Espada's Guide to Life, Hueco Mundo and Everything

by Aquamarine Columbine

Even the Espada need entertainment. That's why Ulquiorra started this 'wisdom-book' to pass the time. Featuring entries from all in Las Noches. ABANDONED.

3. No 1 Essential: Self Control

The Espada's Guide to Life, Hueco Mundo and Everything.
Date: 27/09/09 / Updated: 14/02/10

~2~

No. 1 Essential: Self Control

So I woke up this morning and stepped outside into the corridor, only to trip over a book that just happened to be so conveniently placed right outside my door. Thank you very much, Emo-jerk.

May the pages of this book be filled with the wisdom of all of Las Noches. Honestly! Who writes like this anymore? Ulquiorra does, duh.

Whoa, whoa, Ulqui has a sense of humor? Well damn. Who would've thought that somewhere in that head of his he's got a brain cell that isn't programmed to, "Aizen-sama, Aizen-sama, Aizen-sama"?

What advice have I got to give? It's about self-control.

Yes, I know what you're thinking, what kind of demented hypocrite is he, to put this in?

Simply put, I'm not a hypocrite at all.

Okay, okay, I admit this may sound slightly unjustified...but seriously, don't you wonder that I haven't tried to poison Ulquiorra yet? Or poke Nnoitra's eye out? Yeah, exactly. See that? That's real self-control.

Contrary to popular belief, I have a surprising amount of it. You have to, to put up with that bleeping man who calls himself Lord Aizen. Not to mention his two henchmen without eyes.

Hey, you ever wondered about that? Gin has no eyes but he can see, and Tousen has eyes but can't see. How the hell does that work?

And 'hell' is not a swear if it's supposed to be a place.

Anyways, back on topic. Self-control. It is a number one MUST in Las Noches. Nobody likes the feeling of losing an arm and being demoted. That's when I decided I had to get a hold of my anger – and trust me, counselling really helps (especially if the councelling involves use of ceros on lesser Arrancar).

From that moment on, even though I had the temptation to attack that blind ba…thmat whenever I saw him, I made do with glaring and/or swearing. There are a lot worse things than losing a limb, though I can't say I wasn't glad to get it back.

Well, I suppose that's it. If you don't have any self control, then get some. Naturally, you don't want to have a large amount of pain inflicted onto you. Unless, um, you're some sort of masochist, to which I can only say: Welcome home! You've come to the right place.