DECLARATIONS OF A DIFFERENTIATED TEEN
By Alahria Silvermoon
Disclaimer: Uh…it's not mine. Siriusly.
2:26pm
I have just gotten partnered with none other than the slimy, greasy-haired long-nosed stupid prat, Severus Snape.
This cannot be happening.
2:29pm
I just pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
It appears I am not.
Snape has a look of complete horror on his face. Probably similar to the look of horror I have on my face.
2:31pm
This is a travesty, I tell you. A travesty!
2:33pm
Professor Slughorn is so going on my hit list.
EVELYN WOOD'S HIT LIST (People to lock in a dark, dark, dungeon with only bread and water for a month so that they can be punished for their evil-doings).Professor Slughorn. (Because he partnered me with Snape).
Severus Snape. (He is an evil git, need I say more?)
Marietta Veille. (She is an evil cow).
Lana Carlington. (She is as bad as Marietta).
Shadow. (She hisses and at me and scratches me).
Juliette Darcy. (Because she just laughed at me in my moment of anguish).
Lily Evans. (Same reason as Julez).
Peeves. (For chucking that water balloon on me just before).
Tristan Dunst. (Come on, he made me feel like an idiot!)
That guy who bumped into me that time I went down to the corner shop to buy chocolate frogs for my mother last holidays at nighttime and told me to watch where I was going or he'd get his dog to eat me.
All the Slytherins.
2:56pm
FIVE REASONS WHY MY LIFE STILL SUCKSThe object of my affections doesn't like me back. Unrequited love sucks.
For every Potions lesson until the end of term, I am stuck with an evil prat who will no doubt Avada me one day.
My two 'best friends' won't stop mocking me.
My ex-boyfriend cheated on me (and I didn't even know until after we broke up).
Nothing goes right for me.
2:59pm
I don't know why they keep laughing at me. I could sink into a deep, dark depression because of this. And it could cause me to jump off the top of the Astronomy Tower.
I just told them all of that, and they started laughing again.
"Evelyn, you're funny," Julez said, and then she hugged me.
"It's just Snape," Lily told me.
"Just Snape?" I practically screamed.
"You're such a drama queen," Lily sighed.
"Anyway, we'll kill him if he like, kills you or anything," Julez said.
And that's supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that not only I'd be dead, but also my two best friends would be sent to Azkaban to die in the wrath of the Dementors?
And I am not a drama queen.
Overreacting is so not my thing.
3:03pm
I AM GOING TO DIE!
THIS STUPID POTIONS THING WILL KILL ME!
SNAPE WILL KILL ME!
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
3:09pm
It's starting from next lesson that we will work with our 'new' Potions.
Professor Slughorn is insane.
Julez has to work with Marietta, Lily has to work with James, Remus is working with Lana (much to the great despair of Julez), and Sirius is working with Peter.
See? That's proof of how insane Slughorn is.
Gah.
3:15pm
Sirius just told me I smelt like vanilla. And James started laughing, Remus muttered something about a love potion and Sirius blushed.
Sirius blushing? Again?
The world has gone bonkers, I tell you.
BONKERS!
That is such a weird word.
3:18pm
Do I really smell like vanilla?
I mean, I usually wear Julez's vanilla perfume that she never wears.
Wait. Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
ARGH. Why is my life so confusing?
Tuesday 1st December, 7:21am, Girls Dorms
Just cut myself while I was shaving my legs.
It hurts.
11:41am. Transfig.
We are now doing human transfiguration.
We have to change our appearances. Well, try to.
I so wish I was a Metamorphmagus. How cool would that be?
Mcgonagall told us that we had to try and change the colour of our eyebrows. You point your wand at your head, think of the colour you want them, and then they should change to that colour.
Easy.
11:54am
Yeah, so it didn't quite work out. I haven't managed to change my eyebrow to any colour.
Lily changed hers to blonde. Julez can't do it either.
And Marietta has purple eyebrows. Hahahahaha.
12:01pm
I managed to slightly darken the colour of my eyebrow. You can only tell if you look right up close at me.
5:56pm, Great Hall
Potatoes…
Wednesday 2nd December, 9:12pm, Charms
Controlling the spout of water out of the end of your wand is extremely difficult.
But almost everyone has gotten it under control. Except for me.
Gah.
