BPOV

I've always been the "good girl". I can't really remember a time when I did something I shouldn't have done, and I certainly never did anything remotely illegal. As I shakily held in my hands the application that would allow me to visit Edward, I wondered if that was about to change.

I wasn't quite eighteen, so my dad would have to sign the form or I wouldn't be allowed to visit my Edward.

I cursed under my breath for a moment and tried to evaluate my options. Pursing my lips, I considered that I could always forge Charlie's signature. However, to betray his trust that way just seemed wrong, and if he ever found out, he would be so angry that he would probably forbid me from ever having any contact with Edward.

My second option would be to mail the application to Renee. She was my parent too, even if only in title. I knew she would likely sign it, but I was worried that it would take her weeks to get the form back to me, if she didn't misplace it. And with my scatterbrained mother, that was a big "if". I wanted to see Edward as soon as possible, so I crossed off Renee from my list of options.

Another option was to be honest with Charlie, though I already knew that he would refuse and then I would have to forge his signature anyway. I didn't want him to know about my desire to visit Edward and thereby become suspicious about me driving there when he wasn't around, but I didn't want to lie to him either.

I figured I would test the waters with Charlie first before I made my decision. Not wasting any time, I picked up the phone and dialed him at the station.

"Forks Police Department, Chief Swan speaking."

"Hey Dad."

"Bells! Nice to hear from you. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah Dad, everything's fine. I just had a legal question and I figured you were the expert when it comes to that sort of thing."

(I've learned it always helps to butter up my dad and to make him think that I need his expertise. Too bad I couldn't bat my eyelashes at him over the phone—I always get my way with that move.)

"Sure Bells, what's your question?"

"Well, I was thinking of sending Edward Masen a card, you know, to thank him for saving my life, and I didn't know where to start."

So I lied . . . but it wasn't too major in the grand scheme of things.

I could hear him sigh, and when he started talking, his voice sounded agitated.

"Why would you want to do that, Bells? I need you to stay away from that kid—he's dangerous."

"But Dad, it's only a card. I feel like I owe him that."

"I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sure he knows that you are grateful to him. You did attend almost every day of his trial; that should be thanks enough. Did you need anything else?"

Hearing the growl in his voice, I could tell this conversation was over. "No Dad, that's it. See you tonight."

"Bells, forget Edward Masen. He's not your problem."

My dad was wrong; Edward was my problem. He was serving a four-year sentence because of me, and the guilt was draped across my shoulders like the heavy raincoat I had to wear practically every day in this cold, dreary town.

I didn't understand why Charlie was not more understanding towards Edward. Considering that Edward prevented his only daughter from being violated and possibly killed, one would think that he would be grateful to him.

That phone call made my decision for me: I was going to forge my dad's signature. I considered forging Renee's, but the lawyers knew my mother didn't live with us and I was afraid they would be suspicious of me turning in her signature so quickly. My heart started thumping as I practiced Charlie's signature on a piece of scrap paper. Fortunately, his handwriting was messy like mine anyway, making this forgery easier to pull off.

As I signed Charles Swan on the form, I wondered if I could go to jail for forging a police officer's signature. I wouldn't mind that so much if it meant I could share a cell with Edward.

I really didn't have any plans for the rest of the day, and I wondered if it would be alright to deliver the application to the public defender's office myself. I figured it could save a day or two and the sooner I could get approved to see Edward, the better.

I called the office and they said that a personal drop-off would be fine. The secretary informed me that Edward's lawyer would be making a trip to see him at the detention center soon and if I wanted him to deliver a letter; he could arrange that for me. If I could have kissed her through the phone I would have. I wasn't sure when I could try to visit him again, but if I could get him a letter, that would certainly be better than nothing.

I took me forever to compose my letter. I started on notebook paper, but that seemed too impersonal. I then moved to my flowery stationary, but that seemed too girly. My only other option was some stationery with the cheesy headline, A Note from Bella. Biting my lip, I figured that would at least make certain that he knew the letter was from me.

I then spent twenty minutes debating on which pen to use, finally deciding on a purple gel pen because it looked the best with the stationary I chose. I finished the letter and placed it into the envelope, glancing down at my bed and floor which were littered with wadded balls of failed drafts. Who knew pouring your heart out on paper could be so difficult?

After another debate, I decided to write only his first name on the envelope. Writing out "Edward Masen" just seemed too formal. I licked the envelope closed, wincing at the awful flavor of the adhesive on the flap. I giggled thinking of that Seinfeld episode where George's fiancé died after licking toxic glue on the wedding invitation envelopes.

