Reasons that reason cannot know

Chapter 16

Lucas held Brooke in his arms while she was crying and repeating through the sobs that she was sorry. He wanted to tell her it was going to be ok, but this time he was not sure. So all he could do was to hold her and help her everyway he could.

She should have seen it coming. When in her life things were that great and nothing came to break everything? Never. There was always some disaster that happened to ruin everything. And she knew from experience that secrets never stayed hidden forever. And now, when her worst fears came through, she couldn't do anything but cry in Lucas' chest.

After a few more minutes, Brooke came down and got two glasses of water for her and Lucas and they sat on the couch. She was still trembling. She saw that Lucas looked like hell and she could only imagine what it was with Peyton. Not that she was not right to be mad.

"How mad was she?"

Lucas sighed. He knew that nothing was going to be the same again.

"I've never seen her like that, not even after the sex tape. She came at my place and slapped me. She yelled and looked me with such anger I barely recognized her."

Brooke closed her eyes. She knew what he meant, because she saw the same on Peyton's face earlier the same night.

Lucas didn't want to upset Brooke, but they had to talk. There was no other way to figure it out.

"What happened?"

Brooke hesitated. She knew Peyton was right, she had to tell Lucas. Now, she had almost no excuse for hiding anymore the truth, but for selfish reasons she decided not to confess. She simply couldn't bear Lucas hating her too, especially not now.

"Victoria came to the store, talking about how stupid I was to come here and then when she saw a picture of you, Anna and me, she started teasing me about the night in New York. Don't ask me how she learned, she just knew when I came home. So, I guess Peyton overheard and when she came home… She hates me, Luke."

"She's angry and upset, but she doesn't hate you. She can never hate you. Just give her some time."

"You don't understand, Lucas. When I saw you on that webcam, I swore I would never do anything like she did to me, because the pain I was feeling, I wouldn't wish it even to the most horrible person on earth. And I called Peyton a whore, a backstabbing two-face bitch and I cut her out of my life. And I did the same to her. I'm such a hypocrite. I deserve her hate."

Seeing how broken Brooke was, how guilty and devastated she felt, he just wanted to take her pain away, but he didn't know how. But he was not going to give up. He was going to try. For Brooke he would.

"Brooke, it's not the same. Peyton and I were over when we slept together and she knows it. It's not the same. I know it wasn't the best thing we could do in the situation, but it was just between you and me, Peyton has nothing to do with it. You don't have to feel guilty. If someone is acting like hypocrite, that's her. But I think she's just upset and angry. She'll come around, you'll see. You are her best friend, more than that, you are like her sister. She loves you more than anything."

Brooke shook her head and whispered really quietly:
"She doesn't love me that much. If she did, she would never tell me that."

She thought Lucas didn't hear her, so she trembled when he spoke again.

"What did she tell you, what do you mean?"

Lucas wasn't sure what Brooke could be talking about. It seemed like it was something Peyton said that night, but something told him it was not about that.

"It doesn't matter. I don't think she'll forgive me, Luke. Not this time. She forgave me for Nathan because I was a different person back then and because she knew I was drunk. But mostly, because she never loved him. This time, it's different. She left, Lucas. She said she's moving out. And I, I just don't know what to do."

"Brooke, she kissed me when I was with you. Twice. She has no right to judge you. And as I told you, what happened that night was just between you and me, it has nothing to do with her. And I know it's probably not gonna make you feel better, but even thou I wish things were not like that now, I still don't regret that night."

Brooke looked Lucas in the eyes and suddenly, it was like they were somewhere else, on a place that the only people alive were the two of them. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but her head told her she had no right to.

When they locked their eyes, it was like some kind of connection formed and with every second that passed, it was getting stronger and stronger. Something inside Lucas was pushing him to Brooke, he wanted to get the closest to her he could, to feel her, to kiss her. But no! he couldn't do that, he couldn't even think about it.

They stayed like that for a while, then Brooke finally broke the contact and drank a bit of the water. She tried to clear her head of the feelings she felt when their eyes met, from the feeling Lucas felt the same… No, that was impossible. Yes, she was in love with him since forever, it was normal for her, but he, there was no way he had feelings for her. He stopped loving her long time ago. He had Lindsey and he loved her. Then one more thing hurt her.

"Oh my God! Lucas, how did Lindsey take it? She's mad, isn't she?"

She saw Lucas' face and she realized something with that was very wrong.

"Lucas, what's it? Did something happen between you and Lindsey?"

Lucas didn't know how to explain what happened because he didn't understand.

"She broke up with me."

"What? Why?"

"My new book, it's about a boy and a comet and she assumes I'm still in love with Peyton because…"

"She drives a "Comet". "

"Yeah… I tried to explain that this is ridiculous, that I'm totally over Peyton, but then she brought the past and I just couldn't say anything to make her stay. So she left before Peyton came. "

"I'm so sorry, Luke."

