: Tristan/Rory

Reviews: Greatly appreciated.

Summary: Relationships are complex. AU Trory.

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews and for adding me to your favourites/alerts. See my LJ link in my profile for more information about this story. I made it my goal to update this story before my birthday (July 16th) and here it is. Enjoy!

Chapter Five

It had been months since our last encounter. I tried to forget about him as well as I could, but of course, I couldn't. Thoughts of him would come into my mind during classes, leaving me to daydream off into thinking of what could have been.

I saw him one day, returning books to the library early one morning. His back was to me, but I'd know any part of him anywhere.

"Well, I hope you realize that we're going to have to start a club soon" I said, walking up behind him.

I could practically hear the smirk rise onto his face before he turned towards me. Not one to disappoint, his smirk was present.

"I'm not sure that I understand," he said slowly, confused as to where I was going with this conversation from the outset.

"-Of people that are awake and function before nine in the morning," I supplied.

"I like to think that I can function at any time," he said, leaning in towards me so that I knew the implications of his double meaning.

"Definitely not one of the many," I replied back. "Of course that's the way you like it. Having many, but not wanting to be one of them," I finished.

He must have thought that I was providing a segue for him, but what he was about to reveal to me was something that I did not to know.

"So, I have a girlfriend," he said to me. No more small talk, just straight to the point.

I sighed, and then tried to place a smile on my face. At any other point in time, I would not want him to know my true feelings. That's usually how we had played things in the past. Normally, I would play my feelings close to the vest, but all bets were off once I found that our complicated relationship had gotten even more complicated with a girlfriend coming into the picture.

"Eventually even Tristan DuGray had to get a girlfriend, right?" I said coldly, not able to contain my disgust with the thought of him with someone else. I just couldn't maintain my cool exterior this time. Tristan has a girlfriend. Tristan . . . Girlfriend . . . The two words just could not merge in my mind, at least not when the term was not connecting his name with mine.

"Don't say it like that," he said.

"How am I supposed to say it? Do you want me to throw you a party? Or wait, are you getting married anytime soon because that would be even better. Maybe I can throw you two a wedding shower. Better yet, why don't I go online and become an ordained minister and then I can marry the two of you?" I finished, using only one breath.

"Wow, sarcasm and jealousy, what a mix" he replied, amused by my uncharacteristic display of emotion.

"I can't help it that the tone of my voice is sarcastic," I said, flatly.

"And the jealous part?" he inquired.

"She's a lucky girl," I said simply, ignoring his question completely. "I always knew that if you could just figure out what you wanted, you would be a good boyfriend. Let's just leave it at that." I said, trailing off sadly, looking down away from his face, unable to look at him.

"I don't know what you want from me here Rory. I don't know what you want me to say," he said, running his hand through his hair, a signal that he was stressed.

"I don't want anything. I mean, of course there are things that I want, but with you, none of them are realistic" I replied, rambling.

"Tell me, just this once, tell me what you're thinking. I need to know," he said, practically pleading with me to know exactly what I meant, the conversation taking an intense turn.

I knew that the situation could not get worse, so I decided that after all these years it was time to put my cards on the table.

"Sure, do you want me to say it? Yes, I wanted to be your first girlfriend. I thought that we would be great together," I said, ending the cryptic nature of our conversations for good.

"Rory," he said shaking his head, not knowing how to respond.

"If you ever did ask me to be with you, you know I would have. How much more obvious could I have made it?"

Not leaving anytime for him to respond, I had to let him know exactly what I was thinking. "I had to initiate everything. I wanted it to be your turn. I wanted to be the girl. I felt like I could only bring about so much with us before you had to do something. I guess I should've figured out that if you wanted me, you would've let me know. You obviously did that with your girlfriend."

"What do you want me to do? Break up with her and go out with you?" he asked.

"No, that's the last thing that I want."

"And why is that?"

"Well obviously I didn't ever come to mind to be your girlfriend before, so why now?"

He reached one hand out towards me, pulling a few strands of hair out of my face, securing it behind my ear. He then leaned in towards me, pressing a soft kiss against my cheek, letting his lips linger for few seconds. He waited a beat, and then pressed his lips to mine, but only for a short moment before I stopped him, knowing that this is not really the way that I wanted for us to get together.

I raised my hands, slightly shaking, unable to stop the trembling as I reached up to either side of his face and slowly pushed his face away from mine, but not letting goof him completely. I focused on the contrast between my delicate feminine hand and his strong angular jaw.

"I can't do this," I whispered, tears starting to form in my eyes. I knew that I wanted this, but not this way, and because of that, I would have to let him go for now. I did not want him under any form of coercion. "I think that we should just forget that this happened."

"What, no? Not now, don't you want this?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.

"I can't. I can't be that girl. You have a girlfriend. You need to go back to her and pretend that nothing happened, which, according to me, nothing did happen. Not yet anyways" I said, taking a step away from him needing the physical space between us.

"Rory," he started, reaching back towards me, obviously needing the opposite amount of space between us.

"Tristan, I just . . . You didn't fight for me then, and I can't fight for us when you're with someone else. And I can't be with you if you break up with a girl for a reason that has nothing to do with the two of you because she will be crushed," I said, quickly sobering up, knowing the implications of what could happen. "I don't want to take you away from someone because I know what it is like when you're taken away from me."

"Do you though? Do want to be with me? Yes or no?" he asked, point blank.

"Honestly? I can barely even look at you. So no, I don't want to be with you," I said, coldly turning the conversation from intimate to detached. I needed a clean break from him. No friendship or relationship of any kind. I'd be left splintered into a million pieces, but suffering by myself would be better than ruining a relationship.

I found myself turing away from him again. I was just madly in love with him and had to walk away. And that's what I did.