Chapter 2: Winter Song – Happy Arizmas

They say we're buried far

just like a distant star

I simply cannot hold.

When she was a little girl she always dreamed of spending Christmas with a whole bunch of people. Of course she loved to stay at home with her family, but helping, spending her time with people who were also on their own gave her a good feeling, because on Christmas it was about spending time not on your own, instead searching someone who is also alone, or spending the evening with the person you love.

This year she did exactly this and sat down with the chief and Owen on the comfortable couch in Meredith's house singing Christmas songs and drinking wine and she felt happy being able to be a part of this great family.

She felt like she wasn't alone anymore or lost in a city she didn't know to well until she met Callie. Until she met Callie she often remained alone in her apartment asking herself what she has done wrong in her life. Or she spend her time at the hospital, very often spending nights there only leaving for taking a shower and getting a new dress.

She got used to this way of living, because there she felt needed and useable. At home she just felt alone.

But then Callie entered her simple life and made it to something complicated and special, coloured, something she loved. When Callie got a part of her life she was happy to be able to leave the hospital to get finally home to her girlfriend who waited for her, or she stayed in an on call room waiting for Callie who had to work; and sometimes she even stayed there in one of those uncomfortable beds, holding her if she had one or two hours free before Callie's next shift started, just holding her.

With Callie in her life every day was like Christmas she realized sitting there with her new found friends. Thanks to Callie she has become a part of them and now she was sitting there laughing, listening to them intentionally, but her mind wasn't there completely, because all she could think off was Callie.

Callie, who couldn't be there, couldn't sit at her side, and she felt herself drifting away. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting herself past away, and when she opened her eyes again she felt a pair of strong hands on her inner thigh, holding onto her. She heard her beautiful voice laughing out loud, throwing her head back while she did so. Arizona was mesmerized by her look, by the glance in her eyes while she talked and while she took a sip from her wine glass.

All about Callie made her body tingle and her heart ache in a simple, but amazing way.

But suddenly another voice were interrupting her, making her blink, getting her back to reality.

"Where's Callie tonight?" Owen asked simple while he ate deliciously.

"Working…" Arizona replied sadly. She loved day dreaming with her included, but not tonight. Tonight she wanted her to be with her, at her side, the whole evening and the whole night. It should have been something special. Tonight should have been their first Christmas together. But instead Callie had to work through the night.

"Oh… that's bad…"

"It really is…" Arizona replied looking down at her full plate, but she wasn't hungry at all.

Of course she was happy and felt pleased to be a part of them, to be here, invited, celebrating Christmas with the people she respected, some of them even liked very much. And of course she cared for them, but for Callie she cared even more and she couldn't bare the fact of celebrating Christmas without the woman she loves the most. All she wanted to do was being with her.

This is my winter song.

Working as a doctor was never easy. Of course you had to be able to take days which didn't seem to stop because one patient after the other was appearing and you had to run from one OR to the other to save another life. Some days you even worked 26 hours without sleeping and stress was a word each of them new very well.

But around Christmas you need a stronger Patience and you have to be very though, because at Christmas there are more accidents because of drinking to much mulled wine or another drink at Christmas parties, there are more accidents around the house because of Christmas decoration and of course there are a lot of broken Bones.

Callie was the best in her territory and that was something she regretted as soon as the chief had told her she was needed. She realized there wouldn't be the Christmas she thought there would be, there wouldn't be the Christmas she has planned for so long.

Instead there was a crowded waiting area, one pissed patient after the other and stressful hours she couldn't spend with Arizona.

December never felt so wrong,

And the worst thing was her hurting Arizona, something she never wanted to do, but something she couldn't avoid.

She tried everything to convince the chief to let her work a few hours and then let her go so she would be able to spend a few hours with her, but he said it was impossible. Another few doctors have gone sick and so she was almost the only one who was able to work on Christmas evening.

When she told Arizona she was scared, she was scared of destroying the plans they made and hurting her badly.

But Arizona told her it was okay, of course her patients were more important and if Callie

had to work she really had to work and Arizona told her she wasn't mad.

Of course she wasn't, Callie knew she would never be, but she could also see the hurt in her eyes.

After all Christmas was something important to Arizona. Like she told Callie once it was the most important holiday and celebration in the whole year, it was more important than her own birthday, because it was all about love and peace.

"At Christmas time you realize each year what you have and what is missing. You think about all the things you wish for yourself… and I have to say… I don't think about these things anymore, because I have everything I ever wanted and that's what I realize this year…because of you…" Arizona once told her with a perky smile, and Callie realized what she meant with it while she was rushing through the corridors not able to breathe in and out for one single moment.

