Poof. Update
For the second morning in a row Nymphadora woke up on a tear stained pillow, and even more unluckily she distinctly felt as if she'd spent the entire night convulsing with great heaving sobs. Which she in fact had been doing for a great deal of the night, before falling into a somewhat restless sleep. In fact she probably wouldn't even be awake if it weren't for the gentle tapping on her door. "Can I come in?" Asked the voice from behind the door. "Ennnarrrgh," Went the answer from inside the room. Lucky for Nymphadora indiscriminant moaning is translated as "please bring me breakfast" in the Tonks home. So in went Mr. Tonks -pushed along by Mrs. Tonks- bearing a tray weighted with a hearty breakfast. Nymphadora had forgotten about the shifts in language that took place in her parents home, so upon observing any movement of the door she yanked her duvet up over her head violently. She heard a tray being placed on the night table then she felt a weight settling on the edge of her bed. And she told herself that the only reason she was wiggling out from under her duvet was that the smell of coffee had wafted over from the tray. She convinced herself that it had nothing at all to do with the fact that the weight felt more like someone who had gone to seed and was a bit of a slob than someone who was small and judgmental.
She was extremely glad to look out at her father when she'd wiggled up from under her covers. If she didn't already know she looked like crap that priceless look of pity flashed across his face before settling into something like fatherly concern reminded her. The pity-concern combo threatened to break through her haphazardly erected defenses against once again dissolving into a fit of tears. She never understood how you could all but regain your self control and have it shattered by one stray look. "Morning Dora, I brought you breakfast," Mr. Tonks said with forced cheer as he gestured toward the breakfast tray.
"Thanks Dad," She said carefully avoiding his eyes as she reached for a biscuit off the tray. She broke it in half and deliberately let it crumble onto the duvet. She stared down at the crumbs with satisfaction as she waited for her father to say something.
"What's got you so blue?" He asked as put his arm around her shoulders.
Her eyes began to fill up with hot tears, but she swallowed them down before replying, "Nothing really Dad. I'm just being silly." Hers was the choked voice of someone trying desperately to sound like they aren't desperately trying not to cry.
He drew her more tightly under his arm and rested his chin atop her head so she could feel the vibrations of his vocal cords as he hummed to her.
"Ted do something!" Andromeda begged, "She's kicking me!"
Nymphadora felt her father's arm tighten around her shoulder and he pushed down harder on her legs to keep them from kicking. "Shhhh! Stop your screaming," He cooed gently. She like the way his throat hummed as he rested his chin atop her head. "You're Mother is trying to help. You just sit still." He cast his eyes down at he wife accusingly "Could try to go quickly Dromeda," He said to her sharply.
Andromeda's jaw clenched as she went back to work trying to dislodge the small nail that Tonks had stepped on in the garden. She'd been trying to go quickly for nearing 10 minutes now, but every time she got a hold of it Tonks would jerk away. Then Ted began to hum a gentle tune, and she stopped kicking. She stopped paying attention to her mother altogether and was engrossed in whatever muggle tune Ted hummed. Andromeda frowned before pulling the nail out. Bright red blood began to leak and ooze out of the deep puncture into a basin Andromeda had filled with water. She plunged the injured foot into the water, and scrubbed vigorously. Maybe too vigorously, but Nymphadora was too engrossed in examining the blood covered nail that Andromeda had discarded and listening to her father to notice. Andromeda removed her foot from the basin and gently tapped it with the tip of her wand. A few more droplets of blood were pushed out before the puncture was healed. Andromeda let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.
"Now go on and play, try not to walk on that foot," Andromeda said firmly.
Nymphadora looked thoughtful for a moment, "How am I s'possed to go if I can't walk?"
It was Andromeda's turn to look thoughtful. Ted just smiled and turned to face Tonks. "Show me how a piggy plays," He commanded. A snout promptly appeared in place of Nymphadora's nose. "Now go along like piggies go along. And make sure to wear shoes outside Dora," She smiled and oinked before crawling away to go do piggy things.
Andromeda narrowed her eyes on her husband, "If you would bother to tidy up after your silly projects she wouldn't have to wear shoes."
