II.
Friday, December 20, 2019
Her screams were almost feral. Andor had taken Eric out of the building, driving him around, leaving Pam and Stefan to deal with her. Cadel and Markus paced the third floor glancing at one another occasionally, shaking their heads and grimacing. On the second floor, vampires working in the open areas and offices cringed. Many actually went downstairs to the kitchen, just to be further away from the sound. To everyone that had known her, the process was painful.
After several days media barrage and headlines in the local newspaper screaming "VAMPIRE KING'S WIFE MURDERED" and even national newspapers with more tempered headlines like "Vampire Rights Advocate Assassinated", the reality of her being turned was still just sinking in. The news that she had been turned leaked out in less than twenty-four hours, driving the media frenzy even further. The coroner had certified her death and Dr. Ludwig had certified her undeath. Charges were filed and Pam, who was not charged even for assault against the attacker, had endured long interviews with homicide detectives and FBI agents looking into hate crimes, since the attacker proudly admitted that he was a member of the God's Light organization. In their circles he was now a hero and a martyr. Meanwhile his photo was affixed to the dartboard in great room, until Andor made them take it away, saying it was too upsetting to Pam and Eric to see his face and know he still lived. Yes, it had been several nights of insanity. But the sound of her rising rattled everyone in the building more than any of those other things.
Of course, it wasn't supposed to be like this anymore. The horror of waking and realizing you were not alive? It was supposed to be a choice to be turned, and that choice alleviated the fear, the loss and most of all, the horror of rising to find you were not completely gone.
Pam and Stefan struggled with her. The first few bottles were smashed as she struck them away. She was wild-eyed and combative. Not in hunger. In her anger. She stuck out at them again and again, seemed almost insensible, growling and screaming. Unlike a confused, horrified and hungry new vampire turned against her will, she seemed to know exactly what had happened. She was overflowing with anger. At first Pam was just annoyed, thinking it was the hunger, but gradually as she saw the anger, saw Sookie trying to strike her, her composure flagged. After more than forty-five minutes of fighting her, Pam almost cowered in a chair in the corner, her eyes red, on the verge of crying, as Stefan finally restrained her from behind, locking her in a hold so strong it looked like it could raise temporary bruises with what little blood she had. It was taking a 6' 3" tall, 300 year old vampire to restrain her. Pam watched her and felt chilled.
"Sookie, calm yourself. Calm yourself," Stefan said firmly.
She snarled and growled at him in response, finally bellowing in frustration at her inability to break away from him.
Pam just stared at her in horror. Where was her friend? She was utterly unrecognizable. What had she done in turning her?
Stefan continued to speak calmly, trying to soothe her and explain.
"Sookie, you need to calm yourself. Pam needs to talk to you. You need to listen to her and you need to drink. We can't give you real blood until we see that you will stop breaking things. Pam… Pam! Do your job. Command her to stop!"
Pam rose and moved toward her, tentatively at first and then finally with more purpose. She was her friend. Her beloved friend. No matter how she had let her down, she would have to be strong enough to make this work. It had to work. Otherwise… No. There was no otherwise.
"Sookie! Sookie, stop this nonsense immediately. Be still," she said in a level voice. "I insist that you comply."
She continued to struggle against Stefan's hold on her, thrashing as much as she could, still snarling like a feral animal, eyes glowing with anger. She had raked her nails down his face and arm before he'd gotten a firm grip on her from behind. It was shocking. Was this really even Sookie anymore? Neither of them had ever turned anyone and they had no means of knowing whether this was the usual result but she seemed absolutely wild. Their own memories of their awakening offered no insights.
Pam thought fearfully, in the back of her mind, what if it was a bad turn? She'd heard rumors of people who turned and went so wrong, were so out of control, that they had to be staked within days of rising. What if this was that wrong? Because this violent creature was so far from the Sookie she knew that it was frightening to behold. Sookie started thrashing and screaming gutturally again and Pam sat back down, covered her ears and hung her head down, over her knees. So efficient and cool in every other area of her life, this had her completely rocked her to the core. From the fact that she'd done this to her beloved friend, to the responsibility that it entailed, to the abiding fear that it would end disastrously, and that her sire would never, ever forgive her, even though he was no longer spewing venom at her openly and even seemed more at peace with it. It was still almost too much for her. All the control and orderliness that she had flawlessly maintained for decades, even making allowances for the attachment to her human friend, were falling to the wayside. No! She had to be focused. She had to pull herself together.
"Sookie, I command you to stop! I command it!" she said finally looking up and taking control of the situation. "You will behave yourself!"
She kept struggling, snarling and now trying even to bite at Stefan to get his arms off her.
Stefan looked past Sookie to Pam with puzzled eyes. Pam met his glance with her own puzzlement. The thrashing continued as he tried to prevent her from biting him.
"Tell her again," he said to Pam.
"Sookie! I compel you to stop!" she said with focused intent.
She was utterly unresponsive and, if anything, seemed to struggle even harder after hearing the word compel. Her screams rose in pitch. She struggled fruitlessly against Stefan and then finally let out a horrible shriek of anger and frustration over his strong hold on her and slumped against him for a moment.
He tried a different tactic.
"Sookie, listen to me," he said calmly. She immediately resumed her struggle and he swung a leg on top of her thrashing ones. "Shit! Pam hold her ankles!" She'd got an arm loose and was trying to pull herself off the bed with it, as if to get away from them. "Sookie, you need to listen to me. What would make you listen? Would you listen for Pam? For Eric? For Hunter?"
At Hunter's name she stilled ever so slightly.
"Hunter… Listen to us for Hunter," he said soothingly. "Think of Hunter and how much he means to you. Hunter would want you to be calm, Sookie. He'd want you to be calm and to nourish yourself. You need to be well for when he comes home. But first, Pam needs to talk to you, to explain what happened to you. Pam?"