The envelope seemed quite naked in its whiteness, so I looked through my desk drawer for something to jazz it up. All I could find were some glittery unicorn stickers left over from elementary school. They seemed pretty goofy, but then again, I was pretty goofy, and a small part of me was hoping that maybe the sticker would make Edward laugh. I'm sure he needed a laugh, stuck in that awful place. Satisfied with the final product after placing the shiny sticker on the seal, I made it to Port Angeles as quickly as I could to deliver everything to the lawyer's office.

Waiting for a response from Edward was pure torture. I didn't actually know when the lawyer was visiting him, so I couldn't be sure that Edward had even seen my letter. I waited at the mailbox every afternoon for the mail carrier. I'm sure he thought I was completely mental, but he always winked and told me to have a nice day as he dropped the stack of mail in my hands.

I hit the jackpot nine days after writing my letter to Edward! I squealed and ran into the house clutching my envelope from the Department of Prisons to my chest. Though I was alone, I ran to my room and locked the door behind me—I couldn't risk Charlie walking in on this momentous occasion. Ripping the envelope open, I learned that I had been approved as an official visitor to one Edward Anthony Masen. They included the address I could use to write him and his inmate number. I frowned at the thought that to the prison system, Edward was just some number, no longer considered a human being.

There was a pamphlet with rules about visiting, sending packages, telephone calls, etc. I was excited by the thought of sending him a care package or calling him on the phone. Maybe I wouldn't always have to make the trip to Edmonds to talk to him. The possibilities for the myriad of ways I could show my gratitude swam through my mind.

Now that I was official I began scheming my next trip to Edmonds. It was Friday and I knew there would be no way I could arrange for Charlie to be gone tomorrow. That left the coming Wednesday as my next possible option. I jogged downstairs to study Charlie's work schedule on the refrigerator. He was working on Wednesday and he wouldn't be home before six that night. Quickly making some mental calculations, I figured I could make the trip and be back home before he returned from work. If he came by the house during the day and wondered where I was, I could claim to be school shopping. It was almost August and I would be back for my senior year in less than six weeks.

The next five days were the slowest I had ever experienced. Charlie and I had dinner with Billy and Jacob on Saturday and I was forced to spend much of the day with Jacob and some of the other guys from the reservation. Don't get me wrong; I like Jacob. He's been a really good friend to me since coming here, especially after I got attacked in Port Angeles.

Unfortunately Jacob's feelings towards me started changing into something more than just friendship since summer had started, and his lingering touches and longing stares were really starting to bug me. I just prayed he wouldn't try to kiss me, because I would have to punch him. I had never kissed a boy before—well, I had given Jared McDaniel a peck in the seventh grade, but that didn't really count. I was sure that I was a total freak because I had never kissed a boy for real, not with tongue involved, anyway. And I really didn't want my first genuine kiss to be with Jacob. I had another boy in mind.

Jacob behaved himself on Saturday, and I actually had a good time with the Blacks and my dad. Sunday was complete boredom. Charlie worked, meaning that I found myself sucked into a Law and Order marathon on TNT. I'm not really into television, but I found myself drawn into this show about crime and punishment. Gee, I wonder why?

It was actually sunny on Monday and I decided I would take a blanket to lay down in the yard to read. The sun's rays felt good on my pale skin and I was asleep before I made it through twenty pages of my book. The sound of a car horn startled me out of sleep. I quickly sat up and glanced toward the source of the noise to find my new friend, the mail carrier, waving a letter in my direction.

I sprung up and ran to the mailbox as fast as my legs would carry me. Naturally I tripped on an invisible object, landing face first in the grass. Mortified, I got up, brushed myself off, and snatched the letter from the mail carrier's hand. He shook his head—smirking—before he drove away.

I gasped when I saw that the letter was from Edward. I hustled back to my blanket, ecstatic that he had written me back; thankfully I didn't fall this time. Plopping down on the warm blanket, I carefully turned the letter over in my hands, admiring the cool, tangible weight of the envelope. I hadn't received a letter since summer camp in the fifth grade, and I loved the way my name looked in his handwriting. I smiled as I remembered his elegant script from Biology class; so much more refined than my own chicken scratches. I ripped the letter open as quickly as possible, shredding the back of the envelope almost in half.