"She should wear shoes when she's outside Dromeda. And as I recall I was putting up a bed for your garden."
Andromeda let out a noise of contention.
"Your not always right," Ted said simply
"I'm not always wrong," She replied.
Nymphadora smiled into her father's shoulder. "You used to do this when I was a kid."
"What?"
"Hum to me," She said still smiling hard because it was only way to stave off another fit of weeping. "Whenever something unpleasant happened you'd hum it away."
He let out a thoughtful sigh, and they lapsed into silence. "What time is it?" She asked eventually.
"Quarter to eight," He replied after checking his watch.
Nymphadora groaned, before stuffing the half a biscuit she'd been playing with in her mouth and scrambling to escape her mother's expertly tucked sheets.
"I take it your going to be late for something." Ted said standing up to leave.
"I have to be at work in 15 minutes."
"Hmmm," Ted murmured as he closed the door behind him.
He only managed to take a few steps before Andromeda began to tail him. He managed to make it half way down the stairs before she began impatient inquiries."So did you ask her what was wrong?"
"Hmmm."
"Well what did she say?"
"Nothing."
"Well obviously something is wrong!" Andromeda cried as if his answer had been meant as an insult to her intelligence.
"Well she told me nothing was wrong, and I didn't pry."
Andromeda's shrewd little eyes narrowed at her husbands back. If Ted could feel the heat of her glare he endured it unflinchingly. She followed him into the kitchen and they stood silently waiting for the other say something for a few moments before Tonks could be heard taking the steps two at a time. She bounded into the kitchen breathlessly, already wearing her cloak and whatever of her old cloths she found in her room, and looking every bit like she'd just woken up six minutes ago. "It was great to see you Mum and Dad. I won't keep away so long again, I promise. I love you both, but I'm really late," She said all in a rush as she stepped forward to hug them both before turning and running for the door, without giving either of them a chance to do anything but call out an 'I love you' behind her.
As she was fastening her cloak she had remembered that Kingsley asked her to pick up some files they'd pilfered from the ministry because they might soon be missed. Kingsley said he'd left them with Sirius, but there was no telling what sort of state Sirius would be in at this time of the morning. She ran out into the garden and apparated to the doorstep of Grimmauld place from the shadow of the garden shed. Tonks was worried she might not be able to find them, or that finding them would make her even later than she was going to be. She gently rapped on the door and hoped Sirius would let her in. A few seconds lapsed before she heard movement behind the door. She could hear Sirius and Lupin shouting back and forth at each other.
"Why do they even bother knocking, s'not as if anyone lives here?" Sirius said gruffily.
"You live here."
"You call this living?"
"Oh, just get the door."
"You get the door you old-" Sirius whined at which point Tonks just let herself in like all of the other order members.
"You do live here. I was just trying to respect that, m'sorry if that means you might occasionally be expected to get off your ass and let me it." Tonks said petulantly she walked into the middle of their argument.
Sirius let out a derisory snort before transforming into a large black dog and stalking off in the direction of the kitchen. Presumably to sulk under the table, which he'd taken to doing all too frequently, and it was generally worrying for the other order members. "Oh, no you don't! Come back here!" She called after him. She was ignored, as could be expected.
"Morning, Lupin," She said acknowledging her only other companion.
"Morning," He replied.
"I'd love to chat, but I've got to-" She stopped unable to find a suitable phrase for chase after a distant cousin who prefers to spend his days as a dog. So instead of continuing she gestured toward the kitchen before walking down the hall toward it. "Oh Sirius, I've got a treat for you!" She called out on the off chance he'd come out, but she spotted him under the kitchen table as soon as she stepped through the doorway. "Sirius come out from under there I really don't have time for this; I'm already late as it is. Kingsley said he left some files with you, I need them where are they?"
Sirius poked his head out from between two chairs with his ears flattened against his skull in a gesture of menace. Tonks scowled back as menacingly as she could manage. His head retreated before he re-emerged on the other side of the table through a gap in the chairs. He trotted along still in dog form toward the sitting room. Tonks was close at his heels or paws. He walked over and began pawing at a seat in the corner. Tonks looked at the empty seat and huffed, "This is ridiculous, there's nothing there. Just turn back into a person and tell me where they are!"