Pam held her ankles but soon switched to holding them down with one hand. She stroked her left calf with the other hand, trying to soothe her.
"Sookie, listen to me my friend. You were attacked. Do you remember the City Council meeting? You were attacked and stabbed. I tried to heal you and I…" Her eyes locked on Sookie's. "I made a terrible mistake, Sookie. You must forgive me, forgive my inexperience. I had never turned anyone. Never even seen anyone turned. I gave you my blood to try to save you and… and you died anyway. You were bleeding too much, too fast. It was all too close in time. I only realized after I'd given you blood that you might have turned. It was never my intention to do this. I am so sorry, my friend. I have let you down. I ask that you forgive me. I am so very, very sorry. But we have to find a way to make this work. We will all help you. We love you, Sookie. I love you…"
During this whole speech, Sookie had listened to her, stilled but tensing more and more like a tightly wound spring. At those last words she broke free from the hold on her ankle and kicked Pam in the face, letting out a guttural scream with the first full words she'd spoken:
"Then kill me! Kill me!"
Pam fell back off the bed onto the floor and looked up at her in shock, her hand over her mouth and tender jaw, and tears filled her eyes.
"No," she said in a whisper, as she looked back at her. "No, Sookie. It is my mistake, and I can only apologize for it. But I will not harm you further. NO!"
Sookie went limp in Stefan's arms but he didn't relax his hold on her. She was too out of control to trust. She began to sob against him and then he felt that her strength, what little she'd had of it, was just ebbing away.
"She really needs to drink. She's exhausting herself and it's not going to be safe if she doesn't drink. If she gets away from us, we'll have a serious problem. Open another one. Sookie, you have to drink. You must. Pam try again to compel her to. She must drink."
"I don't know how. She didn't even respond before. She always hated people trying to control her, Stefan. And what if she hates me for it? How will that help us?"
"Well, if you're doing it to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else she'll have to understand and obey you, Pam. She needs to drink. If she gets away from us and attacks someone we'll have a real problem on our hands."
Pam opened the bottle of O negative and stepped cautiously toward her.
"Sookie, you must drink this. It will help you be calmer. Try for me." She spoke in soft tones, with calm. "Even if you are angry at me. Try it because you loved me. Remember? Or for Hunter. You must be strong for Hunter. It must be safe for you to see him. You cannot be hungry when you do. Please… you must drink, my friend. Please. It will make you feel better."
Stefan groaned audibly. This was her version of being a sire? Please? It sounded like something at a social gathering! He was seriously wondering what Eric was thinking leaving two people who had never turned anyone in charge of his wife…
Pam approached her and put the bottle on the nightstand and then began to gently stroke her hair, brushing it out of her face. Sookie was so weak that she didn't even fight, although she made low hissing sounds. Pam picked up the bottle and nodded to Stefan, who intensified his grip on her forearms even more as he pulled his arms crossed over her chest even tighter. Pam tipped her chin up slightly and pressed the bottle to Sookie's lips.
"Drink, Sookie. Drink… please." she said soothingly.
Stefan was amazed… because Sookie finally drank. After the first few sips, she calmed. Then she drank bottle after bottle as Pam gently stroked her arm or combed some order back into her hair. Then Pam opened several bags of real blood. She had six bottles of True Blood and two pints of whole blood on top of that. She was simply ravenous after the almost hour-long struggle with Stefan. It was as much as she could have drained from a very large human. When she was done, she was as flushed and pink as if she was still alive. Finally, Stefan had relaxed his grip, and let her roll away from him when she was finished. He covered her with the comforter and quickly rose from the bed, not wanting to chance her having any of the common feelings that arose with feeding, which likely would confuse or embarrass her later, or worse still get him in serious trouble with Eric. He stood with Pam as they looked down at her, her face buried in the pillows. Her hands, balled into fists scraped against the pillows and mattress. She began to make faint keening sounds.
He shook his head, grimacing. He put his arm around Pam and rested his chin on her head.
"Did you ever turn anyone, Stefan," whispered Pam.
Stefan shook his head. And he'd never want to, looking at this scene…
"Why?" he whispered back.
"I think something is wrong. What I feel when Eric speaks to me, commands me… or long ago when he compelled me, it… it's like a connectedness or something. Like a pull on a line. You can feel it physically when your sire compels you, right? Well, I just don't feel that. I don't feel… anything really, other than what I always felt with her before. I… I'm not sure," she whispered, "that she's mine. That I'm really her sire. I don't know how that can be but, it's like there's nothing there. I mean, of course, I… I am very fond of her, just as before. But I do not feel the connection that I thought there would be between sire and child. When I think at her angrily that she must calm down, she does not. I know that Eric is much older than I am, but I thought it was a given that if you were a sire, you could snap your child to attention? That they would respond to your will. I think something is very wrong."
Stefan glanced back at Sookie. She hadn't responded. Even when Pam was shouting at her. How much of Eric's blood had Sookie really had over the years, he wondered? It seemed like awfully personal information, although he'd recently heard that it might be rather a lot. She'd certainly hardly aged at all in the time he'd known her, but then she'd had that odd healing with the Fae or whatever they were. She and Eric been together for ten steady years and fourteen in total. Could it be that really Eric's blood was what had turned her, or if not turned her, at least what was animating her now? Could that even be possible?
"Maybe she's Eric's, Pam. Maybe that's why she can't be soothed or controlled. She's had so much of his blood over the years, right? Like you told me… She's hardly aged at all with whatever Bert and his mother did. She awoke and he isn't here. A lot of his blood has been in her, even if she lost most of it. More his, probably, than yours, right? She has to be frightened enough as it is. But she can't even sense him near her… Maybe that's why?" He turned away from her and walked toward the hall as he took out his cell phone.
Cadel was still lingering outside though it appeared that Markus had gone downstairs, too disturbed to continue to listen after Sookie had screamed at Pam to kill her. "Trauerspiel," he'd said to Cadel then walked away. Cadel cringed at her screams, as he watched Markus traipse down the hall. But he'd stayed, even if he hadn't wanted to go in.
