I hope you guys all had a great Christmas and New Year. I managed to survive Boxing Day without getting any bruises – my family traditionally have a hockey match on that day, and it often gets nasty. And I mean nasty. My cousin's fiancée almost broke the shin of his future mother-in-law. Bad idea.

…Because the Joker is the weakest card…

Swoosh. Klang. Swoosh. THUD.

"OW!" Sprawled on the floor, I rubbed my smarting upper arm where Leo had kicked me. Raph laughed from the sidelines. Don tutted.

Leo lifted his Katana from my throat and bowed, smirking. "I win again, little brother."

I hid my scowl behind a wince. Arrogant bastard. He'd kicked me on the exact same spot last time we'd sparred… and the time before that… and the time before that. The bruises got worse each time. He wasn't even that good, considering how he always used the same move. I'd worked out how to beat him, too – but my foot was still bandaged from the broken glass this morning, and I couldn't really stand on it, much less jump and perform a mid-air kick to the idiot's head. Nobody had noticed, of course.

"Too hesitant, Michelangelo." I scrambled into a bow as Splinter stepped out of the shadows. I hate it when he does that, it's creepy. And pretentious. I swear the dude thinks he's Yoda. "In battle, your opponent will use any opportunity to defeat you. You cannot allow them to do so."

Well, thanks for pointing out the obvious, sensei. I guarantee I'd be a lot more upset by my getting killed than you would. I mean, I'd actually notice, for a start.

"Sorry, sensei." Why the shell am I apologizing? It's my scaly arse on the line if I slip up – and my busted foot making me screw up.

"Donatello, spar with Raphael." I trudged off the mat and flopped down beside it to watch, still rubbing my sore arm. Maybe watching one of my bros get his shell kicked might make up for getting told off. Maybe.

And the truth was – it did. Not in a vengeful way, more that despite everything, it's kinda fun being a part of my family. Don kept winding Raph up with all these complicated words to make him get mad and lose focus, and then dodging his attacks and using his bo to trip him up. Let me tell you, Raph loves throwing his weight around – my bruises are proof – and he gets reeealy angry when he can't reach the target. It's hilarious whether it's me he's trying to pound, or someone else (it's usually me). Even "fearless leader" and Splinter looked impressed. I started feeling pretty good.

Then, just when Don had almost beaten Raph, I opened my big, stupid mouth and said, "Hey dude, is it bad if I spilled water on your computer?"

Don's eyes widened, and instead of finishing Raph with a good kick like he'd been about to, he looked at me. Raph, spotting the opportunity, snapped a leg out, and knocked Don's feet out from under him, and he crashed to the floor. KO-ed. Don's face was priceless, I haven't seen anything so funny since I superglued the tails of Raph's mask to the table. I cracked up laughing.

Right until I looked up and saw everyone glaring at me. And I mean glaring. Total death stares.

Happy feelings gone.

My New Year's resolution: get reviews!