10:
He saw me, in the Market. The place was so unfamiliar, I was completely lost, but he – the man who called himself my husband – he knew who I was, even though I have changed so much. He wrapped his arms around me, and he held me close.
Dave. His name was Dave, he told me. The child beside him, we had called Rob. And here, I found myself crying. I do not feel emotion. Understand this. But my eyes leaked tears, and I could not contain my sobs. The child spoke, and his tone was worried. I didn't hear what he said. For a moment, I thought it didn't matter. Children – the slaves, they sometimes had children, replenishing their numbers naturally – they were never to speak. I contemplated striking the boy, that he might learn his lesson.
I missed the first words my child – my own child – ever spoke to me.
I felt the need to strike him, to show him his place in the world.
What kind of monster have I become?
The day continued as an unqualified disaster. The man had missed me. He thought I should show him that I still loved him.
He was unhappy with my performance. He demanded that I do better. That I … try.
He is afraid of me now. He is sitting upstairs, with his son. With our son. He is trying to explain to the boy that there is something very wrong with me.
Is there something wrong with me?
I cannot remember ever having been different than I am, now.