Disclaimer: the lyrics are from Keith Anderson's song "I Still Miss You" - never been mine and will never be. Great song though.
Now, have fun with the next chapter- as far as you can have fun with this depressing stuff. Maybe the next one will be a little lighter. Enjoy!
I've tried sober, I've tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
But I still miss you
I've tried everything, move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you.
Two years after they had buried him, she was finally staning in the graveyard again, nervously twisting a bouquet of flowers in her hands. It was her first visit within those two years, the first time she thought she could do this without breaking down. She wondered if he understood, if he could forgive her for not coming earlier. A widow was supposed to visit her husband's grave more often after all, wasn't she? Allison felt the need to say something, to somehow explain. People always said something when they were visiting dead friends, relatives, husbands... mostly prayers, but she definitely couldn't do that. She didn't feel close to God anymore, not since she'd seen him waste away. So she kept staring at the polished tombstone for what seemed like an eternity to her. After a while, her lips started moving hestitantly. At first, it felt very awkward, talking to a stone. How was that supposed to help her? "Hey... it's me..." She raised her soft voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry it's been so long but I couldn't stand it before... I just couldn't. I don't know, no, I don't know if I believe you could know, but this has been so hard for me... you'd think I was prepared and I knew what was coming and then it wouldn't hurt so much but it did hurt. It hurts so bad. There were the days when I tried to ignore the pain and the ones when I thought I could handle it... but there were the dark ones, too, the ones when I thought I'd go crazy." She breathed shakingly. "I was a mess, you know? There were so many nights I got drunk so I wouldn't feel anymore because I just couldn't feel anymore. I don't know if you can tell how much I miss you, my dear. Oh, how much I wish we could have had just a little more time... just a little more time. I'd give anything, if we could have just one more day, you know? One more day with you..." At that, she realized that she couldn't do this anymore. All she wanted was to throw the flowers down and then run away and hide. Instead, she laid the bouquet on the grave very gently and somehow she managed to smile a sad little smile before she slowly walked away. The setting sund touched her hair and a soft breeze gently played with it. God, how much she missed him.