Title: The Wise Stay Single
Chapter: 5: Boddy Glitter and Propane
Pairing(s): Soul/Maka, Wes/Yumi, Blair/BlackStar, Tsubaki/BlackStar, Internalorgans/Kid.
Note: Ah thank you thank you! *both take bows* yes we do come up with our own material. Epic isn't it? Yes we're not above self pride. This entertained us to write so we hope you love it too!
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It was raining; this automatically meant sudden doom in most animated corners of the world. Maka pondered this as she tapped her foot against the cold, concrete floor of Shibusen, pacing like a woman possessed.
Soul had been gone too long, far too long.
A dark corner of her mind began twisting, generating the worst possible scenarios. The mission could have been false, it was a trap, Medusa was alive, there was a second Kisshin, his mother had found the chainsaw…
All of it lead back to one thing, Soul.
She bit her lip, iron resolve steeling her gaze. Clenching her fists she reached for her coat, death scythe or not Soul was out without her and by god she wasn't going to let him suffer because of some male pride issue.
As if summoned by her thoughts the door swung inward, the glass panes shattering across the floor, streaks of rain flooding the entry way, Soul stumbled into the room with blood clawing at his clothes and pale skin.
Maka sucked in a breath and moved toward him, seeing the reason for so much red.
Kid was lying motionless in her weapons arms, the young death god a sickly green colour as more of the life giving fluid poured onto the formally clean floors.
Bleeding was so asymmetrical.
"What happened?" her voice was stronger than she felt; she went to her knee's beside the scythe in order to hide her trembling.
"We were attacked, I wasn't fast enough to help-" she placed a hand on Soul's shoulder, sensing the self blame and hatred in his tone and unstable soul.
"I'll do what I can, send for Dr. Stein." Soul pressed his lips into a tight line.
"Black Star is already on his way to the castle." With that reassurance in mind Maka gingerly reached down for the death god's jacket, prying the material away from his soaked flesh, a glint of gold suddenly caught her eye.
It couldn't be…but it was…
"Oh my god…"
"Maka..." Kid spluttered in practiced pain, making sure his furrowed brow was perfectly angular before continueing. "Will you...marry...S-AH!" he winced as Soul did something to his spleen. "Soul, stop it. my internal organs are extremely hard to re-grow."
Now convinced that he was going to be perfectly fine Maka sighed and smiled lightly at him. "Oh Kid. You know I would, but Soul's pretty adamant on the whole monogamy thing and I just couldn't budge him."
She flounced out of the room. "Is that a no?"
"I'll kill you."
X-x-X
"That was the worst idea any of us have ever had." Soul grumped.
"Well it was hardly romantic, and I've been against it since the very start." Kid proclaimed, all high and mighty.
"Hey!" BlackStar protested, "My plan was completely epic and awesome and foolproof until you mucked it up!"
"Well it was hardly foolproof if you came up with it."
"WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"
"Figure it out!"
"So not helping." the poor white haired boy called over his two best friends. (Seriously with them around who needs enemies?)
"Well my lowly subject, what's your idea?" The challenge was directed at Kid.
"Oh I thought you'd never ask!"
X-x-X
"This is ridiculous." Soul growled, batting the death god away with a cushion.
"No. It's romantic." Black Star began sniggering and Kid shot them both a furious look, "I have done my research ok! This is what girls think is sexy!"
"Body glitter?" the assassin burst into full hysterics and Kid made a swipe for the scythes legs.
"Yes! Body glitter is sexy!"
"How on earth would you know!"
"It said so in Scythe Girl Monthly." There was a deafening pause as the boys all gaped at him. Kid groaned in disbelief, "Oh shit."
"You read Scythe girl monthly?!" Soul half bellowed, half snorted. Black Star had passed out from lack of oxygen, "The teenaged girl magazine?!"
"No I don't! Liz does?!"
"Sure! I bet you've subscribed to them and everything!" Kid lunged for the scythe who jumped out the way, leaving a trail of shimmer as he went.
"Who reads scythe girl monthly?" Wes asked, poking his head round the doorway, groceries in his arms, he spotted his brother and sighed. "Soul why are you sparkling?"
"It's SEXY!" Kid practically snarled, Wes backed away into the corridor.
"Sure Kid...whatever you say..." Soul snorted.
"He's just upset that Liz stole the free mascara from the latest issue!"
"It was lip gloss actually!"
"Kid I'd drop the shovel now if I were you, you're digging yourself to China..."
X-x-X
"Alright," BlackStar cracked his knuckles and tried to put on a serious face (until Soul asked what he'd eaten that morning.) "Time to bring in reinforcements!"
