Reasons that reason cannot know
Chapter 15
The past few weeks have been the best in Brooke's life. She had everything she could wish for: her amazing daughter, her friends, her job, her home. Now she just couldn't understand how she stayed away from Tree Hill for so long, because it was the only place she felt like she belonged. And everyone was here: Nathan, Haley, Jamie, Peyton, Lucas. She missed them so much, she haven't even realized it before she came back. She missed the chats with Haley and the jokes with Nathan. She wished she spent more time with Jamie, who she loved so much. She missed just having her best friend. She missed smiling at Lucas' broody face. She missed all of it. And plus, she wanted Anna to grow up in Tree Hill. Now, she was so happy that she came home. She loved her small store here more than the enormous building of her company back in New York. And she had more time to spend with Anna. Like everything was so good nothing could happen. For the first time in years, Brooke felt completely happy.
*-*-*
It was Friday night. Lucas came home really tired. Practice has been long and exhausting and he was glad he was home. He got inside and he expected to see Lindsey, probably watching some movie or reading something. He was surprised when he didn't see her. He wasn't sure why, but something was different. In the last two months, they spent less time together and he knew it was mostly because of him, but still he wanted to know why they were becoming more and more distant. He went to his bedroom and he saw her. She was sitting on his bed, with the copy of his new book he gave her two days ago.
"Hey."
Lindsey looked at him and her face was… Lucas couldn't describe it. he just knew something was wrong.
"Lucas, we need to talk."
He sat on a chair in a way he was able to face her and looked at her.
"Ok. What's it?"
"I read the book, Lucas. It's beautiful and heartbreaking. He's just this lost little boy and then he sees the comet and suddenly his life has meaning. And then he waits his whole life for the comet to return, he has faith that it will, even if science and his intellect tells him it won't, his heart still believes. It's an epic love story."
Lucas just couldn't understand what the book had to do with this, he just couldn't figure it out. And how for God's sake could it be romantic? It was about a man and the stars.
"Linds, first, it's about a boy and a comet, not love. Second, I'm glad you love it. Third, and most important, what is going on?"
Lindsey opened the book to a page she has marked, so it would be easy to find.
"It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again... And his belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in his heart."
After she finished reading, she made a pause before adding.
"It's about love, Lucas. In its purest form. A comet. It was a comet, Lucas."
He still couldn't understand. What was that all about?
"Lindsey, just tell me what's bothering you, please."
"The first time you talked to her, it was because her car broke down. The comet."
'What?' was all Lucas could think about.
"Are you talking about… Peyton?"
"Of course I am, Lucas. But I guess I should have known. Maybe I have, but I just didn't want to admit it."
"Lindsey…"
he wanted her to know he and Peyton were over and the book, it had nothing to do with her, but she didn't even let him.
"I think I should go to New York. It's for the best."
"Lindsey, please, listen to me. This book, it's just a story about a boy and a comet, it has nothing to do with me or Peyton. Yes, she drives a 'Comet', but the booke is not about her. Me and her, we are over. I love you, Lindsey."
"I love you, Lucas. But I think now, when the comet finally came back in the boy's life, he should go to her."
She stood up and started walking towards the door, but Lucas stopped her.
"Why are you doing this? I don't want Peyton, Lindsey. Yes, I loved her, but I'm not in love with her. She is my friend, I care about her, but I love you, not her."
Lindsey looked at him and told him something he never expected.
"You remember the rain scene, Lucas?"
She caught him out of guard. How was she bringing Brooke now?
" 'The truth is I care about Peyton.' 'Then what is the difference?' 'The difference, the difference is I love you, Brooke. I wanna be with you, not Peyton.' "
Lucas just looked at her and waited for her to explain.
"You told Brooke that. You assured her you love her, not Peyton. And maybe you believed that. But then, at the night of the state championship. It was your moment of clarity. The realization that you and Peyton were destined to be together and that you have always loved her, that you always will. I just can't be the next footnote in Lucas and Peyton's love story."
Lucas couldn't believe that just in month it all changed like that. He saw her slipping away and he just couldn't do anything.
"Lindsey…"
"It's an epic love story, Lucas. It's just not ours."
Then, she walked out of the room and left him. And Lucas just sat on his bed, and realized for the second time in his life, he lost a woman he loved because of Peyton Sawyer.
*-*-*
Brooke has already closed the store for customers, she was now just doing some paper work when she heard the door open.
"Sorry, we are closed."
"Well, hello, Brooke."
Brooke looked at the person staying there and couldn't believe her eyes.
"What are you doing here?"
"Well, when I learned you cam here, at first I thought you'd be smart enough to come back
But when you stay two months and open a store of our company, then I think it's obvious I'm here to help you made your mind and come back to New York."
Brooke wasn't ready for this. And she didn't expect it. Just when everything seemed so great.
"First, it's my company. Second, I made up my mind, so I came here, to the place I call home, to the people I call family. So why don't you just get on the next plane to New York?"