9:19am
Oh wait. I just got it.
Hooray!
Now hopefully I will go back to being completely brilliant at Charms.
9:23am
No one ever told me how hard sixth-year NEWT Charms would be.
10:11am, DADA
Professor is blabbering on about the Unforgivables. We already know all about them, we learnt all about them in our fourth year.
I don't think I've told you this yet, but the DADA job is jinxed. Whoever teaches it is gone by the next year. No one can stay for longer than a year.
And the creepy thing is, no one knows why.
10:15am
Julez just got out her copy of Witch Weekly and we are reading it under the desk. Lily is busy taking notes, so we can copy off her later.
There was this girl in there that got sent to Azkaban and she is only 15. Apparently she set her house on fire, killing all of her family. She was under the Imperius Curse or something.
That is seriously scary.
10:18am
I remember one time in third year, we were learning about Boggarts in DADA.
You know, the creepy things that turn into whatever you fear the most?
Yeah, well the Professor brought one to class for us to defeat so we could 'face our fears' or something.
And mine turned into a goblin. And everyone laughed at me.
I don't know why. Goblins are creepy! With their sharp ears and long noses and creepy expressions…now I'm getting the shivers.
Ugh.
10:21am
A LIST OF MY (COMPLETLEY RATIONAL) FEARSGnomes. (They are so freaky. They just sit around in your garden and occasionally jump out at you when you least expect it and bite you and scare the hell out of you. I have had some very bad experiences with gnomes…)
Goblins. (Ugh. Just ugh. I used to have nightmares about them every night when I was six.)
Heights. (Original, I know. But for me, there is nothing scarier than being up high somewhere, because there is always the chance that you could fall. And then you'd go splat everywhere. I was so bad at flying in first year. I've never flown on a broom since).
I am terrified of my pants catching on fire. Especially in front of Sirius. (Ever since Julez told me that rhyme; 'Liar, liar, pants on fire!')
Snape. (Because he could so Avada me at any time. And he's just creepy, with his greasy hair and everything).
Vampires. (They have fangs and they bite your neck and drink your blood. Need I say more?)
The Dark. (Don't laugh. It's not exactly the dark I am scared of. It's just the fact that bad things always seem to happen when it's dark).
The Bloody Baron. (A creepy Slytherin ghost with silver bloodstains all over him that haunts the dark corridors every night).
Being strangled. (Come on, how creepy would that be?)
Flying Books. And all the books in the Restricted Section. (They are just plain scary).
10:41am
Apparently, most of those fears are irrational.
According to Julez and Lily.
And Peter seems to share my fear of gnomes.
We actually just had a nice little chat about how scary gnomes are and all of our bad experiences with them.
He's not bad, that kid. Not bad at all. I mean, I fully expected him to an annoying, whiny little tag-a-along. And yeah, okay, so he isn't exactly the brightest cookie in the jar. But anyway.
12:50pm, Girls Dorms
Ten minutes until my hour of doom. Actually, two hours.
I will be stuck with Snape for TWO WHOLE HOURS.
Ohmygod. That's six hours per week. That's 12 hours every two weeks.
I am going to die.
AAAHHH!!!
12:54pm
Why couldn't it be Sirius instead?
1:09pm, Potions
I briefly considered being 'sick' and going to the Hospital Wing. But then I remembered my promise to myself about showing my 'Gryffindor courage'.
I really wish I had stayed in bed. Even though Slughorn would have probably given me detention.
Snape has been ignoring me so far, occasionally shooting me death glares. If looks could kill, I would so be dead by now.
We have to make a Vanishing Solution. It's sort of like the Invisibility Potion (in terms of complexity), but it enables the drinker to disappear, or vanish.
It's completely useless, if you ask me. I mean, why not just Apparate? It would save a lot of time, not to mention it would be much easier.
Speaking of Apparating, I'll be 17 next year and able to Apparate! Yay!
Snape just muttered something under his breath about me being ridiculous. I glared at him.
1:19pm
Snape just goes; "Are you going to be doing any work?"
To which I replied; "Yeah, if you stop hogging the bloody cauldron."
He got a really annoyed look on his face, and then moved over, allowing me to start chopping up ingredients.
"If you ruin my reputation as the best Potions maker in this entire school, I will personally make you sorry," he snarled at me. "I think you know perfectly well what I am capable of."