"But we haven't done my idea yet."
"'Cause it sucks."
"It does not!"
"He's got a point," Kid said serupticiously. "It's too simple. It hardly takes any effort. We need someone on the inside."
"Which is why I brough in the greatest and most cooperative insight to the female psyche we've got!"
"Oooh big words coming from you."
"I used a dictionary." he cleared his throat. "Blair! Come on out!"
"Nya," the cat purred. "So what's this whole marriage thing again?"
And it was all epic fail from there on out.
X-x-X
Blair was worried, this was never a good sign. The only time a person like Blair got freaked out was either when four ex-boyfriends showed up at once or when something extremely bad was about to happen...
Take a guess which had just occured.
"Eh...Soul-kun, can I talk to you for a second?"
"Not now Blair," grunted the scythe, scrubbing the remains of Kid's 'plan' off his arms, she gnawed on her bottom lip.
"But Soul-kun it's really important!"
"I'll buy you some new underwear in a second ok."
"It's not that! Look!" She thrust her hand toward the boy who stumbled backwards onto the toilet, slipping off the surface to his knee's. He grabbed Blair's outstretched hand with a look of horror on his features.
"Soul have you seen-" the door slammed open and a horrified Maka stood on the other side, staring as her weapon held Blairs hand, a hand that had a rather sizable rock on its engagement finger, "You, you BASTARD!"
"Maka! It's not what it looks like!"
"She's wearing an engagement ring! You're on your knee's!" Blair sensed a disturbence in the force, most likely caused by herself.
"I'm not marrying Soul-kun! This ring is erm..." she looked round the house for inspiration, spying a swivelling office chair she beamed, "Steins!"
"...Stein?" Maka mumbled in awe.
"Stein?!" Soul hissed, tugging at the ring when his meister wasn't looking. It was stuck fast.
"Nya, he loves me!"
Somewhere in his labratory Stein sneezed, something told him his life was about to get a heck of a lot worse.
"I don't believe you."
"Um- I um... uh." her eyes widened as Soul glared at her over Maka's shoulder promising that many a nights free of catnip were ahead of her. "It's a cover! To mask my torrid love affair with....with Spirit!"
Maka's aura turned black, "I meant Justin Law!"
Somewhere the archbishop gave a little shudder.
"I give up."
X-x-X
"Guys...have you noticed something a little...off about Soul recently?" Liz and Patti gave her a very dry stare and Tsubaki giggled.
"Honestly Maka there's no use hiding the boy is trying to pro-" Tsubaki quickly clamped a hand across Liz's lips, beaming at the very confused Maka.
"Propane!" She squeaked, Maka raised an eyebrow, "he's trying to buy you propane! That's what Liz was going to say!"
"Why on earth would he do that?" They girls looked at each other, Patti laughed.
"To...make you love him more?" Maka admitted it was something Soul would do, she'd be more concerned if it was Wes buying the propane. He was, afterall, the one cooking their meals nowadays.
"I'm overreacting aren't I?"
"Don't worry, you two are cliched and made for one another!" Maka glared at the elder pistol.
"Gee thanks Liz." She growled, Liz ruffled her hair affectionately, "It's just...body glitter, stabbing Kid, Black Star in a coma from laughing to much...I just get the feeling they are planning something."
"Maka, try living with Kid for a few days. Then you will know paranoia."
"Well, he did ask me to marry him."
"WHAT?!"
X-x-X
"Maybe we should-"
"And then we could-"
"Oooh! Lets do that!"
"I brought cookies!"
"THAT'S IT, WE'RE DOING THIS MY WAY! Wait...how did you get in here?"
Wes blinked. "Ma gave me a copy of your key."
"How did Ma get a key?"
"It's Ma. It was probably some elaborate unnecessary and violent way that very likely involved feather boas."
"Whatever," He took a deep breath as if preparing for something horrific, probably stupid and dangerous to both his mental and physical well being. "Either way, I'm going in alone." Wes's snort of amusement didn't increase his confidence. "What is it now!?"
"Forgive me little brother but I do believe you need a little help from the love doctor." Soul glanced round the room.
"I don't see anyone of that description." Wes threw a cushion at his brother, who was by far too tired to even try to dodge.
"Listen you! If I can get Yumi to fancy me then I can get you and Maka together!" Soul raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Braver men than you have tried Wes..."
"Braver men don't have my flair."
X-x-X
Soul had to concede that his brother was a miracle worker, how did the man manage to make their boring appartment into a romantic love nest, concoct the tastiest meal in all of the universe, make Blair stay clothed and keep his supposed friends under control? Wes should write a book about it...