"How do you want to celebrate Christmas, Calliope?" the blond curls on top of her asked sweetly, while she had her eyes closed.

Her body and her mind were both exhausted; the only thing she could do was lying there, holding her slightly and she asked herself how Arizona was able to find the energy to talk after hours of their non stop lovemaking, amazing, hot and super exhausted love making.

"I don't know... Maybe we… could go to Joe's?" She finally said.

But with these words leaving her mouth she made Arizona stop stroking her naked belly and Callie groaned in frustration.

What she loved about their love making except for their magnificent foreplay, their breathe taking main part and their multiple orgasm (she never believed they're truth, until she met Arizona), Callie loved the after match: Arizona was always spread out on her, still kissing her slightly most of the time and she was stroking every part of her body with her beautiful slender and long fingers.

But now she looked up, wrinkling, looking straight at her in disbelief.

"Are you serious?" she asked with a high pitched voice and Callie didn't know how she should answer, instead she simply nodded.

For Arizona her own birthday doesn't matter and for Callie Christmas wasn't something she cared too much for; since the first Christmas she could remember it wasn't something special at all.

Christmas was about pretending, feigning and presents.

It wasn't about love, peace and miracles like Arizona described it all the time and because of that she tried not to look forward to something she couldn't belief in, because every time she believed there was something knocking her down. Each time she was happy to celebrate this special day it ended up in a crisis and so it was easier to think about it in another, not interested, almost incuriously, depressed way.

Arizona, instead, was the one who believed in everything. She was the one who wanted to celebrate, with her and just with her.

"You don't want to celebrate? I… I mean… it would mean everything to me to celebrate it with you… because it's all about love… it's about you and me… together…. I don't even need to celebrate with our families or with friends like I did each year… if you don't want to we don't even have to get a Christmas tree… I just… I just need you… here… just celebrating a little…"

After the Christmases Callie has experienced with her family and with George she never thought someone would be able to make her feel like the five year old little girl who was so exited weeks before Christmas was finally there, but now, looking into her sparkling blue eyes, recognizing the honesty and love she couldn't wait for Christmas to be finally there.

"Okay… so then… I guess… let's celebrate our first perfect Christmas…"

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel forced to do it… You have to want it, Calliope…" Callie nodded smiling, playing with Arizona's smoothly and beautiful blond curls.

"Of course I am…" She replied whispering.

Tears welled up in Arizona's eyes and she panicked asking herself if she has done something wrong. "Ari… what's wrong?"

She asked her confused and worried, but all she got as a reply was a soft and tender kiss.

"Nothing… It's perfect… It's just perfect…" she answered, pillowing her head right over Callies bare chest.

It was the moment Arizona realized Callie really wanted her to be a part of her life.

It was the moment she realized Callie would do anything, every thing to make her happy.

"I love you, Calliope…" she murmured more to herself than to Callie, because she thought the girl who held her close was already sleeping.

But Callie was instead wide awake smiling into the dark.

She couldn't wait for Christmas to arrive.

cause you're not where you belong

Callie finally realized what she has missed all the years, all the Christmases she was depressed. She realized it was Arizona who she has missed. All her life she asked herself why she felt so empty around Christmas, and finally she found the reason.

All she wanted for tonight was Arizona by her side, but she was away celebrating with her new found friends and even Callie was jealous of them to be so lucky to have her around, but she was also happy for Arizona to have someone around her when she wasn't able to spend this special evening with her.

The only thing Callie could do was something she did every time when Ari had a day of and she couldn't sneak into the next on call room, paging her to be able too see her for a few minutes.

Every time she was desperate to be near Arizona she took the elevator and minutes later she was located in another world full of miracles, of tiny humans who were full of hope, of fairy dust in there IV bags and of course it was about magic. Each time she entered this part of the hospital it felt like Arizona was near her every step she took, even she wasn't really there, it was her ghost flying around, spray the fairy dust around she was talking about, giving the little humans hope, even she wasn't really around.

She heard those voices asking for Dr. Robbins, for Arizona, because they loved her. They loved her because she was wonderful, and it was wonderful for her to hear them talking about her, asking for her, reminding her each time how much she really loved her.

Usually she walked down the corridor greeting every of her patients she got to know each time she was visiting Arizona who was playing a game with them or checking their vitals, but now Callie was on the verge of tears and everything was so fast around her, while she moved in slow motion.

Again she was looking forward to Christmas and got disappointed. It wasn't Arizonas fault.