Argh. He is such a Slytherin.
I just ignored him. I heard it's the smartest thing to do.
1:28pm
Snape's Potions book is covered in writing and scribbles. I can't read what it says, but it's really weird.
And he's making the Potion differently to the instructions in the normal Potions book.
He's stirring anti-clockwise instead of clockwise.
"Um, I think you're doing it wrong," I pointed out, trying to be helpful.
"Be quiet," he snapped, his eyes fixed on the potion brewing in front of him.
"Well, aren't you meant to be stirring it clockwise?" I inquired.
"Mind your own business," he said.
Actually, it is my business. But oh well. If he wants to get a bad grade for doing it wrong, then I'll let him.
2:45pm
Okay, so apparently, our Potion was 'perfect', according to Slughorn.
That is so warped.
Thursday 3rd December, 10:09am, Muggle Studies
His hair is doing that flippy thing again.
ARGH.
10:12am
Uh…I was actually talking about…um…
Just be quiet, okay?
10:16am
Not a word.
10:17am
Not a single word.
10:19pm
Okay?
10:22am
Why am I even obsessing about this?
10:29am
Muggles are so weird.
I mean, imagine pictures that don't move. Isn't that strange?
Wednesday 7th December, 8:09pm, Girls Dorms
School is quite hard now.
Like with all the NEWT level classes and everything.
So far I am not failing anything. I'm just about average-ish. I have a feeling I will fail Potions, though.
The only reason I'm not failing now is because Snape is (and I hate to admit it) quite good at Potions. So therefore, since we are now Potions partners, I am now doing 'good' at Potions.
But Snape is still as evil as ever. Like today, for example, he threatened to 'accidentally' spill Veritaserum over my dinner and then ask me embarrassing questions. How evil is that?
8:16pm
I so wish I were going to the dance with Sirius.
8:19pm
Um, I mean…
Well, we're friends, right? And I think it would be fun to go to the dance with him (as friends, of course) because um…it would be fun. Because he makes everything fun.
Like today in Transfig, we were doing theory work. And he kept pegging scrunched up pieces of paper at the back of Snape's head. Consequently landing him in detention.
But it was still funny.
Teehee.
Sunday 11th December, 9:06pm, Girls Dorms
Me and Lily have perfected our costumes for the dance.
We are going to look so horrible.
But in a good way.
9:18pm
9 days until the dance.
This will be my first ever dance, you know.
10:11pm
Have just realised that I have no idea what you're meant to do at a dance.
Like, I get that you dance. And there's music. You know, to dance to.
And there'd be food and drinks, right? And a lot of socialising.
Witch Weekly is always running stories on parties and how people drink too much and end up passing out and getting pregnant and dancing on tables naked.
I don't want to get drunk. Or get pregnant. Or dance on a table naked.
Monday 12th December, 4:15am, Girls Dorms
Ohmygod.
I just had a dream about the dance.
Snape was pole-dancing naked on top of the Gryffindor table.
EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am now pretty much damaged for life.
8:09am, Great Hall
I can't even look at Snape without blushing furiously and almost throwing up.
8:12am
I am so sickened that I don't even feel like eating potatoes.
9:08am, Hospital Wing
The hospital wing is so boring. Everything is so clean and white. And all there is to read is old copies of Which Witch.
9:11am
I bet you're wondering why I am in the hospital wing.
It's nothing big or anything.
Julez offered me some potatoes at breakfast and I declined, saying that I wasn't hungry.
As soon as I uttered those words, the whole Gryffindor table went quiet and everyone looked at me.
Then Lily felt my head with her hand and goes; "She's a little bit warm."
And then everyone resumed chatting.
James started acting all concerned about me. To impress Lily. It's his fault that I am stuck in the hospital wing. He was the one who suggested it.
9:16am
At least I don't have to go to Charms. I don't need to be ridiculed by stupid Marietta because I can't control a spout of water pouring from the tip of my wand.
My wand is actually quite good. It's 11 ½ inches, rosewood and two hairs from the tail of a baby unicorn. It has stuck with me all through my years at Hogwarts, helping me perform countless spells.
I love my wand.
9:21am
Madame Pomfrey keeps trying to force me to drink some magical potion that will restore me to my normal self.
Ugh. Tastes like toilet water.
Or what I'd imagine toilet water would taste like.