"She's finally calm then?" asked Cadel, in a weary tone of voice. "She's unbelievable. Makes the one I made look like a mere cooing babe… She's always had a bright temper, but…" He shook his head. It looked to be a daunting prospect. "I'm sorry Stefan. I just couldn't watch it. I think it's wrong, what we've done. Wrong to keep her. Though I can't much stand the thought of the options to solve the situation at this point, either," he said, shuddering. "I've had quite the earful from Andor on that topic, I might add."
Stefan looked soberly at him and asked,
"You said the other day you had turned someone. What does it feel like, the connection? In the beginning, you already feel it? Right away, as soon as they rise, to control them, right?"
"With your child? Yes, of course. It's like magic. It is magic. Of course you feel it right away. It's like you feel them tug on the line and you just reel them right back to you, nice and tight. It's easy, or it was to me. But then mine had a very different nature. Why?"
Stefan waved Cadel into silence. He called Andor's phone. In German, so Cadel could follow too, he said,
"She has risen but I think we need Eric to come back immediately. Something is odd. She does not act as if Pam is her sire. She does not respond to commands or even attempts to compel her. It took more than an hour just to get her to drink. Bring him back now, if you can. We want to see if she is better with Eric than with Pam."
Andor made the taciturn reply "Soon" to Stefan. But in the background they heard Eric insisting to Andor that he could feel her. Andor only affirmed that they would return shortly and hung up.
Cadel looked at Stefan as if trying to figure out what he'd just heard.
"She's not Pam's? He feels her? But how can that be?"
Stefan shook his head. In a very low voice he said,
"I'm not sure. Like you said, it's all magic, right? She's been bound to Eric strongly for what, fourteen years? That's a long time when it comes to blood. And you know what it was like. We could all feel that connection between them. It was unmistakable. Who knows how much of his blood she's had. I mean, it's not our business really, but between you and me, I know Pam's told me that Eric likes being bitten. So maybe even by a human, right? Maybe she's had more of his blood than we ever realized. She certainly glowed like it. It always made me wonder. She never looked like a regular human after she moved here. So perhaps, even if Pam technically turned her…? And then it's Eric's blood that turned Pam in the first place, right… Who knows? Look, won't you talk to her? Pam is just not up to it and Sookie was so close to you, Cadge. She's still crying and if you can get her calmer it will be easier on Eric, on her and on all of us."
Cadel looked the other way, as if hesitating. Finally, he looked back at Stefan and said, shaking his head.
"Fine. I'll talk to her. I just don't want her to think I thought this whole thing was swell. It wasn't following her wishes, Stefan. I'm not blaming Pam, or even blaming Eric. But I'm mindful of the fact that clearly, it isn't what we all know full well she was promised. And that there are simple ways that that promise could have been fulfilled that were not taken."
"She wasn't turned intentionally, Cadel. You certainly can't blame Eric for keeping her once she'd turned. She's his wife. You can't seriously think that he'd just do away with her like that. And you know, I agree with Andor. I think you couldn't do it either, no matter what you say right now. You know how you feel about her, which is just like Pam does, whether you say the words or not. If Pam couldn't do away with her then you couldn't either. And there's simply no way he could. Just… talk to her, Cadge. Maybe you can make her feel more hopeful. But she's fed a lot, so don't touch her too much, just so there are no misunderstandings. Eric is still so hair-trigger right now. You don't want to have a problem with him. There are other mirrors in there and let me tell you, it's not very pleasant when you're wearing one."
"Oh, I don't know UB, it looked kind of like one of those snazzy East Indian outfits… or maybe a disco thing. You remember the disco years, right? You always were so late in getting in on fads and style. The disco years were grand. No questions, loose morals… You were only about fifty years late this time. Better than usual. Are you sure you were admitted to university? I mean really, you're so slow sometimes…"
Stefan pointed at him and said with a smile, "That's what she needs, Cadge. She needs to laugh. You can do that for her. You did it for me. You're the best friend one could have when you're down like she is."
Cadel met his pale blue eyes and sighed. Then he nodded and went in. He bent down to hug Pam. She looked so tense, worried. He still didn't even have the heart to tease her. He walked around to the other side of the bed, and sat down to chat with the bundle buried in the blankets and pillows. Sookie was crying softly under the pillows and clawing lightly on the mattress, though at least she wasn't shredding the sheets with her sharp red nails.
"Good evening, Sookie. I thought I'd stop in to see how you're doing. I've been quite worried about you. The whole idea of leaving you in Pamela and Stefan's hands seemed like a shaky prospect to me," he said playfully. "She already has you knackered and crying, I see. Why I'm not surprised? And I see you've even been breaking things. A clear message, that. Can't say I blame you, especially where Pamela is concerned. But I don't see a mark on either one of them. You need to hit them much harder since they heal so quickly remember? Or maybe harder and more often. Show some serious effort, not this half-hearted display. But not on me. Remember that you've got not a thing against me. Cadge had nothing to do with the entire business. Other than to tell Pamela that she was finally going to be in trouble with you after all these years. You know, I think we should come up with your revenge plan. Of course, I'm hoping that it involves her personal property. The kind with wheels, perhaps?"
She had stilled under the pillows at his voice but didn't respond. However her hand had stopped clawing on the mattress. He reached out and stroked her forearm lightly and then withdrew his hand, remembering Stefan's concern.
"You know, I know it's probably not what you want to hear right now, but I think you'll have to find positive things to think about to get you by in the beginning. For instance, have you thought about how this could affect your driving skills, love? Maybe you'll even be chuffed enough to stop complaining about mine? Although, that might be too much to hope for, especially if Pamela's blood is involved here. But anyway, even if you're Pamela's child, you should be able to go joyriding in her car. It's just sharing, innit? She owes you that. And that new Jag of hers is an attractive car. It's the very least she can do for you, all things considered. Anyway, now's the time to make the big demands, right? She really owes you after all. If you need any help coming up with suggestions for ways for her to make amends, I'm thinking I could be of some genuine assistance…"
She was calmed listening to his banter, and gradually she seemed to have relaxed in the pillows. He pushed them aside and smiled down at her with his huge dimples.