Brooke hugged him. She knew how Lindsey felt. Like she's fighting an already lost battle with fate. Like there was no point to lose more time standing on the way of the unconditional and destined love of Lucas and Peyton. Just like she felt back in senior year. Lindsey just wanted to protect her heart from breaking the way Brooke's heart was broken. She knew the story. Brooke couldn't blame her, but she knew that this time, it was different. Even thou it was hard to believe, she could see that Lucas and Peyton were over, that he didn't feel anything but friendish love for her.

Suddenly, Lucas' cell rang and they pulled away. He saw Haley's name and picked up.

"Hey, Hales. What's up?"

"Lucas, what the hell is going on? Lindsey comes in tears and asks me to let her stay for the night. When I asks her what happened she says you are obviously still in love with Peyton. An hour later, Peyton comes, mad and crushed in the same time, asking if she could crash with us for a few days, till she finds where to stay. When I ask her why she wants to move out from Brooke's house, she tells me not to mention you or Brooke ever again. Then, Peyton and Lindsey see each other and Lindsey leaves, saying she's going to stay in a hotel before we can say anything. Peyton locks herself in the spare bedroom and Nathan and I have no idea what's going on. So, can you please fill me in, because I'm going crazy."

Lucas sighed. It was worse than he thought it would be.

"Haley, please, I don't wanna talk about any of it now, let's talk tomorrow, k?"

"But, Lu…"
Before Haley could say anything, Lucas hung up. He couldn't talk to her. The only person he felt like talking to was sitting right next to him, looking at him with worried eyes.

"Luke, what is it?"

"Obviously both Lindsey and Peyton decided to go to Haley and Nathan's for the night. Lindsey told them her theory, Peyton just said she didn't want to hear about us ever again. But when the two of them saw each other, it became even tenser and Lindsey left."

Brooke shook her head in disbelief. How could everything be so messed up?

Lucas pulled Brooke closer and put her arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and they stayed like that, each one of them thinking about this whole mess and ways to fix it. Even thou it seemed impossible, they felt safer and better with each other.

*-*-*
Around an hour and a half later, Brooke and Lucas were asleep on the couch, when he heard Anna calling her mom. He looked at Brooke and decided not to wake her, she needed to rest. So, he went to Anna's room to check what was going on. He saw her crying and he felt like he was going to fight the whole world to erase her tears and he would do anything to make sure she wouldn't cry even a single tear again. He went to her and got her out of her bed in his arms.

"Hey, buddy. Why is the most beautiful girl in the world crying?"

"The witch take me from momma."

"Shh, it was just a dream. You are safe. Nobody's ever gonna take you away from your mom. She's not gonna allow it. And you know, neither will I."

"Even the bad witch?"

She looked at him with her beautiful blue eyes and his heart filled with unconditional love.

"Not even to her. I will always protect you. And so will your mom. Now, go back to sleep. And if the witch comes back, tell her she'll have to deal with your mom and me."

She smiled and Lucas put her back in her bed. He watched her as she fell asleep. He saw so much of Brooke in Anna. Not only in her look, but in her stubbornness, in her laugh, the way she loved her mom… She had Brooke's amazing heart. Looking at her, Lucas realized he loved that girl very much. And for him, it was like she was his. He couldn't help but consider her as his daughter. And the truth is he wanted to feel this way. Hell, he wanted not just to feel, but to be her father. To see every moment of her life. And he was going to be there. Always.

Lucas stayed with Anna for about 10 minutes, then he want back to the living room and looked at Brooke. The dried tears were still visible on her cheeks, her eyes were puffy, but she still looked so beautiful, like she was not human. Suddenly, Lucas asked himself what it would have been if Anna was his daughter. What it would be to have a family with Brooke. To help her when she needed him. To see her wake up in the mornings next to him. To watch movies together or go for a walks in the park. To laugh together and to take care of their beautiful girl. And somehow, it felt right to him. Why was he having this kind of thoughts? And feelings. Everything between them happened years ago. He loved Lindsey now. He was sure about that. But why wasn't he as broken as he was the last time a girl he loved broke up with him thinking he was in love with Peyton? Not that he wanted to feel the same pain again. But it surprised him that even thou he was upset about what happened with Lindsey and the way it happened, he didn't feel half of the pain he felt when Brooke broke up with him. Why was he thinking about that? And it was not just that night, he was thinking about it a lot lately? Why? Lucas was confused. But he knew he couldn't get the answers he wanted that night. So he decided to take care of Brooke. He took her in his arms. She didn't wake, just suited herself in his arms. He smiled how well she still fitted in them. He put her in bed carefully and sat in the armchair watching her. He didn't want to think about the questions popping in his head all the time. So he focused on one thing: he was going to look after Brooke. Why? Because she was Brooke Davis and he was Lucas Scott.