He had written his letter on a sheet of college-ruled notebook paper. At first he thanked me for my letter and for thinking of him, but he said that he didn't want me to feel obligated to visit him. "Anyone with a shred of decency would have attempted to stop those men from hurting you." He admitted it would be nice to see someone from the real world and would look forward to seeing me; if it's what you really want. Always the gentleman, Edward was afraid that my need to see him was fueled entirely by guilt. I frowned at that assumption. Sure, I did feel responsible for what happened that night—I should have known better than to walk alone in a strange place at night. But guilt wasn't why I wanted to see Edward. To be honest, I wanted to see him because I liked him. He made me happy. And I had to admit that he was certainly easy on the eyes.

Though he tried to keep an upbeat report of his days at Meyer, I could feel a palpable loneliness pour from his words. He had passed the GED exam and had registered for three online classes at the local community college. So far the correctional officers had been treating him fairly well as he had steered clear of any trouble. One of the bright spots seemed to be that he had met a boy from Forks named Jasper.

I certainly knew who Jasper was; my dad had nearly killed him in our driveway for stealing his police cruiser. I believed that my dad totally overreacted and should have let the kid go, but Charlie always has been a stickler for the rules. Jasper was only around for a few weeks after I moved to Forks, and even in that short amount of time I could tell he was a fun guy. Imagining the level of isolation Edward must be feeling in there, I felt so relieved that he had found someone on the inside. Edward seemed to be such a kind and sensitive person, and I desperately hoped that prison wouldn't change that.

I was more excited than ever to visit him on Wednesday, which was now only two days away. He had mentioned that he was quite bored and wouldn't mind some magazines or crossword puzzle books to help pass the time. I was determined to bring him whatever he needed.

When Wednesday finally arrived, I stayed in bed and hid under the covers, fully dressed, waiting for Charlie to leave. I hit the road the moment Charlie left the house, making the three-hour trip with no complications and pulling into the visitor lot with thirty minutes to spare before visiting hours started. I had worn my favorite blue blouse and dark jeans. Feeling butterflies in my stomach, I pulled the visor down and checked out my appearance. I thought my hair looked pretty good, and though I don't do makeup, I did apply a little lip gloss to spruce things up a bit.

With a fair amount of trepidation, I entered the visitor area, handing over my driver's license and Edward's inmate number to the guard. He typed some information into the computer, had me sign the visitor log, and then led me to a room where I walked through a metal detector. The guards took the bag of items I had brought for Edward and pulled out each item, inspecting them one by one. I had read the visitation rules carefully this time and knew that I didn't bring anything that would be considered a violation, yet I still felt my heart pounding during the preliminary procedures.

Satisfied, the guard handed me back my things and led me to a room filled with a dozen round tables and chairs. I was the first person to arrive for visitation so I headed to a worn plastic table, plunking down my possessions. The guard stopped me.

"Ma'am, these tables are for inmates with unrestricted visitation. Inmate Masen is considered restricted, so you will be meeting him over there."

The guard was pointing to the far end of the visitation room, and my face fell seeing the thick barrier set up between inmate and visitor. I saw a small counter-top and chair facing a plexiglass partition; on the opposite side of the glass was a little room with its own counter and chair. There were several small circular holes in the center of the clear partition, which I assumed would allow us to hear each other while talking. The officer told me to have a seat and that Inmate Masen would be brought out shortly.

I sat down and fiddled with the sleeve on my blouse. I was so excited yet so nervous to see Edward again. I'll admit; I was totally bummed that we were being forced to meet with an inch of plexiglass separating us. I had envisioned hugging him and touching his hand to offer comfort. There wouldn't be any of that and it pissed me off, to be honest. My dreams of Edward one day kissing me during visitation were pointless now.

I was interrupted from my thoughts when I heard voices coming through the glass partition. I looked up to see a large, well-built guard escorting Edward into the room. I gasped as I took him in. He was still the same beautiful Edward from class, but he seemed different. He was thinner than I remembered and his eyes had deep circles underneath, making him look tired and sad at the same time. Edward's attention was on the guard and he didn't look in my direction until he was only a few feet away from the glass.

When his eyes met my own, his expression changed completely and I was met with the most genuine smile I had ever seen. "Bella", he whispered softly.

The guard gently pushed him into the chair and said we had one hour.

"You came."

"Nothing could stop me from seeing you, Edward. I just wish it could have been sooner. How are you?"

For a few moments he seemed to wrestle with how to respond, and he finally landed on, "I've been better."

I suddenly wanted to cry but instead I offered a fake smile.

"What, you don't just love it here at Chateau Meyer? I thought these were five-star rated facilities. It is all inclusive, isn't it?"