"There now…" he said softly. "That's doing better. I'm so glad you've stopped hollerin'. It was giving me a headache, and we're not even meant to get headaches. Why, I think it would have tanked my scores even with my headphones on, to hear you go on like that. I was worried I'd have to ask Pamela to scold you. She's not looking very adept at the moment though, is she? You should see her face. She's so jealous I can get you calmer than she can. Natural talent, is what I've got. I don't think she's got even a clue about how to turn anyone. No wonder you've been upset. It's bad enough to make such a clumsy mistake but then to not even know what to do once you've made it? Although, I'd have to say she's rather easier on the eyes than my sire was… If you're going to wake up to someone, Pam's not bad in that one sense. Though, I'm thinking you'll be spared the verbal abuse, as well. She's always liked you so much better than the rest of us. Odd, that…"
She peered up at him guardedly, locking onto his eyes.
Ten minutes later, Eric came into the room. He tossed a black leather jacket onto Pam's settee near the bedroom door. Stefan appeared to be doing something odd with Cadel, shaking him. Pam looked newly distraught. He steeled himself to look at Sookie as he took in the scene of the broken bottles and the six that were lined up on the sofa table, along with a few empty Red Cross bags. He combed his fingers through his hair and approached the bed. As he got closer he could see that she appeared to be heaving, sobbing softly under the pillows. He glanced from Pam to Stefan and then got a good look at Cadel. Cadel's eyes were almost glazed in their look. It was rather bizarre.
"Stefan," he said rather puzzled, "What is happening here?"
Stefan replied without looking at him as he backhanded Cadel in the face.
"This is definitely glamour, Pam," he said glancing over at Pam, who looked astonished while stroking Sookie's back. Turning to Eric he said, "She's glamoured him! He was sitting talking to her and looked her in the eye and was like the two of them were locked together and we couldn't get them to break it. She doesn't respond to Pam at all. We had to physically pull her away from Cadel. She says she doesn't know what she did. He's really glamoured into a trance. I can't get him to snap out of it."
Eric looked at Sookie, who was now heaving sobs, buried under the pillows and he looked back at Cadel.
"How is that possible? That can't be." He strode over to Cadel and grabbed his cheekbones between his thumb and forefingers and looked into his eyes. He was staring vacantly, with no recognition at all. He really looked as if he'd been glamoured into a trance-like state. "How is this possible? I have never seen a newly made vampire who could do anything like this."
He froze. He suddenly recalled Hunter's words to him three nights before… It is not as you think. She is not as you think... Keep only people you trust around her. Maybe he didn't mean it as he had taken it. Maybe he meant her abilities?
In almost eleven hundred years, he'd seen only two vampires who could glamour their own kind. And both were… telepaths. One had been bound to a female vampire for many years before she became his sire and they were still together hundreds of years later, when he'd met them in the 1600's. And the other? Telepathy was somewhat uncommon among vampires but the ability to glamour their own kind was, so far as he knew, exceedingly rare. And a very dangerous gift. It was one that was likely to get you killed by your own kind because of the risks it posed. Was she still telepathic and was this truly glamouring? What could she see or do with it? Because what he had seen in the past, hundreds of years before, had been rather… frightening. Both in ability and outcome.
He looked at her again. He'd felt an immediate reconnection when she rose, but it was odd. It did not quite feel as it had before and it did not feel as it did with a child. Had she really turned as his instead of Pam's? Did she even belong to anyone? He'd never turned someone he'd been bound to but was absolutely certain that it ought to feel different from… this. The connection was not smooth. He felt her fear and anger but no submission.
He wanted to see her. He cautiously pulled back one of the down pillows.
"Sookie?" He pulled another away and could see her long blond hair, wild and still faintly streaked with blood from her death, fallen over her cheek. "Min älskade?" he said softly.
She did not respond and just continued crying.
"Sookie, sit up and look at me," he said firmly in a neutral tone.
She didn't respond at all.
"Sookie, I want to see you. I want you to stop crying and look at me. Come, sit up so I can see you."
She didn't stop crying and didn't shift her position in the least.
So much for their thoughts that she was his, he thought to himself. But he could feel her, her anger and something was like a trace of fear. He wanted to see her. His eyes narrowed with annoyance as he thought angrily to himself, Come on, Sookie! Sit up. Just sit up and look at me. I want to see you. Sit up! as he tried to pull away another pillow and get a hand on her wrist. She was grabbing onto the pillow, preventing him from seeing her face and as his hand closed around her wrist, the word,
NO! Came her answer, like a shout, in his mind.
His eyes widened. She heard him? But more importantly, for the first time he heard her in his mind.
"Sookie?" He paused but she did not reply. What did you do to Cadel?
There was an audible sob in response to the mental question and then, finally, she replied,
I don't know! I was looking at him while he talked to me and then it was like I was on one of those trains that goes down into a mine. I couldn't stop. It's like I was inside him, seeing things in his mind. I don't know how to get out. I don't know what I did. It isn't like what I used to see or do. I just…. I want to die and just be done with this. I want to die. Please, please let me die.
He paused to absorb it. She was seeing things in his mind? And this was with Cadel, who was almost four hundred years old, and a very strong-minded person? Meanwhile, he could communicate telepathically with her? Was this her projection into his mind or a genuine mutual connection? Was she, even now, as he stood there, pushing into his mind, too? It all just seemed impossible.
But first things first. Cadel… She had to release Cadel.
My love, you are already dead. Find Cadel in your thoughts. You need to release him.
I am so confused… she sobbed mentally. What did I do?