Oh, ew.
10:11am, DADA
Well, I am finally free from the wrath of Pomfrey.
That was kinda mean, wasn't it? I mean, I'm sure she means well and everything. I'm sure she doesn't mean to be a complete pain in the behind.
Like I know for a fact that Filch does mean to be a complete pain in the behind. Like Mrs. Norris and Snape and all of the Slytherins and Marietta.
10:15am
Oooooh, guess what?
Guess who came to visit me in the hospital wing to make sure I was okay and to walk me to class and carry my books for me?
Well, if you haven't guessed, that you're stupid. Because it's so obvious.
Siriusly.
Hehe. That was a clue.
That means he has to care about me! At least, in a friend way.
Friends are better than nothing. Like at least I actually talk to him now.
But seriously. How sweet is he?
He wanted to make sure I was feeling okay! And he carried my books to class for me! (Well, he levitated them and floated them to class for me which is still totally the same).
Life is so wonderful, isn't it?
10:19am
Sigh.
I am so blissfully happy right now.
10:32am
Marietta is glaring at me again.
I don't think she was very happy about the fact that her boyfriend walked me to class.
Well, she'll just have to deal won't she? She can't have Sirius all to herself.
A/N: I am so sorry that I took so long to update. I feel so awful for leaving you all. Work has just been really hectic and I just haven't had time for anything. I haven't even had time to see my friends, or eat breakfast. Because I have now switched back to full-time. Well, at least I'm getting enough money to actually live. Haha. Yeah.
Anyway.
I am trying really hard to update and write whenever I can. So if I do go away for a few months, just know that I will be back.
That's the thing about life. Things get in the way. Life gets in the way. All you can do is try though, right?
Gigantic hugs and a million thanks to:
Paddie'sGirl: Well, you now know who Evelyn got partnered with! Was it a surprise? Or was it really obvious? So your cats have seven lives? That's weird. Hehe thanks so much for reviewing! I hope you liked this chapter!
Nasuada Moon: I love copy and paste as well. So, um, I'm guessing that you liked the chapter? Thanks for your review!
BlackSnowPetals: Did this chapter satisfy your curiosity? Hehe thank you for reviewing!
iluvhappyendings: Marietta will learn her lesson one day. I hope your hand didn't hurt from typing all those pleases, but thanks for your review!
Ellemay: I'm so happy that you liked the chapter! And it's good that you're happy! Thank you for your review!
wishfuldreams11: Hehe I'm glad you find it funny! Laughing is good! Thanks for your review!
no name: Your review made me tired. Hehe I'm glad you liked it! Keep sending me crazy, long reviews!
draconiandevil5: Hahaha silly potato! That's a good one, I'll remember that. I hope you liked this chapter and thanks for your review!
Sirious Girl: Haha positive and negative. Yep, Evelyn's a funny one! Sexual tension! Hehe that's hilarious, because it's just the way I see it. Thank you for reviewing!
elodrie: Evelyn's sense of humour is very strange, I have to say. I hear her talking in my head as well. Haha I'm crazy. Teachers suck, don't they? Thanks for reviewing!
Komal: I'm glad you've enjoyed this story! Hopefully, you liked this chapter as well! Thank you for your review!
Lauren: I'm glad that I make you laugh! That's one of the main points of this fanfic…to make people laugh! And entertain them as well. Thanks for reviewing!
Off Dreaming: Everyone loves Evelyn, don't they? Hehe it's okay about the confusing review. I'm the same as you…I tend to confuse people a lot. I hope you liked this chapter and thank you for reviewing!
gekommen:um:zu:bleiben: Wow, interesting name. What does it mean? I'm so happy that you liked this chapter and thanks for your review!
MissBlack2: Hehe the conversations with Sirius are quite strange, I have to say. Thank you for your review!
Rock thy rocks off-YAHOO: Haha I'm glad you found it funny! Thank you so much reviewing!
Sorry if this chapter wasn't up to scratch. I just took panadol and it made me so tired. I'm going to go crash out now and hopefully when I awake in the morning, I will find a bunch of lovely reviews from my loyal readers waiting for me. (Hint hint).
I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, and remember to let me know exactly what you thought of it. I love you all to pieces. Siriusly.
See you next time. (I'll try and make it as soon as possible).
xoxo –Kath-