Sirius leaned forward on his front paws and gestured toward the seat again. Tonks noticed the edge of a parcel poking out from beneath the chair. She reached down and pulled the package out from under the chair to find that it bore her name in Kingsley's unmistakable but strangely effeminate hand. She gave Sirius a gentle pat on the head, before rushing out the door making the troll leg umbrella stand wobble precariously in her wake.
*
Sirius returned to sulking under the table. He didn't like mornings, or Grimmauld place, or giving people packages, but he did enjoy napping under things. Remus left him to himself under the table for a bit. He could tell it was just one of those days already. The morning sky was claustrophobic, and it magnified the gloom around Grimmauld place, and Sirius was in a mood. Of course so was he. They were both miserable and feeling trapped inside Grimmauld place.
Remus went down to the kitchen for a mug of tea to find Sirius still sulking under the table. "So turning into a dog and growling is how you've decided to bond with your cousin?" He asked dryly hoping that a bit of censure might recall Sirius to human form. If only to retaliate.
Sirius growled.
"Oh, you don't scare me Snuffles," Remus said dismissively.
Sirius barked, and bared his teeth; Remus reached for his mug and began to sip effectively ignoring Sirius. Sirius began to whine pitifully, and rested his head in Remus's lap. Remus would have loved to oblige his friend and pat him on the head, but decided that in the long run it would probably be better for them both if he made Sirius deal with life as a person. "I don't normally have my morning tea with a mutt." Sirius lifted his head and whined before walking around to the other side of the table and transforming. "I thought you were over the Snuffles phase. Hasn't the novelty worn off?"
"It's not a phase. You're just-" Sirius said testily as he stalked off toward the pantry.
"Oh, come off it! You can't just-" Remus interrupted.
"No, you come off it! It's not like we're boys at Hogwarts anymore. You weren't my keeper then and you aren't my keeper now." Sirius spat.
Remus bristled, "I liked it better when you couldn't talk. I've had just about enough of your crap," he muttered
"Bugger you," Sirius said as he returned to the table with a bottle of cheap gin and a stout glass.
"You want to? Well I suppose it's true what they say about prison," Remus said with a nasty sneer in his voice.
Sirius twisted the lid back onto the bottle of gin, and grasped the neck of the bottle between his teeth. Then he transformed into Snuffles and started out of the kitchen. Remus cursed himself silently and followed him all the way up the stairs. Sirius got to his bedroom and stared at the door menacingly. It was closed, and he would have to transform to turn the handle. He knew Remus was right behind him.
Sirius transformed and rounded on Remus."What do you want?"
"Sirius-"
"Just go home."
"What?"
"You've had enough of my shit, so just go home. Go sit in your fucking library, and write your shitty little stories at home," Sirius snapped, baiting Remus.
Remus took the bait. "You know you're right, I have had enough of this. It gets harder and harder to be your friend everyday. You sit around this godforsaken house whinging and sulking all day. You start drinking yourself into oblivion at 8 o'clock in the morning, or you wander around the house as a dog fucking growling at everything. You're not the only one who's ever had to do something they didn't like, so just grow up! You act like you're the only one who hates this place, this war. You don't have a fucking monopoly on misery. I am going home. I can't do this anymore. I'm here trying to keep you company. Trying to keep you from going insane, and all you fucking do is whine. "
"Just leave," Sirius said before putting the bottle to his lips and tipping his head back.
Remus got his coat and left. As he stepped outside the biting air recalled him to himself. He felt a little sick thinking of how Sirius must feel, and had quite a strong urge to turn around and apologize. But he couldn't quite find the courage to face him; some Gryffindor he was.
*
"Wotcher," Tonks said, by way of announcing herself, "I hope you didn't mind I let myself in."
Sirius grunted. He had his back to her, and he was lounging on the sofa with a book in his lap.
"Hmm, I didn't know you read?"
Grunt.
"Must be an really great read," She said sinking into the armchair across from the sofa.