I will explain. You have glamoured him, and you need to release him from your mind. Concentrate on Cadel. You must release him. Find him in your thoughts.
I want to die. Really die. None of this would have happened if I really died. None of it. I want to…
FIND HIM! he shouted, mentally.
She sobbed again.
Do you see him? Do you see him in your mind, Sookie?
Yes... she went on crying.
Release him slowly... gently. Pull yourself back from him, subtly. Walk backwards in your mind. If you are touching him in any way in your mind, let go of him. Visualize yourself releasing him, but with care.
Slowly, after about a minute, Cadel seemed to become alert again and then suddenly he was just back. He put his hand to his cheekbone and looked up at Stefan, who was standing closest to him.
"Bloody hell… who hit me?"
Stefan smiled and shook his head.
"Oh, I've been wanting to do it for years, Cadge… Finally caught you when you couldn't zoom away," he said with a chuckle. Welcome levity in the midst of this scene, he thought as he patted Cadel's shoulder a bit in comfort.
"What happened, then? What happened?" asked Cadel, rising from the bed and looking back and forth from Sookie, to Stefan to Eric and even over at Pam. Andor stood at the back of the room, leaning against the wall, stoic as always.
Eric looked at the three of them.
"She didn't do it to you, Stefan? Pam?"
They shook their heads.
"Do what? What the bloody hell happened? What did she do?" asked Cadel.
Stefan said,
"Actually… you know, I didn't look her in the eyes. I was mostly restraining her from behind. She really fought. She did not want to drink. Then, Pam's hardly looked directly at her. She was so upset she didn't really look directly at her a lot of the time."
"I'm beginning to sympathize with being the ignored middle child. Would someone tell me what the bloody hell happened?"
Eric held up a hand to silence him. He looked down at her.
"Stefan sit down next to her and look at her. Sookie, sit up."
She didn't respond.
I said sit up, Lover.
She was totally silent. Had she heard him? What was she doing?
Stop being stubborn with me. Min älskade?
Did you make her do this to me? Came the question, in the angry mental tone.
It was already beginning then… It had taken her less than five minutes in his presence. He glanced over at Pam. "Did you tell her? Did you tell her what you did and how it happened?"
Pam nodded solemnly.
It was as she told you, Lover. I was not even there, remember? I had nothing to do with it. I did not know until it was too late. I was angry. Very angry.
But then why am I here? You could have had me cremated and I'd be gone, Eric. Why am I still here?
He hesitated, wondering just how much of a telepathic connection there really was between them. She had gotten to the heart of it so quickly.
You were… You are hers. She turned you. She tried to save you because she loved you. You are hers.
He felt an incredible jolt of white-hot anger. It surged through him like lightning. She seemed to almost launch herself out of the pillows and bedding at him as if she could fly.
"LIAR! You're lying to me!" she said practically spitting the words at him. "I am not hers! I'm your responsibility. It's your fault I'm like this! You chose to leave me this way!"
He caught her wrists as her hands and fingernails got within inches of his face. She stood on the bed, struggling in his hold, staring down, almost eye to eye with him, her fangs down. She hissed at him saying,
"I will never forgive any of you. Ever. You're a pack of liars! How could you do this to me? How? I hate you. I hate all of you! And I will find a way to get myself up onto that roof and be a pile of ash at the very first opportunity I have!"
It was almost as if a wave of her venom coursed through the room as she spoke. Andor, who stood back near the door let out an audible gasp at her words.
"Oh, Sookie, don't talk so, love…" said Cadel shaking his head, then burying it in his hand.
In spite of the fact that he was almost reeling with the impact of her words, Eric stayed focused.
Be that as it may, Lover, you are here, now. You are Pam's child. And clearly she did not wish to dispose of you. Do you expect me to choose otherwise?
I am NOT hers. I am yours, you idiot! She does not speak to me. You are speaking to me. I hear you speaking in my mind just as before only louder. You, with your lying words. You could have gotten rid of me and you didn't. You have broken your word! You did not want to let me go. You blame her but you are as much to blame as she is, even more so. You could have compelled her to follow my wishes. You could have and didn't because you didn't want to follow my wishes!
You are here, and here you will stay. The mistake was made. You'll have to forgive her.
"I will never forgive you," she snarled at him out loud as she struggled with him, eyes glowing.
He tightened internally. He quickly recalled Hunter's words again. When had Hunter ever been wrong with something he'd told him? Never.
He looked up at her face, her wild eyes, and said,
I forgive your anger. You were wronged, my Lover. By the man that killed you and by Pam's well-intended mistake. I have not wronged you. If you feel I have let you down, I am sorry. I will wait for your forgiveness. I am sorry to have to ask for it. But you will stay here, with us. I'm sorry.
You could have burned me and honored my wishes.
He let out the slightest gasp. Did she really believe he could do that? It was an impossible. She was his wife! The very idea was wrong and she would have to come to her senses about it. He steeled himself internally thinking about how hard it had been in the early years of the marriage to get her to change her way of thinking or behaving… of how hard it had been to fully earn her trust. Well, they had plenty of time ahead of them to return to where they had been. It was about the only thing promising that he could see. They had plenty of time. But he could set things moving with the first small step.
"Do you absolve me of my promise, with respect to Pam?" he said aloud, while still holding her wrists in an iron grip.
She did not respond to him. His eyes glowed as he looked her in the eyes. His fangs went down. She struggled to pull away from him as if fearful of him.
"Sookie, do you wish me to kill her? She turned you, without your permission, and against your wishes. Do you wish me to follow through on my promise or not?"
"The fact that I am still here is ultimately your choice. Leave her alone," she hissed, struggling with him and trying to free her wrists from his grasp.
So she was forgiving Pam. Exactly as Hunter had said, he thought… somewhat unfortunately, since now he was fully to blame in her eyes. But still, forgiving Pam was a step in the right direction and right now, any step in that direction was desirable.