Of course not, and she knew there would be tomorrow she could celebrate with her. But it also were hurting her to remain alone, seeing all the decoration, the happy children celebrating Christmas with their parents while she was alone.

Sadly she leaned on a door frame, taking in the beautiful spot in front of her eyes and a sad laugh escaped her, remaining on her face for just a moment.

But suddenly there was a small voice calling out for her.

"Hey! Hey!!! You… over there…"

Callie looked around in shock, recognizing a small girl sitting on the bed. She hasn't seen her when she leaned on the door frame, but she was really there, looking at her intentionally.

"I'm sorry… I haven't seen you…"

She laughed out loud. "That was my Intension… I like to observe everything so I hide behind my blanket. If people see me, there are treating me like a sick child. But I'm not… well okay… if I'm not sick, I wouldn't be here… but I'm not just sick… you know…they are looking at me with those sad and puffy eyes… I don't like that at all... the only one who treats me normally is Dr. Robbins! She's super cool!!"

Callie smiled at these revelations, knowing it was Arizona who infected her with those words, because she has seen a lot, but she has never seen someone who used words like super.

"What are you doing here?" The young girl blurted out suddenly.

Callie looked at her in confusion. This little talk active girl was very confusing… and nosy.

"What are you doing here at Christmas?"

"I'm working…" She simply replied, but the answer wasn't enough for her.

"But not over here… I know each of the doctors over here, but you're not one of them…. What are you doing here?"

Callie didn't know what to reply, but there was something about that small girl that made her talk.

"I'm thinking about someone…"

"Hm…" She murmured like she knew. "You're looking sad… why?"

"You're asking a lot."

"And you have to answer… I'm a lit bit nosy… I confess… But Dr. Robbins and my Dad told me it's impolite not to answer a question."

"It's… because I miss someone very much." She finally answered slighty.

„It's because its Christmas… isn't it?"

Callie nodded, remembering what Arizona once said. Tonight she really realized how much she loved and needed her. Arizona was her grudge, she could be her perdition, because she made her vulnerable like nobody was able to before; but she was also her sainthood, her salvation. Arizona meant every thing to her. Every thing.

„I know what you mean… I'm missing someone too…" The sadness in her words forced Callie to ask, something she couldn't avoid now.

"Who?"

"My dad… He has to work late today and I'm waiting for him… Dr Robbins isn't here too, so I play hide and seek on my own…But he said he would come as soon as possible… and until he' coming I miss him, because we have never been apart on Christmas. This should be a special day, because I'm alive and I'm cured… He told me we would celebrate! But it's late and I'm scared he isn't going to be here in due time…"

"He will come… believe me…"

Callie said, smiling at her, crossing her fingers and giving her hope like Arizona would do if she was here.

And it really was all about miracles, magic and believing.

Inside my arms.

"Who are you missing?" She finally asked making her blushing slightly.

"My girlfriend… It should be our first Christmas together and I was exited, because I couldn't wait to celebrate with her, but now I have to work and I'm here instead at her side…"

The little girl nodded like she knew what was going on.

"She will come… believe me…." She replied smiling. Now it was her time to give Callie hope. "Hey it's Christmas. That's what it's all about, isn't it?"

Callie opened her mouth to answer, but right before the words were leaving her mouth a man rushed in, speaking other magic words out loud: "Merry Christmas my sweetheart!"

"Daaaadyyyyy! You're finally here!

"I know… I'm sorry I'm so late…" He said while he hugged her, kissing her forehead.

"Not a problem, Dad. I know you'd come, that's all that matters."

Callie heard the girl say while she was going to leave, smiling, but a small voice made her stop in her tracks.

"Dr. Torres…"

"Yes?" She said, even she asked herself how this little girl knew her name.

"She told me… She talks a lot about you during our games or while she is checking my vitals… She really would have loved to share Christmas with you…"

'She talks about me?' She formed with her lips and the small girl nodded, grinning.

"You have to believe…" She only said before she blurted out a "Merry Christmas!" that made her smile intentionally.

She just has to believe.

My love a beacon in the night.

My words will be your light

The phoned ringed a few times, but it felt like hours, and she couldn't really breathe when she was walking up and down on the roof, wrapping the arms around her own body, hoping she would reach her soon, because the words needed to be said. She needed her to know what and how she was feeling and that she was missing her so much.

"Yes?" She finally heard her girlfriend say.

"Ari… It's me… I just… I just wanted to hear your voice and tell you how much I miss you…" She stuttered. Even Arizona made it easier for her to tell her truth feelings it was difficult for her to be honest sometimes, because it made her vulnerable. But with Arizona she didn't care to be vulnerable, it was something great to tell her how she was feeling and finally she was able to breathe again.