"It's our company. 50 – 50, if you remember. And now, when you mentioned a family, how is Anna? Has she asked about her daddy yet?"
"Victoria, don't go there."
"Why? It's not like this won't ever happen, right, Brooke?"
Victoria saw a picture of Brooke, Lucas and Anna next to the monitor. She picked it up and said:
"How adorable, isn't it? She looks a lot like you, but I think she's got a lot from her father too. His eyes, his lips. I'm surprised nobody has noticed."
"Victoria, stop!"
Brooke was trembling. She knew her mother and knew that she won't stop, but she just couldn't do it, she couldn't stand it.
"I see that this Lucas isn't so smart. And I expected him to be, he wrote a whole book how in love he was with your so-called best friend, Peyton."
Brooke was almost about to cry from hurt and anger, but she wouldn't do it. Not in front of her.
"But I guess I should have figured it out when he get you pregnant. If he was smart, he wouldn't get involved with either one of you."
"Leave right now!"
Victoria looked at her. Cold and mean, as always. Brooke knew if this continued any longer, she just wouldn't be able to take it.
"I'm gonna go. I think I need a few drinks after seeing the prove of all your stupid actions. But this is not over."
She gave one last cold look to Brooke and left. Brooke stood there, still shaking. In the last few months, she has forgotten how much it hurt. And now, when she was finally happy, she got a reminder.
*-*-*
Peyton stood there, not able to believe what she just heard. Lucas and Brooke… He was Anna's father. Victoria must be lying, she had to. But Brooke, she didn't deny, she just asked Victoria to stop. And that's when it hit her. It was true. Her lover at the time and her best friend have been sleeping together. They had a child. Everything Peyton believed in, everyone she trusted, they were lying to her all the time. Her whole life was lie. She couldn't stay there any longer, she didn't want Brooke to see her. She would deal with her later. Now all she wanted was to get out of there. She jumped into the 'Comet" and started riving fast. The light was green, but she stopped. Then, when it turned red, she forced the car and drove.
*-*-*
Brooke and Anna went home. She had picked her from Nathan and Haley's and now the two of the arrived home. Peyton was clearly not there, her car was missing. She was probably still at the studio with the girl she was recording now with, Mia. So Brooke just went straight to Anna's bedroom to put her daughter to sleep. When she got the little girl in her bed and looked at her, almost asleep, her tears started falling. Anna saw it and said in her tiny beautiful voice.
"Momma, not cry."
"It's ok, honey, I won't. Let's just read a princess story."
She picked a book and started reading some fairy tale, fighting her tears all the time. When Anna was finally asleep, Brooke kissed her cheek and whispered:
"I'm so sorry, honey."
Then she went to the living room and sat on the sofa, thinking about the visit if her mother. Just a minute later, the door opened and Peyton was home. Brooke was glad, she needed her best friend right now.
"Peyton, thank God you're here, I so need my best friend right now."
Peyton looked at her at Brooke noticed her face was cold and somehow dead and started worrying about her.
"Really? You need me. What about when I needed you in our senior year, but you cut out of your life just because I was honest about my feeling? And now you dare to tell me you need me after you slept with Lucas when we were together? Have you even stopped doing it? Did you two have an affair all the time when he was with me? Is that why he proposed, because he was feeling guilty?"
Suddenly, Brooke felt like the ground opened beneath her and she was falling. The pain, the anger, the bitterness in Peyton's voice couldn't be described in words. Brooke wanted to say something, but she just couldn't even breathe.
"So now you say nothing? But when I told you I had feelings for Lucas because I didn't want it to be like the first time, you called me two-face bitch, didn't you? And now, you don't say even a word. How that?"
Brooke's eyes were full of tears. She put all the strength she had to try to speak.
"Peyton, it's not what you think…"
"Oh, really? Because I think that Lucas is Anna's father. Am I wrong?"
Brooke knew that this was the end, but now, she had nothing more to loose. Peyton already hated her and she was right. All Brooke could do was tell her the truth.
"No, you are not. Anna is his daughter, but he doesn't know."
"What?"
"He doesn't know. He thinks her father was just someone. That's what I told him."
Peyton's face changed when Brooke told her that, but she was still angry.
"So you wanna tell me that after screwing you behind my back when we were together he believed she is someone else's daughter?"
"Peyton, he never cheated on you. He would never do that. And you know I never would do that…"
"Really? What about the sex tape you and Nathan made?"
Brooke looked down ashamed, but she didn't want to upset Peyton more, so she didn't tell her that she and Nathan weren't together right then, and plus it still didn't make what they had done any less worse. And Brooke has done it again.
"I would never sleep with Lucas when you were with him, Peyton. Never."
"So how could you explain that you have almost three years old daughter with him and three years ago, we were together?"
Brooke took a deep breathe, still looking down. She couldn't face Peyton right now.