"Fine. Good," he said. "Now," he continued, pushing back on her arms while swinging his leg over the edge of the bed and knocking her knees forward from behind, so that she fell onto them on the bed, "look at Stefan."
She still struggled with him, snarling, her fangs down. He felt in a quandary, afraid he could hurt her if he really grabbed her or tried to force her too harshly to do it. He knew from personal experience what it felt to awake to violence and subjugation. He was sure that would leave behind irreparable harm to their relationship.
Stop fighting me, Sookie. You will not win. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to hurt yourself. Trust me and just cooperate. Look at Stefan.
I hate all of you. You all lied to me. I trusted you and you all lied.
You don't hate Pam. Would you prefer to have her tell you what to do?
She will just be doing your bidding, she said in mental snarl. I will hate it just as much or even more.
Well then you better do as I ask you and spare her being my go-between. Look at Stefan. Remember what happened with Cadel? Look at Stefan. Do it again.
No!
She struggled and finally he grabbed her face and stared into her eyes himself. She trembled a bit in his hands and cast her eyes away from his.
"When you were in Cadel's mind, what did you see? Did you see something that frightened or upset you? What did you see?"
"What do you mean she was in my mind?" interjected Cadel. "How was she in my mind?"
"Cadel!" snapped Eric, glancing at him sharply. He looked back into her eyes. "Sookie, what did you see? Tell me what you saw. Tell me now," he said, applied slightly more pressure with his grip on her.
She shivered. He wasn't sure whether she was afraid of him or afraid of what she'd seen. She stopped struggling then and suddenly seemed sad, rather than angry, and somewhat distant.
"Everything," she said in a whisper. "His dark, damp stone house in Cardiff. His parents with their mean, abusive ways. Always hitting. Hitting Cadel. Hitting the others if he wasn't there to protect them. He was the oldest. He wouldn't let them go after the little ones after he got big enough. His father was a thief. He, himself, was pick-pocketing and thieving, from when he was a child. Ocella saw him working the port area. So swift and sure. Eighteen and counted a man but wouldn't leave the others to his parents' care. He had been thieving for years to get food. He stole to feed his brothers and sister. His parents stole from him, from them, to drink. When he was changed, he fought so hard not to die… but there was no fighting such strength. Such a painful death… to fight so hard instead of giving in. Ocella was angry that he fought so. But he said he had admired his quickness and skill. He had watched him for several nights. Until he had a secure place to…." Her face was filled with distaste but shifted to sadness. Then she turned to Cadel. "Angharad died not long after you," she said softly to him. "You never told me. The poor Aderyn… She was barely seventeen. She was so sick all along and then she died when you were gone, with no one to fend for her. You went back years later and couldn't even find a proper gravesite. Your family was so poor. And no one marks the graves of the poor…" she whispered.
Cadel went almost ghostly pale looking at her, his jaw slack. She knew Angharad's nickname… Aderyn, aderyn bach, his little bird, a name that had not crossed his lips in centuries… She met his eyes and then looked down.
"Anything else?" said Eric, sharply.
Cadel looked away. She had seen his human life, his family… what else had she seen in his mind? How long had she been rooting around in his head?
"I already told you too much!" she snarled at Eric. "It was no one's business. I should never have told you a thing. He doesn't like it. It's not anyone's business but his." She looked as if she was angry at herself and started to agitate again in his hold.
Eric still held her face firmly with one hand while the other gripped her shoulder. He turned her toward Stefan.
"Look at Stefan. Look at him. Do it again. I want to see you do it."
She snarled at him with teeth. Snarled! Only the firm hold he had on her face prevented him from being bitten.
Make me. You think I do not see it? You have lied to me. How many years have you lied? Did you love me at all? Did you know I'd be like this? You just wanted to use me? Just waiting until you were sure you could get what you wanted?
He let go of her face and grabbed her by the shoulders with both hands, shaking her a bit.
"Sookie!" Now you listen to me! Listen to me clearly. Of course, I love you. And I will not 'use you'. I need to know what you are doing in order to keep you safe. Now you will do it, or I will make you do it and we'll have an even longer time to get through this.
"I hate you," she spat at him. "You can't make me do a damn thing. Not a one of you. I hate you!"
Everyone in the room froze, almost spellbound by the venom of her words and the tone in which they were said to him. The raw defiance in her voice and the way she spoke to him were just shocking…
He looked at her, his eyes now glowing red with anger. Having her say these things in front of all of them… But he steadied himself. There were ways to still be in charge of her… He grabbed her jaw firmly in his hand again.
"You can feel however you wish. But you will do," he turned her head firmly back toward Stefan, "as I say," he said in a mordant tone. In a mental tone filled with far more menace he said,
I mean it, Sookie! Look at him and do what you did to Cadel. Try to do it again. I want to see it. Don't make me make you do it.
She now trembled visibly in his hands, her teeth chattering slightly. She was afraid of him. He could feel real fear from her. As angry as she was she was afraid. She had seen what Ocella did to his children… What he'd do if they fought him. That thought was horrible to him. He didn't want to see her afraid of him. It was like going back to the beginning… But he had to understand what she was doing. So sadly, afraid it was.
DO IT! he shouted at her mentally, with eyes glowing.
She jumped slightly then focused on Stefan. For a moment or two nothing seemed to happen. Stefan looked at her steadily, and almost sorrowfully. Her eyes suddenly glowed red and then shifted to an odd, almost indefinable metallic color, settling finally on white-hot copper. She went completely still and then Stefan froze and they were locked into one another. Suddenly, she gasped and seemed to recoil at something.
Fine, enough. Let him go. Sookie, let him go.
It was as if she didn't hear him. He physically turned her face away from Stefan. But the connection still did not release.
Lover, release him. Let him go. He stroked her cheek gently.
I want more blood, she seemed to murmur in her thoughts.
Let him go and I will get you real blood. As much as you wish.
