Wow. Judging by the reviews, you guys seem to like this fic, though I can't fathom why. For the record, I do have an actual plot to this, after a few more random cases of depression… but I'm improvising a lot of this, any plot bunnies thrown at me are unbelievably welcome.

Sorry it's taking a while to update, I'm busy with Christmas, and it's hard to get into the right moody mindset with tinsel everywhere I look.

…Because the Joker is the card that you can't use…

On the screen, an anime version of Horton narrowed his eyes. "I see you have mastered the way of the snapping branch."

I laughed. Say what you like about Dr. Seuss, he knows how to make a guy laugh.

Leo looked up from behind whatever it was he was reading. "Lame."

I spun around. "Is not!"

"Is. They realised they had no plot, so they used a minute of poorly dubbed anime as filler to amuse a bunch of kids, and a minority of teenagers who should really know better."

"That's the point!"

"Whatever." Leo returned to his book. I glanced at the front cover. The Art of Bushido. Yeah, 'cause that's more worthwhile than CGI.

Raph stalked into the room for another beer. Ever since that news story about the Nightwatcher, he'd turned his grumpy mode up to eleven. Three guesses why.

Leo looked up again. "Hey Mikey, turn the news on. I want to hear more about the Nightwatcher getting beaten."

Raph ignored him. I wondered how long he would last.

"No way dude, I'm watching this."

"It's childish."
"I don't care."
"You're childish. Just like the Nightwatcher and his stupid violence sprees."

Raph's fingers curled around his beer can until, with an unpleasant crack, it burst, spurting booze all over him. He threw it aside and got another. Leo smirked.

I watched them, the dark fire in my chest curled into resigned knots. I wasn't the childish one around here – and unless I took some crap to lighten the mood, they'd be throwing chairs at each other before Horton even met Vlad.

"I bet the Nightwatcher's gonna have a big comeback." I blurted. "That's what all the superheroes do."

Leo laughed. "I wouldn't bet on it, little brother." He said.

Raph glared at him… and then sighed. "Life ain't a movie, shell-for-brains."

My internal gears ground. Those shits… When I could've ratted on them any time… Suddenly I had an idea for some fun.

"You know what," I said, acting as though I hadn't been listening, "I bet there's some kinda twist… Like, I dunno, he went to another planet to fight aliens…" I smiled blithely into space, then went in for the kill. "Oooh! Or maybe the dude he was fighting was his evil twin or something!"

The results were spectacular. Raph jumped higher than the time I'd told him there was a bug on his shell, and choked on his beer. Leo tried to stand up, caught a leg in his chair, and fell onto the table with a thud. Idiots.

I snickered, still acting the part of the oblivious baby turtle. "You guys are so weird." I chortled. "If you need the wondrous moi, I'll be sewer-skating." I grabbed my board and headed out, pausing behind my bedroom door. Now for the fun part.

"Do you think he knows?" Leo whispered.

"No way." Muttered Raph. I heard the thunk of his beer can hitting the wall. "He woulda blabbed. You know Mikey." He stuck his head through the doorway. I stuck my tongue out, invisible in the dark. "Trust me, shell-head," he called into down the sewer tunnel, "We won't need ya." He retreated back to the kitchen.

I stood there, blending in perfectly with my dark surroundings. They suited me. "I know you won't, bro," I breathed, my words inaudible under Raph and Leo finding something else to argue about, "I know better than anyone."

On the second day of Christmas, you gave me a review…