"Hmmm," Sirius answered.
"So where is everyone?"
"There's no meeting tonight," He answered looking at her for the first time. Noticing she looked tired and a little nervous.
"I didn't mean for a meeting. I just meant that usually someone is here to check on you guys, or pick something up. You know?" She answered with real cheeriness.
Sirius attempted to smile at her, "Nope, it's just me tonight. All by my lonesome."
"That's cute. I suppose you and Lupin can have the manly equivalent of a sleepover. I think Mad-Eye mentioned that you guys lived together during the first war. Must be nostalgic spending so much time together again," She said with faraway eyes, as if she were imagining them.
"No, there's no 'manly sleepover' planned for tonight. Unless you count Mundungus who mentioned he'd be dropping in around 2 am for some unsavory reason or other, but I don't suppose he'll be staying." Sirius replied, he voice still somewhat distant and bored.
"Lupin isn't scheduled to do anything for the Order today?"
"Remus went home."
"Hmm..." There was a pause in the conversation. Sirius turned a page. The pause was probably too long a pause for conversation to be picked up where they left off without awkwardness, but Tonks plowed on, determined not to go sit alone in her flat. "I guess this is stupid, but I guess I didn't think he had a home. He spends so much of his time here with you."
He looked up from his book for a second time, and it was the first time Tonk's had ever seen him affect anything like an abashed expression. "Truth be told, I suppose I chased him away."
"Why?" Tonks asked suprisedly.
Sirius was more prepared for how than why. He thought for a moment before replying, "We were having a bad morning, and- no, that's not it," He paused again, "This experience might be wholly individual, but I'll describe it for descriptions sake. Have you ever known you were making a decision that was bad by all standards of decision-making, but not been able to stop yourself? Or been completely petulant, without being really angry at anyone." He didn't wait for her nod to go on, infact he didn't seem to realize she was there anymore. "That's what this morning was, me letting my insanity get the best of me."
"I know what you mean," She said reassuringly, but not a little wistfully.
"Hmmm?" He asked misunderstanding, or not hearing.
She continued, "I think I understand what you mean about doing something you know isn't right. Sometimes you get stuck in a loop, it's like you set yourself on this track and you can't get off, but you can see the brick wall you're about to run into."
"Yup, that was my morning," Sirius responded dryly.
Tonks shook her head wistfully, "Lucky you. It's been my life."
Sirius looked at her again, really looked at her. He saw that she was tired, but he also saw the hopeful open expression of her face. He saw how much she needed this.
"So how was your morning?" He asked sitting up so his book lay open in his lap.
"Long," She replied with a sigh as she stretched our her toes in their stripy socks.
They chatted, catching up. Talking about things they both knew didn't matter worth a damn. They spent a whole ten minutes discussing the difference in the price of ice cream before Sirius went away and after. Then they lapsed into silence again.
It was getting late, but Tonks still seemed determined not to go home. "So you like muggle books?" She remarked, eying the blue book in his hands and trying to make out the fancy lettering on the cover.
"I don't really read," Sirius said casting the book onto the floor dejectedly and sitting up.
Glittering Grief: And Other Poems by Adam Lucas she read from the cover of the book Sirius tossed down.
"Poetry? So when Lupin goes home you must read his books?" She remarked in a mocking tone.
Sirius' eyebrows shot toward his hairline. He looked confused and surprised. "What do you mean?" He demanded showing interest in the conversation at last.
" I just meant that that must come from Lupin's library. I never figured you for much of a poetry type of guy."
"Hmmm."
"What did you think I meant?"
Sirius bit his lip, "Well, this book actually belongs to me, but it's Remus' if you understand?"
"A gift?"
"Read the dedication."
Sirius kicked the book toward her. She flipped past the title page, the copyright page, and a short table of contents to get to the dedication. It was short. To a Lily that was plucked for ill use. Tonks stared for a moment waiting for comprehension to dawn on her knowing that it should. Suddenly she understood. "Remus writes?"
Forgive me for what you have just read. I promise there's a story arc somewhere. It just always seems like a good idea to upload quarter finished chapters in the middle of the night.