Gratefully he somehow managed a chuckle, and I couldn't think of a sweeter sound than my Edward laughing.

"So really," I continued. "Are you doing okay? I have all these frightening visions of how things are for you in here."

"So far it's really not that bad—it might even be better than a few of the group homes I've been in."

I didn't know Edward had ever lived in a group home, and my heart broke a little more for him. I wondered if he had ever had a family to love him. The only detail I had known about his family life was that he had lived in a foster home in Forks.

My voice cracked, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't be sorry, Bella. It could be a lot worse."

I did not know how that could be true, but I dutifully nodded and gave him an encouraging look.

Eventually he told me about his days here at Meyer. He had several weeks before his college classes started and until then he had a lot of free time during the day, which he spent reading or hanging out with Jasper. Apparently Jasper was quite the athlete and he had Edward out playing baseball with his group of friends during their required exercise hour everyday. Edward said it was fun and that he was surprised that he wasn't the worst player out there. I felt relieved to hear that he had a chance to get fresh air everyday, because it seemed a majority of his time was spent alone in his cell. I could tell Edward was excited about starting college.

Once college classes began, he would be taking English, Calculus, and Biology. I felt wistful thinking of our short time as lab partners. He smiled his crooked smile, shyly telling me that Biology wouldn't be the same without me. I smiled back at him as I felt myself blush.

He surprised me by asking if I had been alright after he had been arrested in Port Angeles. With concern showing in his golden-brown eyes, he said that I had been unconscious by the time he was able to get to me and he hadn't been able to discern if I was hurt. A hint of hostility crept into his voice as he explained that the police pulled him away from me before he had a chance to assess my injuries.

I reminded him that I remembered very little from that night and that my injuries had been superficial and minor. Taking a deep breath, I looked Edward directly in the eye and thanked him again for saving my life. My heartfelt gratitude caused him to blush, and I think I heard him mumble something about how anybody would have done the same. I felt a tugging sensation in my heart, witnessing him being so hard on himself.

It seemed like I had just gotten there when the bulky guard came by and told Edward that we had only five minutes remaining. I couldn't believe how quickly the time had gone; I easily could have spent the rest of the day talking with Edward. We were suddenly at a loss for words. I could tell he didn't want to say goodbye either.

I promised him I would come again—hopefully next Wednesday—and that I would still write to him. Biting my lip, I then asked him if I could call him. He said I could, but usually there was a line of people waiting to use the phones and that if I was lucky enough to get through, another inmate eager to dial out would probably hang up on me. Edward nervously commented that he could call me, but his cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he explained that he didn't have any money to place the long-distance call. I immediately made a mental note to purchase him a calling card. Letters were great, but I would love to be able to speak to him on a regular basis.

I could see the guard coming from a distance to get Edward and I knew it was time to say goodbye.

"I h-h-hate that you are behind that glass," I stammered. "I really wanted to hug you . . . you know, to thank you for everything."

He smiled. "Yeah, since I'm a violent offender I have to spend my first two months under restricted visitation. Apparently I have to earn the chance to meet in the regular visitation room. If I can go the next few weeks without incident, I can visit with you in the regular room."

I did a mental fist pump. "Oh, so this is just temporary?" I asked, gesturing to the glass barrier separating us.

"Yeah, it's temporary. Soon enough we can play cards like everyone else out in the visiting area."

Silly boy; playing cards was hardly what I had in mind. I began blushing again and I hoped this time he didn't notice.

The guard came back and told us our visit was over, motioning for Edward to get up. Edward leaned forward and placed the palm of his hand over the small holes in the glass partition.

"Bella, thank you for coming—y-y-you have no idea how much this means to me. I look forward to next week."

I placed my palm on the glass, mirroring his gesture. We adjusted the placement of our hands so that our fingertips were pressed into the small holes in the glass, allowing me just lightly to feel the soft warmth of his skin on my own fingers. I felt a jolt of electricity from where my fingers touched his own, and the bolt of arousal quickly spread throughout my body. I was barely touching him, but this was possibly the most erotic experience of my life. I could tell he felt it too, because he was biting his lip and looking deeply into my eyes.

We both whispered our goodbyes and the guard led him away. Right before he left my line of sight, he turned around and winked at me. I waved goodbye and got up to leave. I looked down and realized I had forgotten to give Edward the things I had brought for him. I gave the bag to another guard who promised to have it delivered to his cell.

I made my way back home to Forks with a smile on my face. There were only seven days till I could see Edward again!