"Now for dessert!" Patti practically squealed with joy and Black Star nearly knocked the table over with glee, Wes shot a meaningful glance at his sibling. Now was the time.
"I'll go get them," he announced, giving Maka a quick glance before setting off for the kitchen, making sure the plates of cake were all still correctly presented (He needed to stop hanging around Kid) before quickly burrying the ring in one slice and stepping outside, handing out the confections with a nervous smile.
"This is delicious Wes!" Maka praised, his brother was used to the praise and was also watching the girl with a curious expression. Where was the ring?
"ACK!" as if on cue Black Star suddenly began spluttering, clutching at his neck and turning the same shade as his hair.
"Black Star!" Tsubaki cried, leaping to her feet and scrabbling at the boys throat, Kid stared as the boy chocked on what appeared to be thin air and seemed to come to some form of a conclusion. He leaped across the table and tackled the poor weapon to the floor, no way in hell was he going to pass up this chance to get rid of a pain in the ass.
Blair was suddenly naked, Patti was eating the remaining slices of cake, Liz was screaming and Wes wandered off to make coffee. Soul sighed, looked like it was up to him again.
Grabbing the assassin he quickly performed the heimlich manouver, the ring sailing out the ninja's mouth and thwacking his meister across the forehead. Maka slumped into the remainder of her pudding, Tsubaki smashed a light off Kid's head and Wes held up a steaming pot.
"I love proposals...." he muttered in a forlorn manner just as Patti set fire to the curtains.
Next time, Soul mused, he'd do it his way.
X-x-X
The night was beautifully warm, not too dry and not too humid but the perfect temperature it is when everything seems to be going right.
That's what's worrying Soul. Everything seems to be right. If there was one thing his life as a scythe had taught him it was that nothing is as it seems. Especially when you think that that butter that they gave you at the table of Kelsey's was not in fact icecream.
He was going to go with normal. He was going to go with romantic and calm. He was going to have to get a restraining order on his friends to make that possible but what'cha gonna do?
Maka seemed to be nervous as well, watching him as if he were a particularly interesting firework that had yet to detonate. In all honesty that was exactly what he felt like.
Taking a deep breath he steeled his resolve and cast another glance at all the dark corners/pot plants/tubs of ice-cream where his 'friends' could be hiding. There was nothing. Perhaps god was in fact smiling on him...
"Maka," he spat out after much internal debate, "Well erm...the thing is...I..." he shot another glance round the parlour, not even a hint of a ninja, the chairs were scattered everywhere and yet Kid hadn't so much as attempted to blow the place skyward, "I just needed to let you know that...um...when I look back on our...Maka I-"
Did that statue move or was it just him?
X-x-X
Soul was about to go to cardiac arrest when the waitress (who's hair was purple. I mean seriously! Who else but magical beings with eight extra lives have purple hair anymore?!) tried to take their order.
Maka took his hand and really wondered, not for the first time why she was dating this loon. He'd remind her later of course but honestly lately he'd been a freak; which could mean one of three things according to the girls.
1: He was breaking up with her (Liz)
2: He wanted to move in together or take a step farther in their relationship (Tsubaki)
or 3: He was abducted by mutant girafe aliens and replaced with a clone. (Patti)
In all honesty Patti's theory wasn't looking so bad right about now.
She sighed and told the waitress they'd changed their mind, they were leaving then handed her a ten before skidadeling out of the fancy shmancy house of worship to foods so exotic that some wondered if it came from other planets.
She squeezed his hand gently as they walked outside which he hyperventilated when a cat meowed in an alleyway to their left. "Are you having an allergic reaction to the squid in the bread 'cause it looked kinda fishy to me."
He calmed a bit and smirked. "Funny."
"I try." She paused, "So are you going to tell me what's wrong with you or do I have to use force?"
"Force would be nice." his smirk didn't dissapear as he leant down for a kiss. Which she dodged. "Not cool."
"Tell me."
"There's nothing wrong."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"I don't think I will."
"HA! So there is something wrong!" she laughed triumphantly. Maka draped her arms around his neck and pecked his lips. "Really though, I know you'll end up telling me eventually."
"Eventually." he agreed, searching with his ears for the faintest 'Yahoo!' or complaint of asymmetry.
"So in the meantime." he thought he heard a 'nya', naturally his formerly pumping heart stopped completely. "Will you marry me?"
Thump.
"Soul? Soul!"
X-x-X
"So how'd it go?!" Wes asked eagerly, Soul shot him a glance dropped an icepack on his head without a word before slinking off to his room to drown in self pity, the resounding door slam echoing throughout death city "that badly huh?"
A/N: Not done yet folks! We've still got....at least two chapters to go! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews and support!
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