"I miss you too, Callie… you don't know how much exactly."

It made her smile to hear those words, repeating in her head over and over again.

Of course she was missing her. Christmas was Arizona's day, her special day. Sometimes Callie even thought it should be named after her.

'Arizmas' she thought and smiled to herself.

Yes, Arizmas would be something great to celebrate, because in her eyes Arizona was the ghost of Christmas.

It was Arizona who convinced her to love Christmas.

This year she was ready to celebrate, she actually was looking forward to spend the whole evening with her, listening to Christmas songs, laughing, making out, talking corny, kissing, and just being with each other.

"What are you doing?" Callie asked, hoping Arizona would do something great, when she couldn't do anything at all, except of thinking what she was missing.

"I'm driving home… I'm really tired… I wish you could be there with me."

"Me too…" Callie relied simply, when suddenly her pager was making annoying sounds.

"Oh fuck…" she cursed, knowing she had to leave.

"I have to go, Ari. But we'll see us in the morning…" Callie replied and she wasn't able to keep the sad tone out of her voice.

"I love you, Calliope."

"I love you too…"

After calling Arizona Callie was even more depressed. Of course it was great to hear her voice, but knowing she was driving home, but she couldn't be there with her made her angry and sad at the same time.

Then she was paged for an emergency that took her 2 hours to fix the poor mans bones, but all she could think about was her smile and her lips.

After these hours she sneaked into their on call room, just to feel her presence, to feel nearer to her. Something stupid, she thought to herself, but that's what love was. Sometimes you do stupid things when you are in love, things that seem right. And for Callie it was right.

But when Callie entered the room the usual dark place was replaced by blinking lights, cinnamon smell in the air instead of wasted air and right in front of her was standing a small but beautiful plastic Christmas tree which was blinking in different colours.

But it wasn't just that that made her heart ache, tears welling up in her eyes and her body melt. At most it was the woman who was standing in front of her in a black dress, smiling brightly.

To carry you to me.

"Arizona?" She asked hushed and a single tear escaped her eyes. "What… What are you doing here? You said you were driving home…?"

Another tears escaped her eyes, gracing her face. She couldn't hold them back, because she has never seen something beautiful like that and no one has ever done something pure and full of love for her. She still couldn't believe Arizona was standing in front of her, even when she felt her strong hands, caressing her wet cheeks. She couldn't believe Arizona made that just for her when she could be with her friends or at home, even when she kissed her hands, touching Arizona's lips with her own.

She has never felt that good and saved as in her arms.

"I'm here because… All I want for Christmas is you… I don't need anything else… I just want to have you inside my arms, where you belong, Callie. When I was with our friends it felt so wrong not being with you… So I made this room to my living room… Just imagine you are there with me, even we just have a few minutes or one hour… I'll remain here… because… I belong with you and you belong with me… That's what I realized while I was there. That's what Christmas is about… It's not about presents. It's about with whom you are celebrating it…" She said, looking into her eyes slowly sinking into the sea of love and passion.

"It's about… how…" She breathed out in a whisper before kissing her again, drifting away with a single kiss which took their ability to stand. It was both of their safety, salvation and benediction.

"And I couldn't think about spending Christmas any better…" She said, wrapping her arms around Callie's body, before she kissed her over and over again.

Is love alive?

Years ago when Callie was a little girl, almost ten years old and she first recognized the tensed atmosphere while the Christmas meal, and she first perceived the angry voices of her parents and her grandparents, discussing, while she was lying in her bed waiting for her mother to wish her a good night, she asked herself if love really was alive.

"Mom… they say… Christmas is about love… you told me that, too… but they are shouting! They are fighting!" She cried out in despair while tears left her infant eyes.

"So is love alive?" She asked and she wanted an answer, but her mother couldn't answer.

But now Callie knew the answer, because Arizona was replying her as she opened her mouth and her warm and beautiful voice was surrounding her body.

"Merry Christmas, Calliope."

Yes, love is alive.

"Merry Arizmas…"

Authors Note: Thanks to everyone who accompanied me this year, reading my stories, giving reviews, letting me know there are people who like this. I hope you'll be there with me the next year too. Thank you very much.

The awesome song was by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareille – Winter Song.

I really hope you liked it.

I hope you are having wonderful holidays and never forget what Christmas is about. It's about love and with whom and how you are celebrating.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Or to say at least…

MERRY ARIZMAS! ;-)

All my love to you

-Sun