Chapter 5: Cartman's Little Helper
Cartman went to all the toy shops and gadget shops in the South Park Mall, and bought every single item from them. One of the cashiers asked Cartman "If you're Santa, why don't you just use magic to make toys?"
"Because," explained Cartman, "There's no such thing as magic!"
Suddenly a boy with a scar on his forehead and black robes walked out of nowhere, bellowed "YOU LIAR!!!!" and sent Cartman flying across the room with an Expelliarmus spell.
"Try telling that to Harry Potter!" laughed the cashier.
Cartman had to haul 182 shopping bags of presents all the way back home. It took 6 hours to get back because they were so heavy.
Then Cartman thought of something. How would he be able to deliver all the presents on Christmas Eve by himself? Surely he'd need someone to help him. And just then he had the perfect someone in mind.
Later, Butters came round. He walked into Cartman's room and asked what was going on.
Cartman said "Butters, I can't deliver all those presents on Christmas Eve on my own, I need your help."
"What exactly do you need me to do?" asked Butters.
"I need you to be my elf," said Cartman. "I need you to travel with me on Christmas Eve and help me deliver all the presents. I chose you because no one else likes me."
Then Butters explained "Well, maybe no one else likes you because you're fat, and you pick on Jewish people, and you—"
"What did you say?!" interrupted Cartman.
"I said yeah, sure, I'll help you on Christmas Eve," replied Butters.
"Oh, THANK YOU Butters!" thanked Cartman with relief. "Just imagine how hard it would have been to get the job done by myself!"
"Hey, no problem," answered Butters. "But won't we need a sleigh?"
"Oh yeah, a sleigh!" remembered Cartman. "I've been designing one myself. Look, I'll show it to you."
Cartman took Butters down to the garage and showed him the sleigh.
"Here it is!" presented Cartman, pointing to an old wooden sledge with lights, bells and cardboard wings on it. "What do you think?"
"I'd say that I doubt that piece of junk is gonna get us anywhere," said Butters.
"WHAT? Are YOU dissin' my masterpiece of engineering? AH WILL KICK YOU IN THE BALLS!" yelled Cartman.