Suddenly she turned back to Stefan and seemed to struggle with something. Suddenly she cried out as if in pain and looked even more horrified.
"Sookie, let him go!" he insisted, shaking her by the shoulder slightly.
Almost a minute passed, and then finally she seemed to go limp in his arms and Stefan was alert again. He shook his head as if dizzy.
Eric turned to him, while literally holding her up. He let go of her once she seemed steadier, but stroked her cheek tenderly before she could pull away from him.
"What does it feel like?"
Stefan shook his head again.
"It feels almost like being on downtime. I'm aware of a lapse of time, like I'm awake but I'm suddenly aware that I wasn't paying attention. It is… disorienting. I'm honestly not sure I'd know what was going on if I hadn't seen it before with Cadel."
Eric glanced back at Andor and said something in Norse about Markus. He turned to Sookie.
"Next we try Markus. I want to see one other thing. In the meantime, what did you see in Stefan's mind?"
She seemed lost in thought, her eyes fixed off on some point past Eric. They glistened as if she was on the verge of tears. He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand, trying to comfort her.
"Sookie? What did you see?"
She didn't respond to him. Her eyes were flooding with tears, her mouth hung open as if in mid-gasp.
He stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. He started to regret having had her look into Stefan's mind. Perhaps he should have had her try Markus for both things instead. Stefan's early existence had been far from happy.
"Sookie," he said softly. "What is it? What did you see?" Had she seen… Perhaps it had been a serious mistake on his part…
Looking remote, and speaking as if almost in a trance herself, she said softly,
"Göteburg, 1818. Karelia is lost. Bernadotte will be the king. The campaign against Norway begins. Vampires are being hunted, staked, burned in Europe, but not in Sweden and Norway. Not yet. Home is still relatively safe. Hiding. Feeding. So much remorse in remembrance. Ocella returns. He is such sadist. No trace of humanity left, only disdain for everything and everyone. So much resistance, trying to fight. But all for nothing. He is always, always too strong. The desire to break free. Not again… It would be better to have a final death than a hundred more years of this. So much better to be truly dead than this," she said in a whisper. Then she was silent, her eyes growing wide. She cried out and buried her face in her hands, whispering "No, no…. no!"
She still looked as if in a trance. Stefan rose off the bed and looked down at her as if strangely fascinated and horrified. Eric pulled her hands away from her face and found pink tears trailing down her cheeks.
Eric snapped his fingers in front of her but she still seemed frozen as if in a vision, still crying. She made a soft huffing sound and remained lost, as if trapped in some other place. He finally reached out and shook her firmly.
"Sookie… Sookie… Come back!"
She snapped to attention and hissing at his touch.
"Keep away from me. Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me!"
Then she glanced over at Stefan and looked at him as if puzzled, and quite sorrowful.
Eric turned her face back to him and looked at her with concern.
Are you alright, min älskade? I am sorry if his memories unsettled you. Are you trying to see the past? Are you trying to see anything specific? What are you looking for when you enter their minds? Is it just what they are thinking about? Your turning remind them of their own? How are you seeing these things?
Leave me alone.
I need to understand what you are doing. Can you see his present thoughts and past memories? Does he hear you?
She glanced over at Stefan and then back at Eric.
I won't tell you anything. Even if he hears me, I wouldn't tell you or tell you what I said.
"Sookie, look at me. This is important. Did you tell him anything? Have you told either Cadel or Stefan anything while you were in their minds?"
Like what?
You have not put thoughts into them that were not there? You have not influenced them in anyway? This is a dangerous gift to possess, Sookie. You must be very careful with it.
I don't play with people the way you do. I don't mess with people's free will. I don't take their lives from their hands or use them.
He gnashed his teeth and fought to simply not react. This was clearly going to be exasperating, he thought to himself. He was used to her being argumentative but not when she was this angry and venomous. He might loosely be her sire but it seemed that he couldn't truly control her. He couldn't shut her up or rein her in. At least not without making her very afraid and possibly hurting her and that would only make things worse. He clenched and unclenched his jaw in frustration.
Then do what she wanted you to do. Let her die at dawn… came an almost seductive voice in his head. A glamouring voice he realized, sounding almost as the voice in his own mind. She was already so very sly. He pushed the voice aside with amusement.
I tell you again: you are already dead. And you have far to go before you can influence my thoughts, Sookie. Especially if you ask for such unreasonable things. Out loud, to reassure Cadel and Stefan, he said,"So you have not told them anything, then? Put any thoughts in their minds? Good." Everything will be fine, my love. You are still hungry, yes? Do you want more blood, my famished little one? Markus approaches. You have a good appetite, which is a good sign.
Markus entered the room carrying more bagged blood. Eric gestured to him to come closer. He strode over toward Eric, Sookie and Stefan. Eric gestured Stefan away and he stepped back toward Andor.
"This is the last of the O positive. But we have a lot of A positive," Markus said, looking at her apprehensively. She looked so odd and so… angry and wild. Not like herself at all. But at least she was no longer screaming.
"Sookie, look at Markus. Glamour him."
Her eyes were already fixed on the blood in the bags. Her nostrils flared as if she could smell it right through the bag. This time, without even a fight, she glanced up at Markus and her eyes instantly went coppery. Markus glanced at her, puzzled, and started to ask Eric something… "Was ist…?" when she caught his eyes and almost instantly he froze. Eric looked at him with curiosity. He reached over and took the bags from him hands and tossed them to Pam, nodding. She opened a bag and poured it into the glass while he pushed Markus gently in the center of his chest and he wobbled back into place.
I want you to make him laugh. Like you told him a joke. Just focus your mind on trying to make him laugh.