"You remember I told you that he came to New York the night after he left you in that hotel room in LA? Well, he told about the proposal and showed me the ring while we were at a restaurant. People decided we got engaged and gave us free drinks to celebrate. We pretended it was true and the drinks became too much, especially for him. I brought his to his hotel room and tried to help him get to bed and he kissed me. I pulled away and got out of there, but then I decided to go back, even thou I knew it was wrong. So I went back to his hotel room and we spent the night together. I left early in the morning without even saying goodbye. Three weeks later I learned I was pregnant. I was sure it was his, because he was the only one I have slept with in more than three months. I was confused. I didn't know what to do. I knew he used me as a rebound or a distraction, call it however you want, for getting you out of his head, because he was crushed. I knew he loved you and you loved him. So I decided not to tell him. The only person who knew the truth was Victoria, but I made her swear not to tell anybody. So, I gave birth to Anna. And three months after that, Lucas called me to say he was in New York. I wasn't sure what I should do. I decided to see him, but not tell him anything. Then, Millie called, saying Anna collapsed and I felt like my world crashed down. He saw how I break down and drove me to the hospital. That's how he learned about her. The next day he came over for breakfast and asked me if he was her father. It was one of the hardest moments in my whole life when I lied to him. But I knew it was for the best. He was clearly still in love with you, and I knew if you learned, it would kill you. So I told him she was not his daughter. That's what happened, Peyton."
Brooke's tears were falling, she was still not looking at Peyton. She just couldn't look at her eyes and see all the blame and hate.
Peyton couldn't believe what she just heard. Yes, they haven't slept together while Lucas was still with her, but still it was so hard. And what Brooke has done, keeping this secret, and lying, it was… unbelievable.
"How could you? How could you sleep with him the night after we broke up? How could you not tell him you were pregnant? How could you lie to him? How could you do this to me, to him, to your own daughter, for God's sake? How?"
She wasn't yelling, actually, she was whispering, but her whisper was full of disgust and that's what killed Brooke.
"I know that night was a mistake. It was wrong in so many ways I can't even list them all. And I know it is even more wrong to lie to him, but I did what I thought was best for all of us. Because I didn't want us to break our child's life like Deb and Dan did with Nathan for example. I know Lucas is not Dan, but we both know that he would be with me for the baby, and when two people are together just for a child, it suffers, and them as well. And I was thinking about you, how this would affect you. I knew it would break you. It did now, I can't imagine what it would be back then. And plus, I always thought you two would find a way back to each other, I wanted you to. And I know it's terrible that I lied to Lucas about his own child, but I thought it was for the best. And now, I live with the choice I made, or the choices I should say."
Brooke barely spoke. She felt so empty.
Peyton couldn't believe that the woman she thought was her best friend was capable to do all of that. It turned out she didn't even knew her.
"I'm leaving right now. I'm coming for my stuff tomorrow."
For the first time that night, Brooke looked at Peyton and now was begging her.
"Peyton, please! Will you ever forgive me?"
She looked Brooke in the eyes.
"For what? For sleeping with Lucas that night, for lying to me, for separating him from his own daughter? For which one of them?"
Brooke was still crying.
"I'm so sorry, Peyton. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just…"
"Just what, Brooke? What you did, all of it I mean, it's horrible. Don't you dare to ask me to forgive you. And I'm not the one you should beg for forgiveness. It's Lucas. I won't tell him. You should do this. Goodbye, Brooke."
And she just walked out of the door. Brooke watched her leave and just slowly dragged down on the floor, crying, letting all the pain and the guilt out.
*-*-*
Lucas still stood there, on his bed, his head in his arms, when he heard someone knocking at the door.
"Lindsey…"
He reached the door and opened it and saw Peyton. He knew she had no fault for what happened, but she was the last person he wanted to talk to right now.
"Peyton, please, it's not the moment…"
"Yes, it is, Lucas."
Then she slapped him and turned around. For the hundredth time this night, he couldn't understand what was happening. He ran after her and yelled:
"Peyton, damn it, what was that about?"
She turned to him, not believing what she just heard.
"You really dare to ask me why?"
"Yeah. We have been doing so well now, and out of the blue you come and slap me."
"Why don't you go and ask Brooke about it?"
And from the look in her eyes, he knew she knew about that night in New York.
"Peyton…"
"Don't, Lucas. Just don't. You propose to me and the next night you sleep with my so-called best friend and then you blame me for breaking us up? Just don't say anything, Lucas."
And then she turned around and left. He stood there, numb. In just one night, he lost his girlfriend one of his closest friends. Could it get any worse? He wondered how Peyton learned. There were only two people who knew about that night. Him and Brooke. There was no way she had told Peyton about it. Then it just hit him. Brooke.
*-*-*
Brooke was still at the very same spot of the floor she was after Peyton left 30 minutes ago. And she was still crying. Then, she heard a knock at the door and jumped.
"Peyton…"
She opened the door and saw Lucas standing there. He looked so broken. She realized Peyton must have gone to talk to him too. They just looked at each other for a few more seconds. Then he stepped inside the house and just pulled her into a hug, holding her tight and she cried in his chest.