But Sookie already seemed to be locked into Markus and doing something else entirely. Suddenly she rose off the bed and drew closer to Markus, her head tipped at an odd angle. Standing on the bed she stood over him by a few inches. She drew closer and closer, finally touching his face with her hands, her own face mere inches away from his. She looked very puzzled and murmured something that sounded like Sie sind verwirrt. Was ist hier geschehen? Confused? Eric thought to himself. What was she talking about? She seemed to study something in him very attentively. Then she gasped and then burst into cackling laughter. It gave Eric chills.
Sookie? Is something wrong? I asked you to make him laugh, Lover.
"Nein, ist das nicht wie es war," she said murmuring to herself softly. She continued to be totally focused on something in Marcus's mind. "Was Sie gesehen haben, war richtig." She continued murmuring and then started laughing softly again, shaking her head.
"Sookie? Did you understand me, Sookie? Is something wrong? What did he see?"
She couldn't stop laughing softly as she held onto his face and seemed to start murmuring 'Nein' and something else to Markus. He couldn't catch her thoughts-they were all staccato and too fast. Her eyes flashed and moved rapidly as if she was seeing a stream of things. He wondered if she was seeing images. She had described that to him in the past as the way a lot of her telepathy worked, and now he could only hear her thoughts occasionally. She was either not thinking verbally or he could really only hear her if she let him.
Sookie… What is wrong? Let him go.
Jetzt werden Sie es Ganzes sehen…was a phrase he caught. Wait… suddenly he took it in… German? She was thinking in German? German had been so difficult for her. It was as if she could absorb part of Markus's thoughts, even to the point of his language?
Then she seemed to spin out of control with the laughter, even as he felt a jolt of real fear from her. In fact, fear seemed to course through her and he felt it almost as if it was his own. What was she afraid of? There was an edge of panic to what she felt. She had seen something that had made her very afraid. But in Markus? What could he have seen that would frighten her?
"Sookie, what is it? What do you see? What did he see?"
He physically shook her and then held her face in his two hands and tried to force himself into her thoughts.
"Sookie, Let him go!" he said out loud. "What is it? What is wrong?"
She seemed to snap to attention suddenly. The panic was under control and her words fell quietly from her lips as she looked at him with eyes a chilling and clear blue.
"He isn't dead! He never died. He tricked you all. He glamoured Markus before he drained him and then he escaped. It was another vampire's remains. Gunnar? It was the remains of another vampire. He killed him to trick you all, while Markus was left glamoured and dying. He isn't really dead at all."
Eric, Stefan, Andor and Cadel all leaned in closer toward her, eyes wide, open mouthed.
"Wait a minute! What?" gasped Andor. "What are you saying about Gunnar?"
"He killed him. Ocella killed Gunnar to trick you all into thinking Markus had succeeded in killing him. He awoke and caught Markus trying to stake him. He glamoured him, damaged his mind and memories, drained him, left him dying. He pulled Gunnar out of the crypt slot where he slept. He staked Gunnar and left his own knife, the German one he'd liked, for you to find. Then he fled in the early darkness before you rose. You thought Gunnar had fed off of Markus and then left already because he was free. Markus's thoughts were too jumbled, like pieces of a puzzle all out of place. He saw Ocella stake Gunnar but did not understand what he saw because he was weak, dying and so glamoured into silence. He'd lost so much blood and Ocella's mind was so strong. He glamoured him so intensely… burning his mind, leaving him so confused as he tried to figure out which of you had been responsible for setting Markus on him. But Markus couldn't say because he'd been glamoured into not being able to say as a precaution. Ocella was so frustrated that he couldn't see who it was. So it was just layers one on top of another. Markus got more and more confused. He couldn't explain it to Andor. But he had been so useful. He had been good. It was wrong to let him die… He heard parts of your conversation but did not understand what was going on. He was too weak and even when Andor turned him rather than leaving him to die, he was so… confused. He was very afraid and confused. His mind was all jumbled, and burned, the pieces of the puzzle weren't together, didn't even seem to fit. All this time he saw parts of it and was always so confused because in his memories, Ocella left, but he could not say this. And you all said he was dead and so he was very confused. All this time you thought Ocella was really dead. But he just tricked you all…"
Then she started laughing again even though she was still afraid. Bitterly, she said,
"Ocella lives. You celebrated Gunnar's death, not his. This is certain."
The four of them stood in stunned silence, literally open-mouthed.
Andor looked doubtful.
"When did this happen? Where?"
"In 1819? On an island in Denmark. Funen? You brought Markus from Hamburg. He was bound to you. You chose him because he was handsome but dark. Ocella didn't like dark as much. He would leave him alone more likely. You didn't want to do anything really bad. You weren't so immoral. You wouldn't let Ocella play with him. He was a tool, a weapon, but treated gently."
Andor looked utterly dumbstruck.
After a minute in which he tried to regroup his thoughts, Eric turned to them and said,
"This information- her ability- does not leave this room. I'll personally stake anyone who even speaks of it."
He turned to her. She seemed still absorbed in Markus' mind, whispering things to him.
Let Markus go, Lover. Let him go.
He stood silently staring at her, his hand over his mouth. She did not respond.
I said let him GO! he shouted at her mentally.
She hissed angrily at him and took a swing at him for yelling at her. He caught her arm at the wrist and held it. But Markus snapped back to awareness and looked over at Andor, questioningly. Then he suddenly looked very taken aback, and stared off into space, shaking his head.
Eric seemed rooted in place, lost for a moment in his thoughts, holding her arm in an unyielding grip. She said she hated him. He could barely even control her and she was only newly risen. She could glamour, read and therefore potentially even control vampires hundreds of years older than she was. And topping it all, his sire had never died.
Very difficult?
She will forgive me, he told himself. Hunter saw it. That much, he would tell me. He would not tell me that it would all end well, but he did not discourage me, either. He loves her and would never let her come to significant harm. She has forgiven Pam already. She will forgive Hunter. She will forgive me, he assured himself. Because how could he ever keep her safe from harm if she didn't forgive him, trust him?
And Ocella? If he had escaped them, where the hell had he gone?